ABOUT TEGAN'S PERSONAL JOURNEY

YOU ARE WORTH IT

from unwanted to enoughIn the 1970's it wasn't acceptable to have a child on your own, especially if you were the only girl in a Catholic family. My mother made the heartbreaking decision to give me up for adoption in the hope that I would have a better life than the one she thought she could provide. Little did she know the fate that was ahead of me.

Adopted into a farming family I lived my childhood out on a large rural property where my love for animals and hard working ethic was created. Sworn to secrecy I endured years of sexual, emotional and physical abuse from the adoptive parents. I felt unwanted and unloved until one day I discovered the truth - what was happening to me was in fact a criminal offence. Following this discovery I made the decision that I was worth more than the environment I was in.

‘Respect yourself enough to walk away from anything that no longer serves you, grows you, or makes you happy.’ – Robert Tew

I chose to walk away from the only family I had ever known and become a ward of the state. Two years later, I decided I could do a better job by myself, and so I did. I always knew deep in my heart that I was destined for more than where I was as a child and although it wasn’t easy, overcoming the fears around being completely alone in the world was what I needed to do. If you are in a situation that no longer serves you it is my hope that you find the inspiration and support here at Facing Fears that you need to take the steps towards a better life and to know that you are worth it!

LEARNING TO LOVE

learning to loveAs you may imagine, due to my childhood, I was a little confused when it came to understanding love. Initially I became a master at avoiding relationships and was an expert at functioning independently. My fears had me thinking that I didn’t need anyone, but my heart said differently. As I grew older I would keep the ‘real me’ hidden behind my mask for as long as possible. Fear had me thinking that no one would like the real me if she showed up, so I became competent at being whatever was expected of me, but inside I was so unhappy.

It wasn’t until I studied Fearless Loving that I suddenly came to realise what I was doing and how little I loved me. It was a long journey to master learning to love who I truly was and what I did and didn’t enjoy doing, especially as I had never given myself the time or attention to ask what that was. I had always been so focused on survival. Over time I learnt to understand how fear played out and had created my ‘People Pleasing’ personality. Step by step I discovered how to love me, and how to let others into my life to love me too. I also realised how many people in my life had tried to love me and my fears had not let me see it. I know it is a cliché to say that once you learn to love yourself, then true love will appear, but I know it to be true, and it all starts by having the courage to remove your mask and be your true self.

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WANT TO READ THE FULL STORY OF TEGANS LIFE?

ORDER YOUR COPY OF THE FACING FEARS BOOK HERE

FEARLESS IN BUSINESS

fearless in businessAt fourteen I started my first business in order to put myself through school, designing and making after five wear for women and even supplied a shop or two. At seventeen I was onto my second business, an introduction agency where professionals were matched with potentially, the love of their life. I built this to almost a thousand on my books, and with three weddings, two engagements, a string of happy couples and a team of staff, it was successful.

So by the time I reached my mid-twenties I thought I had what it took to make my big dream to open a fitness studio on Elizabeth Street in Sydney a reality. It would have been one of the first boutique fitness studio’s, but it never got off the ground and I lost everything. I remember sitting in front of a large ornate mirror, tears rolling down my face and I realized that I had sabotaged my dream. My fears had manipulated me into thinking that I couldn’t do it and that had become my reality. Five years later I overcame those fears and opened my first studio. It was so successful that I opened another.

FINDING MY FAMILY

finding my familyOver a period of ten years I had been searching for my natural mother. Initially I had to wait for the adoption laws to change and then I set about locating her. With every step that I took, I was so afraid. What if she didn’t want to know who I was, what if she rejected me, what if she wasn’t what I expected. I’m pleased to say that she welcomed me with open arms and I was so grateful to have a second chance. She is a kind, loving, creative and talented woman that I am blessed to have met and spent time with.

Many years later, with the encouragement of my best friend, I finally took the steps to find my real father and that has turned out even better than I ever thought possible. I now have a real dad, a step mum, two brothers, sisters, a sister in law, and a beautiful niece and nephew, plus a bonus surrogate mum too. I know that it doesn’t always turn out so well for everyone, but if you have a drive in your heart to discover who you are and where you came from then I encourage you to not let fear stand in your way.

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WANT TO READ THE FULL STORY OF TEGANS LIFE?

ORDER YOUR COPY OF THE FACING FEARS BOOK HERE

WHAT’S NEXT – FACING MY BIGGEST FEAR

tegan mathewsIt may seem like a strange thing to say but I believe that I have had a truly blessed life. I now have several successful businesses, a wonderful close knit of friends, and a loving partner and family to celebrate it with. If you had told me that all this was possible all those years ago, I would not have believed you, and therein lay the problem! People tell you to ‘believe in yourself’, but how do you do that? For me, it has been by, step by step, understanding and overcoming the fears that were controlling my life. I now have more courage, confidence and connection in my life and through Facing Fears, I want to share how I did that so that you can have it too.

Next…travel has always been a passion in my life, even though I started later than most Aussies. The majority of my travel has been done alone too, which comes with its own set of fears (and some scary experiences). Now that I have a partner in life who shares the ‘travel bug’ we have decided that in 2016 we will set about traveling the world, indefinitely! There are already fears showing up around this, but I have the knowledge and the tools to not let them stop me enjoying the process or controlling my choices.

Also, as part of the coping mechanism of a human mind, it often blocks out times and events in your life. This has been the case for a lot of my childhood. Recently I visited the original farm and school where I grew up and it brought back a flood of memories, but there are still a lot missing. So, I have decided that it is time to take the next fearless step in my personal journey, and possibly the most challenging of all…to confront my perpetrators!

Some people have asked, why would I want to do such a thing, and it has taken quite some time (and a lot of reflection) to really get clear on this, but it’s to reclaim my personal power and to fill in the blanks of my childhood. Where I came from is what has created the foundations of what I love about who I am today, and I would like to know more about that. It is also about facing my fears, and this is the journey that was chosen for me, way before I was even born. This is my purpose. So, for those who want to follow I will keep you posted on how this unfolds.

I hope that sharing some of my story here has given you perhaps a little inspiration to overcome some of your own fears and stop hiding and start living the life you want, on your terms. You can read more of my journey in my  book “Facing Fears – Finding the courage to reveal the real you”. I would also love to hear your stories on how you have overcome fears in your life so please share so that we can all support each other to be Fearless Females.

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