The Fearless Females Podcast https://www.facingfears.com.au The Fearless Females Podcast: real life stories from inspiring women facing fears Fri, 17 May 2019 17:45:47 +0000 en-AU hourly 1 https://wordpress.org/?v=5.2.1 https://www.facingfears.com.au/wp-content/uploads/2018/09/cropped-Favicon-32x32.png The Fearless Females Podcast https://www.facingfears.com.au 32 32 In The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews women from all walks of life and shares their inspirational true stories, sometimes for the first time, of how they’ve had to face their fears and overcome adversity to become the women they are today. You’ll be inspired by their tenacity, humbled by their courage and empowered to face your own fears of vulnerability, change, trust, love, success and failure. Utilise their practical advice to master the fears that are holding you back from revealing the real you and being all that you want to be. Overcome your self doubt, build your confidence muscle and be reminded that you are brave, you are strong and you are beautiful and most of all you are a fearless female too. FacingFears presents the FearlessFemalesPodcast. Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female info@facingfears.com.au info@facingfears.com.au (Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female) The Fearless Females Podcast: real life stories from inspiring women facing fears The Fearless Females Podcast https://www.facingfears.com.au/wp-content/uploads/fearless-females-3000.jpg https://www.facingfears.com.au Brisbane, Australia Weekly 041: Grief to Peace – Deb Rae https://www.facingfears.com.au/debrae/ Sun, 08 Jan 2017 22:46:44 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2582 https://www.facingfears.com.au/debrae/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/debrae/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In episode 41 of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Deb Rae who shares: How she dealt with the sudden death of her husband The gifts that have come from losing him How her loss became her passion and purpose Discovering strength in being vulnerable A…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/debrae/">041: Grief to Peace – Deb Rae</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
Fearless-Females-Podcast-guest-Deb-Rae

In this episode:

In episode 41 of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Deb Rae who shares:

  • How she dealt with the sudden death of her husband
  • The gifts that have come from losing him
  • How her loss became her passion and purpose
  • Discovering strength in being vulnerable
  • A guide to help others who are dealing with loss

Tegan's Take Aways from talking with Deb Rae:

  1. A lot of the things we tell ourselves about what had happens to us and the meaning we attach to it, aren’t actually true.
  2. When dealing with loss it’s important to set realistic and achievable goals even if that’s just get out of bed today.
  3. Your scars are what create you as a whole person and those experiences are what makes it possible for you to help others.
  4. All losses are very individual so we can’t know what it’s like for someone to go through it even if we’ve been through something similar ourselves. You just need to be with the person and let them talk and let them experience whatever it is that they are experiencing Connect with your heart – it is there you will find all of the answers you need
  5. If someone you know is experiencing loss and you want to support them, just be with them, let them go through the experience, give them a hug and let them know that someone cares. You don’t have to make them feel better. They will get to that point when they are ready.

About Deb Rae

Deb is a coach, facilitator, policy writer and management consultant for businesses, government and community service organisations. Her expertise lies in creating and maximising opportunities for growth, which she achieves by supporting people to celebrate their strengths, acknowledge barriers and make the changes that matter to them.

Deb has also recently published Getting There: Grief to Peace for Young Widows, a resource to support young women, their families, friends and professionals. Her aim is to change the way we think about grief so it is less fearful, more appreciated and easier to deal with in our society.

Deb’s qualifications include a Master of Social Administration, Bachelor of Arts, Graduate Diploma of Human Resource Management and a Diploma of Management. She was also the Australian Institute of Management’s Manager of the Year (Not-for Profit Sector) for Mackay in 2011.

A Gift for Listeners From Deb Rae

Download the fact sheet on supporting people through the loss process. Sometimes people don’t know how to support someone who is going through a loss, what to say or what not to say. These are important tips and practical things that you can do when people are in that experience. Plus a bonus download for employers to support employees and clients who are experiencing loss.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You may receive the occasional emails from Deb Rae. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: 041: Grief to Peace - Deb Rae

Deb Rae’s Fearless Story

When I was thirty-five years old my husband Stuart and I had been married for eleven years and we found out we couldn’t have children. This was a shock for us but we realised it also gave us an opportunity. We had been married for a long time and were happy together and we knew we could continue our lives together and continue to be happy.

We also realised that there were things we could do that we wouldn’t be able to do if we did have children. So we decided to completely change our lives and go overseas and teach English. So we sold all of our possessions, our home, our car and lots of our furniture and we quit our jobs and upgraded our qualifications. Then we went off to teach English and the first country we went to was Poland.

We were really enjoying it, we were enjoying the teaching and we had friends who were teachers from all over the world and from Poland as well. We had a nice apartment that was close to the town centre, which was a fairly small town, and we were enjoying our life. We had plans to just go from country to country indefinitely for as long as we were continuing to enjoy it.

Having been there for about five monthsStuart had joined an indoor soccer team and they were going out for drinks one night. It was the first time that Stuart and I wouldn’t go somewhere together. We talked about it and he was going with people I knew, I had met all the guys and he would be within walking distance of where we lived and he could speak some of the language.

So I said that he should go. He said he would be home in time for dinner, because he was the cook in our family and I said, “No you go and have fun” and we kissed goodbye and he headed off. They were the last words we ever said to each other.

As Stuart was walking home that night he was hit by a car at a pedestrian crossing that was about two hundred metres from our front door. He died in the hospital the day after that.

After that, as you can imagine, everything about my life changed. I couldn’t stay in Poland as I couldn’t support myself teaching English any more. I came back to Australia and I didn’t have a home or a car or a job and I basically had to start again.

But without him.

[Tegan] Life can change so quickly in just a moment. My fiancé and I travel the world permanently and I would be devastated if I lost him. [Deb] Absolutely, within a few seconds everything about my life had changed.

The hardest part is you are then going through the worst time of your life without the one person who would always help you to get through the hard times. It was a massive learning curve, like climbing a mountain, trying to work out how I was going to deal with that.

How did you get through that?

In the beginning I thought that it wasn’t possible for me to recover. It wasn’t possible for me to be happy again. Stuart was very extroverted. He was lots of fun. He was always organising social events for us and bringing people home and there was always lots happening.

After he was gone, I thought “I don’t know how to do that” and “I’m no good at that” and “I’ll never have that again”. I thought the only way to be happy is if Stuart is here and so I can’t be happy again.

Eventually, I started to be able to see my own thoughts and then I was able to recognise that some of those thoughts weren’t necessarily true. One of the things that happened was my brother asked me to go water skiing. We were in Mackay in north Queensland so it gets really hot.

I said “No, I can’t go water skiing any more”. He had taught Stuart and I to water ski and I just didn’t have the physical strength any more. Since he had died I just couldn’t do it. He eventually convinced me to go and just sit in the boat and I eventually did get onto the ski’s and I was able to water ski.

This made me realise that a lot of the things I was telling myself about what had happened to me or what that meant to me weren’t actually true. So then I started to look for the skills that I still had, and what I could still do, and start to build on those.

I then started to realise that there are things that I can do and then that grew. There were lots of things that I had to learn. I had to learn how to cook, I had to learn to fix the air conditioner in the car and all these things I never really wanted to know. By pacing myself and having very small goals for myself and working through things gradually I began to realise that this is possible.

If you go back to the mountain feeling, I often felt like I had to climb the whole mountain in a week but then I realised if I just climb fifty metres in the next few days then that’s ok because that’s still going upwards.

So I learnt to have realistic goals for myself. Sometimes the goal was just to get out of bed, to have a meal, to go and see a person, to go outside the house. If I did that, then that was a good day. So being realistic about what I could achieve.

What are some of the gifts you received from your experience?

Yes, there have been and I really struggled with that in the beginning. People would tell me that there is always a reason for things happening and I just thought that was insulting that there could be anything good to come from Stuart dying.

But through my grief I have realised that there are things I can do now that I would never have known how to do before and would never have thought I could do. One of those things was that I thought I was damaged in some way or scarred because of what had happened and what that meant was that I would never be as good as I was before.

I eventually came to realise that those scars made me a much more whole person. There was so much more of me and there was so much more that I had learnt because of those scars. That also meant that I had a lot more to offer other people because of those scars and because of what I had been through.

So I had this idea that I had to get through the grief and move on, which are terms that I find very confusing. I thought I had to put the grief away but my grief has become my purpose. That’s how I help other people. Everything that I have learnt and the experiences I have had, that’s what makes it possible for me to help other people.

What are you passionate about today?

I’ve always been someone who writes. Before Stuart died and a lot more after he died. I started to write a lot of stories and things after he died, mainly because I didn’t know how to explain what was happening to me. I thought if other people could read what I had written then they might get some understanding of what was happening in my very muddled head.

Then I started to realise that I could put that together as a book. I interviewed a lot of other women and I went back to university to do some more study around grief and loss so that I could make a resource that is really practical for other women as well. I also wanted it to be conversational and not be just my story. I wanted it to be something they could actually use.

I also started a support group for young women, young widows in Mackay as well as some coaching around grief and loss. It’s now extended to not just grief and loss around somebody dying but grief and loss around losing your job or your older kids leave home or you get divorced. All the different types of loss that we can experience in our lives.

We often have the expectation that you should put that feeling of loss aside and just ignore those feelings. The main thing we need to do is to acknowledge that there is a loss before we can effectively look at what to do now, now that things have changed.

I now spend a lot of time talking about loss and grief and our community expectations of what grief and loss is about. I think a lot of what we think we should do is based on our parents or grandparents or what we see on tv and sometimes we have misconceptions about what that’s like.

People can have this idea that you have to move on which can be insulting for people to say to them to just forget about that person you knew for seventeen years and just re-start a new life. For someone who has just lost someone, there isn’t a life, what do I move on to?

The research I’ve done actually shows that it’s not about moving on, it’s about how you integrate that loss into your life so that it enriches your life and travels with you as part of your life. There’s never a time that we can say that that grief is over.

It’s something that stays with us but in a positive way that contributes to our lives rather than us continually living in the past. And people can say things because they don’t want to see you in pain but they usually don’t know what to say because they don’t know how to acknowledge your pain or what kinds of things that will help.

So instead they usually end up blurting out something to try and fill that void and it’s usually the wrong thing but you don’t need to say anything. You just need to be with the person and let them talk and let them experience whatever it is that they are experiencing.

This can feel completely weird or alien to you but that’s what is happening for them at that moment and it’s just about supporting them through it. Just give them a hug and let them know that someone cares. This is really more important than anything else you can do because if you haven’t experienced a loss, and all of our losses are very individual, so we can’t know what it is like for someone else, so you can’t know what to say. It is just about being there with them.

Memorable Moments

It’s been over twelve years now and I have had time to grieve and to look at how do I re-create this person who I am and I have learnt how to do that so that loss is part of my life. There were some wonderful times that Stuart and I had together and there were some wonderful things I learnt from being with him and that I have some skills myself that I can expand on.

So I wrote the book (Getting There – grief to peace for young widows) and one of the memorable moments was the book launch. I had it in my home town of Mackay which was also Stuart’s home town and also in Brisbane which was where Stuart and I lived the whole time we were together.

That was an amazing experience because it was an opportunity to bring all of those people who had been part of our lives together. Everyone who had seen me grieve and some who had only known me after I had come back to Mackay.

I was able to put all of that together and allow people to see how that becomes a whole picture of someone’s life and how all of those pieces can integrate and create something amazing. The book came out of all of that and I continue now to talk about the book as well.

The other thing is that in 2009 I remarried. So I was able to get to a place where I felt comfortable in myself and comfortable with wanting to share my life with someone else again. Which can be a frightening thing to do when you have had an experience where all of that has been taken away from you.

So my poor husband had to go through the fourth degree of things like what was he like on pedestrian crossings and how much of a risk taker is he because I was terrified of it happening again. But it was a process of working through those fears and it’s been wonderful to be able to be married again.

Deb’s book – Getting There – grief to peace for young widows is available on amazon as an ebook and on www.debrae.com.au and a lot of people have bought the book who are widows but also a lot of men as well because they say it’s the same context and a lot of what we go through is the same. It’s just that men don’t talk about it as much as women but they are still having that same connection and finding it useful.

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

Well, for me, I have my own business now which is not something I ever thought I would do. I think being in business is about constantly looking at what your customers want and how you are going to do that. Which means my business is always changing and growing and morphing and there is always so much for me to learn.

No two days are the same and it’s been a constant process over the years of always feeling like I am being challenged and doing things that I’ve never done before and having to work out how to do that. I’ve actually got to a point now where I enjoy that, I look forward to that. There’s still an edge of fear to it but it’s an edge that pushes me rather than stops me from doing it.

A couple of years ago I climbed Mount Kilimanjaro with my two brothers and on the last part of that climb, it’s really difficult. You have to walk really slowly and it’s hard to breathe and we could only walk for twenty minutes and we would have to stop and have a rest.

I remember sitting on a rock on the side of the mountain thinking that I just wanted it to end. But I realised that I could sit there for five or ten years on the side of the mountain or I can go back down the mountain or I can just take a few more steps up. Then you take a few more steps and you get to the top and it really crystallised for me how we deal with challenges.

It’s just about taking one more step and keeping on going and eventually you will get to the top. The hardest steps are those last few at the top of the mountain and it can sometimes feel like that’s the worst but if you just keep going those last few steps the rewards are so worth it.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Deb Rae

  1. Who inspires you? I am really inspired by Malala Yousafzai the Pakistan girl who dared to stand up to the oppression that was happening in her country when she was only a teenager. I think that takes immense guts to do that and to continue to talk about it as she has. She risked physical injury and all kinds of abuse and still did it.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? To walk my two dogs and they absolutely love it and I enjoy seeing how much they enjoy it and each morning while I am walking them I do a little gratitude exercise where I think of all the things I am grateful for in my life and it really sets me up well for the day. There’s a lot we can learn from dogs who get joy from the simplest of things and it completely consumes them.
  3. What's something that still scares you? As I think I’ve mentioned earlier, that fear of the same thing happening again. But also, since Stuart was the cook, that’s one thing I just haven’t mastered so when I have people over I am still terrified about how I am going to feed them.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? I read a book not long ago by Amy Cuddy called Presence – bringing your boldest self to your biggest challenges. It’s a fantastic book and quite easy to read. She is a social psychologist and she talks about personal power and how we can tap into our personal power. It’s around our thoughts but also how we hold our body and the impact that has on our thoughts as well.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? That would be the suffering that is happening in Syria, particularly the children who are completely innocent and who are experiencing all types of trauma and are going to have lots of limited opportunities in the future based on what’s happening now. So I would like to be able to change that if I could.

What does being fearless mean to you?

That’s a good question because after Stuart died people kept telling me that I had to be strong and from what I could understand of what they were saying, being strong meant to hide your emotions and put on a brave face. But really being strong meant being vulnerable. Being vulnerable enough to say that I needed help or to let other people in which didn’t come naturally to me.

I was used to being very independent so I had to really work at that. So I think fearless for me is about understanding that it’s ok to be vulnerable and understanding that there are things you are afraid of and having a way to deal with it.

Saying ok there is this fear and this is what I am going to do. It’s not about saying there aren’t any fears. It’s about saying there are fears and I will be vulnerable and there are some advantages for that and this is what I will do as a result of that.

Final Question for Deb Rae

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

That would be nice to be able to do that! I think it would be about believing in myself. Telling your fourteen-year-old self that you are a good person and you are going to be great. Anything you set your mind to, you CAN do it. And you don’t have to have things perfect before you jump in and give them a go.

And understanding, based on what’s happened in my life, that no matter what happens, you will be able to handle it. You’ll find a way to handle it. The human spirit is incredible and it will find ways to make sure you survive and it’s just about having that faith within yourself to know that you can do that.

“You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have” - Bob Marley

Where can people reach out to you? www.debrae.com.au

Facebook – Deb Rae Solutions

 

A Gift for Listeners From Deb Rae

Download the fact sheet on supporting people through the loss process. Sometimes people don’t know how to support someone who is going through a loss, what to say or what not to say. These are important tips and practical things that you can do when people are in that experience. Plus a bonus download for employers to support employees and clients who are experiencing loss.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You may receive the occasional emails from Deb Rae. You can unsubscribe at any time.

The post 041: Grief to Peace – Deb Rae appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In episode 41 of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Deb Rae who shares: How she dealt with the sudden death of her husband The gifts that have come from losing him How her loss became he... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In episode 41 of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Deb Rae who shares: How she dealt with the sudden death of her husband The gifts that have come from losing him How her loss became her passion and purpose Discovering strength in being vulnerable A… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
040: Resilience against judgment – Renee McDonald https://www.facingfears.com.au/renee/ Mon, 19 Dec 2016 08:22:26 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2576 https://www.facingfears.com.au/renee/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/renee/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In episode 40 of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Renee McDonald who shares: How she deals with constant judgment because of her short stature Overcoming all of the other adversities life has given her Her definition of resilience and why bad things need to happen…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/renee/">040: Resilience against judgment – Renee McDonald</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
Fearless Females Podcast guest Renee McDonald

In this episode:

In episode 40 of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Renee McDonald who shares:

  • How she deals with constant judgment because of her short stature
  • Overcoming all of the other adversities life has given her
  • Her definition of resilience and why bad things need to happen
  • How her point of difference has become her strength

Tegan's Take Aways from talking with Renee McDonald:

  1. You can’t be worried about what’s around the corner because none of us really know
  2. How can you use your experience for the good of others?
  3. Is your point of difference your strength? Could it be?
  4. There is no weakness in being vulnerable only strength
  5. If you are going through some tough times at the moment, don’t worry, it’s all for a good reason

About Renee McDonald

Renee McDonald is a counsellor/psychotherapist with a Masters and a Graduate Diploma of Counselling. She is also a counselling teacher, lecturer and facilitator of groups, workshops and retreats. She resides on the South Coast of NSW Australia, where she married to a patient and loving husband with 3 kids and a dog.

A Gift for Listeners From Renee McDonald

Download a short chakra clearing guided meditation. It’s a combination of music and guided meditation and releasing exercises for your body. If you are stressed, it’s a really good way to let go of the knots and sticking points in your body using helpful breathing and chakra clearing.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You may receive the occasional emails from Renee McDonald, Butterfly Courage and Heart and Soul Movement. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: 040: Resilience against judgment – Renee McDonald

Renee McDonald’s Fearless Story

The reason I have come onto The Fearless Females Podcast is because I really have a sense that, that is the kind of person that I am and people on a regular basis do tell me that. I guess I need to tell you a little background about myself.

Firstly, I am a woman of very short stature. Only 143 cm which is about 4 foot 8 and a bit inches tall and that just means I see things differently.  Everybody is different and my story of difference comes from a young age of often people picking on me, calling me different names, saying things to me.

Particularly at primary school and then at high school there were different things they would say. Sometimes, along the way I have found good friends and people who would stick up for me or people who would help me along the way.

There’s often been that angel friend waiting in the wings to help me, in amongst the barrage of different things people have said to me over the years. Both from adults and children.

For example I have had friends and their children say some interesting things to me such as, “My mummy says you’re not a midget or a dwarf, is that right?” And I know for certain that I’m not so let’s just clear that one up.

But just because I am shorter than 97% of the population, does that make a difference? It shouldn’t. So anyway, I guess at times for me I have been told different things by people and I am often having to correct and it can be quite tiresome. Correcting people, “No that’s not the case, No that’s not the case.”

I was also talking a little bit earlier about how self-esteem can be linked to how tall you are. On a regular basis, whether it be with families I see or in child care centres, I’ve often seen there to be a focus on who’s the tallest or who’s the shortest. Does that then mean that the shortest person in the room should feel bad because they are not winning the tall game?

I was talking off air earlier about does it mean that when you are smaller that you are any lesser of a person because somehow we seem to focus on these things. As our society and community grows taller, it seems each generation is growing taller. Those of us who might be a little bit like leprechaun throwbacks, are we made to feel less of a person because we don’t measure up?

There are a lot of different sayings we even say like, “measuring up” and perhaps we don’t ‘measure up’ in that respect but I see spiritually I measure up probably even greater than the next person from that perspective because if there is a lot of ignorance around that then I can say, “Well perhaps they just don’t understand”. It’s better to not even argue with people if they don’t understand that.

On a regular basis I will go to pick up my kids at school, pre-school, anywhere I go in the community, kids will size themselves up against me and say, “You’re too short to be a mum”. Which is the judgement of society again.

You’ve also had other challenges you’ve had to overcome too?

Yes, over the years I’ve been through a lot of different personal challenges. I guess I will just list them off, starting with, I went through a terrible break up with an ex-partner who unfortunately got involved with hard core elicit substances.

That then awakened me to the fact that I might need to get my own therapy. I then discovered that maybe I could do that and it opened my eyes and I went off to study and become a therapist and that led to other things. Since then I got married and had kids but I’ve had a miscarriage, I’ve had a number of different deaths over the past number of years, all sorts of things.

What are some of the fears you’ve had to face through all of these experiences?

I think sometimes, for me anyway, it’s fighting the fear and doing it anyway. So, after suffering a miscarriage, as a really good example, the fear is, “Should I go on to have more children?” And then I went through problems with my next baby too where I suffered complications at birth and suffered haemorrhaging.

So, I’ve had a lot of different things happen yet for lots of different reasons I’ve been able to pull myself out of it. A large part of that is due to having supportive family and friends and in addition to that, seeking my own therapy at every stage.

How have you gotten through the experiences you’ve had?

One step at a time. You can’t be worried about what’s going to happen around the corner because none of us really know.

I joined lots of women’s spiritual groups. I’ve become more spiritual myself. I’ve learnt a number of spiritual healing techniques both for myself and working with other people. I’ve attended lots of workshops and retreats and all sorts of things like that.

Using the experience for good and for positive effect for both myself and others. At the time it can seem like the worst thing in the world and there have been some terrible, harrowing experiences in my life. Yet, on the other side, as long as I have been able to get through it, and work through it and take the time to process it to some degree, not ever fully processing anything I think in life we try and process it as much as we can.

Then it’s looking for what the gift might be or how to use this as a positive for other people.

What are the gifts you received from your experience?

Certainly, that’s what I wanted to raise again about resilience. I see resilience as being part of a person. We all talk about resilience being the ability to bounce back. But how can someone bounce back if they’ve never been through anything? That’s a question I want to put out there.

So if we wrap our children, or ourselves, up in cotton wool and we don’t ever experience anything then how can we ever learn to bounce back?

What is resilience to you?

Like I said before, it is the ability to bounce back but you need to have been through something to be able to bounce back. In addition to that, you’re absolutely correct, I see it as the ability to be able to be vulnerable. I like what Brene Brown talks about in relation to vulnerability, that vulnerability is actually strength. Not a weakness.

Often we make vulnerability out as a weakness and I’m very clearly, if you meet me in the street, and look at me compared to the other person, people are happy to point out my weakness. But I see that vulnerability as an actual strength and a point of connection for me with other people because if they’ve got problems, they can see I’m not perfect. Or, I’m not the same as everyone else, therefore I might understand their point of difference.

Most Memorable Moments

I’m an ice skater and I still ice skate and it helps to be a bit smaller because you have a lower centre of gravity and it is one of the things that I’m reasonably good at.

So, one of my most memorable experiences was winning ‘Eye of the Tiger’ as in I did a competition to the song, Eye of the Tiger and I won the competition against some very fierce competition. I skipped with a skipping rope on the ice and did push-ups on the ice.

I’ve done a lot of things in my life. I’ve had the good, the bad, the ugly and everything in between. I was a beautiful journey of having my first born daughter, even thinking about that experience and with all of my children I have had positive experiences having them.

What are you passionate about today?

These days, I do a lot of things. I try and get to the gym, I love Zumba, I like to have a bit of fun. I get out with my kids and they like to come skating with me, or we might go bike riding. Recently we went camping. I had a wonderful trip to Hong Kong with friends. So I have a lot of good things going on.

In addition to that I have a great private practice and some really great work I feel I’m doing in that with clients. I see all manner of different clients, couples, individuals. I do business mentoring now. I see clinical supervisee’s, I do that now as well. That brings me a lot of joy as well, seeing the positive changes in people’s lives.

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

Just around the corner I am doing training for therapists which is part of my business plan. I am training therapists in online therapy which is something new coming up.

And I feel like I’m becoming the bridge between the younger generation and the older generation with technology and the therapy world.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Renee McDonald

  1. Who inspires you? Besides Brene Brown I love Oprah. I love her story about luck because it’s the story of my life. That luck is not just luck in itself but luck is a combination of hard work and universal timing. I’ve had a lot of universal timing and really good ‘luck’ in my life as well.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day?
  3. What's something that still scares you? I’m not the best swimmer in the world. It still scares me a little. Not as much as it did as a child but there’s still a little bit of a fear of that. Not afraid to go into water, just don’t like going under water.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book?
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? I would want two things. The first thing that came to mind is world poverty. The second thing would be the environment.

 

Final Question for Renee McDonald

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

I love this question. I would say to my fourteen-year-old self, if she was feeling lost I would say to her, “Don’t worry, everything will be ok and it’s all for a reason.”

Where can people reach out to you?

 www.butterflycourage.com and www.heartandsoulmovement.com  

Facebook –

Butterfly Courage – therapy practice

Heart and soul movement – classes, meditation, retreats and workshops

 

A Gift for Listeners From Renee McDonald

Download a short chakra clearing guided meditation. It’s a combination of music and guided meditation and releasing exercises for your body. If you are stressed, it’s a really good way to let go of the knots and sticking points in your body using helpful breathing and chakra clearing.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You may receive the occasional emails from Renee McDonald, Butterfly Courage and Heart and Soul Movement. You can unsubscribe at any time.

The post 040: Resilience against judgment – Renee McDonald appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In episode 40 of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Renee McDonald who shares: How she deals with constant judgment because of her short stature Overcoming all of the other adversities l... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In episode 40 of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Renee McDonald who shares: How she deals with constant judgment because of her short stature Overcoming all of the other adversities life has given her Her definition of resilience and why bad things need to happen… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
039: I am number one – Natalee Anderson https://www.facingfears.com.au/natalee/ Tue, 13 Dec 2016 03:06:21 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2571 https://www.facingfears.com.au/natalee/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/natalee/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In episode 39 of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Natalee Anderson who shares: The lessons that the fear of losing mobility gave her About learning to let go of control and have faith How she chose not to accept her diagnosis The steps she took…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/natalee/">039: I am number one – Natalee Anderson</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
Fearless-Females-Podcast-guest-Natalee-Anderson

In this episode:

In episode 39 of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Natalee Anderson who shares:

  • The lessons that the fear of losing mobility gave her
  • About learning to let go of control and have faith
  • How she chose not to accept her diagnosis
  • The steps she took to overcome it
  • Her strategic method to learn to say “No”

Tegan's Take Aways from talking with Natalee Anderson:

  1. Fear can be a good thing if it is driving you towards your goals and dreams rather than away from them
  2. A way to trick a people pleaser into putting themselves first is to show them how it benefits other people
  3. No matter how hard you try and control life, it has a plan that is greater than you
  4. Sometimes you just have to jump without thinking and have faith it will be alright [and it usually is]
  5. Fat can be fuel and can even improve your athletic performance

About Natalee Anderson

Natalee Anderson is the founder of The Working Woman's Revolution 'I AM NUMBER ONE' A community of women who have made the decision to put themselves first for the benefit of those around them. The group is dedicated to helping working women to shift from stressed, exhausted, sick and burnt out to putting themselves first, being healthy, happy and confident.

As a qualified Nutritional Therapist, Personal Trainer, Workplace and Executive Coach Natalee leads the revolution with her 10 years corporate management experience, empowering women to create an unbreakable healthy platform to leverage life to unthinkable heights. With a roadmap for success Natalee takes women on a journey, nourishing adrenals back to health, healing the gut, detoxing the liver, fat burning, implementing strategies of stress and time management, personal brand and self-promotion before tapping into genetic potential with the latest science.

A Gift for Listeners From Natalee Anderson

Download the seven simple steps to reduce stress by 90% and enjoy all the benefits that having less stress in your mind and your body can bring.

Show Notes: 039: I am number one – Natalee Anderson

Natalee Anderson’s Fearless Story

To be honest there’s lots of stuff that’s happened over time and if I look back now I realise it was a big deal but at the time I down played it a lot. But I guess towards the breaking point or turning point for me where I really had to face my fears was not long after moving to Australia.

There were a few things that had happened over time, working and investing all of my heart and soul into the work that I did, my staff and the people around me. We are all busy women and we like to put everyone else first and I had done that my entire life.

My body just started to crumble and it started with a miscarriage. I can se now that it was stress induced and not long after that I did get burnt out. I couldn’t sleep from the stress, I lost a lot of weight. Found myself in my bosses office saying that I couldn’t do it any more and having to take stress leave.

But I kept finding myself coming back and doing exactly the same thing over and over again. Always putting everyone else first. So I would have these little mini breaks or treat myself and pretend that I was looking after myself and yet every time someone would come and ask something of me I would still say, “Yes” and make sure I was pleasing everyone else.

Then there was the point. I had always had a little bit of pain and there was a point when I went back to New Zealand. It was winter there and I realised the pain was so bad that I couldn’t actually straighten my leg or un-hunch my back. I was sitting there trying to warm it up and it was then I realised something was terribly wrong.

When I returned to Australia I found out it was a form of arthritis called ankylosing spondylitis which is an arthritis of the spine. The prognosis was that there is no cure and it just gets progressively worse and your spine fuses into the shape of a curved rod. They call it bamboo spine.

That was probably the first time. I had always been an over achiever and then to be told…I had always been an athlete and then to suddenly be put on the spot and face that my spine was likely to fuse and in a ten-year time frame I could be in a wheelchair and I might not be able to have kids.

I mightn’t be able to compete again and for me that was probably my self-worth. So to be suddenly put into a position where I felt like I had no value. I wondered if my husband would still want me and I might not be able to have kids for him. That was probably my biggest fear. That uncertainty of knowing what was happening and what everyone was telling me was very different to the life I had been living.

What happened after this turning point?

Gosh…it wasn’t cancer and it wasn’t a terminal condition but it certainly felt like ‘life flashing before your eyes’ kind of moment. My perspective had to change. What I had been placing my importance on in life was suddenly very different. It felt like my life span had shortened a lot because my mobility was such a big part of my life and I thought if that was going to end then there was a whole lot of things I wanted to do while I was still mobile.

So it [fear] drove a lot of decisions for me [but in a good way]. I left my corporate job at the time. I was already qualified as a personal trainer so I went and managed a personal training studio for a bit to utilise those skills and the things that felt more important to me at the time.

We made the decision to have kids. The thought of not being able to chase my kids around the yard was a bit of a driver. I wasn’t even sure if I would be able to have kids because it’s the sacroiliac joint which is part of the pelvis so if that fused I wasn’t sure what would happen with child birth.

It really made me put things into perspective and decide what was really important to me and in my life.

The birth of your daughter wasn’t ideal though was it?

Birth is eye-opening and in some ways, traumatic for a lot of people whether it’s considered typically easy or not it’s just the fact that it’s an experience that you’ve never been through before. There’s nothing you can do to prepare for it.

Our situation was particularly challenging. Corie came out not breathing and she had to be whisked away and then she ended up having seizures and consequently was in ICU for a couple of weeks. They had to reduce her body temperature to protect her brain during that time.

To be honest I was in shock so I didn’t really absorb most of it and it was probably the same sort of thing we always do where we don’t have time to address my feelings right now. We think, “I’ve got to be strong for everyone else”. So we put it to the side for the moment.

How has that journey been for you?

A long one! From being a young child and seeing role models putting their feelings aside. I think it’s partially a learned behaviour. There’s been so many points in my life where for some reason we’ve experienced a lot of death in our life and each time I was always comforting and looking after everyone else and just putting those feelings down a little bit.

It feels like I was getting battered and bruised by all of these emotional events and for some reason I just didn’t seem to get it. It’s taken a very long time and I can’t even say that it happened straight away with the diagnosis. There was a point when I started putting myself first to an extent but it was awkward and it didn’t feel natural and so I kept coming back to the familiarity of putting everyone else first.

It wasn’t until I realised it was about finding a greater reason that was for me but for a greater purpose as well. It was almost like tricking myself into putting myself first and it wasn’t just about me it was about my family and it was about the greater good of the community as well.

I found that was an easier way to learn to put myself first by doing it for everyone else.

How have these experiences contributed to who you are today?

I think, I used to be a bit of a control freak or like to be able to control things and I think that’s kind of what I kept doing and I think that’s why life kept throwing me things that were just out of my control.

So I guess the big learning moment has really been that no matter how hard you try and control life, it just has a plan that is greater than you can imagine. So for me it’s been, when things are hard and I continue to have our ups and downs and in those moments I just have to trust that things will work out and I think that’s letting go a little bit.

Especially experiencing loss which is a hard thing to deal with (especially as a lot of them were young people). So, yeah the letting go. Accepting that in fact their purpose or their reason for being here was not how I pictured it to be. It was just some greater plan at work because when I look back it does work out exactly how it was meant to.

But in those moments it’s just so hard to let go of how things “should” be. It’s just those thoughts that things should be a certain way and they’re not. I think now, I’ve learnt to let go of that and have, I guess, just blind faith at times and jump without thinking sometimes and just trust that it’s all going to work out.

What are you passionate about today?

It took me a long time to learn the lesson of putting myself first and as I was going through that journey I started to notice some beautiful women around me basically crashing or burning out and almost from the same things.

I guess because I had gone through it so painfully and so many times before, as I watched it happen to everyone else it was super clear what was happening. It was always amazing, intelligent women who were so smart and so empathetic and just giving all of themselves to those around them and they were amazing at their jobs because of it.

But what was happening was they were getting to the stage where they just crashed. I had a lot of friends on stress leave, leaving work, stepping down in different capacities I guess but it was all the same sort of patterns.

A friend and I were having a coffee one day and we were talking about how we got through those moments and she talked about that support network of having people who understood what you were going through, other women and friends. So I thought, “Let’s create that group” and we created a community called the Working Women’s Revolution – I am number one.

It’s a group dedicated to women putting themselves first and that’s the primary goal. With my background I have value to add to the group with the fifteen years management experience and nutritional therapy, personal training and life coaching. So I can support the group from that way.

But at the same time, even just last week I was sitting there listening to these women talking and sharing their advice and helping one another and I thought, this was never, like I thought I was doing it for everyone else but this is just as much for me as it is for everyone else.

I am constantly inspired by these ladies and lifted up and just reminded to put myself first.

Memorable moments

There are two. One was last year when I gave birth to my second child at home, so a natural home birth. After quite a traumatic experience first time round and not feeling in control whatsoever. To be in that position of empowerment and have that ability within your body again to take power back and be able to show what your body is capable of just by, there were a few steps involved but it started with putting myself first.

The second one was I ran a marathon in August (2016) as well so again something that is a little bit beyond most people, well even normal people I guess, let alone people with the type of arthritis that I have.

Those would probably be my two top moments. What the body is capable of when you can actually just stop for a moment, listen to your body and what it’s communicating to you. Put yourself first and make the decision to take steps to change.

What are some of the things you have done that had a positive effect on you and your body?

Number one would be the decision I made that I was always going to put myself first. So that would be my starting point and everything would keep coming back to that. When things aren’t going so well and I find myself slip up every now and again but I am now aware of the symptoms, I always keep coming back to that.

When I put myself first I know what works and I need to do that because if I don’t then everything falls to pieces and I think women are so crucial in holding everything together.

Secondly was to have a purpose. I see it with clients I work with as well. If you don’t have a great enough reason to change from where you are. You need that sticking or that why, to push you to move forward from where you are now. So I had a really clear purpose of what I wanted for my life.

I wrote a story and I created a vision board of what I wanted my life to look like. I used positive affirmations, who was involved in it, who was relying on me. So I created this really big purpose that was going to keep me motivated and keep me focussed.

The shift from victim to empowered and ownership over what was happening - at the start I was grateful to have a diagnosis because I then knew why I was in pain all the time and couldn’t move my legs. Then I decided that was my excuse. I can’t lift a pot, I need help to turn on taps etc and then it became a little bit of a victim mentality.

So I needed to make the shift to taking responsibility. I was on medication and I had done a lot of research as well but I made the decision to take responsibility for my health and I didn’t accept the outcome of no cure. I didn’t accept that I would end up in a wheel chair and have a fused spine. I just didn’t feel that was my life.

Then I had to change my mindset, not just putting myself first but I was a perfectionist, I was a stress head, that’s why I burnt out at work, I was just wound up so tight.  I was rushing around, barely having a chance to breathe, it was really shallow breath. So I really had to change my mindset which I did through breathing, meditation and mindfulness.

Then there was the nutrition which for me, I had to give up sugar which is highly inflammatory and has a cascade affect within the body so that had to be part of my journey.

I did the GAPS diet by Natasha Campbell McBride who is a neurologist and a nutritionist and it’s basically a diet to heal the gut. I went on that diet which is really comprehensive and for the marathon I got the help of a coach to go on a ketogenic diet to become fat adaptive.

It was a diet that nourished my body and what it needed for the arthritis but it also gave me the opportunity to tap into a next level nutrition which is a relatively new science from the performance aspect.

What’s something in your future plans that brings you joy and freedom and does it scare you?

Gosh…I get scared a lot. Everything that I am doing is scaring me. When I started the group and as it grows I am being so vulnerable in front of hundreds of people and I’ve been speaking at different events and even chatting to you now.

Everything scares me and I choose just to try not to think about it and again have that blind faith that it will work out and what’s the worst that can happen?

My passion at the moment is using fat as fuel within the body particularly because it nourishes the gut which links to mental health and a lot of other disease as well. In order to use fat as fuel you need to be in a calm state because if you’re stressed your body uses glucose and it also offers the opportunity for a high level of performance.

From a health professional point of view the science fascinates me so that’s something I am quite passionate about and I am continuing to do further studies in that area. It’s something I am exploring with some of my clients and it’s something that will continue to grow because it’s so new, well it’s actually old but it’s starting to gain momentum because of its health and performance benefits.

This brings me joy at the moment because when I was doing GAPS it was all about healing the gut and healing my body and I felt supressed because I couldn’t express myself through my athletic performance because the idea of performing contradicted the idea of healing your body. So I feel like I’ve finally found something that offers the nutritional approach that is so holistic and looking at mindset, nutrition and performance as well.

It’s really nice to be able to tie it all in together and fuel my fire of achieving things. I had to put that on hold for quite a few years to heal and now I get to explore it again and the marathon was the start of that.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Natalee Anderson

  1. Who inspires you? There are three - women I meet through the Working Women’s Revolution Group. Since building the group I have these amazing and inspiring women who come into my life. I have to also say, my husband. I’m a crazy person who keeps saying, “Let’s do this” and he goes along with it and picks up the pieces if I fall down. He is so patient and that’s inspiring. And children. When you are learning about mindfulness and simplicity and the exact opposite of burning out as a woman, it’s be a child. I am constantly inspired by watching my children. They are so mindful, life is so simple, they love unconditionally. The beauty in children inspires me every day.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? I would love to give you something more inspiring but it’s coffee. I have Bullet Proof Coffee because it has fat in it and I love to sit down and have a warm your heart creamy coffee, and that moment to yourself as well.
  3. What's something that still scares you? It’s still putting myself out there each time. Whether it’s talking, sharing my story and just putting myself out there. There’s that fear of not being loved, making a mistake, and not being good enough. No matter how many times I do it I still come back to that fear of not being good enough.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? My favourite technique is what I call a strategic no. One of the problems with women learning to put themselves first is that they aren’t very good at saying, “No”. But you can’t just tell them to say no as it feels uncomfortable for them so they just wont do it. So my strategic no is when someone asks you to do something and the responsibility is then passed to you, you firstly turn it back to them by saying, “Yes, absolutely I can do that for you.” But then highlight the things you are already doing and ask them which they would like you to put on hold or ask them what they would like you to prioritise. This puts the responsibility back to them and they have to decide how important it is. This also works well in a working environment and it gets the other person to respect your time as well. Whereas if you just say yes to everything then you aren’t respecting your own time and you aren’t respecting yourself.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? I would like to remove judgment so there wouldn’t be any judgment of what is right or wrong. There would be no good or bad, there just would be as it is.

Final Question for Natalee Anderson

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

Wow…that just made my heart feel really heavy. I only just did an inner child exercise the other day with my coach and what I would say is I would give her a hug and tell her that she’s perfect just the way she is and that she is loved very much.

Where can people reach out to you? www.workingwomansrevolution.com and www.fatburningwomen.com

Facebook – working womens revolution group

A Gift for Listeners From Natalee Anderson

Download the seven simple steps to reduce stress by 90% and enjoy all the benefits that having less stress in your mind and your body can bring.

The post 039: I am number one – Natalee Anderson appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In episode 39 of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Natalee Anderson who shares: The lessons that the fear of losing mobility gave her About learning to let go of control and have faith ... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In episode 39 of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Natalee Anderson who shares: The lessons that the fear of losing mobility gave her About learning to let go of control and have faith How she chose not to accept her diagnosis The steps she took… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
038: Against the grain – Judith Treanor https://www.facingfears.com.au/judith/ Mon, 05 Dec 2016 10:33:26 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2560 https://www.facingfears.com.au/judith/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/judith/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In episode 38 of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Judith Treanor who shares: How she dealt with diagnosis of breast cancer at age 36 The decision to take the ‘not so popular’ treatment path How cancer was the best and worst thing to ever happen to…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/judith/">038: Against the grain – Judith Treanor</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
fearless-females-podcast-guest-judith-treanor

In this episode:

In episode 38 of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Judith Treanor who shares:

  • How she dealt with diagnosis of breast cancer at age 36
  • The decision to take the ‘not so popular’ treatment path
  • How cancer was the best and worst thing to ever happen to her
  • The passion project that she now pours her heart and soul into
  • Being the rebel and going against the grain

Tegan's Take Aways from talking with Judith Treanor:

  1. Knowledge is power
  2. Your biggest challenge can often be the best thing to happen to you
  3. Take control and responsibility for your own body and health
  4. Find the courage to go against the norm if it feels like the right thing to do for you
  5. There’s only one of you so be you!

About Judith Treanor

Sydney Mumpreneur Judith Treanor is the Founder of Online Curated store Temples and Markets. The store showcases unique artisan made product from S.E Asia, a region Judith fell in love with 20 years ago. She has never failed to be awestruck by the resilience, strength and astounding creativity of the people she met in the region.

Travel, motherhood and serious illness have shaped who Judith is today. In 2006, at aged 36 she was diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Aware how short life is Judith is determined to live hers feeling healthy, contented and fulfilled. Judith feels lucky to have found her life's purpose and that is to make a positive change in the world via her business.

By working with Social Enterprises and Artisan Groups in S.E Asia she is helping to trade women, empowered through training and fair work practices, into a better life. What a win-win for everyone.

Temples and Markets gives a face to the often cold world of E-commerce by telling the stories behind the products and the people who make them.

Aside from business, Judith practices Kundalini Yoga, is a serious foodie and loves nothing more than playing with her dog at the beach.

A Gift for Listeners From Judith Treanor

Temples and Markets sells fashion accessories, jewellery, bags and home décor unique to the region of South East Asia. For your first order over AU$50 Judith is offering 10% off if you use the code: Temples at checkout.

Show Notes: 038: Going against the grain – Judith Treanor

Judith Treanor’s Fearless Story

I was aged thirty-six, with a two-year-old son and I had the diagnosis of early breast cancer. Regardless of what age you are, traditional medicine will throw the usual options of chemotherapy, surgery and radiotherapy at you.

Obviously the shock of cancer diagnosis is horrendous however old you are and whatever stage of life you’re at. But at age thirty-six my intuition told me I’m ok doing the surgery, radiotherapy made sense to me but I just refused to have chemotherapy.

It was a big, big decision, going against the grain. It took a long time to come to that decision. Actually my intuition said it straight away, that was my decision but actually going along with that decision took a few weeks because I had to decide what else I would do in its place.

So at the time, two-year-old son, didn’t want him to know what was going on. If there is anything such as luck when you are going through cancer then I think it was lucky that he was that age rather than now when he is twelve, he would be fully aware whereas he wasn’t aware then.

Terrifying times. Being diagnosed with cancer and when you first hear the word the first thing you think of is, am I going to die and you just tackle it one day at a time.

How did you decide on that choice of treatment?

It’s terrifying on so many levels because you don’t know if you are making the right decision but you have to go with what your heart says and your intuition and just hope it’s the right decision. Ten years down the track I stand by my decision and I’m so happy to say that I’m here to tell the tale.

How did I get to it then? I think, knowledge is power. It’s not a decision you make lightly or you go ahead with lightly. I read, read, read and I spoke to many experts and other women who had made a similar decision maybe in the past ten or twenty years.

I was put in touch with an amazing lady who didn’t even have the surgery twenty years ago before me and had done other natural things and followed different regimes and was perfectly healthy. So, it’s all about knowledge.

That was 2006. Obviously, the internet was around but it wasn’t like it is now. You couldn’t just google absolutely everything and social media wasn’t the thing it is now. There’s an amazing support group, more of a resource type of support group and it was like a library full of books on different treatments available.

I’m being a bit strict about the wording I am choosing to use because I don’t want to be using the word alternative necessarily. I think as soon as you use the word alternative it conjures up images of ‘whakery’ in some people's heads.

So it’s not necessarily alternative, I used a natural regime and it’s just a different way of looking at things. I guess different does mean alternative but I don’t like to use that word because of the images it conjures up for some people.

I also went to a conference that I had read about where an amazing man called Dr Ian Gawler, who is quite well known in Australia for surviving terminal cancer in the seventies. He runs a retreat in Melbourne and he said to me that with my type of cancer if I have twenty minutes of exercise and twenty minutes of sun a day I can pretty much rule out having a recurrence.

When people tell you things like that it gives you the courage to go with your intuition I suppose. I also discovered an amazing lady who is also well known in Australia called Patria King and I credit her with an awful lot of the bravery I had I suppose. I don’t feel brave but some people have said I was brave.

Patrea King has books, does these amazing meditations and a retreat and her organisation is called Quest For Life and she survived terminal cancer back in the seventies where she literally went and meditated in a cave in Italy and all these years later here she is helping other people.

I used her CD pretty much on a daily basis and it’s a meditation CD particularly for women with breast cancer and one of the amazing lines that I will never forget is, and I still use it today, and that is, “Use your wisdom and your wisdom will tell you what you need to do.”And that’s what I did.

For my family’s sake I couldn’t just say that I wasn’t having Chemo and that’s it. I had to find something that was going to work that everyone trusted, another doctor I could trust, literally with my life. And I did, I found an amazing man Dr Paul Miasin who was actually recommended by my own GP at the time. He follows a practice called integrative medicine which isn’t very well known in Australia but it is well known in some areas of Europe, particularly Britain.

They are medical doctors, they have gone through the same training as other GP’s. But they also look outside the square at the whole body. It’s holistic treatment.

When I met him for the first time with my husband we just knew that he was someone who was so caring and we just gelled with him and we came away and my husband said, “This is someone we can trust with your life.” He put me on a natural regime of different supplements and one of the strongest treatments of high dose vitamin C via a drip.

Vitamin C has been known to have anti-cancer properties and I do credit vitamin C with my good health then, and today. It is a huge immune boosting vitamin and to me having spoken to so many people back then about what causes cancer, and what certainly caused my cancer. I had been sick from the time I had my son, through to the time I was diagnosed with different infections.

People said my immune system was failing and so it made sense to me to put these strong immune boosting things into my body rather than chemotherapy which is going to kill the immune system.

I actually went to see a Chinese doctor before I went to meet Dr Paul and he even said that my immune system was so weak that if I put chemotherapy into it I am going to be very, very sick.

So it’s knowledge, it’s meeting the right people, going with your intuition and standing by your decisions. Even now, if I feel I’m getting sick and that my immune system is low then I will go and have another IV of vitamin C to boost the immune system again.

How did you deal with the doubts when they showed up?

I did a lot of meditation. Guided meditation as I found it hard to calm the mind. I have also in the last couple of years become a big fan of Kundalini Yoga. It’s a lot about calming the mind, living with purpose and going with your intuition. That all helps.

But when the annual check-ups come or if I get sick or I get a pain in my breast, of course the fear comes back. The fear was…like I say to other friends who have been diagnosed with cancer since, “Yes the physical cancer will go if you go through the treatment and you’ve had the surgery then it’s gone but you are left with that mental side forever.”

It’s about dealing with that fear and dealing with the fear of re-occurrence. As time goes on, it’s a time thing, the fear diminishes. I can now go to a check-up ten years later and not feel as petrified as I did, obviously, in the first check-up.

The lady I mentioned earlier, Patrea King, she does talks around the world, she holds this retreat, she talks on talk back radio, she’s a very busy lady. I emailed her before my first annual mammogram and ultra sound check-up after having gone through cancer because I was utterly terrified. At that point when you’ve been on the wrong end of a mammogram and you’ve got another one coming up.

I emailed her and I’ll never forget it, she actually rang me and this is a very busy lady and she didn’t know me. I had told her how much she had helped me through her cd’s and she spoke to me for about an hour and counselled me through how I was going to get through the check-up and here I am ten years later and I’ve now done ten of those.

How has the cancer diagnosis changed how you live your life now?

Actually, I’ll go back to the day I was diagnosed through my GP. She said something to me which, at the time, I thought, “This is insane!” She said that she had a friend who was an ex-patient who had breast cancer over ten years ago and she had given her the diagnosis that she was delivering to me that day.

This patient moved to Byron Bay which is a beautiful part of Australia. There are lots of organic farms and kind of a relaxed life. She moved there and she even has an organic farm and she had said to my GP, “Cancer was the best and worst thing to ever happen to her.”

At the time, on the day I was diagnosed I thought, “Oh sure! How can that ever be possible.” But I don’t think I was even really listening at the time in fact I think I collapsed on the floor when I was diagnosed. Anyway, it’s hard to explain but it is, it really is the best and worst thing to ever happen to me.

Obviously, I don’t want it back, that would be horrendous! But, corny as it is to say, it does put a different slant on life. It makes you wake up and smell the coffee, you live your life (if you can) with purpose and to be fulfilled, to enjoy the sunny days, walks along the beach with my dog, having a dance and a sing with my son. You just notice those moments, even ten years later, I still notice the good things.

And if I can use the experience to help other people and friends, which I have, who have gone through similar experiences then again, it’s a good thing.

I guess I consider myself as a bit of a rebel in terms of the treatment I chose or the direction I went in but if friends, and several of mine have, were diagnosed I would never say to them that this is what they should do. Or that they should go and get vitamin C drips because it worked for me.

But I do say that they have to take control of their own body. There has been research that I was told by the breast care nurse, that if you take control of your body and you make your decisions and you don’t go along what I call the conveyor belt. The results have shown to be a lot more positive for you.

So those would be the types of tips I would give to people going through it and I have given to my friends. Take control, do your research and do what literally works for you and hopefully you’ll have a better result.

I’ve also been able to sit with friends and if you have a friend that’s been through it then you can talk about your worst fears. They can be more honest with me than they can be with their friends and family. But for me, it was really the other people that I mentioned, other ladies who had gone through twenty years before me. I didn’t actually know them but I was able to connect with them through the support group.

There are support groups but there was one particular online group that I left fairly quickly because I was getting some emotional blackmail. One person said, “How can you not think of having chemotherapy and what the doctors suggest. Do you not want to be alive to see your son grow up.” Those are the words I remember to this day that were said to me.

Absolutely I want to be here to see my son grow up and that’s why I’m choosing this way and you can choose your way and that’s fine. So it’s a matter of finding those who support your decision, once you have made it, not go against it. So that when you do have doubts you will have the support there.

Even recently, there’s a documentary coming out called ‘The Cancer Conflict’ which shows one gentleman who has bowel cancer and he is choosing the traditional route and a lady who is going through breast cancer and isn’t having any of the traditional treatment. I’ve seen the trailer and there’s a Facebook page dedicated to it with some very expressive views on there for one way and the other.

People obviously get very passionate about this as it’s a very emotive subject but just as a result of something I put on there a lady in the UK private messaged me. She had obviously searched me out and she asked me what I had done and what my treatment was as she had thyroid cancer and she didn’t want to have chemotherapy.

So I’ve had quite a few chats with her over the virtual airways and if I can just support one person, how amazing! Other positive things that have come out of the cancer is my diet for one.

When I saw Doctor Paul he is very much about diet and I try to eat as organically as I possibly can. But cutting out wheat, cutting out sugar, cutting out dairy, I’ve kind of stuck to those things for ten years. People might not agree with that and it might not work for everybody and people might say it has nothing to do with not having cancer but for me, hey it’s worked so…and it’s kept the weight off too so that’s a bonus.

What was the reason for starting your business www.templesandmarkets.com.au ?

I find life very interesting and it tends to go in full circles, well for me it does anyway. Twenty-five years ago when I was still living in the UK I started off my working career in buying and merchandising in a department store group. I then left there to go travelling through south east Asia.

That region of Thailand, Indonesia, Malaysia etc found its way into my heart and has literally never left. Over the last twenty years I’ve gotten back there as often as I can and I’ve now explored Vietnam, Cambodia and Lao as well.

There’s just something about that region, the creativity and the people are just so gracious even though so many of them have so very little. Our lives are so very charmed in comparison. They are just so creative and I’ve seen so many beautiful things that they make and I’ve come back wearing gorgeous jewellery or a unique hand bag and I would be asked, “Where did you get that?”

I would answer Thailand for example and their faces would drop because they couldn’t get it here (in Australia). So it’s been something that has been formulating in my mind for quite a few years, “How do I get these beautiful things to a wider audience outside of South East Asia?” and “How do I give those lovely people who I’ve met and who have such amazing stories, exposure outside of South East Asia?”

After having the cancer, I didn’t work for quite a few years because I wanted to avoid stress and so I was an at home mum for quite a few years. Then I set up an interior design business, I had studied interior decoration and I did some renovations. Which was interesting because I was wanting to avoid stress in my life and yet I ended up in the building industry.

That didn’t work for me but I have always been creative in a way and sourcing products in one way or another and travelling back and forth to South East Asia and then it culminated into ‘Let’s open an online store’ and bring these beautiful things to a wider audience.

My passion is travel and shopping for beautiful things and so that’s what I’ve done and it has evolved. I’m not helping the artisans I’ve met to trade into a better life. I support social enterprise and artisan groups who empower women by training them in certain handicrafts or making jewellery or beautiful bags. I support them and those are the products I am selling on the store.

For the first time in my life I feel I’m actually fulfilled through work and living my life on purpose. I get to give out and it comes back to me ten-fold.

Memorable Moments?

I had been thinking about my business for some time and in 2015 I was in Siem Reap in Cambodia. Cambodia is one of the poorest countries in the world and even though it has a blossoming tourism industry people are still really poor. Human trafficking is common, prostitution, child labour, it’s all there in Cambodia and yet these are some of the most beautiful people you are ever going to meet.

In January 2015 I stumbled across a beautiful little jewellery boutique and had it not been for a bar next to this shop in a lane way I would never have met a lady called Rhani who makes this amazing jewellery out of the local seeds. Long story short, she has an amazing story of resilience.

She married an Indian man and left Cambodia and lived in India for five years. It didn’t work out and she was on the streets because her parents didn’t believe in divorce. Over time she learnt how to drill into these tiny, tiny seeds to make this amazing jewellery.

That was a catalyst for Temples and Markets because I met her, heard her story and it was so inspiring because she is now quite successful. Having said that, you wouldn’t know she existed unless you happen to be in that laneway. So I thought, ok, she has a story and I know there are so many other stories out there like hers of resilience and creativity that has come out of hardship.

That is an ah-ha moment because it was life changing. I met her, I heard her story and I now have this business and I am able to feature lots of people with stories like hers.

Last November when I launched it was another great moment because it’s something I’m really proud of and I’ve had so much amazing feedback. Every day, it’s running this business that makes a difference and I’m doing something creative and selling gorgeous things.

I call it the win-win because you buy something beautiful, something unique and something meaningful and at the same time you can effect positive change one purchase at a time.

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

There are a couple of things. One is the fear of failure. I’m incredibly passionate about this business and I’m in my forties and I don’t feel that I have enjoyed success in terms of work and I do fear failure. I’m putting my heart and soul into this business. If you look at the website there’s a lot of my heart in it.

I feel like it’s my time now. Yes I’ve been through illness and I’ve avoided stress for many years but now it’s my time and I literally want to get out into the world and I want people to know about what I’m doing. Sometimes it’s over reaching and I have spoken to a counsellor about this absolute tangible fear of failure.

The other fear is that I have one son and he is an amazing boy, he is an actor and we are like two peas in a pod and we are very, very close. We do a lot together and being an only child he gets to travel with me, we go to great restaurants and we get to chat, very maturely. I do make sure he has lots of kids around as well because he is an only child but he can also chat like an adult.

He is starting high school next year and you know it wont be long, maybe another two or three years and he wont want to hang out with me during school holidays any more.

To be honest, you can hear that my voice is breaking, that probably scares me more than anything. Not scares me, because I know it’s going to happen but how will I handle that? I guess I will just throw myself into the business. I will have done all I can and there will be no more school pickups and drop offs and he will be more independent then.

With that fear of failure too, everyone has it, anyone who starts a business and the difference between those who succeed and those who don’t is that those who succeed don’t let that fear of failure stop them from doing what they need to get done to succeed.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Judith Treanor

  1. Who inspires you? A lady who I have connected with online and her organisation in Cambodia also supplies to me. Her name is Sally Maree Hetherington. She is an Australian lady who went to volunteer in Cambodia five years ago for a few months and five years later she is still there. She is very happy to have put herself out of a job. She works with this ground roots organisation called Human and Hope Association. It’s a very poverty stricken area in Siem Reap in Cambodia. They educate people, they have a pre-school and a sewing program where they train women to sew and when they graduate they can set up their own sewing business. They are doing amazing work. Sally was the operations manager and she has brought it to a point, which was always her intention, where they can look after their own organisation now, without someone from overseas. She is still present on the board and does fund raising and social media. I am going to meet her in January when she moves back to Australia but we speak every day and she’s written some amazing blogs which I am sharing on my site. She writes a fascinating blog about volun-tourism where she talks about people who volunteer and think they are doing the right thing but aren’t necessarily. She’s very inspiring and insightful so please have a read.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? Play ball with my dog Lollie. She’s half Kelpie and half Cocker Spaniel so she just has to run, every day. So I love to take time out and throw the ball with her.
  3. What's something that still scares you? Yes, 150% dentists. I didn’t go to a dentist for twenty years and it was something else that I took control over. I had hypnotherapy to get me to a dentist because I knew my wisdom teeth needed to come out and I needed a lot of work done. I got to the point of not even opening my mouth in photos because my teeth were so awful which is embarrassing to talk about now but that’s what fear does. It was a phobia because if I saw a dentist I would cross to the other side of the street. But now I have found a lovely dentist, just a block from where I live who gradually worked with me one step at a time and now I go every few months for my check-ups but it still scares me. If I need work done though I do have sedation and can highly recommend it.
  4. Favourite technique, app or book you’d like to share? One is an amazing book called, ‘Mum’s not having chemo’ by Laura Bond. It’s a fascinating read with lots of different case studies of people who have been in worse situations than I was and have found alternative ways to get through the cancer. Another one, if you’d like some insight into what I’m doing with Temples and Markets and why and if you haven’t travelled to Cambodia there’s an amazing book called, ‘First They Killed My Father’ by Loung Ung and she is the exact same age as me and she writes about growing up during the horrific times of the Khmer Rouge in the seventies in Cambodia. She is now in America and Angelina Jolie is making a movie about her life and her book. It explains why there is so much poverty in that country and why the population is so young, because so many of them were killed during those five years in the seventies.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? Racism and intolerance

Final Question for Judith Treanor

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

I was a punk back then when I was fourteen with the spiked hair and part of the gothic punk movement so I think I’m going to say, keep being a rebel and always be a rebel. Why not! I was a rebel then and I’m still a rebel now and a lot of things I do are slightly off the cuff or against the grain. Keep on being a rebel throughout. Which is about being yourself really. When you are in your forties you are ok with being yourself but at fourteen you doubt yourself. We say in yoga, there’s only one of you so be you, you’re the only person that can do that so well.

Where can people reach out to you? www.templesandmarkets.com

Facebook – Temples and Markets

 

A Gift for Listeners From Judith Treanor

Temples and Markets sells fashion accessories, jewellery, bags and home décor unique to the region of South East Asia. For your first order over AU$50 Judith is offering 10% off if you use the code: Temples at checkout.

The post 038: Against the grain – Judith Treanor appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In episode 38 of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Judith Treanor who shares: How she dealt with diagnosis of breast cancer at age 36 The decision to take the ‘not so popular’ treatment... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In episode 38 of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Judith Treanor who shares: How she dealt with diagnosis of breast cancer at age 36 The decision to take the ‘not so popular’ treatment path How cancer was the best and worst thing to ever happen to… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
037: Loving who I’ve become – Karen Chaston https://www.facingfears.com.au/karen-chaston/ Mon, 28 Nov 2016 10:12:21 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2555 https://www.facingfears.com.au/karen-chaston/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/karen-chaston/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Karen Chaston who shares: How the sudden passing of her son began a journey of self-discovery About listening and receiving the lessons in life How the answers we search for are hidden in the words we…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/karen-chaston/">037: Loving who I’ve become – Karen Chaston</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
the-fearless-females-podcast-guest-karen-chaston

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Karen Chaston who shares:

  • How the sudden passing of her son began a journey of self-discovery
  • About listening and receiving the lessons in life
  • How the answers we search for are hidden in the words we use
  • How perfectly imperfect we all are
  • And finally, loving the woman she has become

Tegan's Take Aways from talking with Karen Chaston:

  1. If you aren’t feeling uncomfortable then you aren’t on purpose because our purpose is designed to stretch and grow us.
  2. If you are living in the present then there is no fear. It’s only when you are worrying about the past or trying to predict the future that fear shows up.
  3. The sooner you look for the lesson in each challenging experience, the less – on - you.
  4. You chose to be you so when would now be a good time to start honouring that decision.
  5. What things can I take off my to do list and surrender to the universe to do today?

About Karen Chaston

Karen Chaston - Expert on: Personal development, mentor, author, trainer, and speaker
Karen ran on the corporate treadmill until the day the world came tumbling down on her head. The constant effort of juggling work, family, the big house and cars, and the stress created by all that was taking its toll on her even before tragedy struck when her son suddenly died at 27.
We can’t control our lives any more than we can control the heavy road traffic.
When we experience anxieties, depression and anger, it’s because our real lives don’t match up with the mental picture we created about how our lives should be.
Her suffering and disappointments became the catalyst for personal and spiritual growth. She recognised that they were given to her to serve her and she took the next step to examine her life and accept its imperfections and learn from them.
Karen has developed some extraordinary programs to help you begin your search for a better you and a more fulfilling life.
As a former corporate Chief Financial Officer, Karen brings a unique perspective that she wished were available to her.

A Gift for Listeners From Karen Chaston

karen-chaston-beyond-your-worst-nightmare-ebook-v06-image-page-01_1

A downloadable copy of Karen Chaston’s book Beyond Your Worst Nightmare. This book is about overcoming what you currently perceive would be your worst nightmare and how to come back to love and gratitude from any tragedy.

Show Notes: 037: Loving who I’ve become – Karen Chaston

Karen Chaston’s Fearless Story

I’m in my late fifties and I’ve always been the sort of person who did everything differently. I grew up in a large family. I am one of seven children, six girls and a boy. I guess in hindsight as I look back I was always looking for attention. As you can imagine in a big family you do get a bit lost and I am the smallest of them all.

At sixteen I found myself pregnant and I chose to adopt my daughter out. That was in the early seventies and one thing, in hindsight I have found is that it gave me my strength. If you can give birth alone, my mother wasn’t allowed to be there because we probably would have kept her.

It was a difficult birth and I really should have had a caesarean but the doctor decided that because I was so young I shouldn’t have those type of scars so we went ahead and it was a long labour and forceps had to be used. When you go through something like that you find your strength and you realise that whatever comes at you, you will survive it.

Even though I am just over five-foot tall I have always had a voice and been very strong in my opinions, sometimes to my detriment. Anyway, I did go on and marry my husband and we have been married for thirty-eight years and had three lovely boys.

My eldest is Ben and then I had twin boys, Josh and Dan. I always believed that I had twins because I did the right thing by my daughter. I always saw them as a gift even though we do have twins in our family.

Then at thirty-eight I decided to study. We were living on the Gold Coast (Australia) and I went to Bond University. The good thing about it was I ended up with a Masters degree even though I didn’t have an undergrad because my life experience had been my undergrad.

So I found myself with a Masters Degree, the kids were teenagers by then and after I did my CPA we decided to move back to Sydney which had better job prospects with more money. I rose very quickly and became a CFO of a publicly listed company (a pub group).

I was working way too many hours, eating too much, drinking too much and basically living the high life. Anyone looking at me would have thought, “Wow, she’s successful” because I had the house, the car, the family, the holidays and all of those sorts of things.

In hind sight though, what I was living was what I call ‘Ground Hog Day’ days. Not realising how unconscious I was, how unhealthy I was and how over adrenalized and stressed I was.

What a lot of people don’t realise is that when you are stressed out to the maximum, you produce cortisol and cortisol produces acid within your body and I was certainly full of acid. I was always angry, always ready for a fight and not really understanding how bad all the cortisol was in any body but especially in a woman’s body. These are all the things I now know and as an accountant I often surprise myself these days with what comes out of my mouth and just what I know.

What was the event that changed everything for you?

Just over five years ago in July my husband and I woke up to find Dan, one of our twins, dead at our back door. We honestly thought he had just passed out. But unfortunately he had passed away probably about four hours earlier.

He had come home, fallen over and just couldn’t catch his breath. He had really bad lungs which we didn’t know about. He also had a brain tumour which was benign and we didn’t know about either and was discovered during his autopsy.

After the funeral, I just didn’t have enough time to a grieving mother. I was too busy in my ‘very important’ job so I more or less went straight back to work. But as the universe likes to let you know if that isn’t part of your plan, about eighteen months later I was made redundant and it was the best thing to ever happen to me.

If I had been made redundant before Dan passed I just wouldn’t have been able to cope. I just wouldn’t have been able to accept it because I thought I was the best worker. I was always first in and last out. I’m always there and I work on weekends, and I do this and I do that and how could they cope without me.

After taking, what I now like to call, a conscious loving breath. You know the sort of breath where you breathe in deep into your body and you actually feel relief and you feel at ease. I honestly believe that was the first breath I had taken in about twenty years.

After studying and working and all of that sort of stuff. When I was studying at Bond University I was working at Dreamworld and was still expected to do my sixty hours as well as my study. So, it was probably my first breath for twenty years where I stopped and thought, this is going to be good.

This is probably going to be something that will lead me down a completely different path but everything is going to be ok.

In this day and age we are always ‘plugged in’ and if we aren’t we are worried that something is wrong. We don’t stop to smell the roses we just keep go, go, going.

A great thing to do is to stop and sit in silence and ask the question, “Who am I” and then “Who’s asking?” You would not believe the answers that come to you if you choose to sit and listen. It might not be then that the answers come to you, it might be later in the day through something you see and you realise, “That’s my answer”.

It’s important to listen for the answers and be willing to receive the answers and not just be asking the questions for the sake of asking. A really good saying I like is, “Ask, believe, receive”. You need to believe it to receive it and trust comes in there as well. Sometimes we get an answer that we don’t want and we want to put it back and get another one. Not realising that answer is actually perfect for you.

People often ask, what is my purpose. It’s that thing that stretches you, fills you with fear and excites you all at the same time. It’s that thing that you know you should be doing but it makes you feel uncomfortable. If you aren’t uncomfortable then you aren’t on purpose.

It’s all about growing and stretching and doing all of those beautiful things and being of service. If we aren’t looking for the signs and aren’t hearing the lessons, then the messages get stronger and stronger. I’m guessing there were signals during your busy career when the universe was trying to tell you.

Absolutely. I was eating and drinking too much. I was very unhealthy and always thinking, “Surely there’s got to be an easier way than this” but I would look around and all of my peers were exactly the same. Corporate life is a dark place and it doesn’t have to be.

Everyone is in this ‘survival mode’. They are in a lack mindset and they don’t understand there is enough for everyone. They are thinking that if I have ‘it’ then you can’t so I have to make sure I get it before you do. They’re living in fear. Totally living in fear.

I love fear as a word. I remember years ago an analogy for it was, “False evidence appearing real.” And if you live in the present there’s no such thing as fear. It’s only when you are remembering the past or predicting the future that you are in fear.

When you are in the corporate world you are afraid of being made redundant so you work harder. Losing your job, someone being promoted above you, making a mistake, not being able to cope. There are just so many fears. But most of them aren’t real.

An interesting fear that a lot of women have is, when they do get to a certain level, they have a fear that, “They are going to find out I’m not as good as they think I am.” This is because they don’t think they’re ‘that good’. And it’s all crap because we are so much better than we ever think we are.

Everyone else thinks we should be doing that job but we live our lives around our limiting beliefs. It’s just your fear monkey on your shoulder that’s telling you differently. If you choose to feed that fear monkey then it will grow and control you but if you take it off your shoulder and let it go find it’s way elsewhere then you are choosing not to let your limiting beliefs control you.

Everything in life is a choice and that’s something that most people don’t understand. Steve Jobs, one of his quotes I love is, “If you wake up in the morning and look at what you have to do and this is your last day and you aren’t happy about it then why are you doing it?” It’s a choice.

We often get wrapped in the doing things for everyone else except for ourselves. Fear has us convinced that we have to do all of these things and if we don’t then the world is going to end for us. But if we just take a moment to check in with what we are supposed to be doing, there you will find your happiness.

How was your son’s passing a gift?

How it’s a gift is in the person I have become because of him passing. I would never have changed. I would never have woken up from my Groundhog Day days. I would have still been in that environment and probably having a heart attack or something tragic like that would have had to have happened for me to wake up.

So through my sons passing, even though it took me eighteen months to move on, when I was made redundant I knew something different was going to happen. Then I went on this journey of self-discovery, of understanding who I am, and I just love the person I have become. I love everything I do now. I have done things I thought I would never do.

I was always a good 2IC (second in charge) and I thought I was happy for them to be out in front because I thought I couldn’t do that. I am now a speaker, I’m a trainer, I’ve written books. In fact, I wrote two books in thirteen weeks because I have my son, on the other side, literally feeding it to me.

I totally believe we are vessels. Everything we need just comes to us. I have created my elements collection gratitude journals because gratitude was one of the processes that I really embraced about two years after Dan passed. Someone said to me to start writing in a gratitude journal.

We always focus on the negative instead of focusing on the positive. Living in a first world country. What on earth do we have to complain about! Yeah the traffic might be bad but at the end of the day, does it really matter? We have nothing to complain about.

If we really get into gratitude we can actually come to understand that we have a life that most people in the world can’t even contemplate. It’s way beyond their dreams and desires on how lucky our lives are.

I’m extremely passionate about gratitudes because when I started my fearless journey I read Living Fearlessly by Rhonda Britten and she says, “If you get nothing else out of this book, you must get gratitudes and do ten gratitudes a day and it will change your life.” And it does! It totally does.

You start to live more in the present. You will stop and smell the roses. You will actually just be grateful for waking up more than anything else and you do start to see a different perspective in the whole world. You will actually start to talk to people you don’t even know.

I can remember I was sitting in a café with a friend and I excused myself to go up to a lady and tell her, “You look amazing today, you look really great.” And the lady turned around and she said, “Thank you! I have had the worst day on earth and you have now, just flipped my day around. Thank you.”

It’s just about giving. I didn’t know she was having a terrible day. She looked like she was so well put together and she obviously didn’t even know she looked great. She was probably inside her head saying, “What else can happen?” and probably when I said, “Excuse me” she thought, “Please do not abuse me.”

So when you are in gratitude you can then give because you aren’t in the ‘lack mindset’. Instead, you are feeling great and you’ve done your work on yourself already that morning and now I’m in overflow so now I’m going to give to people.

That’s the problem with a lot of people is they aren’t putting themselves first and so they are in depletion. They are in resentment and all of those negative feelings and they want to go to joy but it’s too big a gap.

But if you start with gratitude, even if you are feeling a little bit down, you can still find one thing to be grateful for. Even if it’s just, “I have something in the fridge” or “I have a plate to wash up”. I don’t want to wash up but at least I have a plate and I have food.

The more you invoke your senses into the way you write your gratitude’s, the more it comes into every single cell of your body. Which then starts to replenish your cells in a positive way so it starts to go all through your body. It’s no longer just in your head, you start to embrace what you are grateful for with all of your senses.

If you don’t have an ocean or a tree to appreciate and connect to then stand and feel the breath as you breath it in. Stand on the cement and feel the coolness on your feet or the furriness of the carpet. There is always something you can connect to.

Going back to my sons passing and why I am in love and gratitude. He shows me every single day, that he is with me. This may evoke fear in people as human beings we are afraid of passing to the other side. But we are all here living in a movie, which we chose.

I love to ask when I am talking to a group, women especially, “If you could be anyone you want to be, get a picture in your mind, how tall you are, what you look like, what your skin colour is, your hair colour, the size of your body, the whole lot.” Get that image in your mind and then I ask, “If anyone has pictured who they are now, please stand up.”

As you can imagine, not many people stand up. I find it interesting, and I then share this, because before we all came down here, that’s exactly what we did. You chose to be you so why aren’t you honouring who you are? And why aren’t you loving who you are? And why are you fearful to be your authentic self?

Most women, if we are honest with ourselves, we are scared to be who we are. We aren’t scared of being too small we are scared that we are going to be so powerful. That we are going to shine our light so brightly that other people are going to try and bring us down.

It can be scary to look at who you are because that woman you chose to be, she is so amazing, so powerful and so centred. She is so unique. When would now be a good time to honour who you are? All we have is the present. Now is the only guaranteed thing.

My son, when he went out drinking that night, he certainly thought he was going to wake up in his own bed in the morning. We just don’t know what the future holds.

I went to see Dream Lover on the weekend which is the story of Bobby Darren. A really great show, an amazing show actually. It’s got David Campbell in it and he was very brilliant in it. But he was a very sick child and he passed away at 37yo. But he was told that he wouldn’t reach ten so he lived his life, like there was no tomorrow which was why he achieved so much.

When we came out I thought it was interesting that when you think you don’t have time you live your life. Where as when we don’t have an expiry date on our birth certificate we choose to put things off.

How long ago was this transformation?

Four years ago was the start of it where I said, “No, this is my new journey.” And the journey I thought I was going to have is certainly nothing like the journey that it has been. And, isn’t that great because we don’t know what we don’t know.

So we have our dreams and desires based on what we know now and what we think we want but the universe always has a bigger and better plan for us. Who would have thought that I would be speaking from stage and who would have thought that I would be writing these books and creating these amazing programs and all of this sort of stuff.

I certainly didn’t think I was going to be doing that. I thought I was going to go down a different route but it’s so much bigger and better than I thought it could be and I really love the person I have become. I love that I am so much more aware. I was totally unconscious before.

I love that I now believe in myself. I talk to myself. I listen to myself. Where as before I was just rolling along and letting life put me wherever. One of the sayings that I say all the time is, “I am guided and protected and everything always works out for me.” And we all are.

So when things don’t go the way you plan just keep saying that to yourself because if it hasn’t worked out yet, then it just hasn’t finished yet.

Memorable Moments

There have been many! One of them was speaking on a stage to twelve hundred women in America at a conference I was at.

Another one was just I have met so many amazing people. So many intuitive people that have come into my life. One lady I met has become one of my closest friends and she is very intuitive. She talks to Dan all the time and gives me advice.

I have Dragon Flies all over my house, as in pictures or little statues and so on. She gave me this little heart and she told me that every time I see a Dragon Fly, it’s Dan. And I see them all the time.  Just this afternoon I was visiting a lady to help her put the goodie bags together for an event tomorrow.

As I walked into her house a Dragon Fly followed me in and touched me on the head and then flew away. She asked, “Why aren’t you afraid of it” and I explained that it was OK because it was just Dan letting me know he was there with me. She said, “That’s so beautiful”.

It’s just an awareness. Something as simple as that. I’m actually in the process of creating this thirteen-week online program called less of you and more of yourself. The logo for that is a Dragon Fly with a green background because green is all about love and Dragon fly’s are all about transformation but from a self-realisation perspective which is exactly what the program is all about.

What are the lessons you have received from your experience?

Let’s look at the words and the word ‘Lesson’. If you break it down, there are always going to be positives and negatives. You are going to grow more from a perceived negative than you ever will from a positive. So the sooner you look for the lesson, the less on you!

So the sooner you look for the lesson in anything that happens to you, the less-on-you. Our language tells us how to live. We should live our life in ease and if we’re not then we are in dis-ease. Our language tells us all the time, how to live. Instead of saying impossible, say I’m possible. It’s amazing, I love our language.

I would never, having been an accountant and a numbers person, which I do still love the energy of numbers, but looking at our language, and breaking it down, there are so many ways that we can look on how to live.

Words are so very powerful. They can be used to give compliments and used in kindness. The power of the words you tell yourself are also important. Words can be used for so many good things.

This was something else that came to me a while ago. We are the only person we are going to spend every moment with so why are we so mean to ourselves? Why do we bring ourselves down? Why aren’t we loving and kind as we are to everyone else?

We are going to be with ourselves, twenty-four-seven so looking after ourselves in all areas of our lives just makes so much more sense. Be kind to yourself!

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

I can’t think of anything that I’m really scared of. I guess I procrastinate about things. My third book which is a passion book called ‘Teenagers Playing Grownups’ I really want to turn that into a four-week mini-series. I have looked at how to do it but I keep procrastinating so I guess there’s some fear there that’s stopping me from getting it going. But I do believe that my sub-conscious is doing it.

Have you heard of Esther and Abraham Hicks Placemat process? So we all have to do lists and we write our to-do lists and often we look at them and we go into overwhelm. Often we end up doing nothing because we are in so much overwhelm.

How her placemat process works is you have your to-do list and you get a piece of paper and divide it into two columns. At the top of the left-hand column you write, “Things I will do Today” and on the right-hand column you write, “Things I will get the Universe to do today”.

Then you divide your list into the two columns so that only the things that absolutely have to be done today goes onto the left-hand side. Then you take the time to write the rest of your to-do list out into the right-hand column and as you write each item you also write, “And I release this to the universe to do today”.

What she discovered over time was the universe was getting its stuff done quicker than she was getting her stuff done. When she moved things over to the universe side they would get done in five minutes instead of potentially an hour. So the writing of my course is one of the things I have placed on the universe side of my to do list. So when I do get to do it, I know it will take a lot less time to complete.

So I guess I can’t really say that I am in fear of anything because I try to do most things. I may not do them perfectly but I know we are all perfectly imperfect so that’s ok. I don’t like heights but I’ve still done the harbour bridge walk. Fear may put me into procrastination for a little while but I do go through it.

I have angel cards all over the house, all different types of packs, and I will ask my angel cards about why I am procrastinating about something and what is it and what else do I need to move me along.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Karen Chaston

  1. Who inspires you? Yesterday me! But if I had to pick one person it would be Tina Turner.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? I have rituals I do in the morning. I like to spend the first hour on myself. One of my favourite things to do is to put a love song on and stare into my eyes listening to the love song. So singing it to myself. My favourite one is “I wont give up” by Jason Mraz.  It even starts off with, “As I look into your eyes”.
  3. What does being fearless mean to you? Having the courage to do everything, in spite of your fear.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? There are so many things but I just love to dance and to laugh. If you’re feeling really down, just start laughing and sure it might be fake at first but once you seriously start laughing, you can’t stop and you’re going to feel great. It’s going to get you out of being down so just start dancing and start laughing.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? For women to love themselves. Who they are. And to actually find their voice.

Final Question for Karen Chaston

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

Love yourself unconditionally and stop trying to be like everyone else. Don’t listen to anyone else except the little positive voice inside of you.

Where can people reach out to you? www.karenchaston.com.au

Facebook – Karen Chaston

 

A Gift for Listeners From Karen Chaston

karen-chaston-beyond-your-worst-nightmare-ebook-v06-image-page-01_1

A downloadable copy of Karen Chaston’s book Beyond Your Worst Nightmare. This book is about overcoming what you currently perceive would be your worst nightmare and how to come back to love and gratitude from any tragedy.

The post 037: Loving who I’ve become – Karen Chaston appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Karen Chaston who shares: How the sudden passing of her son began a journey of self-discovery About listening and receiving the less... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Karen Chaston who shares: How the sudden passing of her son began a journey of self-discovery About listening and receiving the lessons in life How the answers we search for are hidden in the words we… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
036: Facing fear of public speaking – Catriona Pollard https://www.facingfears.com.au/catriona-pollard/ Mon, 21 Nov 2016 10:04:29 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2545 https://www.facingfears.com.au/catriona-pollard/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/catriona-pollard/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Catriona Pollard who shares: How she created a business shining the spotlight on other people’s stories The turning point when she realized how much her fear of public speaking was costing her The steps she took…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/catriona-pollard/">036: Facing fear of public speaking – Catriona Pollard</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
fearless-females-podcast-guest-catriona-pollard

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Catriona Pollard who shares:

  • How she created a business shining the spotlight on other people’s stories
  • The turning point when she realized how much her fear of public speaking was costing her
  • The steps she took to overcome her fears and the rewards she received
  • The day she discovered it was about the impact she can have on others by sharing her stories and expertise
  • How her fear re-surfaced for her Tedx talk and what she did about it

Tegan's Take Aways from talking with Catriona Pollard:

  1. Who am I not to be in the spotlight and share my story
  2. Where am I saying no in my life because of my fears and what is that costing me
  3. When you are overcoming a fear, start in environments where you aren’t going to fail too dramatically so that you will have a positive experience which will reinforce your confidence
  4. If you don’t put yourself into situations where you have to face your fears, nothing will change.
  5. Sometimes your fear will show up again if you still have some growth to do around it.

About Catriona Pollard

Catriona Pollard is one of Australia’s most dynamic and inspiring entrepreneurs. Her insights into personal branding, communications and entrepreneurship never fail to enlighten, entertain and inspire. Through her PR Agency, CP Communications and her acclaimed book, From Unknown To Expert, she has helped thousands of entrepreneurs build their personal brand, and use PR and social media to grow their businesses and careers.

A Gift for Listeners From Catriona Pollard

book-from-unknown-to-expert

Receive a complimentary copy of Catriona Pollards latest book ‘From Unknown to Expert’. All you have to do is cover the postage. This five-star system helps you move from a relatively unknown to an expert in your field.

Please note: there will be a charge for postage and handling

Show Notes: 036: Facing Fear of Public Speaking – Catriona Pollard

Catriona Pollard’s Fearless Story

The biggest fear I’ve had from growing up, right into adulthood was public speaking. I as a child was quite shy, I definitely still consider myself to be introverted and I never really found a place for myself in terms of sharing my voice or feeling that I was confident enough to step on stage or step out the front of the classroom.

It really did influence my career so it was something that I really, I found really impacted my career as well as my perception of myself.

I have an older sister and both of my parents are quite introverted but my sister is quite extroverted. While I’m quite expressive and very friendly I’m just not somebody that craves the spotlight.

It’s funny being a public relations expert and having spent twenty-five years in this career you would think that the type of person that does this very successfully is somebody who is ‘out there’ and is the life of the party at cocktail parties and so on.

But in fact, you have to be somebody who is happy being behind the scenes to be a good PR person because you put other people in the spotlight. You don’t put yourself there.

So, there was a moment in time where I just had to really think, “Well you know what, who am I not to be in the spotlight?” and “Who am I not to tell my stories?”

Was there a specific turning point?

I really felt like it was always something that was holding me back. Even being at school and saying that I didn’t want to be school captain because I didn’t want to be the person who stands up on stage.

The turning point for me was that I was starting to develop a profile within my industry and I just heard myself say, “No!”. No I can’t do that, no, thank you for asking but I can’t do that seminar, no thank you for asking but I don’t want to speak in front of those people. And I’m actually not a ‘No’ person. I’m very much a ‘Yes’ person. Living my life the best and the biggest I can do authentically.

It was also at a certain point in my life too where I really realised that it was kind of the right time to start pushing the boundaries within what I’m comfortable with and what I am prepared to say no to.

What were you afraid of?

Ultimately, failure. But I was feeling that saying “No” was failing as well because I wasn’t living up to my true potential. But I really think it came down to thinking that I didn’t think I had anything interesting to say and that I didn’t really think I had an interesting story. And really, from the time I decided to start working on that fear of being in the spotlight I realised it was a fear that was beyond me and beyond just learning the technique.

So I started doing a few things and the first thing I started to do was to get hypnotherapy because it was kind of like a fear of spiders or a fear of snakes or a fear of heights, it wasn’t just a technique I had to learn, I had to change the brain waves that were making the decision that I couldn’t do public speaking.

I did hypnotherapy to rewire my brain and to actually go deeper into this fear but I also got coaching. Professional speaking coaching by a woman called Mariette Rups-Donelly who’s this extraordinary coach. She is an actor as well as a presenter.

What she did was really uncover, not just the structure of how to do a presentation but more about the physicality of it as well. She got me doing crazy things like running around the room acting like a monkey and just getting me to do these really out there things but it really worked for me.

This allowed me to physically feel what it is like for my body to be on stage as well as my mind. For me that mind, body connection is really critical. It’s kind of what I do. I do a lot of meditation, I do a lot of yoga and so on and so I needed to make sure those two things were working together.

What was it like when you stepped on stage for the first time after facing your fear of public speaking?

What I realised was that you don’t have to step on stage to embrace public speaking. You can speak up in a meeting, you can start telling your stories in different ways. Everyone can re-define what it means to be in the spotlight. So for me, what I did was start small.

The thing with public speaking is that you don’t get two goes at it. It’s not like writing an article where you can then go back and edit it. You’re standing there and you’ve got to deliver. I think it’s really important that you put yourself into situations where you don’t fail too dramatically. That way you have a positive experience and you are getting positive reinforcement along the way.

For me, I did a few smaller things but then the first time I really stepped on stage was in front of a hundred people. I went there the day I was speaking with Marriette and I cried. I stepped on stage and I was so scared that I started crying and I said, “I just don’t think I can do this.” She was amazing, so supportive and she talked me through it.

It’s not about being fearless. Facing your fear is not about being fearless in any way. It’s actually about stepping into that fear by completely feeling and embracing that fear. Because when you do that, and this sound cliché but it’s so true, that’s when the transformation happens.

I did all of the practice in a way I know I have to do when I am stepping into those situations where I know I am going to feel uncomfortable. I’m like one of those ‘over practicing’ people. And when I stepped on stage that time it was, every single part of my body was trembling, not just my hands.

It was what I had decided to do though. I was ready to do it and I think that’s really critical that we don’t shy away from those things we say we are going to do. Just recently I travelled around Africa on my own and I was scared when I was getting on that plane thinking, “What if I land on an air strip and there’s nobody to pick me up and there’s lions there to eat me?”

But if you don’t do it and you don’t put yourself in that situation nothing changes in your life and I absolutely refuse to have a life where nothing changes.

How has facing the fear of public speaking changed your life?

It’s really interesting because for that particular talk I walked across the stage and I physically stood in the spotlight. There was a spotlight there and I stepped into that spotlight. I then had this amazing experience where I looked out across the hundred people and it was almost like I could see my words drift across the room, into the hearts and minds of those people.

And in that moment, I realised that my stories, my experience and my expertise could change their lives and it could change their businesses and who was I not to do that and to not share that experience and that wisdom? Who was I not to influence those people’s business’ and lives.

So I realised that standing in the spotlight and me overcoming the fear of public speaking that I had wasn’t about me, it was actually about them and about how I could influence them. It gave me this amazing experience and understanding that not everything is about you! We all know that but you know what I mean? It was bigger than me.

I’m just somebody that really likes to make the world a better place and it made me realise that this was one of my ways. Even if it’s just something as small as making somebody understand how to pitch an idea to a journalist. Or something as small as how to uncover some stories in their business that can lead them to getting a few more clients.

No matter how small it is, it’s still something and its still positive energy that can help that person. So for me it just opened up so many things and that ‘yes’ thing was kind of like letting a genie out of the bottle. It was the first of so many yes’ that are just truly filled with magic and wonder. Now, I’ve spoken overseas, I’ve spoken in Austin, and I’ve spoken all around Australia and virtually there’s not a week that goes by when I’m not speaking.

So I’ve been able to share my stories, my wisdom and expertise with thousands of people so it was a really significant change

Most Memorable Moment

The most memorable moment for me has got to be my Tedx talk. That was just insanely amazing. But you know, I had done literally hundreds and hundreds of presentations prior to being asked to do Tedx but I went through this massive confidence issue and fear of failure.

View Catriona Pollards Tedx talk "Being open to yes" talk on video here: http://www.catrionapollard.com/being-open-to-yes-tedx/

What I learnt from that was that even though you overcome what you think is your big fear it still comes up every now and then to remind you that you’ve still got growth to do and you’ve still got to overcome fear no matter what it is. That week leading up to the Tedx talk I was saying, “I don’t think I can do this? What if I forget my lines?”

I went and actually sought out a coach and a few people who knew me really well to help me practice so even though it was such an amazing achievement, I can’t even tell you how incredible it was. It was good too because it kept me real and no matter how confident you are, those type of things really keep you real.

What are you passionate about today?

I’m one of those entrepreneurs who always have a million things on the go. One of the things I am working on at the moment that was separate but is now becoming part of my business life as well, I am an artist. I do sculptural basketry where I use found, foraged, organic materials such as twigs, sticks and plants and I weave and create sculptures from those.

I have been doing that for a few years and I started when I recognised that I was starting to get burnt out and I was spending too long on the computer. I realised that I really needed to move away and feel connected to the earth and connected to nature and do something that was creative.

Over the years I’ve developed that practice. I had a solo exhibition last year and I realised that the type of work that I do and how I got into it has become something that would be interesting to share with other people. This concept around our connection with nature and our inability to disconnect from technology and how that’s impacting, not only us but also our creativity.

Also this idea around play. This idea around creating something. All of my sculptures, I’m not following a pattern, I’m literally looking at the material and listening to the material and turning it into a form which is interesting.

As adults I think we’ve really lost this ability to explore and play, which we do so beautifully as children. So that’s what I’m working on at the moment. Looking at workshops and keynotes and discussing this idea around innovation, interaction and team work but using our connection with nature and our connection with play to be able to do that.

You can see some of Catriona Pollards work at www.theartofweaving.com.au

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

I think for me it really comes down to not having enough time or enough money to do everything I want to do. That does scare me a little bit. From a fear perspective, how can I keep on doing all of these things that I want to do and feeding those into my life but still having balance.

It’s not until I’m out of balance that I recognise things like I’ve had ten colds in the last five months, that must mean I’m doing too much. So I just have to keep myself on check with that.

So, for me it’s really about time and creating that space to keep on creating new things.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Catriona Pollard

  1. Who inspires you? For me it’s more about what inspires me rather than who and for me I would have to say nature. It’s seeing the beauty in things that often go unnoticed. It’s making sure I look up from my iPhone and see that sunset or that bird flying past. Seeing the beauty in the world around us is absolutely what inspires me every day.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? I’m really lucky I live by the water but I created that luck, I don’t believe in luck just coming to you. So I go out onto my balcony and see the blue of the water every day and that’s absolutely one of my favourite things to do each day. But, this is the smallest thing to do but I love it, I have a vertical garden because I love gardens but I live in an apartment. I water my garden every day and I love it. I get to watch those things grow. It’s a really simple thing but I enjoy doing it.
  3. What's something that still scares you? It’s more of a challenge rather than something that scares me and it’s seeing my business around the longevity of it. It’s been fifteen years this year since I’ve had it and it’s that challenge of it morphing into something it’s meant to and I think it’s a fear and a challenge at the same time. The environment changes all the time and we have to change with it but also in anticipation of it changing too. There’s no room for sitting still as entrepreneurs. I remember when I realised that chaos and change are just part of my daily life and I can’t fight it, I just have to go with it. That can be a bit fearful wondering what’s going to happen when I go to work today. What client’s going to do what, and what staff member is going to do what. You just have to go with the flow of that instead of feeling that fear around that idea of change. Trust that you can handle it and if you don’t, it’s ok because another door will open. Being scared of it though, isn’t going to be helpful.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? My book – From Unknown to Expert by Catriona Pollard and an app called Insight Meditation. It’s got thousands of free meditations where anyone who is a teacher or who practices meditation can upload their own meditation. Then you just go through and pick the ones you like. You can also see how many people are meditating at the same time as you around the world so it’s like this community and I just love it.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? The world's a beautiful place but there are so many things I would like to change. As a feminist, the gender pay gap really bothers me and I’d really like to do something about that. And violence against women. But I’m an environmentalist as well and it really concerns me the impact that palm oil is having on the Orangutans in Borneo

Final Question for Catriona Pollard

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

Fourteen wow! I think I would have been sulking about why isn’t my life better as a teenager but realising that I had a really amazing childhood and upbringing. While I certainly had confidence I think it’s about thinking bigger because I can sometimes think small. In hind sight, thinking bigger is a really great thing to do.

Also, I didn’t do all that travelling in my twenties and so at fourteen I think I really should have been planning on having a gap year and going travelling instead of university. I’ve certainly made up for the travel now but I think I would have liked to have done that drunken trip around Europe like everybody else did.

Where can people reach out to you?

I own a public relations and social media consultancy where we work with organisations and entrepreneurs and start-ups, to get them media coverage and get their stories out there.

www.cpcommunications.com.au

Catriona also writes a weekly blog where she shares her thoughts and articles around creativity and the world

www.catrionapollard.com

Plus, there’s Catriona’s book which can be found at:

www.unknowntoexpert.com

 Plus all social media channels.

A Gift for Listeners From Catriona Pollard

book-from-unknown-to-expert

Receive a complimentary copy of Catriona Pollards latest book ‘From Unknown to Expert’. All you have to do is cover the postage. This five-star system helps you move from a relatively unknown to an expert in your field.

Note: there will be a charge for postage and handling

The post 036: Facing fear of public speaking – Catriona Pollard appeared first on Facing Fears.

]]>
Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Catriona Pollard who shares: How she created a business shining the spotlight on other people’s stories The turning point when she r... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Catriona Pollard who shares: How she created a business shining the spotlight on other people’s stories The turning point when she realized how much her fear of public speaking was costing her The steps she took… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
035: Your Tantra Powerhouse – Martina Hughes https://www.facingfears.com.au/martina/ Mon, 14 Nov 2016 08:45:53 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2531 https://www.facingfears.com.au/martina/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/martina/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Martina Hughes who shares: Her transformation from a chartered accountant to a tantric teacher How she overcame the lowest point in her life The power connecting with the energy within Her passion for helping others to…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/martina/">035: Your Tantra Powerhouse – Martina Hughes</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
fearless-females-podcast-guest-martina-hughes

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Martina Hughes who shares:

  • Her transformation from a chartered accountant to a tantric teacher
  • How she overcame the lowest point in her life
  • The power connecting with the energy within
  • Her passion for helping others to connect with their inner power house

Tegan's Take Aways from talking with Martina Hughes:

 

  1. No matter what happens in the outside world and no matter what happens externally I am never alone because I will always have me.
  2. The gifts I have that are most valuable in my life, are those that are on the inside of me.
  3. Knowing that there is something inside of each of us that trust that life will bring us the lessons we need and no matter how painful it is, we can find a way through.
  4. Being fearless is about recognising that often when fear shows up, it’s a signal that something is important, it’s a signal that change is coming and it’s a signal that extra fuel is needed. Connect and listen to it instead of shying away from it.
  5. Truly believe that you do have the capacity to make a difference in the world and follow where that fire takes you.

About Martina Hughes

Martina's vision is to create a world where people express themselves in an embodied and authentic way. She created Tantric Blossoming, the largest Tantric Community in Australia, 11 years ago, offering private sessions, workshops, retreats and training. Since then she has supported thousands of men and women to feel their hearts and open to sensations of aliveness throughout the body. Martina's wish for humanity is for each man and woman to know themselves as a powerhouse of love and sexual energy.

Martina leads people through practices that support transformation of relationship dynamics, so that men and women can create the fulfilling and empowering experiences they desire with each other. This includes integration of healthy masculine and healthy feminine qualities, so that people can find their inner balance, with the result of greater harmony in their relationships.

Contact Martina Hughes

A Gift for Listeners From Martina Hughes

Download your copy of the Sensuality Toolkit that explores what sensuality is, what sexuality is, and the benefits of being open in one’s orgasmic energy. It includes practices that you can do daily and then how to integrate the experience of sensuality into every-day life in your own solo experience but also how to bring more sensuality into your connection with a partner.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You may receive the occasional emails from Martina Hughes and Tantric Blossoming. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: 035: Your Tantra Powerhouse – Martina Hughes

Martina Hughes’ Fearless Story

I was a chartered accountant for many years and quite unhappily so. People’s first question of me is how I made the transition from chartered accountant to Tantra teacher because it’s not exactly a linear path from one to the other. I was very unhappy in my life as a chartered accountant and very much looking for success and gratification on the outside. I was feeling quite disillusioned with that.

Discovering that the satisfaction wasn’t in the next holiday or buying the new car, a new wardrobe or a promotion. Feeling quite disillusioned with the world I went through a variety of different personal development and healing experiences ranging from re-birthing and shiatsu through to energetic healing and a variety of other modalities.

But the thing that really brought me home to myself in a new way was going to a Tantra Retreat. With that retreat I experienced my feminine energy from the inside out for the first time. It was like I had found what I had been looking for on the outside, I found it inside of myself.

There was so much aliveness, vibrancy and bliss and I was so in touch with the fire of this orgasmic energy from within. So, it revolutionised my life in ways that I could never have expected.

The very next year I started my new life as a Tantra teacher and very much enjoyed the new path offering Tantric workshops, Tantric sessions and then leading into offering Tantric retreats and training programs.

Along that journey there were different periods of time of feeling like I had arrived and finally the life I had been looking for was here. Then I had another crisis hit around three years ago and there was another significant awakening and this time it was an awakening via crisis, my whole life fell apart.

I had just completed running a significant twelve-month training program and as that was completing I had a miscarriage. There were illnesses and breakdowns in my family, the relationship that I felt like was my ‘forever relationship’, fell apart.

So, after these experiences I went into a severe personal collapse and then of course, business started struggling as well. Plus, there were varying other conflicts in my life too. It was like my own personal and professional tsunami. Feeling everything crumbling and falling apart in front of my eyes. It was a new kind of rock bottom. I felt much lower than I’d ever felt before and my life felt very meaningless and empty.

How did you turn it around?

I found that each day I needed to focus just on my immediate needs. Each day asking myself, “What do I need today?”, “What does self-care look like today?” and “What does self-love look like today?”. “How do I support myself in the midst of all this chaos, in the midst of all this turmoil?”. “How do I learn to listen to my heart and to keep on trusting myself and find a way forward?”

During that time there was lots of rituals and lots of time for meditating and listening to myself. There were lots of walks and having alone time and journaling. Seeking out inspiration from mentors and teachers that I trust so that in the midst of feeling myself having been quite crushed, I could then experience myself blossom and open again.

And from this space, what I discovered was that no matter what happens in the outside world and no matter what happens externally I will always have me. The gifts I have that are most valuable in my life, are those that are on the inside of me.

These being, my ability to feel, my capacity for intuition, my capacity for nourishment and connection. I also discovered a quality of empathy and compassion that was far beyond anything I’d ever experienced before. I thought I was compassionate prior to all of that happening but there was a new quality of self-compassion that emerged.

This turned into a much stronger sense of compassion in all areas of life. Through all of this I discovered myself as my own unique gift of life. From that place I’ve been able to create new foundations and keep blossoming and opening to a greater capacity of myself and life and now bringing that all into sharing via my work.

What were the fears you faced during that time?

As everything was falling apart and certainly even in the months after everything falling apart was that this state of chaos was my new way of living. There was a fear that I would never recover. There was a fear that I wouldn’t have goodness and nourishment back in my life again. There was a fear that something within me had gone so wrong. That I was being abandoned by everyone and everything I’d known previously.

How did you work through those fears?

By really trusting in the parts of myself that I know to be true and doing things like daily journaling, meditation rituals, walking and self-care. With those self-care practices and pleasure practices of finding things to be grateful and joyful about each day.

I rebuilt my sense of self, from the inside out. In the process of doing that I discovered I would be ok even if there was nobody else there to support me, I knew how to support me, I knew how to create a life.

And by doing that there was a new quality of resilience that emerged. Not a resilience of toughness and that very Australian attitude that many of us have of, “I’ll be right”, “I’ll be ok” and “I can take care of myself”. Not that tough kind of resilience but the resilience that comes from within that truly knows the power of self.

I guess I’ve been through significant transformations a lot in my life and this one was the most painful and the most significant. But having had a variety of significant transformations there is something inside of me that trusts that life will bring me the lessons I need and that no matter how painful it is, I can find my way through those challenging times.

Most Memorable Moment

I would say very recently, actually in the last three months in particular. I just recently facilitated a five-day retreat in Byron with twenty-four people and it was the most incredible five-day experience I’ve ever facilitated. It’s a retreat I call ‘Walking on the Edge’.

The idea is, creating the opportunity for people to have personal breakthroughs and to walk over those edges of those places where there’s been fear and resistance in their life. Feeling myself facilitate in that space recently and feeling my feminine love and fierceness, compassion and devotion to transformation and humanity so awake, alive and on fire.

At the same time feeling my own masculine strength, direction and capacity to hold this structure really potent and alive. Knowing that all of those things, it’s me bringing this personal and professional transformation to a whole new level.

What are you passionate about today?

I’ve also just recently launched a twelve-month training program called Tantric Alchemy Trainings. Some people will journey with me for twelve months and some people will journey for two years. This is a training program I have offered in the past but with all of these transformations that have happened, for me the training has been completely revolutionised.

I have the most incredible group of twenty-one people who’ve registered for this training and a lot of them will go on to work with me for a two-year period so that they can become facilitators themselves.

So I feel really inspired and excited about all the new training materials I am preparing for them. The platform of which the training is being offered is I believe there are three necessary components for a flourishing life. Those three components are:

  1. The activation of sexual energy in the body because that helps us to be in touch with our power, a deeper source of our life force. To know that what we’ve been looking for lives inside of us and the energy, the power, that life force, can be awakened through sexual energy practices.
  2. The healing and release techniques for past wounding and past trauma. If that’s not addressed then that will cause people to trip up, to get stuck, to be unable to move forward in life.
  3. The self-love and self-care practices. Without that foundation of self-love and self-care, people can get stuck in their wounding or they can get stuck in the destructive elements of a sexual energy.

So the self-love creates a healthy foundation of which people can grow into maturity and discernment and a healthy expression of sexual energy and also bring their wisdom to healing the parts that really need to be healed and to know which parts need to be healthily walked away from. When to apply boundaries and when to utilise one’s masculine energy, when to utilise one’s feminine energy.

This template for a flourishing life that includes these three components, I’m really excited about that.

Any advice on how someone can face their fears of talking about their sexual energy?

The first thing to do is to make the distinction between sexual energy and the act of sex because the act of sex is engaging in intercourse with a partner or self-pleasure/masturbation for yourself and, of course, they are beautiful things to enjoy.

Those acts will always be limited unless the sexual energy is available and has the ability to free flow through the body. So, when I speak about sexual energy is equivalent to life force energy and in different traditions some people refer to it as Kundalini or Prana or Chi.

Essentially it’s our vitality for life, it’s our capacity to feel, to animate, to be in touch with our power, to feel our love, to feel our presence, to be able to radiate energy and to be able to be receptive to energies. So, sexual energy is essential to living a healthy life.

Sexual energy is so much more than the act of sex. When people understand this they can connect with sexual energy as fuel for life. The way I see it now days is most people are attempting to run their lives without having fuel in their vehicles.

So if you think of the body as the vehicle, and sexual energy as the fuel, most people are trying to push their vehicle through life using their head to push and struggle and trying to think and control their way through things. Rather than truly feeling and being inspired and animated from within.

And you don’t have to be an extrovert?

I would say that I have an equal amount of introverts and extroverts who are drawn to the work. Often it will be for different reasons, on the surface, but underlying, most men and most women in today’s society desire a deeper level of love and connection.

We live in a world that is missing real conversations about what love and connection is, what it feels like, how it is to truly embody sexual energy and loving presence, to bring compassion and care and respect and meaning to connection with each other.

I find that by coming to this work it drops a lot of the barriers because the other big divide that we’re up against right now is that women and men have different experiences. Women walk around saying, “Men don’t want real connection” and then men walk around going, “Women aren’t interested in the type of connection I want.”

But when people come into these spaces they have the opportunity to say, “Oh, actually the gender divide isn’t as big as we thought” and people get to see the truth that is men and women, introverts and extroverts, it doesn’t matter who people are, everyone equally desires real quality of love and connection.

The fact that there’s no real sex education in our society. The fact that there’s an absence of quality connections and quality information about how to transform connections means that people are pleasantly surprised when they come to this work.

What’s something in your future plan(s) that scares you a little bit?

I have a vision of touching millions of hearts around the world and for each man and each woman to know that they are their own powerhouse of love and sexual energy. When people truly get that that comes from the inside then they can live a much more empowered life.

So that’s the big picture vision for me. There’s some gaps in the, ‘How to achieve that’ so at the moment I know that every person whos life I touch they go and share this work and this inspiration with many others so there is very much an organic multiplying effect at the moment.

But I would say my fear is around not fully realising that vision of touching millions of hearts around the world. However, I say it’s a fear and yet underneath that there’s a deeper part of me that trusts it will be realised.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Martina Hughes

  1. Who inspires you? Brene Brown is one of my favourite writers and speakers. I really love her work on vulnerability and that everything she does is so real and human and lots of love and authenticity in everything that she does.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? To stop, to pause and just put my hands on my body and breathe and feel my own energy from the inside.
  3. What's something that still scares you? Public speaking. It scares me and I totally love it at the same time. One of my desires is to be on big global stages and it also terrifies me and yet I totally love it.
  4. Favourite technique/app/book? Just recently I read a book called Love Warrior by Glennon Doyle Melton and what I really loved about the way Glennon writes is that it’s very raw and it’s very much coming from a basis of being very connected to her feelings. Often when people write, they polish it up and make it tidy for the public and there was a quality of rawness and authenticity in her writing that really spoke to me and it’s similar to the way I like to communicate.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? I would empower people to trust themselves and to feel their love, their sexual energy and their power from the inside. When people connect with their power from within we have a much more liberated world. We have a world where there’s a whole lot more love, people are giving rather than taking and people are free to share and connect in new ways. It would just be so, so beautiful to see and feel that.

What does being fearless mean to you?

Being fearless to me is, it’s not denying fear, it’s recognising that often when fear is present in the body it’s a signal that something is important, it’s a signal that change is coming and it’s a signal that extra fuel is needed. So being fearless is being able to turn those feelings into fuel and a greater capacity for living and then being able to move that energy through the body, embody it, and move forward in whatever needs to happen.

Final Question for Martina

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

Believe in yourself and really listen to the fire that burns inside and the desire to make a difference in the world. I feel as though that was alive in me from a very young age and at different times I doubted it and at different times I switched it off.

Truly believe that you do have the capacity to make a difference in the world and to follow where that fire takes her.

Where can people reach out to you? www.tantricblossoming.com

Facebook – Tantric Blossoming OR Martina Hughes

A Gift for Listeners From Martina Hughes

Download your copy of the Sensuality Toolkit that explores what sensuality is, what sexuality is, and the benefits of being open in one’s orgasmic energy. It includes practices that you can do daily and then how to integrate the experience of sensuality into every-day life in your own solo experience but also how to bring more sensuality into your connection with a partner.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You may receive the occasional emails from Martina Hughes and Tantric Blossoming. You can unsubscribe at any time.

The post 035: Your Tantra Powerhouse – Martina Hughes appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Martina Hughes who shares: Her transformation from a chartered accountant to a tantric teacher How she overcame the lowest point in ... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Martina Hughes who shares: Her transformation from a chartered accountant to a tantric teacher How she overcame the lowest point in her life The power connecting with the energy within Her passion for helping others to… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
034: Empowerment and Apologies – Marisa Russo https://www.facingfears.com.au/marisa/ Mon, 07 Nov 2016 06:54:53 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2503 https://www.facingfears.com.au/marisa/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/marisa/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Marisa Russo who shares: How she overcame a childhood of abuse The power of hearing an apology Healing through connecting with your feelings Empowering women through dignity, value and humanity Tegan's Take Aways from talking with…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/marisa/">034: Empowerment and Apologies – Marisa Russo</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
fearless-females-podcast-guest-marisa-russo

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Marisa Russo who shares:

  • How she overcame a childhood of abuse
  • The power of hearing an apology
  • Healing through connecting with your feelings
  • Empowering women through dignity, value and humanity

Tegan's Take Aways from talking with Marisa Russo:

  1. It takes an immense amount of courage to decide to face your past and it won’t be easy but it will be worth it
  2. By finding the truth and then making sense of it, you can then acknowledge what happened to you, which will banish inner anguish and confusion.
  3. Most women have been conditioned to disconnect from their feelings but feelings are your inner guidance system. They tell you when something is right or wrong. Start connecting today by asking yourself, “How do I feel right now?”
  4. Receiving a genuine apology for what has happened to you can heal even the deepest wounds – and it doesn’t have to come from the perpetrator(s).
  5. If I’m afraid to show up as me, and I’m shut down, you can’t see me which means you can’t connect with me, you can’t love me and you can’t trust me. Having the courage to be vulnerable and open then allows others the opportunity to see, love and trust who we truly are.

About Marisa Russo

Marisa Russo, founder of Forensic Healing and author of Freeing the Unloved Girl is an international award-winning teacher, author, speaker and alternative therapist. She’s been pursuing her mission to heal herself and others for 30 years. The media refer to Marisa as the ‘Sherlock Holmes of Healing’. She has a mind that never stops questioning, digging for answers and solutions. She thrives on solving the most challenging health conditions and life circumstances.
After working with thousands of clients over the years, Marisa knows the mind-set, the healing processes, and techniques that really work to help people heal.

Contact Marisa Russo

A Gift for Listeners From Marisa Russo

Gain access to a four-part video starter course of the award-winning Forensic Healing Structured Natural Therapy System combining science and intuition to release pain, stress, and long term conditions fast. Uncover the patterns you run in your life, the ages they were embedded and some simple healing techniques to begin your healing journey.

Show Notes: 034: Empowerment and apologies – Marisa Russo

Marisa Russo’s Fearless Story

My childhood was very dysfunctional, very abusive and I was very disconnected. My father would beat us, me particularly, he didn’t like me because I didn’t really like him and he knew I didn’t like him. He also sexually abused me. So, it was just dysfunctional and I struggled to get through that.

I just remember feeling scared, fearful and just hated myself and hated my life. Then when I became a teenager I rebelled and when I reached my twenties I would seek ways to block the pain through alcohol, drugs, sex and whatever it was. Then I was at such a low point. I was crazily living in Italy and I prayed, because I was religious back then, I prayed to God because I did have a spiritual experience when I was around eight as a child.

So I got on my knees and prayed to God and then I ended up finding the Mormons and that cleaned me out because you didn’t drink, you didn’t smoke, you lived this pure life, there’s no swearing and no pre-marital sex. That really started to get me back to connection.

But the whole journey was really feeling like I was living in a hell. I had this instinct to get out of the hell some way but then I had instinct to want to kill myself and die because I hated the pain so much. So it was just this craziness and somehow I was led.

You know, you get led to one place and one person and you learn what you have to learn or experience what you have to experience and you just keep moving but it’s never smooth, it’s never easy and it’s taken, I must say, a lot of courage and a lot of determination to tell myself that I could feel better, I could have joy and I could be free.

How did you get through that situation?

Fortunately, I never ended up with a partner that was physically abusive but the abuse as a child, I think I just really disconnected but it was almost like, mind over matter. It was like my father, was trying to beat me into submission in a way to say, “I want to control you and you are going to do what I say and you’re going to love me.”

I would just look at him and say to myself, “I’m not going to like you, no matter what you do”. You can’t make me like you. But I guess, I can’t really say that I did anything. It’s just a natural thing to disconnect from childhood and I stayed disconnected until I reached my thirties and forties.

When I was connected emotionally and spiritually it was dramatic. I physically had this reaction on the table of getting a healing and in that moment that I got off the table I could read thoughts, I could feel thoughts, I would physically move to someone’s thought. It was like energy was running fiercely through my body but I could also feel energy and it was quite amazing.

That was an alternative healing I had in the beginning of my forties. I went through this journey of trying to get out of the hell I was living. This emotional hell in my mind turned into physical pain. I couldn’t bear it some times. I wanted to end my life from the physical pain I was in.

It was sort of a manifestation from car accidents and all the emotional pain that had been stuck inside my body and my body couldn’t contain or hold this in for much longer. And so I began to be more and more open and I got to a point where it got so bad that I said to myself, “I don’t care anymore. If you can help me I will try it”. That’s why I moved over to alternate healing. Also, I had left the Mormon church and so I was more free to try other things.

How did you turn that all around?

I couldn’t sit down any longer. I had done about ten years in the British BP head office and I just couldn’t sit down for a full day any more. I just couldn’t do it. So I left and then started to look at different ways of getting an income and after I had my very first kinesiology healing, what convinced me to go down that path was I saw this guy when I was in Queensland.

I was at an Anthony Robbins seminar and my neck was so bad I couldn’t sit in the seminar and I wasn’t concentrating. Someone said, “Go see this guy, he’s weird, different” and so I did. Anyway, he used some sort of kinesiology and I don’t know what he did but all I know is I walked out of there I couldn’t believe how different I felt.

He didn’t actually touch my neck either. I was used to more conventional therapies. And then I said to him, “Who can I see in Melbourne?” He sent me to his instructor who I went to see him and the moment I got on the table this guy said to me, before I had told him anything, “Oh yes, you were sexually abused at the age of six by your father” and then he started to name all these other things and I looked at him. He said, “I’m not psychic, this is a science and I have a course that starts next week.” So I said, “Well, sign me up”.

I just knew intuitively that I needed to go deeper into a more spiritual aspect of myself. I needed to just go deeper and that was the path I had tried to heal myself of the physical pain but what it really did was also heal my soul, my spirit and my emotions that were really very traumatised. My soul was very shattered and that was the beginning of something great.

But it wasn’t easy. It’s not like you get on the table and you feel great. In fact, getting on the table and looking at what’s happened to you is very scary. You have to have a lot of courage and know that you’ve got to do it. There were times when my body physically knew it was facing the fears and I was a mess even before.

That particular healing that I talked about where I actually started to feel energy, I was in the bathroom an hour before that healing, a mess on the floor. My body just knew it was about to face the fears. But I stayed on that table and I just go, “I’ve got to do it!”

What’s happened since you faced those fears?

Well, it’s enlightened me a lot. It’s true, the truth really does set you free. I was naturally like that. I look back on my life and I was a bit of a truth seeker. I remember when I had the visions come back to say that I was sexually abused because I didn’t know. Then I started to put pieces together and I would want to find out truth and see if it was true.

I went back to the house where I was sexually abused and knocked on the door and then I wrote my dad a letter and then we did physically meet up. I had to get this clarity. I had to know if it was really true and if it’s what really happened.

By finding the truth, and then making sense of it, on the other side of it is really acknowledgement that it happened and acknowledgment that it makes sense why you’re a basket case. I used to always plead guilty on the grounds of temporary insanity.

“Why did you do that?” I was insane at the time. Insane things are done to you, act insane. The other side of that is really, I’ve gone deep into looking at my own stuff and I created Forensic Healing. We’re detectives of someone’s life and energy field. That has freed me and now I teach that to others and I read their energy fields.

Now I sit there and I look at the world and why we’re in the mess that we’re in and what works and what doesn’t and then I just see that I have a mission to, in my way, bring back humanity. And I see it through healing women. They’re the ones with great healing abilities, power and they’re the ones who have suffered the most. They’re the ones who are being disrespected and abused.

So if you bring that back and get them restored to dignity and self, that they know they’re worthy and respect then they will not tolerate the injustices that are done on the planet. They won’t tolerate injustices done to them or their children.

So that’s why I have drive, I have ambition, I have courage and I have this, it’s unrelenting. I cannot do anything else.

How do you know when you ‘have’ to do something?

Well, this is what I do teach. I tell people to start connecting with their feelings because you don’t know how you feel unless you ask yourself, “How am I feeling?” and most women have been disconnected and they aren’t used to saying, “Oh, I feel like this and I am going to follow it.” They’re used to ignoring their feelings and making sure everyone else is ok.

The moment you actually start asking yourself, “How am I feeling?” and you practice following your feelings and acknowledging your feelings you start to feel more guided and more connected because you have a GPS inside of you. It’s your intuition and it will take you to what you really love and it will take you to what you should be doing. It will take you to meeting of the right people and it will protect you.

It’s actually a gift to be able to feel and it’s a gift to then connect with people and feel emotionally fulfilled. When someone is being emotional it’s telling them something. It can tell them a few things. It might tell them that there’s a trigger that’s coming to them from someone else that’s putting them out of balance or it’s telling them what they’re doing that’s not right or this person isn’t a good person.

They need to be able to understand what their feelings and emotions are telling them and when you get more clear on that it can make you heal or it can protect you and take you to that right place.

Your scariest experience?

The most, of all the scary things I’ve done, the scariest was facing my dad when I met with him one on one. I wrote him a letter saying that I wanted an apology and so I was invited to his house when I was in his state and we were there, just me and him.

I was scared, so scared. It was like I was back in childhood and I went back to that feeling because I hadn’t healed myself at that point. And he said, “You want me to say sorry?” and he pulled out of his pocket, a letter and he handed it to me and I started reading it. It was twenty reasons he was sorry that I was ever born.

It was, “I’m sorry you were a whore, I’m sorry you joined a cult and I’m sorry…” It was so negative and so shocking and here I was wanting him to say he was sorry for what he did to me and he did that. I just remember screwing up the letter and I threw it on the floor and I was trying to get out of his house.

Of all my memories that would have to rank right up there with fear pumping through me and feeling like I was back in my childhood. Yet, from the outside looking in, that would potentially be one of your most fearless moments too? Yes.

What are the gifts you received from that experience?

When I look at my life, and because I analyse it a lot and I ask myself, “What can I get from that?” or “What do I understand from that?” and in that moment it has probably been one of my most powerful in the way I now heal someone.

It actually is making me emotional (teary) right now because when I heal and I hear the most shocking stories of women, I’m ok and I can hear the story but there’s a part when I am healing them, when I will say I’m sorry. And in that moment when I say I’m sorry to them, I really mean it, and then I acknowledge what’s been done. My saying sorry is probably the first apology they’ve ever got and I’ve healed people in those mere words.

I’ve got story after story of when they’re on the table and we have that one on one. It takes that burden off them when someone finally says, “I shouldn’t have been abused.”

I had a lady who’s father would beat her and then put her head in a bucket of water and as an adult, she couldn’t even go swimming. She’d even had shock treatment and everything done to her (which shouldn’t have been done) but that [my saying sorry] healed her and she wrote to me to say that she can now go swimming.

So that is what that experience taught me was that I now realise the power of an apology.

A memorable moment?

A really good one, that I have written about in my book, was in 2011 I went to the States (USA) and we invited people to come and watch me heal. One, that’s very scary to see if someone is going to heal or not, in front of a big audience, and that taught me a lot.

But the best thing was, I was sitting in the Agape Centre which is where Michael Beckwith from the Secret and I was at his congregation on a Sunday. He does about four a day, each with over 2000 people per session. I was sitting there and he pointed me out in the crowd. Someone had told him about the healings I had been doing and so he’d heard about me and he identified that must be me and he invited me up on stage to talk.

Apparently, he never does that and in that moment he endorsed me and he said he had heard about me. What that did was give me confirmation of my mission and what I’m here to do and validate me. It’s not often that alternative healers get validated. Once upon a time they’d be burnt at the stake for being intuitive and healing. That was very memorable for me.

What is the title of the book by Marisa Russo?

Well I’ve written a book called “Freeing the Unloved Girl” by Marisa Russo and it’s got parts of my story in it but it’s also got some exercises. So it takes them on a journey and I make sure it’s got some humour in it and I make sure it’s not too dark, I want to lift someone up.

So it goes through this journey of looking at what’s happened to you and really looking at your life or your childhood and getting very clear on that and then moving to expressing yourself and it’s got phases in the book that just keep on taking you higher and higher. Then it’s got some words that bring back beauty, and kindness and healing in your energy fields.

What are you passionate about today?

Well, most joy is when I see humanity really. So I see it when I hear someone’s story. They might be in a healing session or a workshop and I hear their story and I see them cry and I see the pain it has caused them. To then know that I can move them and that this can change, that’s exciting. So I don’t feel hopeless. Instead, I feel good because we know what we can do.

Then seeing them come out of a workshop or out of a healing, completely transformed and feeling that whatever the grief in their body, and the sorrow, and the sadness has moved, that’s what excites me.

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

Wow, you’ve just made me feel so emotional. I’ve never had this question asked of me and it’s bringing up a lot of emotion. So, this is my answer…not achieving what my mission is. Not being able to break through the glass ceiling that women have. Not being given an opportunity to reach out and do what I’m here to do – heal women and elevate the dignity of women and be able to bring humanity to the planet.

That would be my fear and that is why you’ve caused me to get very emotional. I’ve never been asked that but that would be it.

[Tegan then shares her fear of not achieving all she has to do and how she gets through that fear by having faith that she has all the tools she needs to do the job and whatever else she needs will be provided for her when she needs it.]

That’s the other thing we need to be though. We need to be vulnerable. People struggle being vulnerable because vulnerable means opening up. Of course, when you open up and you share your feelings people struggle with that because then they think their feelings can be abused and people can betray them.

I say to people that when you get to that point where you can be vulnerable, that means people can see you. If I’m shut down you can’t see me because you can’t feel me and you don’t know who I really am, so therefore you people won’t trust me.

Then I say, but that is your gift. You can also feel someone else and then you can feel in and say, “Who can I trust?” with that vulnerability. That makes it safe. I say to people that being vulnerable keeps me safe because I can feel others and I can read them and I’ve been betrayed enough in my life that I should be an expert in it.

I say to people, if you’ve been betrayed then you should be an expert in it and be able to see the traits and where you keep making that mistake and it’s a gift to feel and have that joy and connect and just live.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Marisa Russo:

  1. Who inspires you? Oprah, because of what she’s been up against and I love that she’s had such a huge impact on the planet as a woman. I love Abraham Hicks, I think their teachings are awesome. I think anyone who is a strong woman and I guess each person that I meet, the one’s that turn up to my workshops and I think, “Wholly cow, what you’ve overcome, you inspire me.” So we inspire each other. When I see empowered women who just go and do what they’ve got to do.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? Would be to grab my ‘Mumma’s boy’ and then I kiss him to death. He’s actually a little bit famous. He has video’s and an article in a magazine. My Mumma’s Boy, which is my cat, that would be it, to hang out with him.
  3. What's something that still scares you? Negative energy. People that have dark, negative energy and want to get mad at me, that does scare me. Because I am vulnerable, right, because I am open. That’s what I practice is being open and a good conduit so I’m scared of being stuck in a workshop or something, it doesn’t scare me as much because I’ve worked out how to work it but you do get people that want to blame you. And because we get to the truth of where all your stuff comes from and face it, people can get angry at that and so I start to look at, “I’m the creator and I’m the attractor and I need to attract really awesome women” and generally I do but that is something that scares me.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? I do have a set of cards on my phone and I’ll find a message and it will be a really awesome message and it tells me something. It brings me peace or makes me aware of something. I love my healing cards and those ones are called John Holland and they’re amazing.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? Definitely would be to restore dignity and value to women and bring back equality and let them know they’re worthy and they need to be respected. I believe that would make a big shift because then they would be leading in the world and would be making kind decisions. That’s what I would go and do.

Final Question for Marisa Russo

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

Your life does have a purpose and that you are loved and that you are worthy and I would just build confidence. I would tell that little girl, all the good things that she needed to hear and that being abused is wrong, that this isn’t right and that someone should fight for you so that you know you are worth more than this.

BONUS: Energy card chosen from Psychic Healer John Hollands deck of cards – Power – As a spiritual being you have unlimited power at your command. This card represents inner strength, willpower, courage, generosity, and love. At any moment these beautiful qualities can assist you in coping with an adverse condition in front of you or the many surrounding in your life.

What you offer Tegan is that power to them as well. You’re saying we’re here for you, these other women are here for you, you can unite and be a strength together to have power and be inspired by someone to overcome what you’ve overcome and when you hear other people’s stories you say, “Well, they did it, I can do it too.” This message is exactly what you are offering and this is the message for anyone that is listening.

Where can people reach out to you?

www.forensichealing.com

Facebook Group – Forensic Healing

A Gift for Listeners From Marisa Russo

Gain access to a four-part video starter course of the award-winning Forensic Healing Structured Natural Therapy System combining science and intuition to release pain, stress, and long-term conditions fast. Uncover the patterns you run in your life, the ages they were embedded and some simple healing techniques to begin your healing journey.

The post 034: Empowerment and Apologies – Marisa Russo appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Marisa Russo who shares: How she overcame a childhood of abuse The power of hearing an apology Healing through connecting with your ... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Marisa Russo who shares: How she overcame a childhood of abuse The power of hearing an apology Healing through connecting with your feelings Empowering women through dignity, value and humanity Tegan's Take Aways from talking with… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
033: Marital Rape is Real – Shanon Lee https://www.facingfears.com.au/shanon/ Sun, 30 Oct 2016 17:11:49 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2491 https://www.facingfears.com.au/shanon/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/shanon/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Shanon Lee who shares: Her experience of marital rape and assault How she went from being a survivor to being an activist Her drive and ambition to use her art to help others Where she takes…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/shanon/">033: Marital Rape is Real – Shanon Lee</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
fearless-females-podcast-shanon-lee

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Shanon Lee who shares:

  • Her experience of marital rape and assault
  • How she went from being a survivor to being an activist
  • Her drive and ambition to use her art to help others
  • Where she takes her inspiration from
  • How to thrive after experiencing domestic violence/sexual assault

Tegan's Take Aways from talking with Shanon Lee:

  1. Be a better role model for your children, friends and family by choosing not to live in fear
  2. Even if you are a risk taker it’s still scary to put yourself out there but you choose not to let your fears win
  3. What could you do if you put your mind to it and didn’t let anyone else stop you?
  4. Fear can be a positive thing like in Shanon’s case where her fear of not accomplishing all she was put here to do, is what continues to drive her forward
  5. It’s important to start your day with something positive and a ritual to get you grounded and get your mind straight. Shanon’s is read, write a mantra, say your mantra to yourself in the mirror and then write two pages of a positive statement about your future starting with “I am”.

About Shanon Lee

Shanon Lee is an American Writer, Journalist, Activist, Filmmaker and Media Personality with features on HuffPost Live, The Wall Street Journal, Real Simple and an upcoming docuseries for the REELZ Channel. Her work appears on digital publications including The Huffington Post, The Washington Post, Cosmopolitan, Good Housekeeping, ELLE, Marie Claire and Redbook. Shanon is a Women’s Media Center SheSource Expert and an official member of the Speakers Bureau for the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network (RAINN). She is the writer, producer and director of MARITAL RAPE IS REAL, a short film that raises awareness for survivors of sexual assault.

Contact Shanon Lee

A Gift for Listeners From Shanon Lee & Facing Fears

A link through to the 10 Powerful Life Lessons from the book The Alchemist which is all about achieving your dreams. It’s written by Thai Nguyen AND as a bonus you can also download a poster of those 10 Life Lessons.

Your contact details will not be shared with anyone else. You may receive occasional emails from Tegan Mathews and Facing Fears. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: Episode 033: Marital Rape is Real – Shanon Lee

Shanon Lee’s Fearless Story

Really it all started when I was twenty-one. I was in college but I was also married at the time. I experienced, while I was on vacation, my husband raped me. Then about two weeks later, he physically assaulted me.

This was while I was in the process, I had just served him, divorce papers. It was in response to that. So, as you can imagine, that was really traumatic. It set off a huge change in my life where I had to work out my next step, how to regroup, how to go on, rebound and how to live by myself. I was also a military dependent at the time too.

So really, that’s the basis for a lot of the things that I advocate for. I work with organisations that help other survivors of sexual assault and domestic violence.

Where there any signs prior to the event, that was going to happen?

It was a young relationship and so I can definitely say that it was a volatile relationship in terms of how we interacted when we had any type of disagreements, but it had never been that physically violent. So, I can’t say that there were any specific signs that he would go on to rape me but it wasn’t the healthiest relationship.

How did you turn that experience around?

Initially when it happened, and for years afterwards I can honestly say that I went into survivor mode which happens often if you’ve been through any type of a crisis. So I really just focussed on the basics like making sure I could look after myself financially.

I ended up going back to school. I moved across the country. At the time I was living in California and I am originally from Virginia so I moved back to be with my family and be near my support system.

It wasn’t until a decade, at least, later until I really started to talk about it publicly. I had shared it with close friends and family but it didn’t occur to me that I could do anything positive with my story, share it with others, and be able to help them, until some time later.

What were the steps you took to turn this experience into a positive?

I would say that I focused on taking care of me. So initially and through all of this time I was just really trying to evolve into a better version of myself, the type of person I wanted to be, and focus on a lot of my personal goals.

I really started talking about what happened to me publicly when my former husband contacted me. I had a website up at the time. I was working in music and he contacted me through the website. It wasn’t a positive interaction, he ended up harassing me for a little bit online.

I really started thinking about the fact that this person had no remorse, but also thinking about the things that happen after the fact for survivors and everything that we have to go through. There were also some things going on in the media at the time.

There was a young woman, a teenager that had been drugged and raped at a party. A lot of the images of the attack were posted online and she decided to take her power back. She didn’t want to be portrayed as a victim so she did a media tour where she did different interviews.

This was a teenager so certainly, I’m an adult and if I can find a way to share my story, I know that it will help some one. Even if it’s one person, it will be worth it to me. So that’s really how it came about that I started. Going back to something that was natural to me which was to express myself through art.

So I started writing and I had an essay published and then everything kind of spiralled from there.

What fears did you have to face during that period of time?

I really considered him to be a dangerous person. There were certainly times when the feelings would come back and I would worry about him finding out where I lived. There was a period of intimidation after I pressed charges for the assault. I didn’t press charges for the rape but he was arrested for attacking me physically after I served him divorce papers.

Right after that happened there were some things that occurred like he would leave his car in my cul-de-sac after I had moved to a different location just to be a silent reminder that, “I can find you”. I was vulnerable and living alone at the time.

Certainly I had some fears that he might find me at some point but I always had a hope that he would go on to become a better person. But I knew he had not changed if he hadn’t found a way to contact me. My parents still lived in the same home for many, many years, with the same phone number as when we were married.

So I always told myself that if he had any level of decency he would at least contact me through my parents, send some sort of a message that he was remorseful and that he was sorry. That really never happened.

But yeah, I think it’s always in the back of your mind as a survivor that you have experienced someone harming you and if it was a case where you weren’t able to successfully prosecute them, again, I never pressed charges for rape, you always feel like you’re vulnerable to a certain extent.

How do you protect yourself and deal with that?

Well I don’t want to live in fear. So it’s a constant battle, sometimes it’s easier than others. Obviously I’m a very public person now so it’s about balance. But I challenge myself to not live in fear. I know that’s not what I want for myself and I model that for my children, I’m a mother as well (of four children).

Memorable Moments

There have been many. I certainly love it. The first time I had an essay published about sexual assault I experienced such an outpouring from other women who had gone through, unfortunately, the same situation. Some of them were still in marriages or intimate relationships where they were actively being abused.

While it was really, really sad, it emphasised for me, a need for me to be vocal because I’m at a place in my healing where I can do that and others may not be able to do so. But recently I was also invited to film a segment for the Reelz Channel show called, “Scandal Made Me Famous”.

They have an episode where they re-visit the Lorena Bobbitt case and it is, certainly in America, one of the most highlighted case of domestic violence. While I was doing the taping, I really understood that I have come full circle, that I have come from being someone who was victimised to someone who is able to advocate for others and to someone who is seen as an authority on the topic. That was a really special moment for me.

What are you passionate about today?

I’m passionate about so many things. I have a large family and I really enjoy that interaction and being in a long term, healthy relationship. I have been in this relationship for over five years and I don’t have a lot of the same issues I used to have. I’ve learned so much about relationships in myself and done so much work.

I didn’t specifically go to counselling but I went through a mental health graduate program. So I was still able to do the work and really and deconstruct what was going on for me personally and make a lot of positive changes.

Now I’m an art activist. I’m really passionate about both writing and making films. I have a short film out right now called, “Marital Rape is Real”. That’s a project that is being considered for the 2017 season at PBS and so I’m hoping that will work out. I’m very positive about that.

It’s also been submitted to various different film festivals and I’m able to partner with different non-profit organisations and kind of lend the film out to be screened when they have events. That’s something that’s really special to me.

I’m also working on a documentary called, “Art as a voice” which features five different art activists that are also survivors of domestic violence, sexual assault, or both. So, it’s been really important for me to not just put my story out there but to highlight the stories of others who have been through similar experiences. Where they can share their perspective as well.

I’ve recently been invited to attend a writers seminar at the Pointer Institute which is a journalism school here, in St Petersburg, Florida. So I’m going to be mentored and I’m going to be learning how to write opp eds (?) and really focus on journalism.

This is something that’s new for me in terms of writing and so I’m really excited about the direction my writing career is taking as well.

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

I think even if you are a risk taker, it’s always scary to put yourself out there. There are so many things I am involved in, especially when it comes to film making where I have to be the head of the project and the face of the project. There’s always this pressure that you have to get this thing done.

So I’m so focussed on completing it, making sure it’s funded, making sure that everyone who has contributed has been paid for their talent and their efforts. Certainly, I am still fairly new to this so there it’s definitely scary to think, “This is such a huge challenge, I hope I can get it done”.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Shanon Lee

  1. Who inspires you? My older relatives, in particular my Great Grandmother Goldie who is no longer with us but she was the matriarch of our family. I come from a really large family and she was a serial entrepreneur. She did hair, would bake and sell pies, she had a laundry service she ran out of her house, she would clean other people’s homes. Not only was she smart about business and money but she was just super talented. She could make her own furniture. She lived during a time, not when it was just difficult for black women but it was difficult for women in general to be taken seriously, to do things like own land and she would, back then, buy and flip homes. Or she would purchase homes, have them renovated and then rent them. So she was able to build her dream home. Her husband was an alcoholic who was always trying to sabotage her plans but she rose above that and gave all of her children the opportunity to go to college. She was a huge example of what you can be if you put your mind to it and don’t let anything stop you.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? I start my day with a little cuddle session. I have a toddler so when her older brothers go off to school, we just have that special time together before I start my hectic part of the day.
  3. What's something that still scares you? I would have to say that I am driven by the fear of not accomplishing everything I was put on this earth to do. So I’m really propelled by wanting to make sure that I pursue anything that interests me, anything I might have a talent in. I don’t want to be one of these people who grows older and have regrets. I’ve been close to a number of my older relatives and so I’ve heard some of those stories of regret and I never want to be that person.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? This is a book that I give away to anyone who is going through any type of transition or if I have a relative or a friend that is graduating I give away a copy of “The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho. That book is just rich in life lessons. It’s a quick read but I love to give away that book. In terms of a technique, I would say that I have more of a ritual. I think it’s important to start your day off with something positive and some type of ritual. I get up and I read. I have a little devotional but even a motivational book will work. But I will read for a period, I will write some sort of mantra for myself for that day. I have a little notebook that has a mirror attached to it and I will say that mantra to myself and then I will do a little conditioning work. I write at least two pages of a sentence that is an affirmative statement and starts with, “I am…” If I have a goal that I want in the future, I will state it as if it has already happened. It’s something that grounds me, and I think it’s just a great way to start the day.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? Well I’m based in the US right now and we’re having our presidential election and there’s so much negativity and so much division. There have been a range of incidents involving police violence and now through the presidential race there is a story coming out about one of the candidates involving sexual assault. So I think it’s a really triggering time for the country and I know there are a lot of other countries that are looking at us and wondering, “What is going on?” So, if I could wave a wand and fix that I definitely would. Just all of the division that is going on in my country right now.

Final Question for Shanon Lee

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

I would tell my fourteen-year-old self to ignore boys and to really just focus on getting yourself to a point where you can just travel and explore the world and just focus on yourself. I had a really solid foundation growing up. My father was in the military so we did get to travel often and have a lot of experiences that others don’t always have and I know how much travel enriches your life

Where can people reach out to you? 

www.mylove4writing.com

Facebook – My love 4 writing

A Gift for Listeners From Shanon Lee & Facing Fears

A link through to the 10 Powerful Life Lessons from the book The Alchemist which is all about achieving your dreams. It’s written by Thai Nguyen AND as a bonus you can also download a poster of those 10 Life Lessons.

Your contact details will not be shared with anyone else. You may receive occasional emails from Tegan Mathews and Facing Fears. You can unsubscribe at any time.

The post 033: Marital Rape is Real – Shanon Lee appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Shanon Lee who shares: Her experience of marital rape and assault How she went from being a survivor to being an activist Her drive ... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Shanon Lee who shares: Her experience of marital rape and assault How she went from being a survivor to being an activist Her drive and ambition to use her art to help others Where she takes… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
032: Honouring a child lost – Rowena Mabbott https://www.facingfears.com.au/rowena/ Mon, 24 Oct 2016 06:42:53 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2477 https://www.facingfears.com.au/rowena/#comments https://www.facingfears.com.au/rowena/feed/ 1 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Rowena Mabbott who shares: How she got through the birth of her still born child The journey she went on afterwards The fears she faced when she fell pregnant again How she honours the child she…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/rowena/">032: Honouring a child lost – Rowena Mabbott</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
fearless-females-podcast-guest-rowena-mabbott

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Rowena Mabbott who shares:

  • How she got through the birth of her still born child
  • The journey she went on afterwards
  • The fears she faced when she fell pregnant again
  • How she honours the child she lost
  • How she now helps other women to do the same

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. There are lots of different ways you can honour someone special you have lost. A great place to start is by asking yourself, "What can I do in my life that would make them proud of me if they were here?" and go do that.
  2. An upset in your life might just be a set up for something new or a different direction you need to take.
  3. Don’t be afraid to talk about a topic that society deems as uncomfortable such as loss and death, because it can actually contribute to the healing process.
  4. When you are super passionate about something you want to do, because you care so deeply about it, expect that fear is going to show up.
  5. When that fear does show up, swamp it with love because fear can not survive in an environment of love.

About Rowena Mabbott

Rowena is a Life & Loss Coach, writer, speaker, and consultant. Through her coaching practice JoyHopeLove, she works with mother’s who have lost a baby and want to honour their child by confidently living their best life; one that is full of joy, hope and love and legacy.

Rowena is passionate about raising awareness of stillbirth around the world. As well as providing individual coaching, Rowena also uses her extensive HR experience to work with large and small businesses to improve the support provided by employers to bereaved parent employees.

Rowena is based in Sydney, Australia, where she lives with her husband and two boys. She has a free e-book you can download from her website, where you can also learn more about her. You can also connect with her on Instagram, Facebook and Twitter.

Contact Rowena Mabbott

A Gift for Listeners From Rowena Mabbott

Download Rowena Mabbott's E-book – Six days to a life filled with more joy, hope and love. It’s a summary of what she did to make herself feel better once she realised she Iwas a tired of feeling sad. If you’re ready for a change then this e-book is about how you get more of what you want in your life. More joy, hope and love.

BONUS: Download Rowena's eBook before 29th October 2016 and go into the draw to win one of two prizes. Prize number one is the opportunity for a 90 minute coaching session and two weeks follow up emails with Rowena and prize number two is a beautiful silver angel bracelet hand crafted by Michelle from Lily Taylor Designs plus 20% off any of Rowena’s coaching packages.

Show Notes: Episode 032: Honouring a child lost – Rowena Mabbott

Rowena Mabbott’s Fearless Story

The tragedy you are referring to was in 2008 my second son was still born. Being told my son had died was pretty terrible and was a majorly traumatic experience in what had been a fairly straight forward, run of the mill life until that point.

There was a lot of fear obviously but in the moment there was a lot of confusion, hurt and anger. A thousand and one emotions. A lot stemmed from the way that I was told. I had a scan because I felt the movement had slowed down, or had stopped and so I went into the hospital to have a scan and be checked.

The pathologist doctor walked into the room, glanced at the screen and said, “Yeah, well he’s dead love” which was a dagger to the heart way of doing it. There were so many better ways that could have been handled.

From there, my husband was with me and my little boy, my toddler who was 22 months old and we had only gone in there for a routine check thinking I’m sure everything is fine but let’s just check. So then we had to face what do we do?

I wanted my husband with me and we had to go through the whole thing that I was still going to have to give birth to this baby as I was 35 weeks pregnant. People were expecting I would be coming home with a baby any day now and I certainly looked like that.

So there was a bit of angst and fear and a lot of tears as we processed what we were supposed to do. There was a lot of disbelief as well. Not really grasping exactly what was happening or what this meant because our brains went into protective mode and just really didn’t comprehend the enormity of what had happened.

So, my husband had to take my toddler to collect some belongings. We didn’t have anything because we were just going for a check-up. He got me some stuff so that I could be over night in the hospital and dropped my little one with my aunt.

My mother was in London at the time and I was in Sydney and my mother in law was six hours away down the coast and we didn’t have any other immediate family in Sydney except for some Aunts and cousins. Fortunately, they were just amazing and they really helped.

My Aunt was on the phone to me when I was by myself because my husband was off driving my little one and she was consoling me as we both sobbed our eyes out and she looked after my little boy so that my husband could come back and be with me.

So, going through the birth, I had to be induced, and going through that for a good few hours until my husband came back was quite scary and was quite a fear inducing thing because you are there in a hospital and you already know the outcome. It’s not like there’s going to be the exciting prize at the end of it of a live baby.

But, moving past that immediacy of, “OMG how am I going to cope?” and “How am I going to get through the next few hours?” and “How am I going to give birth to this child without falling in a heap on the floor?” I had a fantastic social worker who came and sat with me during that time while my husband was away so I wasn’t completely alone.

She was brilliant and someone I am forever grateful to. I also had a wonderful mid-wife who kept coming in and checking on me and would just walk up to me and give me little cuddles as I lay on the bed weeping. Giving me that love and reassurance that a woman can give another woman even if they haven’t ever met each other before. Just that companionship and support.

I think that without those two women, the fear that I had to face and the anguish and heart ache would have been unbearable. They were a very big part of that period of time, that afternoon.

Anyway, so that was a pretty horrendous moment and I would like to say that it got better and it did eventually but there was about a month when it wasn’t. Once we had the baby and had done all the hospital stuff and I came home the next day, the fears didn’t really go away.

So I had given birth to my baby but he wasn’t here, he was dead and so the worst of what could happen, had happened but I was still wracked with fear. I don’t know why but I just know I was full of fear for about a month. I think it was partly because so much energy is taken up when you are grieving. It’s absolutely exhausting.

You really can’t do anything else except just survive. In terms of feeding yourself and getting yourself kind of dressed is pretty much all you can manage. And we had a 22 month old as well who was a big part of my fears, not that I was going to lose him but that I was somehow going to damage him.

He was seeing his mummy and daddy crying and upset and he was quite an observant little boy. I didn’t want him to have memories of his parents being distraught and so sad. He was quite confused as to where his little brother had gone.

He came with us to the crematorium but he was just toddling around and my husband’s uncle just followed him to make sure he was always ok and kept him out of the ‘action’ as it were.

I think that I was grief stricken but also my confidence was shattered. A big part of having your body fail you as a woman and not know that there was something wrong. So a big part of it was around guilt. And around not being able to forgive my own self for my body failing me. So my confidence was just gone, shattered.

I was feeling unable to cope by myself and I was reluctant to be left alone. It was that I just wanted another adult with me. It wasn’t that I couldn’t look after myself or look after my living son. I just felt nervous and afraid and wanted another adult with me so that I didn’t have to be the only grown up.

Over time and with certain actions and with time itself it heals a lot of wounds, that fear subsided and I was able to get on with my life. Interestingly that all-consuming fear returned the day we got pregnant again. It was a different fear, but still a mind-bending fear.

We were both delighted to be pregnant again but there was that anxiety and fear that stayed throughout that pregnancy until the baby was safely born. He got whisked off to special care though because he came 36 weeks and 6 days which was one day shy of 37 weeks. He was classed as early and therefore had to go to special care.

He was perfectly fine and full size and everything else. People were saying, “You aren’t worried about him being in special care?” and I was like, “No, I am so calm because someone else now has the responsibility of looking after him and I’ve had nine months of high stress worrying if something went wrong it was my fault”.

This was partly because the cause of my second son’s death was not something that could be scanned for or prevented. So there was nothing I could have done to prevent it re-occurring which was a comfort but also completely ‘drive you crazy cause’ of fear because it could happen again and there’s nothing I could do.

So how did you deal with that fear?

I did still go to the hospital twice a week for monitoring and scanning which really helped me be not so freaked out. But it was just a case of, until that little boy was safely out and I could see him and hold him and know that he was ok that’s what I needed to do to keep my fear at bay.

It was a very practical approach and the other thing I did was I did a fair bit of distraction so that my mind would be busy focusing on other things. For example, we decided to do an extreme makeover on our house like an extreme nesting approach. This kept me some what distracted from the state of my belly.

I also did lots of craft and creative things that would keep a different part of my brain busy. When you are in flow and doing a creative activity it is very hard to be thinking of anything else and I found it was quite therapeutic for me. It also meant I didn’t worry so much. You know how you can get in your own head too much.

So much of the fear and anxiety comes from, for me, when I’m in my head too much. The creative thing worked really well during the pregnancy and prior to that there had been different things I did to kick myself in the posterior. Kick-start the process of saying, “Ok, this feeling sorry for yourself and not knowing who you are is annoying”. I was annoying myself so I decided to do something about it.

In between times, after my still born baby and before I was pregnant with the next one I actually did some work around identity. I had so much around that sense of failure and the failure of my body as a vessel to carry a baby.

In my own head, I was labelled as, “You’re the mother of a still born child”. There was a little bit of that anyway, you know you go to mother’s groups of play group and you get a bit of, “Oh, she’s the one who’s baby died.” I didn’t want to be that person.

Instead, I actually did something that was completely out of character and it took me way out of my comfort zone and I became a Tupperware consultant. Which was possibly the best and worst thing I could do. The best in that I just went as me and no one knew anything about anything. They knew I had a living son and that’s all they knew.

And I just turned up as me…I was just Rowena. There were no tags or labels attached to me and I could be just who-ever I wanted. It was a bit like when I was a teenager and I loved the idea of flying overseas and turning up as who-ever I wanted to be without anybody else’s hang-ups on me.

This was like the version you do when you are a mum and have responsibilities and a mortgage to pay and all of that sort of stuff. But it was really key and it boosted my confidence to be able to face people again and meet different people.

So then after the next baby was safely delivered and I spent some time with him, I went back to work for a while with someone who I had worked with previously. They were one of the few people who had remained absolutely supportive, from a distance but would ring me every few months just to check in and see how I was and always said, “Whenever you are ready, I have a job for you.”

I used to say, “Sure, sure, sure”, and then one day I said, “In six months I’ll do it.” Five months later he called and said, “Right, you’re ready to come work with me in a months time?’ and it was a bit like, “Ohhh, OK”. I had to face a few fears then because my youngest was only 18 months old and I hadn’t quite thought about going back to work yet.

I had been out of the workforce for five years by then and had been enjoying being in the moment with parenting my children. I was grateful for that, being with them and being able to just play and be pushing them on the swing or whatever, was very healing for getting you out of any sense of fear or anything else.

Anyway, I went back to work and did some consultancy for a while and it was then that I realised there were some inklings of ideas of some things I wanted to do. I had been thinking about it for a while that I wanted to do something to remember the child I lost and to honour him but I hadn’t really put my finger on what it was.

How has this experience positively effected who you are today?

At the end of last year after a girls ‘catch-up’ evening there was a sort of throw away comment made. Sometimes comments become a bit of an ear worm that you can’t get rid of and it keeps coming up and niggling away at you at random times when you least expect it. It was around doing something for mums who had also had still born babies or who had lost babies.

I had been toying with becoming the head of a major mergers and acquisitions HR role which was very different. It’s quite detail focussed work, quite stressful and it wasn’t a fear-inducing thing but it wasn’t a joy-inducing thing. I did like the idea of better income, a bit of status and prestige but it didn’t make my heart sing.

The comment about helping other mums, I started to think that there was actually something in that. So after a few months of exploring it and talking to my social worker who I had remained in contact with, I wanted to do something to honour that baby and remember him and she gave me lots of different suggestions which I mulled over.

Anyway, to cut the story a little bit shorter, I decided I wanted to become a life coach and to work specifically with other mums who had lost babies and to help them. Not in the grief stage so much because everyone has their own grief journey and that’s where counselling really comes in but as a coach for when a little time has passed. For everyone that is different. But how do you go and honour that child by doing something awesome with your life.

My thing is to be this coach who helps other mums and that’s how I’m going to honour my little boy. Not everyone wants to start a charity or a foundation, there are lots of different ways and it could just be about un-sticking yourself. Don’t get stuck in the grief and the feeling of being ripped off because you don’t have your baby.

Instead, it’s about saying, “What can I do that would make that baby proud.” If that little person was here, what could you do to make them say, “Mum you rock!” That could just be about living your best life and feeling happy, you don’t have to feel guilty because you’re not expected to be sad forever.

You’ll always have a spot in your heart for that baby. You will always feel like there’s an empty spot at your table no matter how many more children you go on to have because that little person is part of you and you carried them and they are always in your heart. There’s not a day that will go past that you don’t think of them.

But that isn’t to say you can’t do something amazing with your life. Or just give yourself permission to be happy and live a life you love. In doing that alone, that can be enough to honour that child. The person you have lost doesn’t want you to be unhappy forever.

I’ve heard some ladies say that their baby never had the chance to wish that for them but if you believe in souls, and not everybody does, but if you do then no soul is going to wish another soul to be miserable for the rest of their life. If you like the idea that there is a little baby angel looking down upon you then why would you want them to see you being miserable either.

I use the term of turning an upset into a set up. I like the play on words with this and I admit it is slightly shallower when you are talking about losing a child but it is saying, “Take that but don’t dwell in it forever” and I am not saying to not acknowledge your grief, not by a long way.

Instead, it’s about saying, “What can I now do that turns that around?” Maybe this is like a spring board or the catalyst for me to actually look at my life and say, “You know, life is short and it’s precious and it can be gone in an instant, what do I want to do with my time here on this earth to make sure it’s really valuable?”

Often people already have that idea before they come to work with me and they have had that awakening or realisation and then they think, “Oh, well what do I do now?” and that’s when they are looking for someone like me, because they aren’t sure what to do next.

Having been through the experience myself, it was always the idea because I know I resonate with people who have been through the experience that they are then teaching others about and it makes more sense to us to do that and so that’s how I came to where I am today.

Most Memorable Moment

There have been so many! But if I have to choose just one it would be to do with my boys. I have two living boys, one is nine and one is six and then there’s Thomas who is the one who died and he would have been eight this week.

His anniversary is always a time we do something special as a family and we always do something that he would have enjoyed for the age he would have been, had he lived. For example, one year we went to the zoo because we all decided that would be something he would have liked to have done.

The older boy who was six at the time really wanted to tell his class we had been to the zoo to remember his brother and wanted to take a photo of his brother in to show the class. My heart was filled with so much pride and love but at the same time I was a bit nervous about that.

So he ended up taking some photos of us going to the zoo rather than of his actual brother which I felt was more appropriate. I didn’t feel that any of the other parents would have been thrilled when their six-year-old children came home and said, “We’ve seen photos of a dead baby today mum”.

But it was memorable because it really showed me just how much my older boy deeply loved his ‘not here’ brother. He accepted it with that amazing ability that children have that it was just what we do in our house and he was confident to share that with his class, even at such a young age.

In his mind there was nothing wrong with wanting to talk about his brother, and there isn’t but it’s not something as a society that we have been very good at. We aren’t good at it when parents talk about it and we aren’t good at it when children talk about it because it makes people feel uncomfortable.

So that was a memorable moment for me because I was just so proud of him. Also a little sad because there was nothing wrong with his intention but it was just societal judgement that I knew would come thick and fast, if I let him do that. It was a little bit of a bitter sweet moment from that perspective.

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

This is quite a big change for me and I have spent the last six to nine months embracing re-training after almost twenty years as a corporate human resources person. Re-training as a more heart centred life coach.

It’s quite daunting and a little fear-inducing to be stepping out from the umbrella of a corporate and consultancy based life to now starting my own business. What keeps me going and keeps my pants on rather than having them scared right off, is the fact that I’m really passionate about this.

I feel like finally, all the little ducks have lined up, and this is what I ought to be doing but it’s kind of scary when I think about the amount of change that is needed in some of the other things I want to do. One of the other things I am really passionate about is wanting to fix or help improve is the way that organisations work with parents who have lost children and return to work.

There’s a little bit of bereavement leave and a little bit of understanding for a week or two but these parents have been changed forever by this experience and that can often mean they have a very different focus in their work place as well.

I was talking to a father who said it took him two years before he was able to bring his full self to work after they lost their son. So for two years he was really just going through the motions. He was having output and everything else but he wasn’t really there.

So I think there’s a lot that an organisation can do there and because of my HR background it ties in nicely with my personal experience. It ties in with my coaching and it also means I’m not throwing away twenty years of HR experience as well.

That genuinely scares the pants off me but the coaching I manage to keep them on because talking one on one with a mum is easier. It’s not a mothers group conversation or a friend chat, it is coaching but because we have a shared experience of loss and because we are coming from a place of wanting to work together there’s a lot of mutual trust and respect there from the outset.

In an organisation there is a lack of understanding and that is what I am trying to help with. Part of it is raising awareness that still birth is huge. There are five babies still born every day in Australia. So it’s a bit scary and it is exciting too because there is so much I can do.

The only reason there is a bit of fear attached to it is because I really want to fix it and when you really want to do something and you care so deeply about it, that’s when the fear shows up. That’s when you just swamp that fear with love and manage it. I will be like that little train saying, “I think I can, I think I can.”

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Rowena Mabbott

  1. Who inspires you? There are a lot of women who inspire me but in the context of what we’ve been talking about I would have to say the social worker who was with me that day, she is very inspirational. She was with me when they put the drip in my arm to induce me and came back again that night and encouraged me to hold Thomas when I hadn’t done that yet. She pushed me but in the most gentle and kind way. She just gets on with it. She is always calm, considerate, kind and utterly compassionate. She just quietly goes about supporting families as they experience one of the most harrowing experiences ever and she does it every day.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? Get outside and walk by the water. Its my time to reflect, move my body and really think and I notice I’m much happier and calmer when I’ve had my walk.
  3. What's something that still scares you? It does scare me a bit that I may not be able to make the difference I want to make and improve people’s lot in life. But at the same time it doesn’t really scare me, it just fires me up. But something that really does scare me is birds. I know it sounds ridiculous but they terrify me. Never a Magpie, usually Seagulls and Pigeons. I love seeing them in the garden and hearing them but there’s got to be a piece of glass between us.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? It’s a tie between two apps I’m finding really beneficial at the moment. One is the Smiling Minds app which is a free Australian mindfulness app and I love to use it with the boys. And I use one called Omvana which is also free but does have some paid portions of it but I don’t use them. It has a six stage guided meditation on it. I’ve tried meditation but I can’t do it without someone guiding me because my monkey mind just goes off to my to do list. So the six stage meditation program within the Omvana app is excellent. It takes about twenty minutes but it really promotes gratitude and forgiveness which I think is really key.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? If I had to choose just one thing I would probably choose to change the inequity in the world. I acknowledge that’s a really simplified approach but I think it would cover quite a lot of stuff that I care really deeply about. The poverty, the hunger, the treatment of women (in the first and third world countries given what’s going on in the American electorals at the moment). The treatment of children, access to healthcare, education. It’s a big ask of one little magic wand but I think a lot of the world’s problems may not be solved but would be reduced if there was a little more equity in the world.

Final Question for Rowena Mabbott:

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

There’s serious and not so serious advice. For the serious advice I would say to learn to trust your instincts and telling myself, “You know what is best for you”. As someone who is only just turning forty and grappling with this now, it would have been good advice to have when I was fourteen. My silly advice would be, you’re about to get chickenpox, don’t scratch them!

Where can people reach out to you? 

www.joyhopelove.com

Facebook – JoyHopeLove.RM

A Gift for Listeners From Rowena Mabbott

Download Rowena Mabbott's E-book – Six days to a life filled with more joy, hope and love. It’s a summary of what she did to make herself feel better once she realised she Iwas a tired of feeling sad. If you’re ready for a change then this e-book is about how you get more of what you want in your life. More joy, hope and love.

BONUS: Download Rowena's eBook before 29th October 2016 and go into the draw to win one of two prizes. Prize number one is the opportunity for a 90 minute coaching session and two weeks follow up emails with Rowena and prize number two is a beautiful silver angel bracelet hand crafted by Michelle from Lily Taylor Designs plus 20% off any of Rowena’s coaching packages.

The post 032: Honouring a child lost – Rowena Mabbott appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Rowena Mabbott who shares: How she got through the birth of her still born child The journey she went on afterwards The fears she fa... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Rowena Mabbott who shares: How she got through the birth of her still born child The journey she went on afterwards The fears she faced when she fell pregnant again How she honours the child she… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
031: From tragedy to triumph – Pam Bailey https://www.facingfears.com.au/pambailey/ Mon, 17 Oct 2016 09:34:27 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2459 https://www.facingfears.com.au/pambailey/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/pambailey/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Pam Bailey who shares: How she blamed herself for the sudden death of her husband The steps she took to recover after the event How her fear of dying pushed her to get healthy How her…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/pambailey/">031: From tragedy to triumph – Pam Bailey</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
fearless-females-podcast-guest-pam-bailey

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Pam Bailey who shares:

  • How she blamed herself for the sudden death of her husband
  • The steps she took to recover after the event
  • How her fear of dying pushed her to get healthy
  • How her passion for nutrition and the psychology of food grew

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. It’s ok to seek and accept help during times of need
  2. Everything happens for a reason
  3. If you don’t know who you are, take some time to explore and experience different things
  4. The universe always sends me what I need, when I need it
  5. Dream, believe and you will achieve

About Pam Bailey

Pam is a Feel Good Facilitator. After facing personal tragedy in her mid-fifties she discovered who she really was and went on to create a whole new life for herself. She feels driven to inspire other women to reinvent themselves too. Pam believes that everyone deserves to love life & feel good about themselves every day and she can’t wait to share her experience and learning with you.
Through a range of workshops, online programs, retreats & personal coaching, she introduces her clients to a wide range of factors that she believes contribute to a holistic sense of wellbeing.
This includes creating a healthy relationship with food & movement, saying goodbye to stress, taming the inner critic, releasing limiting beliefs, practicing meditation & mindfulness, introducing gratitude, embracing love of self & of course the importance of always including fun & play in our lives.
Pam is a Certified Eating Psychology Coach, Life Coach, Louise Hay ‘Heal Your Life’ Workshop Leader & a qualified Nutritionist. More importantly, she believes that what she learned from life itself has taught her far more than any course ever could.

Contact Pam Bailey

A Gift for Listeners From Pam Bailey

A 60-90 minute one on one coaching session with Pam Bailey. Whether you are a little lost in life or feel that food and your body are the enemy, having a session with Pam will bring you closer to the truth and enabling you to embrace who you are and who you can become. Enter your details below and Pam will contact you to arrange a time for your complimentary session.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You may receive the occasional emails from Pam Bailey and Embrace All Of You. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: Episode 031: From tragedy to triumph – Pam Bailey

Pam Bailey’s Fearless Story

In 2010 my husband and I were in our mid-fifties [he was 54 and I was 53] and we were plodding along in life. We had reached that stage in life, our daughter had married and left home so our general expenses had reduced. We were coming along nicely with the financial side of things.

My husband had his own business and I was working for a government department part time and studying part time and things were just ‘jogging along nicely’ as they do. Life wasn’t massively exciting but we were comfortable with the way that we were.

Then in September of 2010 tragedy struck and my husband had a fatal heart attack. It was totally out of the blue, there was no warning. He hadn’t been ill, we weren’t aware that he had any heart problems and it just happened basically. And I was there when it happened.

A few weeks prior to this we had decided to pull ourselves into line in relation to our health. We were both over weight, we didn’t eat a particularly healthy diet, despite the fact I was studying nutrition at the time. So we decided to embark on this lifestyle change and I suggested that we work together with a personal trainer.

So we had completely changed our diet and were eating healthy food and we were going to this personal trainer twice a week together. We had been doing that for about 5-6 weeks and we were both doing well. We were losing weight and we were getting fitter and then this tragedy happened.

We had actually been to the personal trainer that evening and we had come back from the session with the personal trainer and my husband was complaining of pain between his shoulder blades which is not typical heart attack pain. So that didn’t raise itself as an obvious issue and we assumed he had pulled a muscle or done something during the training session.

Even though we both thought it was just a muscle issue we decided we should go to the emergency department at the local hospital. Who knows why but thank goodness we did anyway. So off we went.

I was driving and we pulled up at the doors outside the emergency department, he got out of the passenger side and by the time I walked around the back of the car to where he was, he had collapsed. Despite the best efforts of the staff they weren’t able to revive him as he had had a massive heart attack.

He was taken off to a room where they could work on him and I was taken to a private room where I was never left alone. There were nurses with me the entire time. Then a doctor came in and she was the one that had been working on him and she told me that he had not made it.

I remember the first thing I said was, “But we’ve got relatives coming from England in four weeks” and I presume that was my way of saying, “This can’t be true, you’re not right, that’s just not possible.”

How did you get through that?

There were a lot of fears that arose for me and the first one was, how can I possibly live alone? I had lived with my parents until the day I married my husband and we had been married for 32 years. So I had never lived by myself.

We had still been quite independent. I wasn’t the type of wife who needed him to do everything. We did our own things, he travelled for his work and I had a responsible position that meant I travelled interstate for that so I was independent in that sense but I had never run a house on my own.

Then in the coming weeks a number of things arose. There was a fear that I was responsible for his death. The reason that fear was there was because I was the one who had suggested we hire the personal trainer and I was convinced that the sudden onset of exercise was what had caused the heart attack. So, therefore it was my fault.

Of course, that wasn’t the case and as a result of counselling and talking to doctors I was able to resolve that fear and realise it wasn’t true. But there were other things that came up. I had to drive past the hospital where this had happened on a regular basis.

I had to go past it to get to my regular shopping centre for example and I found it really hard. I had a fear about going anywhere near this hospital and when I started working with a counsellor she explained that it was something that really needed to be dealt with because it’s my local emergency department. If something were to happen to you me and I needed to go there, I wouldn’t want to have to deal with that fear along with whatever the emergency was that I was dealing with at the time.

She came up with a strategy that allowed me to gradually overcome that fear which was great and I was eventually able to go to that emergency department after getting this professional help to deal with that fear. My take away from that was to seek and accept help.

I had never been very good at asking others for help but clearly there are some situations where you need to do that and this was one of them and she was able to do that for me.

You also have a daughter, what were you afraid of for her?

Yes, we have one daughter and another fear that I faced was that I would die too and then she would be left with no parents and the grandchildren would have not only lost their grandfather but also their granny. That was a big fear for me.

When my husband died, the healthy lifestyle we had been following for the past few weeks went out the window. It was a miracle if I even just ate a sensible meal in a day. Things just were not normal. But a few months later, he died in September and then in about February, as a result of this fear I had, I decided I needed to buckle down, lose some weight, get fit, and I did that.

I joined a gym. I started going to a dance fitness class and I was eating healthy. I had meal plans in place based on the knowledge from my nutritional studies. My daughter also organised to raise money for the Heart Foundation, in her dad’s memory, a healthy heart beat challenge.

There was a group of family and friends who embarked on this twelve-week challenge and we did a range of things to help us all get healthy. It wasn’t just about losing weight for example, one person in the group gave up smoking so there was a whole range of different things people did.

That helped us to get through as well because that helped us both to focus on something other than the tragedy of what had happened and we also felt that we were finishing something that he had started. So once I had lost a reasonable amount of weight and had become fitter, then I felt there was less chance I could die and leave them all alone.

How has this experience changed your direction in life?

It has completely changed my direction in life. I had been working for a large government department for 26 years. I was the manager of a team that provided public seminars and information about retirement planning. Originally I had done that job myself, running the seminars and providing the information to people but then I became the manager of the team for the whole of Western Australia.

Then I had gone part time so that I could pursue this study of nutrition which was something I had always wanted to do but I don’t think I ever really believed that I would leave my government job permanently and pursue anything with the nutrition. And I don’t think that would have happened if my husband hadn’t passed away.

So that really ties in with my belief that everything happens for a reason. As much as I would have loved my husband to have not passed away, if he hadn’t passed away I think I would have still been working for the government department. Maybe I would have finished my degree and maybe I wouldn’t have.

But I certainly wouldn’t have gone on to do the extra study after the degree that I have done. I have now done several courses since then, to add to my skills as a nutritionist. And I would certainly have not started a business and have the wonderful experience to be able to help women to drag themselves out of the misery of just settling for second best in life and never putting themselves first.

Are there any other steps you took that supported you through the process?

Well, I was on sick leave for a number of months after the event and I actually had a fear of going back to work because I was afraid of having to tell that story to so many people. I knew so many people I this large government department that I thought for months I was going to be continually telling people this story and it would just keep coming up again and again.

I was fortunate enough to be offered redundancy about nine months after he passed away and I took that and also superannuation and life insurance had paid out by then too. So financially I was able to be comfortable without having to provide myself with any sort of income for some time.

For quite a while I didn’t actually do anything but I did realise that I didn’t know who I was. I had been the mother and now my daughter had grown up and had children of her own and therefore her demands on me were different and diminished to what they had been and so I felt my role as a mother was now much less than it had been.

I was no longer the wife and what went along with that. And I was no longer the manager with a very responsible job. Nobody needed me and I didn’t know who I was. So I started to take steps to discover myself and I found this person I didn’t know I existed.

She had been there probably since I got married but she had been hidden. I started reading self-development books, I joined Facebook groups for inspiration, I did some short courses, courses at the local library and things like that. I even went to a retreat in Queensland [another state] which was a bit random. I had never done anything like that before.

It was actually a weight loss retreat but there was a lot more to it than weight loss. There was a lot of stuff on self-love and what’s going on in your head and all that sort of stuff. I made some really good friends there and we actually have a reunion every year. We meet up in Queensland and we’ve made such good friends with each other.

I also joined a women's social group to get me out of the house because I found I just wasn’t going anywhere, I was just staying at home all the time. Then, all of a sudden in 2012, a couple of years after my husband had passed away, I had this A-Ha moment that I needed to do something with my life. I had started to find myself and now that I had found myself, what was I going to do with myself?

So I decided it was time I went back and finished the nutrition degree that I had started and in February 2013 I went back to study. I was able to finish that degree full time, which was a bit of a shock to the system, in one semester! I was also the oldest person in the class so that was a bit of a challenge as well.

In May 2013 I finished that degree. I had always wanted a degree for some reason. Ever since I finished school I had wanted one but I never really thought I would ever finish it. The other thing was that my husband had always said to me while I was studying, “You’ll never finish that and even if you do, you’ll never do anything with it.”

That was always playing in the back of my mind while I was going through this horrendous full-time semester. It was like, “I’ll show you!” “I can do things that you said I couldn’t.” What that taught me was never give up, you can do anything you want.

But even then, when I finished that I then went on to do more study. I was just driven to learn more so that I could help more people. I had this knowing inside me there was something I had to share with other women, but I kept feeling like I wanted to learn more in order to be able to help them in the way that I wanted to.

So I studied and became a certified Eating Psychology Coach which is all about why we eat the way that we do, rather than what we eat. I did a life coach course with the Beautiful You Coaching Academy here in Australia. I also did a training so that I am able to run Louise Hay – Heal Your Life Workshops.

Bringing all of that together I feel now that I have a big enough toolbox to be able to help women with a lot of different issues that we tend to suffer with.

Most Memorable Moment

Graduating from my degree course was an absolute highlight of my life because I had doubted myself so many times and Mike [Pam’s husband] had said I would never finish it.

What are some of the fears you faced then?

The fear I faced then was, then I had lost my goal because my goal was to finish that degree and so if I had finished it then I was going to have to go and do something with it. I felt obliged to go and do something with it. I was going to have to start a business but I wasn’t ready to at that point and so I didn’t immediately start.

It was probably about six months later before I started and although I wasn’t advertising myself as a weight loss nutritionist for some reason that’s what I kept getting – clients that wanted to lose weight.

I very quickly realised that I could tell them what to eat and provide them with meal plans and tell them they needed to exercise more but that wasn’t going to work. There was something missing. They knew what they should be eating and that they should be exercising a little bit more but I knew there was something going on in their heads that needed to be ‘fixed’ as well.

That was when I started looking for some sort of course to help me understand about mindset and emotions and how they effect metabolism. Then by accident (but nothing happens by accident – the universe sent it to me) I received an email advertising the coach certification with the institute for the psychology of eating and I thought, “Yes, this is exactly what I need”.

Sure enough, it was what I needed and it fits perfectly with the nutrition because it encourages people to actually figure out what’s causing the symptom of the excess weight or the over eating or the binge eating or whatever it is. Whatever the issue is that the person is having, there is always an emotion going on behind it.

The body is sending you the message and the message is the symptom so you just have to figure out what it’s trying to tell you and that’s what I help people to do during personal coaching.

That’s why women have this diet cycle where they lose weight to a certain point and then they go off that diet they’ve been using to lose the weight and they just gain it back again because they haven’t dealt with the under lying issue.

It may well be something that happened in childhood or some trauma that they haven’t dealt with and there’s a whole range of different things it could be.

What are you passionate about today?

So yes, business is my passion but in the last few weeks I’ve developed a new passion having discovered Taryn Brumfitt from the Body Image Movement. She’s a mum from South Australia with three children who is trying to change the culture around body image,

I’ve always put body image at the side of all the other stuff I do and I have avoided having clients with body image issues, instead, I’ve focused on the weight loss and overeating and binge eating. But I’ve been really inspired by what Taryn is trying to do.

She made a documentary which has been released just a few weeks ago, to raise awareness and change the culture around body image and the stuff we see in magazines and models on the catwalk who look like they haven’t had a decent feed for years. I am actually hosting a screening of her movie in a couple of weeks and I never thought I would put myself out there in that way and actually host a documentary.

It’s really exciting and that’s my current passion is helping to promote this particular topic. So much of our inner critic talk is based around body image

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

Although I enjoy one on one coaching with my clients I have a passion for workshops and retreats but I have a fear around that. What if I organise something fabulous and nobody wants to come? So I am working hard on that by dealing with my other fear which is the fear of being seen.

This is part of the reason for doing this interview, by putting myself out there to be seen then I am hopefully going to avoid the mistake of playing small. Then, if I am able to do that, then hopefully it will encourage people to come along to my fabulous workshops and retreats I have planned.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Pam Bailey

  1. Who inspires you? That does tend to change from time to time but for the last couple of years while studying at the eating psychology institute it’s been Mark David and Emily Rosen who were the founders of that institute but right now it has to be Taryn Brumfitt and The Body Image Movement. She is just so inspiring.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? I use essential oils every day. They’re something I discovered in the last couple of years. I use them on my body every day, when I have health issues. I also use pure essential oils in raw chocolate that I make myself. I also like to spend time in my garden with Barney the dog.
  3. What's something that still scares you? But I am getting better, in the last couple of years I’ve been in a helicopter, walked across a suspension bridge with a river running under it, and several cable cars. So, I’m getting there. I didn’t used to be able to even go on a second-floor balcony but now I’ve even been in a helicopter three times now. It’s amazing.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? My favourite book is The Slow Down Diet by Marc David – the founder of The Psychology of Eating Institute.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? On a personal level, I would like my daughter and her family to have financial security so that she could relax a little more. On a global level, I would like to ban all quick fix products that use fear and insecurity to create demand. Things like diet pills, shakes, diets themselves, ridiculous exercise machines. I would like for all of those quick fixes to be gone so that people could deal with the real issues and get long term results.

Final Question for Pam Bailey

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

This is an interesting question because I have a whole book load of advice for my fourteen-year-old self but if I just have to choose one then it would be to never settle for second best. Go for the big dream. Dream, believe, achieve!

Where can people reach out to you? www.pambailey.net

Facebook – Embrace all of you – Pam Bailey

A Gift for Listeners From Pam Bailey

A 60-90 minute one on one coaching session with Pam Bailey. Whether you are a little lost in life or feel that food and your body are the enemy, having a session with Pam will bring you closer to the truth and enabling you to embrace who you are and who you can become. Enter your details below and Pam will contact you to arrange a time for your complimentary session.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You may receive the occasional emails from Pam Bailey and Embrace All Of You. You can unsubscribe at any time.

The post 031: From tragedy to triumph – Pam Bailey appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Pam Bailey who shares: How she blamed herself for the sudden death of her husband The steps she took to recover after the event How ... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Pam Bailey who shares: How she blamed herself for the sudden death of her husband The steps she took to recover after the event How her fear of dying pushed her to get healthy How her… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
030: The invisible disability – Jay Crisp Crow https://www.facingfears.com.au/jay/ Mon, 10 Oct 2016 05:00:19 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2449 https://www.facingfears.com.au/jay/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/jay/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Jay Crisp Crow who shares: The story of her invisible disability for the very first time publicly How she is overcoming her fears of judgment by shining a spotlight on them instead The battles she faces…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/jay/">030: The invisible disability – Jay Crisp Crow</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
the-fearless-females-podcast-guest-jay-crisp-crow

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Jay Crisp Crow who shares:

  • The story of her invisible disability for the very first time publicly
  • How she is overcoming her fears of judgment by shining a spotlight on them instead
  • The battles she faces on a daily basis and how she gets through
  • The gifts that have come from her disability
  • How she hasn’t let her pain or her fears beat her

Tegan's Take Aways:

1.    If you are afraid of something, one way to deal with it is to face it head on and shine a big fat spotlight on it!
2.    It’s a daily decision to not let fear win – to look at it and say, “Nah, I’ve got better things to do than that today thanks” and choose to focus on the alternative
3.    The fear of the pain and the anticipation of what might happen, is often worse than the actual pain itself
4.    You don’t lose anything without gaining something else - look for the gain
5.    Get up each day and be sure to make today better than yesterday

About Jay Crisp Crow

Jay Crisp Crow is a writer squeezing joy from life in the Perth Hills with a scrumptious husband and a tribe of children. Before life as a writer/super mother, she sang on the back of Monster Trucks for a living after becoming too plump to continue as a cheerleader. She juggles disability and small business, and is an advocate for "coming out of the invisible illness closet" as she believes disability can be a positive in small business, not a weakness.

Contact Jay Crisp Crow

A Gift for Listeners From Jay Crisp Crow

A twelve-page eBook guide to writing the perfect “About” page on your website. As Jay says, “It’s really hard for us to shine the spotlight on things that we are glorious at” so download this wonderful eBook and you will be well on your way to the perfect “About you” page on your website or gift it to someone else that you think might need it.

Show Notes: Episode 030: The invisible disability– Jay Crisp Crow

Jay Crisp Crow’s Fearless Story

It feels funny to start an introduction with what I have because I’ve spent so many years kind of hiding it, putting a good face on and pretending it doesn’t exist. I have what’s diagnosed as Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which a lot of people don’t believe is anything, which makes it a little bit tricky to navigate medical professionals, family, the years I was dating, all of those kinds of things.

But it is very, very much a real thing and I know from twenty years of soul searching that I’m not sick because I’m sad! It has definitely been the other way around. The sickness came first and everything else since then has been a coping mechanism.

Yes, it is recognised as a disability but I think I’m in, kind of like an honourable mention in the disability section because the Australian government does recognise chronic fatigue as a disability if it is chronic enough.

Sometimes I want to carry around my test results and put them on a t-shirt and wear them. A few years ago I had a new doctor and I described all of my symptoms and this is what I have been diagnosed with before but I am quite happy to hear if you think it’s something different that I can treat.

He said, “Let’s get all the bloods done” and they came back and he said, “Well, this makes perfect sense because you should be dead!” Basically, everything was at 2% which you can’t even run a car on 2%. But I guess I am in a blessed position where the Australian government does recognise that I am as sick as I am, which means that if my life does fall apart and I can’t go to work, we are very lucky to live in Australia, where I would be void by the government.

I am the mother of three children and my specialist told me to go home, relax and read books and to never have children so I only went back to him when I was too pregnant the first time, for him to give me that speech again! So Jackson is sixteen, Ella is thirteen and Hughie is four.

On a day to day basis I describe it to other people as being like having the worst flu you’ve ever had combined with maybe gastro. So, you know those days when you just feel like, “Oh my goodness, I can’t remember ever being this sick” and “I can’t possibly do anything” that’s how it feels.

Years of that though, I think, make you a little bit hyper sensitive to pain and sickness so I almost anticipate the pain now. So when I go to the chiropractor, or as my little boy says, “The bone cracker”, I’m in pain and all she’s done is touch my arm.

I know that all of those pathways in my brain that say, “You are about to be hurt and you’re about to feel sick”, they’re a little out of whack from feeling in pain and sick for so many years in a row. So, I tend to be a bit of a vampire and I start to come alive a little more at night time so certainly launching my own business has meant that I have a little more flexibility.

One of the hardest things I used to have to do was to be up, makeup on and at school by 8:30am in the morning. It’s just consistent! It’s not like when you break your leg and it’s terrible in the beginning but after about six weeks you start to feel better, it’s just consistent and on the worst days I think, “I don’t think I can do this”. I had it on a day last year when I said to my husband, “I can’t live like this anymore”. Those are the days when there have just been too many days in a row where you think, “This can’t get any worse” and it does! But there’s so much good stuff going on here that’s never really been an option. To not do it.

I think I have a really good understanding about fear and that’s why I was really drawn to contact you about this because I think my fear comes from pain. I don’t think we are born with fear, especially if we live in a country like Australia where we are fairly safe. I think it’s something we learn.

You know, I had a really nice childhood. It was just my mum and I and I did pretty well at anything I tried. I danced from the time I was two and I was a cheerleader for the state basketball team when I got sick. So for me, that fear came with the illness and it just goes hand in hand.

I remember feeling like I had lost everything because at sixteen your whole life revolves around you. I was an A student and then I started failing classes and I lost my job cheerleading because I couldn’t get out of bed and my boyfriend dumped me and I had to crawl to go to the bathroom and there were just so many days that I just sat on the shower floor and cried.

There were about two years that I can barely even remember that were just horrible. It was like somebody had picked me up from this utopia where I didn’t even know how good it was, and dropped me in this war zone, only the war was happening on the inside.

My mum was awesome. I think that’s one of the most wonderful things to come out of it. My mum is an incredible mum. She started taking me to mainstream doctors and we pretty much saw everyone, including some pretty quirky ones.

So I’ve done ice baths, vitamin C, I’ve had MRI’s, I did antibiotics and once I heard another girl who had diagnosed chronic fatigue and she had accidentally zapped herself on a horse fence and felt better. So I went down south to Donnybrook to a friend’s farm who had horses and electrocuted myself on the horse fence.

There was some theory behind it that it shocked your system back into balance. But like I said to you before, I know myself really well and I wonder if that comes from it. I have amazing coping mechanisms. I get up and I chose life every single day and I wonder if an easy childhood doesn’t make for very resilient humans?

My mum would have cut off her arm to have me feel better but she couldn’t fix it for me and I can’t fix it and my husband can’t fix it, it’s just something that I have to deal with every single day, all by myself.

I think that feeling sick every day is like feeling fear because you can’t do things. Like I always think, “Oh, maybe I shouldn’t do that because it might make it worse” so you start to protect yourself too much and I fight against that all of the time because for me the fear is worse than the illness.

What are some of the things you are afraid of?

I’m really afraid of visibility which is one of the reasons I wanted to talk to you. I’m scared that people will judge me. I feel like if I had MS or Breast Cancer, which I am not saying that I want thanks universe. None of us can know what anyone else is going through but if I did have either of those things then people wouldn’t look at me and think, “Oh she isn’t really that sick”.

So I am terrified of being seen as a business owning woman and a mother with a disability and because I feel that fear I have decided that how I am going to cope with that is to shine a big fat spotlight on it. Why not? Let’s try that as a tactic.

Every day I wake up and think, “This might be the day that I might not be able to get out of bed”. A couple of years ago they said that if you have had it for this more than ten years then you have an 80% chance of developing Leukemia and that was terrifying but that research has since gone away.

Most days I feel like I am that human who is crawling to the bathroom like when I was seventeen. But the interesting thing for me is that the fear of pain is often worse than the pain itself. I think that’s because I am so used to feeling the pain and the illness that it just sits there in the back of my mind like a niggling migraine and if I turned my attention to it I would give up and go to bed.

Fearing that pain and that illness is coming is worse. So what I do now in the morning is I go, “Hello fear, what have you got for me today?” and when all of that comes up I simply say, “Nah, sorry, but I have better things to do than that, I’m not doing that today”.

How do you deal with it when it does show up?

I don’t know if I deal with it particularly well. I certainly would never say that I rise above or it’s mind over matter, it’s not. I think it’s just a daily decision to not let it win.

Part of that process is really having to dig deep and have a look at what it’s given me. I know there are things I missed out on because even before I got sick I was studying musical theatre. I had a life path that was planned out that would have been exactly what I had always wanted to do and what I had been training to do since I was two and just out of nappies, that was no longer an option.

So, I lost that but you don’t lose anything without gaining something else and I think being in pain and being scared has gifted me an incredible empathy. I’m not very sympathetic to other people which is probably not a very nice aspect of my personality.

If someone is whining I will often just say, “yeah, you’ll be alright” but I am very empathetic. I absolutely understand what’s happening for you and what are we going to do about it. I use this every day to help other people, women in small business especially, tell their story.

I pick up on the little nuances and the things people say about themselves. I think with all that heightened sensitivity from pain and fear it also gives me a heightened sensitivity to the little glimmers of real message that people say when they speak. I take those and I put them all together in a story and I help them to tell their story.

What are you passionate about today?

Well, eighteen months ago I started my own business. I had worked in private school communications for thirteen years before that at some really amazing schools who let me work from home, sometimes let me bring my baby to school, and I had been pretty lucky.

But I wanted to write every day and I wanted to write things that mattered. Not that every single sales page matters in the grand scheme of things but I wanted to put my name to the bottom of most of them because writing for a principle that signs his name off and pretends that it’s his, gets a little bit old.

So I started it and it’s just gone gang busters and it was terrifying. It was one of the scariest things I’ve ever done. I had a lot of voices in my ear and a lot of them had to do with the fact that I have been so sick and I have always managed to find work places where I can work 9-2 four days a week.

The thought of giving that up! My mum, who has worked in education for thirty years was just appalled that I would give up a career like that. But I thought, I’ve done this before and whatever happens, I will make it work. I was a single parent for six years, nobody didn’t get fed, we bought a house, I can do this.

If it doesn’t work out I will just make whatever job comes across, work instead. I think I’m the queen of making it work. One of the things I found interesting about being fearless. I don’t think I’ve spent a single day being fearless ever!

I think I just morph pain and fear and it makes me a weird mix of fearful and brave at the same time. I don’t think I’ll ever be a fearless anything, and that’s ok. That works for me.

Being fearless is not about being fearless 24/7. When we talk of someone who is fearless we assume they are like that all of the time and as women we are so good at comparing ourselves to others yet what we are seeing is their game face. What I know of you, you put on your game face every day and so that is being fearless.

Most Memorable Moment

The reason I started to make it a point to talk about disability in business was from a bit of a spotlight moment with my daughter last year. I was about six months in and I was about to launch my first website and she was studying Rosa Parks at school.

We were having a dinner table discussion about African American culture and she didn’t understand what passing meant. My older son was explaining to her that it was much easier for some people to pass as white people and live in a world where they weren’t judged.

My daughter turned to me at the dinner table and she said, “That’s what you do mum” and I thought, “What? Do I?” I was so ashamed because I thought, “Here I am rocking along in the world” I had just been published on Huffington Post for the first time, I had held down a family fort, I had parented Ella and my son for six years by myself and I managed to find another man who would marry me.

We had this really nice life. I was trying to resemble something that looked like a good wife and a good mother. All along though, my daughter was thinking that I had kept my illness a secret. I thought, “That’s a terrible thing that I’ve taught her that we should be ashamed of that”. But obviously I had.

They would have all heard conversations of feeling as if it’s not something that needs to be discussed outside of the family because it doesn’t impact on anybody else and people have too much judgement around it.

It’s true that my disability being invisible makes it easier for me to move through the world and it is a blessing and a curse because I can put on lipstick, take a pain killer and go to an event. I can run half day workshops that are really successful and then I will sleep for the whole next day afterwards so I am not limited in the short term.

I took my kids to the colour run last year and I walked the whole five kilometres with them and I just didn’t do anything else for the rest of the week and I threw up afterwards. So I can move through the world without hindrance but I don’t know if I should.

I just came back from Pro-Blogger on the Gold Coast which was an amazing feat for me. To go by myself, get myself there, catch Ubers, all of those things who people who are able bodied find either an experience, exciting or just easy. I just find them exhausting!

I roomed with a really lovely blogger who has a little boy who has Down Syndrome. I was embarrassed talking about my disability in front of her because I thought she would judge me for being capable. And she didn’t, of course!

From my conversation with Ella about passing through to last weekend where I hesitated telling the lady I was rooming with about how hard I found life, which was just honest, not to say I’m not going to do it anymore, just that it’s difficult. It has made me think this is something that needs to be talked about.

Maybe I can be a successful business woman and I can certainly get the job done and it doesn’t matter to my clients if I do the job in my pyjamas and I feel terrible because if the work at the end of the day is brilliant then they’re happy and maybe I can be both and it doesn’t need to be a secret.

What are you working on at the moment that brings you joy?

Life! At Pro-Blogger I spent some time in a workshop with Ed Dale who is an uber-marketer and he started his presentation with, “Isn’t it a good time to be alive?” and my heart just went ‘ping’ and yes, today is a good day to be alive. I wake up daily and have this really odd mix of, “I could just die” and “Oh my goodness I have such a brilliant life,”and it happens at the same time.

I get to write every single day and the fact that I get to write every day and someone pays me to do it is astronomical. Yesterday I got to see Ella at her athletics and every Tuesday is Hughie day where we play dinosaurs and have a nap because he starts school next year.

I also run some online forums for women in business and we talk about fear and longing and loss. When I write copy for them I ask them all the hard questions about taking chances and being brave and stepping into being business women.

I feel joy and I feel freedom because I was fortunate enough to be born in a country where it will catch me if I fall. And I don’t always feel as grateful as I should because I often feel so sick. But I know that I’m doing it and so far, at 37yo, pain and fear haven’t stopped me and so my success rate so far is 100% and that’s going to continue to happen.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Jay Crisp Crow

  1. Who inspires you? I like people with determination and grit because that resonates with me and so I think everyone because we have no idea what anyone is going through as individuals so the fact that we get up each day and try and ensure it’s a better day than the last one, that’s an inspiring thing.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? If I could spend an hour each day reading a good book and listening to the Waifs (WA band) then that would be my perfect hour but seriously, I get to write all day and people pay me money to do that so I don’t think there’s anything better than that!
  3. What's something that still scares you? My biggest fear besides the illness stuff is that my husband will give up because I’m hard work. Not only because I am a woman and I am hard work and high maintenance and that’s just my personality but sometimes I look at him and worry that one day he might want a wife that can play mixed cricket or will vacuum the floor for herself. I think getting a second chance with kids and disability in tow and being the kind of woman that I am where I want magic and laughter, or a nap and you have to guess which one it is. He is, without a doubt, the best man I know and I would be devastated to lose him.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? I love reading so anything that you can escape into, that will take you away. If you’re friends with pain, then you can leave pain behind when you go into a book.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? Just one thing? I think I would give everyone an internal button to press to see the flip side. I have come to believe that life is perfectly balanced but we just can’t see what’s on the dark side yet. Not positive thinking because I believe that’s an unbalanced way to look at the world with hope but grateful thinking. I’d like one of those buttons so that I could press it and then realise what I am missing.

Final Question for Jay Crisp Crow

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

Besides, “Don’t kiss that boy and get glandular fever” it would probably be that you are about to learn that you are infinitely more capable than you believe yourself to be. So stay kind and stay calm and pay more attention in English literature class because you are going to use that information a lot in the future.

Where can people reach out to you? www.crispcrow.com.au

Facebook –  Crisp Crow Communications

A Gift for Listeners From Jay Crisp Crow

A twelve-page eBook guide to writing the perfect “About” page on your website. As Jay says, “It’s really hard for us to shine the spotlight on things that we are glorious at” so download this wonderful eBook and you will be well on your way to the perfect “About you” page on your website or gift it to someone else that you think might need it.

The post 030: The invisible disability – Jay Crisp Crow appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Jay Crisp Crow who shares: The story of her invisible disability for the very first time publicly How she is overcoming her fears of... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Jay Crisp Crow who shares: The story of her invisible disability for the very first time publicly How she is overcoming her fears of judgment by shining a spotlight on them instead The battles she faces… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
029: A sobering fear – Lily Troupe https://www.facingfears.com.au/lily/ Sun, 02 Oct 2016 16:54:14 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2433 https://www.facingfears.com.au/lily/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/lily/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Lily Troupe who shares: How unhealthy relationships led her to alcoholism How the fear of loss turned her sober Her resilience in bringing up three children alone How changing her stinking thinking led to more opportunities…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/lily/">029: A sobering fear – Lily Troupe</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
the_fearless_females_podcast_guest_lily_troupe

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Lily Troupe who shares:

  • How unhealthy relationships led her to alcoholism
  • How the fear of loss turned her sober
  • Her resilience in bringing up three children alone
  • How changing her stinking thinking led to more opportunities in her life

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. Choose to see yourself as a queen and you DO deserve to be treated like a queen by your man
  2. The energy you put out is what you attract back so if you are worrying about money then that’s not the way to attract more wealth into your life, instead, focus on what little you do have and be grateful for that and then more will come
  3. Get rid of your stinking thinking – as in your negative thoughts and flip them to positive ones
  4. If you give power to your fears then you can’t manifest the energy to attract positive things into your life
  5. We are all one race – the human race!

About Lily Troupe

I'm a single mother of three, a grandma of one little girl, an entrepreneur, network marketing professional, coach, voice actor, extras actor and I run an Airbnb beautification specialist business.

Contact Lily Troupe

A Gift for Listeners From Lily Troupe

A complimentary 20 minute one on one session to get to know more about Lily and discover how she can help you to move from being stuck and step up to seeing your true worth and being treated like the queen you deserve to be.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You may receive the occasional emails from Lily Troupe. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: Episode 029: A sobering fear– Lily Troupe

Lily Troupe’s Fearless Story

My journey is an unusual one but some people may find some commonalities in their journey’s. My background is Polish/German family and I began my early adult years as a married woman to a Croatian man and it wasn’t the best marriage.

It was a very challenging marriage I guess because there were a lot of things that he hadn’t dealt with from his upbringing and that impacted our relationship tremendously. It was through domestic violence that he expressed his anger.

It wasn’t a constant, every day beating, it was just when he was extremely frustrated he would take things out on me. He would slap me, verbally abuse me and emotionally and spiritually. He was the type of person that if we did have an argument, he would take off.

Sometimes I wouldn’t see him for a day and sometimes it would be three or four days. I would continually take him back and I would forgive him and we would forgive each other. I always believe there are two sides to every story and not every physical altercation was my fault and the majority of them weren’t because of his upbringing and the way he handled things. But occasionally I was responsible for the argument.

This behaviour continued and we had children and I started to drink. As the violence escalated I felt I had to bury myself into something and that’s when I reached out for alcohol. It was an attempt to numb my pain but my pain increased and my problem with alcohol increased.

Eventually our marriage broke down and he went his separate way. He found someone else and actually did me a favour and left me with out two kids. It was approximately twelve months after that when I met my second husband.

My second husband was a naval officer in the US navy. He was a very handsome man and very hard working but little did I know that he had a problem which was related to his childhood. He was molested as a child and he then couldn’t have a normal sexual relationship.

He found that the only way he could feel good about himself, important or feel stronger was to have extra marital affairs. He was also arrested for sexually assaulting an 89-year-old woman which then led to him being deported and leaving me with our five-month old baby which I was still breast feeding.

I went back to work though, because I needed to put food on the table. He left me with bills, he left me with outstanding accounts on various things so I just had to take the reigns and pull myself back together and go back to work.

When I went back to work I was still breast feeding and I would take my pump with me and I would express during the times I needed to. My work was very understanding and I would keep it in the fridge, take it back home and my mother would feed my youngest and that was it.

Three years later I went back to see him but things were not the same so a few years after that we decided to get a divorce and life went on. Before he left and was jailed for what he did my son had told him he had found some bottles hidden in the linen cupboard where I used to keep some of my ‘stash’.

I had actually stopped drinking after my first marriage ended but had started again after my father died. Anyway, he had given me an ultimatum and said if I didn’t stop drinking he would take our youngest back to the States with him and take your older two and return them to their father.

He said if I didn’t go to AA, that was what was going to happen. That just broke me and I was so upset and I knew I had a problem. I thought I could control it. I was a ‘functioning’ alcoholic. But my life was falling apart around me. He actually saved my life by doing that.

That was my last drink and I continued to be strong for the kids and I have been seventeen years sober.

How did you turn it around?

My parents were my rock. My dad had passed away not long into my second marriage but my mother had a relationship with a neighbour who lived a few streets away. They were both part of the Polish community and they were very supportive to each other and he became like a grandfather to my kids.

I was working and at one point I was working three jobs which were eighteen hour days so I relied on them tremendously and they were my rock. But some days, I just wanted to stay in bed and I didn’t want to wake up. It’s taken those seventeen years for me to realise the amount of stuff I did do on my own. Then my mum passed away in 2008 and my youngest was nine then.

My eldest son and daughter would look after my youngest and they are really good kids and she is seventeen now which is amazing. So I just kept going. Yes, I had my dark days and contemplated suicide but then I thought, “Who is going to look after them if I’m gone?”

I was adopted. I lost my German mother two weeks after I was born so when I talk of my mum I am talking of my adopted mother but she was the only mum I knew and my dad because I was so young when I was adopted. They were my true parents.

What have you done career wise since then?

After my second husband was deported I was working in a call centre for an electricity company in Canberra which is where I am originally from. My contract ended and I was thinking, “What do I want to do now?”

I didn’t want to go back to call centre work and I didn’t want to go back to public service which is what Canberra is renowned for. I had no idea about business so I thought I would go to university. I had always had a recurring dream about sitting for exams and wondered what that was about.

Low and behold I think it was a hint from my dreams to go back to school. So I went back to the University of Canberra to study information technology but my head wasn’t…me and numbers just aren’t right for each other.

So I moved onto psychology but there were still a lot of statistics in that and I thought, “Can’t I get away from numbers?” So I pursued social work and finished my degree with the Australian Catholic University. I loved the work and was a practicing social worker for five years working with geriatric patients.

When I moved to Melbourne I continued with that work but the politics and the burocracy, it was really tough. To see people put into nursing homes because of having a stroke in their thirties and forties was really tough. It just didn’t sit with me right.

After that I did the Mindset Coaching course with a group here in St.Kilda Melbourne and then I got into network marketing and my personal development just kept on going. I was learning so much about myself and I was doing courses on NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) which is changing your mindset and your limiting beliefs.

A door started opening and I started thinking, “How can I use this to help other people?” At the time my fitness was out of this world because the company I was network marketing for was a nutritional based company and their products were just absolutely amazing. I had fantastic energy and I was just feeling so good.

I had done body building back in Canberra so I started body building again and I noticed a lot of women who would look in the mirror and say, “Well I’m looking ok, I’m feeling good” but then, like my pattern had been, they would re-lapse. They would go back into their stinking thinking and stop their activity and pack the weight back on.

So I thought it would be really good to work with women who needed support with that. So I approached a few gyms to see if I could do mindset coaching with some of their clients if I put in the effort and advertised. I didn’t get a lot of enthusiasm for it but I kept on going and I kept on learning and working on myself.

I continued with the health company that I am still with. I really wanted to be doing coaching but that takes a bit of time to develop clientele so in the meantime, to get the funds to grow my business, I started working with Airbnb’s and servicing the Airbnb properties. That was a lot of fun and I’m still doing it.

So there are a few different enterprises/work that I’m doing but it’s a lot of fun and I get to do things my way and in my time which is great.

Most Memorable Moment

It’s nothing related to what we are talking about now, it was when I went on a missions trip to Uganda in 2009, a year after mum passed away. I was singing with the church band and I had been asked by the church leader to sing a song.

There were 4000 people in the crowd and I sang this song and the crowd was just praising God and it was an amazing, overwhelming vision to see this sea of faces in awe. They might have been in awe of me singing out of tune, this white lady singing up there on stage ha ha ha.

But they had nothing and they were just there. The kids were playing in the dirt and it was just an amazing experience I will never forget. Coming home from East Africa…it took me a while to re-adjust. It was a culture shock.

What was the scariest moment for you?

I think the scariest moment for me was when my second husband said to me, “If you do not give up drinking and make an appointment to see someone from AA today, I am taking our little girl and you will never see her again.”

I was scared when my first husband would hit me and I didn’t know whether I would end up with teeth on the floor but that was a physical thing. This really shook me and made me wake up to myself and I remember thinking, “What am I doing with my life? How can I continue like this.”

My husband wanted to return to the US with our daughter and she meant the world to me. Sometimes fear can serve a purpose to make you step up to do what you want to do.

What are you passionate about today?

My biggest passion right now is building a movement of women who can see where they are in their lives right now, being stuck where they are, whether that is in an abusive relationship, or an unsatisfying job role, personal relationships or just being overwhelmed and seeing those women come into my movement and say, “I’m not happy, I want to change and I need your help”.

This is my why! The reason I do what I do is because I don’t want to continue to see women who are dissatisfied with their lives like I was. My life was so disrupted. People like to use the word dysfunctional but my life was disrupted by the events, my thoughts and my reaction to what was going on around me, so my life was disrupted.

There are a lot of people, men included, that are in a disrupted lifestyle, relationship, or present moment. So that is my passion now, is to help women to see that they are queens and deserve to be treated like queens which is why my movement is called, “The Gathering of Queens”. We are to be respected and we also give back and respect other people as well.

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

I don’t think anything really scares me. I think I’ve seen enough and I’ve felt enough and I’m an empath so I take on other people’s pain, that nothing really scares me anymore. I used to not know whether I could pay a bill or put food on the table and I used to worry, constantly like, “What am I going to do?” “What am I going to do?” and when I started the self-development I realised that the energy you put out is what you attract back.

Thinking about lack, and that was what I was attracting into my life so I don’t fear anything because if I fear then I am giving power to that fear and I can’t manifest the energy to attract positive things into my life. I used to think small but now I think big so the world is my oyster!

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Lily Troupe

  1. Who inspires you? Tony Robbins, my coaches and Lisa Nicholls and Oprah. There’s a few there but they all have their own individual qualities and have risen from adversity themselves and become so successful in what they do.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? To relax and reflect on what has happened that day and I think about how I can make tomorrow better and who I can help next.
  3. What's something that still scares you? I still have a fear of heights! When I was in Switzerland in 2011 I was on a gondola going to Mount Tiplis and I lost it. I was screaming and I had everyone else around me just laugh at me. They thought I was over-reacting.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? Books – Secrets of the millionaire mind and Robert Kiyosaki Rich dad poor dad – any of those books who get you to think outside the box and force you to think positively about your life, money, success.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? Because I’ve been subject to it directly and indirectly. Being from a non-Australian background and my daughter being part African-American we have experienced it from all angles and that’s one thing I would like to fix. We all come from one race and that’s the human race.

 

 

Final Question for Lily Troupe

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

Don’t touch any substance that is going to alter your mood or your self-control or your decision making.  Even though I didn’t do hard drugs, alcohol still became a problem and it’s just so easy to get trapped by the feeling of being someone that you’re not just for the fun of it and it’s definitely something I would advise not to do.

 

A Gift for Listeners From Lily Troupe

A complimentary 20 minute one on one session to get to know more about Lily and discover how she can help you to move from being stuck and step up to seeing your true worth and being treated like the queen you deserve to be.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You may receive the occasional emails from Lily Troupe. You can unsubscribe at any time.

The post 029: A sobering fear – Lily Troupe appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Lily Troupe who shares: How unhealthy relationships led her to alcoholism How the fear of loss turned her sober Her resilience in br... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Lily Troupe who shares: How unhealthy relationships led her to alcoholism How the fear of loss turned her sober Her resilience in bringing up three children alone How changing her stinking thinking led to more opportunities… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
028: A life changing loss – Joy Fairhall https://www.facingfears.com.au/joy-fairhall/ Sun, 25 Sep 2016 19:30:02 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2406 https://www.facingfears.com.au/joy-fairhall/#comments https://www.facingfears.com.au/joy-fairhall/feed/ 2 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Joy Fairhall who shares: How she suddenly lost her beloved husband within six weeks of diagnosis How she created a new normal for her children The steps that got her through her grief How seeing her…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/joy-fairhall/">028: A life changing loss – Joy Fairhall</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
the-fearless-females-podcast-joy-fairhall

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Joy Fairhall who shares:

  • How she suddenly lost her beloved husband within six weeks of diagnosis
  • How she created a new normal for her children
  • The steps that got her through her grief
  • How seeing her best friends experience of Motor Neuron Disease has inspired her to create a centre for supporting others through the process of dealing with a life-changing condition.

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. When you are going through grief, know that there is going to be a new kind of normal
  2. People start to heal, the moment they feel heard – who can you listen and stop for today?
  3. Let’s make every single day a fantastic memory for tomorrow.
  4. You aren’t defined by your story, you are still you and I am still me.
  5. Ask yourself each day, “What fills your heart with joy?” and then find a way to go do that

About Joy Fairhall

Joy Fairhall of Mind Body Joy is an Emotional Guidance and Support Coach and specializes in supporting those who have been affected by a life-changing condition or event.

Joy knows what it feels like to be dealt a diagnosis of someone you love after growing up with a very ill mother, losing her sister in law and beloved husband to cancer, and then her closest friend to Motor Neuron Disease, and now her grandson has been diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes.

She understands that the time of diagnosis is a time of many emotions and you can feel like you’ve been sucked into a Vortex and can't stop to gather your breath.

As a Master Practitioner of Hypnotherapy, NLP and Timeline Therapy™. Creator of the ‘3 Minute to Calm’ ™ and ‘What fills Your Heart with Joy’™ methods, Joy has a vast selection of modalities to support you through the process to find happiness in your life again.

Contact Joy Fairhall

A Gift for Listeners From Joy Fairhall

Download Joy’s Three Minutes To Calm. This technique is something you can do on the go, anytime, anywhere, at any age, utilising breathing and colours and it’s very, very effective. In three minutes you will be calm.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You may receive the occasional emails from Joy Fairhall and Mind Body Joy. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: Episode 028: A life-changing loss– Joy Fairhall

Joy Fairhall’s Fearless Story

I’ve had a few life-changing experiences in my life. I had a wonderful upbringing with mum and dad and a brother plus we had an adopted brother who came into our family at the age of seventeen, before I was born.

I grew up knowing that my mum probably wasn’t going to survive so I grew up looking after her. She contracted an illness that was quite unusual and they believe it was when she was greeting the boats in the war years down at the docklands. So, looking back on my life I actually grew up with the fear that my mum wasn’t going to be around for very long.

With that in the back of my mind, I think it made me really appreciate every single day from a young age. It also equipped me very well because I had a wonderful marriage to the love of my life and we had two beautiful children.

We were married for fifteen very happy years, and not long enough, when he was diagnosed with cancer. From the time he was diagnosed, within six weeks, we had lost him. So it was very, very quick!

Initially, they said that he could have some chemo and that would get good results but then they did some more tests and came back with saying that chemo wasn’t an option and he was riddled through with aggressive cancer.

So that raised a lot of fears because I had thought we would have plenty of time to be together and fight this and get through it. I didn’t know it would be cut short and I would only have him for six more weeks.

So, I brought him home and I had quite a bit of medical practice with caring for my mother, although no formal training but I was taught how to give him injections and look after him at home with the support of palliative care.

I really thought that I could do that and a lot of people can’t and I totally understand that but for us it gave us more time than if you were having to go into hospital each day. The kids could go and see their dad any time. The family could come and visit him and we had peaceful time just being together.

The fear I had with that was I had a wonderful husband, he was my support, he was my backbone and he was a wonderful dad. He would work morning shift and I had a job with afternoon shift so the kids had their dad a lot more than most people do. He would get their dinner and take them to sports etc and during the day I could participate in daytime things such as fares at school, camps etc. So we were a great partnership.

My fear was that we were such a team and I was going to be a single mum to two children who were going to grieve and did grieve so much and to me that was massive. A life without my husband loomed large and it came around much quicker than I thought it would. So, yeah, it wasn’t a pleasant time in my life.

How did you deal with that difficult time in your life?

I think, growing up with the fear of losing my mother, I really just wanted to make the most of the time we had together.

Picking up on what you just said, I also think that the children being so close to their dad was actually a blessing. They were so bonded with their father and had spent more time with him by the time they were ten and twelve, which was when they lost him, than most children would.

I wonder if the universe, for those that believe in the universe, did that so they would have more time with him because that time was going to be short. So I look at that as a blessing.

The steps that got me through, it’s never cut and dry and it’s different for everyone but what helped me was getting him home and trying to have some type of a normal life and giving the children access to him so that they could talk through anything with him.

A lot of people don’t get that. If you lose someone in a road accident you don’t get to say what you want for their life. I remember when we found out that he wasn’t going to be with us for much longer, my husband said, “I am still going to be around you in the spirit sense and I am going to annoy you. So there was that bit of humour and that’s how we tried to deal with it. We tried to have the humour and we tried to see the blessing in all of the awful medical side of it as well. But we had each others backs the whole time.

The thing that really got me though is that I have always lived in a positive way. With my name [Joy] I really don’t have any other option! Knowing that people can move out of your life so quickly, it’s about really looking at the positives. Feeling blessed that we had him in our lives for so long, be blessed that we had a happy family and marriage. There are so many people who are surrounded with divorce and who don’t have that happiness.

So, really just focusing on the positives and I also wanted to show the kids that everything was going to be ok even though we had lost such a huge part of our family.

I also wanted to change our lifestyle into where we used words like ‘old normal’ for how it was before, ‘limbo’ for the time in the middle where you want to move forward but aren’t quite sure how to do that and then moving into a ‘new normal’.

Not everyone will do this but my late husband and I had plans to build an extension onto the house. We had built a garage as a test run and we were going to build it all ourselves. So I thought, even though I couldn’t afford it at the time, a good segway from the old normal into the new normal, without a big part of us being there, was to go ahead with the extension.

I didn’t know how I was going to pay for it but I kept busy and I actually knocked down and demolished half the house myself with some help from a friend. We actually lived in three bedrooms, one bathroom and a courtyard that I turned into a kitchen and living area for nearly six months.

When we finally got into the new house it was the joy of building his dream, the joy of having done it together, it was a lot smaller than we had planned but the steps were:

  • Keeping busy
  • Knowing you are changing into a new normal
  • Things aren’t going to be the same as the old normal
  • There will be times of grief (Even now, twenty years later, we still tear up when I hear a song or something like that)
  • Speak about the person who has passed (People would visit and weren’t sure if they could mention his name. We spoke of him often and he is still a part of our lives, even now)
  • Create joyful memories, rather than morbid ones (The kids put a sign on the shed “Dad’s Shed” and he was very much into motor racing and we were given a ‘finish’ sign which was on his coffin so we put that up in the shed)
  • Focus on the positives (which I understand can be difficult, but focus on the good things you had, rather than what you haven’t had)
  • Talk about the feelings openly
  • The support of friends and family is important (Even if it’s just a hand to hold to enable you to heal yourself)

I have a saying I use with my clients and that is, “People start to heal, the moment they’re heard”. I live my life like that. Listen to people. Some people stop to listen but I listen and stop at the same time. People start to heal the moment they feel heard is a big saying.

You’ve also been effected by loss more recently too. Do you want to tell us a little about that?

Yes, but I don’t want it to sound like my life has been full of loss although I have been affected by loss. That is my life journey is being affected by life changing events and then being able to support others.

Before I lost my husband we lost my sister-in-law before that who had been fighting liver cancer and my mum only passed away a month ago. So, the saying that she wasn’t going to live past thirty-two , it just goes to show that the mind over matter is really strong.

My mother was determined to live a really full live and there were times when we didn’t think she was going to survive but we had her to the lovely age of nearly eighty-seven which was wonderful. So, don’t believe everything you are told.

Absolutely, my business is MindBodyJoy because I am a really big believer in the mind and the body being so linked and strong and my mother is one of the reasons why.

I also lost a very dear and close girlfriend to Motor Neurone Disease which is a real mongrel of a disease. She is really my inspiration. She was amazing my gorgeous friend Cassie. Again, she really used the mind and the body to fight this terrible disease.

Cassie really made me define what it is that I want to do in my life and that is to help those who have had a diagnosis of a life-changing condition. Right up to the last day she was here she was still determined that she was going to be walking and getting better and her illness was longer than normal with Motor Neuron Disease. Once again, I believe that was her mind really helping her body continue.

What has come from this experience?

People often say, “You’ve had a tough life” or “You’ve been affected by so much loss”, but I say that I am really truly blessed in this life because it really is an absolute blessing to live this life and be surrounded by people who love me, and I love them, and who bring so much joy into my life.

We are making tomorrow's memories today so we want to make sure that we create good ones. So my aha moments have really been exactly that. Let’s make every single day a fantastic memory for tomorrow.

Currently, I am working really hard on opening a centre for people who have been effected by life-changing conditions and I have been really passionate about getting this centre open because the medical side is there and absolutely but this centre is going to be a holistic place for emotional support. Where people can drop in and have that hand to hold or talk to someone who has been through what they’ve been through.

So, everything that has happened to me up until today is pushing me to open a centre to help people tomorrow. What happens in a lot of these cases is that people become defined by their back story. You’re the child that was beaten or you’re the person that was sexually assaulted, you’re the person who has cancer or you’re the person who has depression. You are defined by a title. But you aren’t defined by a title, you are still the same person, you are still you. So, the centre is going to be called, “I am still me”.

That will be the total focus with where I am going with the support that I give people in the future. So, that is where it has led me to today. I am working really hard in planning that. I even submitted the idea into a competition, which has been shortlisted to be judged, to get the centre up and running, which is exciting but I haven’t heard back about that yet.

I have obviously been put here and through this, so that I can help others and that’s my goal. The centre is going to open, whether I win this (which includes mentoring from David Kosh and Janine Ellis) or not. It’s going to open, some way or another.

Most Memorable Moment

I’ve had so many memorable moments that it’s difficult to choose one. The fact that I have never really put myself out there to get support. Usually, if I want to do something I tend to do it quietly and I do it myself and don’t ask for the support of people, although I know they would be there for me 100% if I did.

To put a submission into this competition that I was talking about, it needed to be voted for by people. So I did actually put it out there to various Facebook groups and networking people and I asked my family and friends for support. The response was just overwhelming. The support I got from people for this idea, my passionate idea was amazing.

Knowing that there were so many people who were on the same page and could see that this centre was needed and the support they gave me to get that done, I was really touched.

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

I think the thing that scares me about my future is that I wont be able to reach the people who need my support the most. There is so much chronic illness around these days and the link between the mind and the body is really becoming a hot topic.

It’s becoming scientifically proven that if you’re stressed it effects your body and creates disease. So the work that I do, and what others do, is required more and more every day. I would really love to change my focus from working one to one, to one to many and then train and enable other people to support people in these situations as well. Maybe even have more “I am still me” centres around the state and around the world where they are needed.

I think it would scare me if I wasn’t able to get out there and provide this support that’s needed and enable other people to provide that support as well.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Joy Fairhall

  1. Who inspires you? My girlfriend Cassie. She inspired me and showed me how to smile even in terrible times, she showed me her vulnerability and the way she approached her diagnosis was just amazing so she is my inspiration.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? To go into my infra red sauna. I sit in there and listen to music or meditate or read and I do that every single day. I just love it!
  3. What's something that still scares you? Probably losing a family member. I think they’ve been through enough and I just want us all to die of old age.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? This is going to sound really vain but it’s the one I created, “What fills your heart with joy”. I use this myself when things start to pile up or I think I cant do something or if I wake up and haven’t slept well, whatever it is, I ask myself, “Would the world stop if I didn’t …..”. i.e. Would the world stop if I didn’t get this done or if I didn’t get some sleep or whatever it might be. Then I do my, “What fills my heart with joy” to get back on track. It works every single time. It just helps you to re-set and it makes you feel happy and makes you feel grateful for the day. That and my three minutes to calm I use regularly.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? Just one? I would love it if there was a cure for chronic illness. Motor Neuron Disease is such a sidious disease, cancer we are making inroads into, and my grandson has type one diabetes and I have seen what the parents go through looking after children with that and I would love to find a cure for that as well. So I will say chronic illness because that can encompass all of those.

 

Final Question for Joy Fairhall

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

Probably, learn to say no. I was a person who did everything for everyone right from a young age. Right up until the age of fifty which was the first time I said no to my mother when she asked for something and I was doing something else.

So, learning to say no and being true to yourself I think are the big ones. I remember thinking when I said no to her that the world was going to stop now, and it wasn’t a big thing she asked, but because of what I had grown up with her I had always gone and done what she asked straight away.

Where can people reach out to you? www.mindbodyjoy.com.au

Facebook – Mind Body Joy

 

 

 

A Gift for Listeners From Joy Fairhall

Download Joy’s Three Minutes To Calm. This technique is something you can do on the go, anytime, anywhere, at any age, utilising breathing and colours and it’s very, very effective. In three minutes you will be calm.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Joy Fairhall who shares: How she suddenly lost her beloved husband within six weeks of diagnosis How she created a new normal for he... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Joy Fairhall who shares: How she suddenly lost her beloved husband within six weeks of diagnosis How she created a new normal for her children The steps that got her through her grief How seeing her… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
027: Making me a priority – Sarah Batsanis https://www.facingfears.com.au/sarah/ Sun, 18 Sep 2016 14:41:01 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2392 https://www.facingfears.com.au/sarah/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/sarah/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Sarah Batsanis who shares: How she was afraid to put her wants and needs first How she allowed herself to become disempowered The workshop that began her journey to turning her life around Learning to please…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/sarah/">027: Making me a priority – Sarah Batsanis</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
the-fearless-females-podcast-sarah-batsanis

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Sarah Batsanis who shares:

  • How she was afraid to put her wants and needs first
  • How she allowed herself to become disempowered
  • The workshop that began her journey to turning her life around
  • Learning to please herself without the guilt
  • Knowing the difference between fear and intuition

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. We are all chasing that feeling of love and connection but if you aren’t connected and loving to yourself, how can you expect anyone else to.
  2. If you have bad dialogue going on in your mind every day then you aren’t going to hear or accept anyone’s praise or compliments
  3. What you put out, you get back so you had better be sure to put out good stuff
  4. Everything works out when you just let it go.
  5. Don’t be serious all of the time, be responsible but also allow yourself to have fun regularly.

About Sarah Batsanis

Sarah Batsanis is Australia’s leading Stress Specialist, Relationship Mentor, Love & Confidence Coach and Speaker, who is passionate about creating lasting positive change in people. Married together with her husband for almost 20 years, she has been working on relationships and giving people the life empowering skills to help change how they feel fast, & live and express their highest truth, to find love, connection, and understanding within themselves, as well as gain clarity, and peace of mind when it comes to the opposite sex.

Some of Sarah’s main areas of focus are helping people overcome Relationship breakdowns, to find love, fix their relationship, gain confidence and stop stress primarily using Faster EFT, a cutting edge system that works to address unwanted emotions and physical pain within the mind and body.

Contact Sarah Batsanis

A Gift for Listeners From Sarah Batsanis

You have the choice of two gifts from Sarah. The first is a 30 minute clarity session via phone or skype where we look at where you are, where you want to be and what’s holding you back.

The second option is a love assessment where we dive deep into what’s holding you back from finding true love. Where are you sabotaging your opportunity to be loved.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You may receive the occasional emails from Sarah Batsanis and Faster EFT. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: Episode 027: Making me a priority – Sarah Batsanis

Sarah Batsanis’ Fearless Story

It all started for me when my children were quite young, 4 & 6 approximately and I knew I wanted to start working for myself and get some study behind me but I didn’t know how or where to start.

To cut a long story short, I had been invited to a weekend hypnotherapy workshop and by the end of the workshop I had really grasped how the mind works and I really wanted to pursue that.

At the end of the weekend we got offered the opportunity to go to the Gold Coast and continuing the education and I just didn’t think I could do it because it meant I had to leave my kids with my husband for a week and I had never done that before so I just didn’t think I could do it but I really wanted to.

The course was going to be $3000 and I was just so afraid of what my husband would think of me spending that amount of money, what the in-laws would think of me leaving the children. So I was focused on what everyone else would think.

So I weighed it all up and to me, this was a once in a lifetime opportunity. To me this was going to get my career started and it was a vital part of my self-development. So I gave him my credit card and signed up and then walked outside thinking, “What have I done, how am I going to tell my husband and what will my kids think of me leaving them for a week?”

That was the beginning of me stepping up. It was the difference between my own fears and empowerment. This was the first thing I had done for me since having my children. It was something for me.

How I told my husband – with a lot of fear and a lot of trying to work out how I would say it and in the end I just said it was something I needed to do for myself and if I wanted to follow the path of being my own boss while the kids are at school then this is an opportunity for me.

It was at that point though, I was pretty much committed even if he had said no because I had put that money down and to this day I am pretty sure I would have just said that I have to go and I have to follow it because it was just such a strong thing that I knew I needed to do and would give me the opportunities I wanted.

It’s still a bit of a blur and I know I got tongue tied which is what happens when fear is in control and that was the sort of person I was around my husband then. I was very dis-empowered and he was 8 years older than me and so I had him up on a pedestal. I had the belief that he was a lot smarter than I was

How did you decide it was worth it?

I think it was just a knowing for me. I always wanted to help people. I grew up with a sister that was diagnosed as manic depressant and with schizophrenia so sharing a room with her I always knew I wanted to help her and to help other people.

So having a week where I knew I was going to learn a lot about myself and about other people and getting the tools to enable me to help them overcome their fears and challenges. I just knew it was going to be the start of something great and that’s exactly what it was.

When you believe in something enough and have that ‘gut feeling’ it’s amazing what you can do to make something happen. That’s so true and I have been working with that ever since. When you have fear you tend to over ride that gut feeling but now I have the time to slow down and really tune into that intuition.

Back then it was the fear of what other people would think but now it's remembering to come back to my own self and that its ok to follow my own gut feeling and my own path no matter how much other people might not like it, this is my own truth.

It was about following that truth and not denying it anymore because I had suppressed it for so long because I was so dis-empowered. I had him up on a pedestal and I had moulded myself to what I thought he wanted me to be in return for getting more love and affection. So I wasn’t really coming from that true place.

So often we get caught up in the ego heart that is led by fear and thinking that we should be doing something or we need to or we have to. These are all ego based and head stuff rather than from the heart. It’s about knowing how to use that intuition and gut feeling even when we do have fear.

So many clients I work with are held back by so many things and often they are fear. Everything we want is on the other side of fear. Not only do we have to face the fear but we have to accept the fear, we have to let go of the fear. There are so many different aspects and if we could just get over that fear we will see the rainbow because it is there, we just need to get over it first to get to what’s on the other side.

That’s often difficult to do when you are a mother, wife, daughter, friend. You have all of these other roles and responsibilities that often we forget about ourselves and to ask what we want. So well done on making that decision which would have been hard to do as a mother.

What happened after you decided to take that action?

This was really the turning point for me. After I studied the hypnotherapy I then did some NLP (neuro linguistic programming), some life coaching and numerous other things after that. Then I came across the Faster EFT technique which is the faster version of the Emotional Freedom Technique in 2010.

Once I did that and went and did a seminar on it, that’s when a whole other turning point happened in my life. I had treatment for my own issues where I had back and stomach pain, relationship issues and stress problems etc and I was completely blown away.

I had been stressed in a stressful working environment for six years and I also had relationship issues as there was a lot of resentment towards my husband that had built up over the years until I eventually lost my gallbladder. When you think about your gallbladder it’s really your centre of power, your gall.

I was disempowered. I was powerless because I was allowing my husband to control me. I only had myself to blame but there was a build up of stress and resentment from not being able to do what I really wanted to do. This is what Louise Hay talks about how we physicalize what we are going through emotionally within our bodies.

How did you turn all of that around?

I started doing Faster EFT sessions and started to get my life back on track. I left the stressful job and stopped feeling like a victim in my relationship. I felt like there were a lot of things I wasn’t getting in my relationship. For many years I used to walk around with the belief that I just wasn’t getting the love and affection.

Of course, everything is language and energy so I was putting that belief out into the world and consequently, that’s what I was getting back – not enough love and affection. Through Faster EFT and learning how to love me and put myself as a priority, together with building up my own self-esteem and my own empowerment through the tapping and through healing, enabled me to get to the point of turning my relationship around.

We have been together for almost twenty years and not only have I been able to turn that relationship around but also the relationship with myself which is now so much more kinder, nicer, loving and supportive. And how I treat myself is how I am going to treat you and others so being the best version of me enabled me to come from a place of compassion for others. Instead of feeling unloved and lonely. I began to please myself without the guilt.

My husband had been so used to seeing me be the pleaser and then one day he said to me, “You’ve changed, you’re like Sarah with attitude now” and I explained to him that it wasn’t that I had attitude, it was that I had found myself and I know who I am and I’m not going to be tolerating the things I used to put up with.

Some people might judge but this is what we are all looking for as far as I’m concerned. We want to feel good about ourselves. We are all chasing a feeling and that feeling is love. And combine connection with that too because if you aren’t loving and connecting with yourself, how can you expect anyone else to.

People might say nice things about you but if you aren’t being kind to yourself and if you have bad dialogue going on in your mind every day then you aren’t going to hear or accept their compliments. You aren’t going to be able to receive that compliment because of how you feel about yourself. We really need to learn how to have a great relationship with ourselves first and learn how to love and connect with us first before anything else.

What are you passionate about today?

Where I’m at now is I am at a playful stage, a self-expression stage. I made a pact with myself last year to find ways for me to express myself. I’m happy with my life, work is good, I get to help people every day and I wanted to find ways I could express the embodiment of who I am outwardly.

Since putting that out to the universe I have had invitations to people's bands and to freedom dancing and all sorts of fun things. Different ways to feel and for self-expression and to just allow me to be me, that free spirit who has fun.

Recently I met a gentleman who is a psychic and a medium and I spoke to him recently. I run an empowering women's group and have done for five years and I’ve been looking for a man to facilitate a mans empowering group. He put his hand up straight away and said, “I’m in”.

We then had a conversation about how we all want to have self-expression and we all want to have fun. We’ve all forgotten how to have fun. I left home at fifteen and I was working two jobs and life was serious. There wasn’t a lot of time to have fun.

So, John and I have come together to help people to explore that and to connect people together with love and connection and bringing back that fun and that play and allowing people to be themselves to connect with one another and just enjoy life and not be so serious. To let go of the fears for a while.

I came up with a saying yesterday which was, “Let go of the fear and let the fun appear” and that’s basically where I’m at right now. A lot of people don’t know what they like, they certainly know what they don’t like and that’s where it stops. But if they are just willing to open that up.

I came across a list the other day of great hobbies. They are catagorised and it’s now something I use with my clients now. If something resinates with them as they go down the list then I recommend they get out of their comfort zone and give it a go. That’s the only way you are going to know if you like it or not.

Say yes to experiencing life and see what opportunities come up for you. Don’t wait until you are in the mood to go and do that fun thing, do the fun thing and that will put you in the right mood.

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

Often when people have future plans that’s where fear can set in. I guess I try to take each day as it comes. I’m a little different in that way because I like to live in the now because I believe that’s all we have. So if there is fear in that day then I will use my own technique - the Faster EFT and I will tap on that.

I really try and live for the now because too often you hear of people who wait until they are retired and they have all of these great plans but the truth is that you don’t know what’s going to happen tomorrow. Lets be real, I’m quite a realist, you can have these grand plans but if you aren’t here tomorrow to enjoy them then that’s time wasted.

I live each day as much as I can and try to incorporate that fun, play aspect as much as I can.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Sarah Batsanis

  1. Who inspires you? The creator of Faster EFT and my mentor for the past six years, Robert Smith inspires me with his wisdom. Also Bruce Lipton who is a cellular biologist and is bringing out epigenetics and how we can change our dna by what we think.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? Besides tapping and maybe dancing and tapping at the same time, I love people and I love coffee so anywhere I can have a coffee and some good conversation, I’m there!
  3. What's something that still scares you? I’ll have to get back to you on that one. Nothing really comes to mind. I’m sure there are things as we are all human right? But that just doesn’t enter my realm any more.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? Technique = tapping (Faster EFT) Book = The Secret Language of Your Body by Inna Segal and Louise Hay’s You Can Heal Your Life – which give heaps of different elements of the emotional components of physical pain.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? I think if I could wave a magic wand and have everyone in the world know that they are loved, that would be great. And to know how to do amazing relationships and how to make them work, that would be good too. Knowing how to keep that aliveness and bringing more people together, that would be my thing, to ultimately share that love and be loved.

 

Final Question for Sarah Batsanis

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

Don’t worry about what other people think. Be yourself and express yourself without that fear and worry of others. And to just have fun! Relax and don’t be so stressed and caught up. Everything works out when you just let it go.

Where can people reach out to you? 

www.fastereft.com.au

A Gift for Listeners From Sarah Batsanis

You have the choice of two gifts from Sarah. The first is a 30 minute clarity session via phone or skype where we look at where you are, where you want to be and what’s holding you back.

The second option is a love assessment where we dive deep into what’s holding you back from finding true love. Where are you sabotaging your opportunity to be loved.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You may receive the occasional emails from Sarah Batsanis and Faster EFT. You can unsubscribe at any time.

The post 027: Making me a priority – Sarah Batsanis appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Sarah Batsanis who shares: How she was afraid to put her wants and needs first How she allowed herself to become disempowered The wo... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Sarah Batsanis who shares: How she was afraid to put her wants and needs first How she allowed herself to become disempowered The workshop that began her journey to turning her life around Learning to please… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
026: Recognising Trauma – Carmel Boutchard https://www.facingfears.com.au/carmel/ Sun, 11 Sep 2016 21:44:22 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2380 https://www.facingfears.com.au/carmel/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/carmel/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Carmel Boutchard who shares: How she overcame a lifetime of traumas ranging from an assault at 11 and through two abusive marriages How doing an assertiveness course for women started her healing How a hunger for…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/carmel/">026: Recognising Trauma – Carmel Boutchard</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
fearless-females-podcast-carmel-boutchard

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Carmel Boutchard who shares:

  • How she overcame a lifetime of traumas ranging from an assault at 11 and through two abusive marriages
  • How doing an assertiveness course for women started her healing
  • How a hunger for knowledge gave her empowerment
  • How she is still a little scared of letting love in
  • Why recognizing trauma and feeling safe is so important

Tegan's Take Aways:

1.    Surviving is just what you do when you don’t know what else to do. To solve this, research what else is out there, there are always options.
2.    Learning to say “I” statements can be so empowering
3.    Overcoming trauma will free you up to experience joy
4.    You have to be willing to experience love
5.    When facing a confronting situation, write down and rehearse what you want to say, make sure it’s not inflammatory, and then say it or write it in a letter/email and send it.

About Carmel Boutchard

Carmel Boutchard is a hypnotist, coach and counsellor and specializes in supporting those dealing with trauma. She is a therapist who helps people understand and recognise trauma-related symptoms, safely confront their trauma & take the emotional charge out of it so they can finally feel safe & know physically, emotionally & mentally that it is finally OVER. They are safe & they are more than enough!

Contact Carmel Boutchard

A Gift for Listeners From Carmel Boutchard

A 15 page ebook on 7 Signs of Trauma - why you're not crazy and it's not your fault plus 3 things you must do to get a life that works and 1 thing you can do right now to get started.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You may receive the occasional emails from Carmel Boutchard and MySymmetry. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: Episode 026: Recognising Trauma – Carmel Boutchard

Carmel Boutchard’s Fearless Story

I had a fairly stable family life outwardly but my mother had been assaulted when she was a child and had probably post-traumatic stress disorder, and so that really affected my life and my siblings life as well; but I really noticed things started going wrong when I was eleven.

At eleven I was sexually assaulted at the beach one time and so I was quite traumatised by that experience. Then when I went to high-school I was a bit emotional and the nuns weren’t very understanding. So, long story short, they threw me out of school.

After that I just didn’t feel like I belonged anywhere. I, gosh… there are just too many things, but basically, I met a boy and ended up pregnant before my sixteenth birthday. So, I was a mum at sixteen and then got married off to the father of my child. He was quite immature, as he wasn’t that much older than I was, and violent and verbally abusive. So I eventually left him. Later I got married again but I must have been a slow learner because it was pretty much the same again…so I got divorced again.

This and a lot of the other things that happened left me with no self-confidence and no self-esteem; I had no career, I had no training, and I was frightened to be myself in any way shape or form really. I was basically just hiding away for most of my life, just surviving, which is what you do when you don’t know what else to do. So not really living!

What was it you were afraid of then?

It was mainly just being afraid of being myself really. At that age, you aren’t very conscious of things so I was probably afraid of other things too, but I wasn’t very conscious of what they were as I was functioning on automatic.

What did stand out for me was that I was too afraid to say anything, to challenge anything or to question anything for fear of being hit, or ostracised or verbally abused in some way. That’s basically what controlled me for all of those years.

How did you turn it around?

I think …I got to a point when I was thirty-two… I went to a course on assertiveness training for women and that was the very first bit of personal development that I learnt. It was very skill based so I learnt how to use ‘I’ statements and to begin to verbalise what you want and to put boundaries around you. This was quite life changing for me.

It all grew from there. I learnt about counselling, I learnt about psychology and how families work, and communication. It was all skill based at that point.

What are some of the things you learnt then, that supported you to get through your past experience?

It’s a real skill to be able to determine what is your ‘stuff’; what you need to take responsibility for and what you can hand back to other people, which is about the boundaries I suppose. Assertiveness is a great place to start!

The other thing is how to communicate in a way that gets to the heart of the matter; and not inflame situations. It’s difficult to put it into a nutshell really.

I had to learn about emotional management, as most of what I was learning at that point was skill based and so I wasn’t very emotionally aware, but I was starting to be. This meant I had a lot of emotions floating around. If you are sad or depressed then you need to learn how to manage yourself and get out of those states rather than just wallowing in those feelings, which is when you are in danger of becoming the classic victim.

Also, rehearse and practice what you want to say. If someone has said something nasty and you really want to say something to them, rehearse it. You are still going to be nervous when you say it but rehearse what you want to say, make sure it isn’t inflammatory and then either say it or, what I used to do is write it to them and send it.

That used to terrify me. But it would work. Learn to walk away first and then get clear on what you want to say, rather than just going off in the moment.

What have you learnt from the experiences you’ve had in life?

There’s always going to be a part of me that is sad about those years because there was a loss. At some point you realise that you have lost your youth and those things you expected to have as a teenager and young woman that you just don’t have. But now I just accept them as fact and they have made me stronger.

It’s a bit of a cliché but what doesn’t kill you does make you stronger and able then to support other people who maybe aren’t that strong yet. When you have trauma, and especially with post-traumatic stress disorder and you haven’t yet dealt with it, it is easy to get triggered by it because it is at the front of your mind; but once you have dealt with it, it’s just something that happened to you once, a memory.

If you don’t deal with it it’s like it’s in the present and keeps happening to you over and over again. Trauma is quite physical and so your body is always reacting, the adrenaline is always there and you are always on edge.

What are you passionate about today?

I use a number of different techniques but basically I work with trauma in a couple of different ways. Part of it is educating people about why they feel the way they do, why they feel anxious, depressed or can’t keep a relationship together and things like that.

There are three stages I take people through. In the first part we change core beliefs and programs and introduce people to who they really are, because when you go through those types of experiences you end up having untrue beliefs about yourself such as, ‘you’re not worth anything’ or that ‘you deserve to be treated like rubbish’.

So we re-program a lot of that stuff and a big part of that is for people to know that they are safe. To get over trauma you have to know that it’s over.

The second part is; you get to take the pain away from the past. It takes away the emotional charge from that experience (s) and that’s very liberating. You don’t necessarily go back and face your abusers so to speak, instead we do it in a more powerful way where you get to say all the things you would have wanted to say to them if you could have in a fun, powerful and safe way.

Once we get all of that out of the way, we then focus on the future because then you’ve got a clean slate and you can then work out what you actually want out of life.

In amongst that there might be guilt and there might be grief and we have things we can do about that, to relieve you of those feelings as well. A lot of it is with hypnosis which I really like to use.

Most Memorable Moment

There have been so many but one of my first clients had been through a divorce and had been treated like rubbish basically. I loved how she felt so free after the sessions we had together and she said she had gotten more out of that than two years of ‘normal’ counselling.

We’ve had clients that, if you heard some of their stories, what happened to me is nothing. The things that people can do to each other are appalling and there are some people who can’t even leave the house, but after doing this sort of work, they are literally free. They can feel joy, which is a bit elusive when you’ve been traumatised.

For myself, specifically in relationships, to be able to trust and be willing to accept love is huge. That just wasn’t something I was willing to do because I was too scared of getting trapped.

But the thing is that it isn’t always like these big ‘Jesus’ moments, it can be quite a subtle thing too where you can look back after three months and realise “that relationship has changed” and that person is now relating to me,  because it changes you on a vibrational level as well.

I went to visit my son the other day after not seeing him physically for a couple of years and because of all this stuff we had had a bit of a strained relationship.  But I had done a lot of work since I had last seen him, and I really noticed how differently he reacted to me, and when I left he gave me a proper hug instead of a perfunctory squeeze. It’s at times like that, you realise it has changed. That the affection is there again.

It starts with you, and when you change, your energy changes... and it doesn’t always, but usually, that will have a positive effect on how those around you treat and react to you too. It can go either way, you will either come closer together or it will bounce you apart and I always need to make sure that clients understand that.

Take for example war veterans, and how they get bonded together as a group. A lot of them have PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder) and one of the things that can stop them from getting well is that they feel like they’re leaving their mates behind. So I have to tell them that might happen, and they may choose not to do it because of that.

This can happen with anyone who chooses to make a change. You have to realise that your friends and family that are close to you may feel uncomfortable with that change and it is up to you to be aware of that and then decide how to deal with that. It may mean you leave them behind but your new vibrational level will attract new friends into your life.

Sometimes with my clients, they get better after being unwell and then suddenly the husband or wife no longer has someone to look after and it can change the whole dynamic of the relationship; it either falls apart, brings them closer together or they will get sick again.

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

There are two things that scare me. One, on a more serious note is allowing myself to be loved and getting closer to my husband which scares the absolute xxxx out of me to be honest.

The other thing is that I have committed to going travelling for a couple of months by myself after this semester of university finishes, and I am not that brave with things like that because I get scared of getting lost. I’ve only travelled in these last couple of years so it’s all very new to me and I don’t know how I’ll manage New York on my own.

How do you intend to face these fears?

What’s that book, “Feel the fear and do it anyway”. I have found that if I just stand there and don’t run away, I’m fine. There aren’t any special tricks except to just face it. I do use my hypnosis which helps but when it gets down to it, you just have to be there and you just have to be present.

That’s the same in a lot of situations where fear shows up. You can do your preparation but when it comes down to it, you literally just have to be there and be present rather than running away. Of course, there are some situations where you need to run away and it’s about learning which to do when.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Carmel Boutchard:

Bonus things you may not know about Carmel: I used to be a blackjack dealer. I can sing and have done a few musicals when I was younger. I am a closet stand-up comedian, but to go on stage and do that would scare me! I have sung in an eisteddfod, probably not very well, but I did it to stretch my comfort zone.

  1. Who inspires you? Judith Richards who has put together this trauma process that I use. She has the most horrendous story and she fell apart, physically, mentally and emotionally and she put herself back together again and I just think she’s amazing. Also, although I have had issues with my mother she still inspires me because she had seven children, and had the challenges of her own to overcome. She had a stroke when she was older and so she was immobile for ten years, but she always kept her sense of humour (and her marbles); she only died a couple of years ago and she was always very resilient.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? I love waking up and making a cuppa and sitting in the sun for three or so hours writing or reading or just sitting.
  3. What's something that still scares you? Besides getting closer to my husband, travelling alone and stand up comedy, I’m doing my Masters in Counselling at the moment and I guess it’s that fear of making mistakes and wondering if I should be doing it or not, and then there’s the fear of turning in a terrible paper, and then there’s also the fear of being visible too. That fear of getting negative feedback from ‘haters’ and being ‘smacked down’ but that’s not as big a fear these days, I don’t worry about it quite as much now that I feel a lot stronger.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? Book – “The Body Keeps The Score’ by Bessel Van der Kolk; plus I love Whatsapp because it enables me to communicate with my daughter who lives in Mexico. We can send messages, videos, chat and even call each other on it. It’s amazing!
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? If I could, I would love to make it so that everyone had the opportunity to be free to fulfil their potential.

Final Question for Carmel Boutchard

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

To really understand that your life belongs to you and not to anybody else.

And, to not allow people to dump their ‘stuff’ on you and then blame you. People sometimes try and dump their feelings and desires onto you and then try and make you responsible…so…don’t let them!

 

A Gift for Listeners From Carmel Boutchard

A 15 page ebook on 7 Signs of Trauma - why you're not crazy and it's not your fault plus 3 things you must do to get a life that works and 1 thing you can do right now to get started.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You may receive the occasional emails from Carmel Boutchard and MySymmetry. You can unsubscribe at any time.

The post 026: Recognising Trauma – Carmel Boutchard appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Carmel Boutchard who shares: How she overcame a lifetime of traumas ranging from an assault at 11 and through two abusive marriages ... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Carmel Boutchard who shares: How she overcame a lifetime of traumas ranging from an assault at 11 and through two abusive marriages How doing an assertiveness course for women started her healing How a hunger for… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
025: Facing Fears in Grief– Trudy Simmons https://www.facingfears.com.au/trudysimmons/ Mon, 05 Sep 2016 09:46:56 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2373 https://www.facingfears.com.au/trudysimmons/#comments https://www.facingfears.com.au/trudysimmons/feed/ 2 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Trudy Simmons who shares: How the loss of her beloved sister impacted her life The experience of dealing with grief for the first time How she learnt to sit with her fears rather than fight them…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/trudysimmons/">025: Facing Fears in Grief– Trudy Simmons</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
The-Fearless-Females-Podcast-Trudy-Simmons

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Trudy Simmons who shares:

  • How the loss of her beloved sister impacted her life
  • The experience of dealing with grief for the first time
  • How she learnt to sit with her fears rather than fight them
  • Learning how to let life unfold instead of forcing it
  • How sharing her story brought her closer to herself and others

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. If you are doing something because you think you should or because you feel you have to, please stop and connect with what you want to do.
  2. Live your own life and walk your own path, regardless of what nay-sayers say to do or not to do.
  3. All I have to be is me! – Having the courage to be real can create wonderful experiences and connections.
  4. Don’t try and force things to happen, be ok with letting things unfold occasionally.
  5. Laugh every single day – it’s the best medicine.

About Trudy Simmons

Trudy Simmons is a Purpose and Productivity Coach with a truckload of empathy and a little bit of hard arse! She is able to help you find out WHAT you want to do; WHY you want to do it; and HOW to get it DONE!

She loves to show her audience of entrepreneurial and business women the way to becoming more successful by taking action and following through. Trudy has 20 years of experience in helping people move from being stuck and not knowing the next step, to getting their shizzle DONE! She does this by finding and harnessing your strengths and removing your weaknesses.

She knows what keeps you up at night – the thousands of ideas that are germinating in your brain – and she knows how to sort them into “no go”, “maybe later”, and “hell yes” and get done what is really important to your success.

Trudy is also the creator of “The Spectacular – A Business Symposium” a 2.5 day business immersion in 2018 for entrepreneurial women.  It is held in Australia.

Contact Trudy Simmons

A Gift for Listeners From Trudy Simmons

Download this audio and worksheet to take you from Procrastination to Productive. Find out how you are procrastinating, why you are procrastinating and then how to be productive and what to do next, all in a short space of time.

Show Notes: Episode 025: Facing Fears in Grief– Trudy Simmons

Trudy Simmons’ Fearless Story

I’m a purpose and productivity coach and in my every day role in that I help people to get more done in their life and businesses.

What I found growing up was that purpose came from growing up with my sister who had cerebral palsy. We were like twins with the same personality. We did everything together, had the same curly hair and were both 5’4 whereas our other sisters were 5’11 with straight hair.

We had this magical connection through humour and I saw through her what her purpose was in life and what she was capable of and what she didn’t know she was capable of.

Often we get so wrapped up in what we can and can't do but when you see someone who’s mind is sharp but their body isn’t capable of doing things, you realise what’s possible.

My strength came from her and my ability to be able to listen came from her because it was difficult for her to speak I had to listen intently to be able to understand her.

So, we grew up very close and especially because she had severe cerebral palsy so she couldn’t do anything physically.

Then 2.5 years ago I got a call from my mother to say, “Get on the next plane”, my little sister Jodi, at 33yo was dying.

I was on holiday in Australia at the time and so I sat in this little flat I had rented over Christmas (this was Christmas eve) and I thought, “How am I going to get home (to England)?” I had no winter clothes with me, I didn’t think I had my passport with me either and I was in a remote area in Queensland miles away from anywhere.

As it turned out, I did have my passport with me and to this day I don’t know why I did have it, but I jumped on the next plane out and as I got to Kuala Lumpur airport (which is half way home) and I lay down on a sofa in a half awake, half asleep daze I saw Jodi stand up and turn around and wave to me.

Now, Jodi had never stood up as she had always been in a wheelchair so to see that I knew that she had gone.

I then had to get on another 14 hr flight to London knowing she had gone but not understanding what that would mean to me. When I arrived at Heathrow and all of my family were there I knew logically that she had in fact gone even though my heart knew, my head didn’t want to believe it was true.

What that did was throw me into turmoil because I had never known grief before and not knowing what it could do to me. I am a very strong person and I am a confronter and I push through things, I am everything masculine that other people usually have to find within themselves, especially in the corporate world.

But this annihilated me. I had nothing left to put up. I had no mask that I could wear that could get me through my life at that stage. So in the process of Jodi dying and the funeral which I gave as we didn’t want a religious one.

Ironically, three weeks earlier I had said to myself, “OK I’m ready for public speaking now” and there I was thrown into it in a pretty spectacular way. Then I had to navigate through grief and what that was to me, what it did to my business and most importantly who I was at the end of it. In the middle of it I couldn’t see a thing, I was absolutely blinded and blindsided. Getting up in the morning was hard.

How did you turn that around?

What I did was try and be the person I was before all of this happened. So I tried to push, I tried to force and I tried to just get on with things and not be emotional.

While I was in the UK I felt like I had to do everything for the family because I was only there for a month so the funeral and everything to do with that, I felt I had to get it all done so that kept me busy.

But once I got back to Australia I collapsed and couldn’t keep it up anymore. So in hindsight, looking back now, what I did to get through that was every step had to be a baby step. Everything that I did was raw and it felt so uncomfortable. I didn’t know who I was in this circumstance.

My week used to evolve around speaking with Jodi twice a week and that now had fallen away. We used to be two peas in a pod and now I felt lost even in the family because my other two sisters were like two peas in a pod and now I was just one pea and I didn’t know where I fitted anymore.

So when I got back to Australia there was a lot of that and a lot of tears and I guess I just allowed myself the time to grieve. I didn’t know what that process was. Trying to think of the specific steps now is difficult but one of the things was I had a few really good business friends who were very aware of who I was and who I am now.

One of my friends invited me to come and speak at a networking event in March and I did a talk on procrastination, productivity and grief. There were a lot of tears from me and from them and what I saw was there was this massive new connection that I hadn’t felt before because I had always lived through this mask. It was really exciting.

It took me a good three months to get through it but coming out the other side and feeling this incredible surge of realness and authenticity of what I was doing and how I was interacting with people was just absolutely magical.

I got four new clients from that talk because of who I was at that point, real. To do that I had to face a massive fear of standing up on stage and talking to people. I don’t have a problem with being on stage and acting the fool, I can easily do that but talking to people scared me.

The fear of judgment is my biggest fear and putting myself out there.

Most Valuable Lesson

The most valuable lesson I got from this whole experience without a doubt is that all I have to be is me! It seems silly to say it but all I have to be is just the whole of me and people that like you, that’s great and those that don’t, that’s ok too.

From that talk I then created a two-day workshop for women entrepreneurs called ‘The Spectacular’ – A Business Symposium and without thinking about it I held it on the 22nd February which was Jodi’s birthday.

I put the whole of me into it and was told by others that there was a whole bunch of things I should not do, that would not work but they were things that were me such as conga lines, karaoke etc. I had ten speakers so there was a lot of learning and a lot of fun and I was told they felt cared for and nurtured.

By getting out of their heads and having fun these women’s businesses have shot up as a result of this weekend. The fears I had to create the event were astronomical though and I hadn’t told anyone it was Jodi’s birthday but on the night of the 22nd someone came up to me and asked me if I wanted a glass of Baileys, which was Jodi’s drink.

So I burst into tears and then told everyone else and they all burst into tears and we had lots of Bailey’s. So these wonderful little things that are intertwined when you do face your fears are just magical and make it all worthwhile.

Another thing I have learnt from this and I teach others is to live your own path. If you want to hold an event where you have a spontaneous dance off then do it. Don’t listen to the nay-sayers because they’re scared and it’s just their fears.

What are you passionate about today?

What I am passionate about today and always is people being the whole of themselves in their businesses. I get so cross when I hear people saying, “This is what I should do”, or “This is what I have to do” because they have been told so by family, schools or jobs in their past. If you are doing something because you think you should do it or have to do it, for goodness sake, stop it! Stop it right now and find out what YOU want to do!

The other thing I really love to do is to be able to listen to what people don’t say out loud and hear what it is that they really want to do rather than what they think they should be saying or doing. Those little aha moments when that happens is what makes me happy.

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

Right now there is a lot that scares me because I feel like I am in the midst of a transition and there is something big at foot. So I am really excited but also fearful. You know that feeling of butterflies in your stomach where you know its coming but something else has to happen before that. Rather than push it forward you need to sit with it. I am in the midst of that right now.

I am also planning another ‘Spectacular’ in 2018 and it takes a year to create one of those so I will begin that next year which I am really excited about. And I am really excited about what’s happening next but I don’t know what it is.

How do you deal with fear?

I don’t deal with it well because I am a confronter so I just want to move through it and move on with things. So when I feel something like this the angst and the uncomfortable feeling is in that I need to get out of my head and just let things progress, often without my involvement. That’s really hard for me.

I’ve learnt, just in the past two years, that when I feel like this I need to meditate, I need to get outside and walk and let the fear work through me rather than me fighting against it. I think that’s what damages people is when you try and fight against the fear, it’s painful. So I am just letting it go through me and waiting to see what’s on the other side.

When I say it like that it sounds almost lazy but its not its quite challenging for me because I am fighting with the will to go and take action instead of going and doing something that I love and what’s joyful for me. For example, I love to sing and when I go outside and start singing, that’s when I have the best ideas and things come to me much more than if I had sat in front of my computer for hours trying to make it happen.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Trudy Simmons

  1. Who inspires you? My grandmother. She is the strength of our family and lives with the mantra of laughter. She is 88yo and on 20 pills a day because things break down at that age, but she laughs every single day and that’s her medicine.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? Get outside! To just get outside and see a tree is very important to me.
  3. What's something that still scares you? Two things; the people that dress up as statues and move really slowly, they scare me. And having to sit with my fear rather than taking action, scares me. I am very much about outcomes and action plans and being able to see what the next step is but right now I am in the space of not knowing what the outcome is going to be and that scares me.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? Book = The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. It was a game changer for me to recognise how my brain works in business.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? I would want everybody to believe in themselves. If you believe in yourself and can see the possibilities of what your life could be, then anything is possible.

Final Question for Trudy Simmons

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

What I would say to that young lady is to put the walls down and just be yourself in every way that you want to be, despite what people around you tell you and in spite of them too.

Where can people reach out to you?

www.thedaisychaingroup.com.au

Facebook – Trudy Simmons

A Gift for Listeners From Trudy Simmons

Download this audio and worksheet to take you from Procrastination to Productive. Find out how you are procrastinating, why you are procrastinating and then how to be productive and what to do next, all in a short space of time.

The post 025: Facing Fears in Grief– Trudy Simmons appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Trudy Simmons who shares: How the loss of her beloved sister impacted her life The experience of dealing with grief for the first ti... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Trudy Simmons who shares: How the loss of her beloved sister impacted her life The experience of dealing with grief for the first time How she learnt to sit with her fears rather than fight them… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
024: Self worth & Relationships – Efrat Wolfson https://www.facingfears.com.au/efrat/ Mon, 29 Aug 2016 08:02:48 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2363 https://www.facingfears.com.au/efrat/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/efrat/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Efrat Wolfson who shares: How she came to recognise she was in a verbally abusive relationship The  4 steps she took to be able to leave that relationship Understanding your self-worth & how important that is…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/efrat/">024: Self worth & Relationships – Efrat Wolfson</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
The-Fearless-Females-Podcast-Efrat-Wolfson

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Efrat Wolfson who shares:

  • How she came to recognise she was in a verbally abusive relationship
  • The  4 steps she took to be able to leave that relationship
  • Understanding your self-worth & how important that is
  • Having the courage to start her own business
  • Creating conscious couples in relationships

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. Whatever you feel you are lacking in your life, you have the power to create that yourself if you think outside the box
  2. When you are being tested, trusting that there is something positive that is to be born from the experience, will get you through it
  3. You don’t have to know where it will go, you just have to start with something and the world will let you know what is needed from you.
  4. Sometimes you have to let go of the safe and secure and your comfort zone in order to make enough room for something better to come in energetically.
  5. If everyone on the planet knew how lovable, worthy, beautiful and amazing they are then there would be no wars and no violence.

About Efrat Wolfson

Efrat Wolfson is a Conflict Transformation Coach, originally from Israel, developer of “The Conscious Couples Formula” Blog and Training. Efrat supports people worldwide to build loving, connected, turned-on relationships, by becoming aware of their own Subconscious Relating Patters that are keeping them back from having the relationship of their dreams. Nowadays, Efrat lives in Australia with her gorgeous partner and two children, who provide her with daily opportunities to practice these skills!

Contact Efrat Wolfson

A Gift for Listeners From Efrat Wolfson

A hugely valuable guide for all of us called How to Stop Pointless Arguments and Get Back To Connection In Five Minutes. Designed to help you be able to stop in the middle of those arguments that just go back and forth and go nowhere and come back to connection.

Show Notes: Episode 024: Self-worth & Relationships - Efrat Wolfson

Efrat Wolfson’s Fearless Story

When I was 25 years old, after being in a relationship for four years, I realised I was in an emotionally and verbally abusive relationship. It had taken me a long time to realise this and I had a six-month-old baby with this man at the time.

It took me a further two whole years to get out of the relationship and by then I had two children. So, leaving that relationship was scary for me. Although from the outside it seemed obvious that I should leave, it scared me.

Over the six year relationship I had become very dependant on this man. I was financially dependant, I wasn’t working as I was home with the children. On a deeper level I was also dependent on him for approval and validation. I had given him the role of the person who validates me as a person and the person who validates my actions.

So, even when we broke up, I would phone him up and ask him about my moves (decisions) because I had become so dependant on his approval for even little daily decisions. It was scary to go out into the world without someone who would approve my choices.

What were the steps you took to leave that situation?

There were many steps but the first one was to realise that I was in an abusive relationship. This may seem strange to some people but it can be very confusing when you are in that type of a relationship. Often the abuser can have a lot of charisma.

My ex partner was very loving and caring but at the same time he would be putting me down and letting me know that everything was my fault. Telling me how I can’t do anything right and how stupid I am and how worthless I am. This was very confusing to me.

I kept thinking that he wasn’t abusive and that he was just a very troubled and wounded man and that my love was going to save him. So there was a lot of co-dependency going on in the relationship.

So the first step is to recognise that you are in an abusive relationship. When you are walking on egg shells, when you are afraid of his reactions, when you are constantly doubting yourself, these are all very clear signs that something is off.

Since then, I have become very sensitive to these things and my radar is very sensitive to these signs.

The second step is to acknowledge to yourself that you are worthy of being loved in the way that you want. That you are worthy of 100% of love and being treated like a queen. To acknowledge this took me a long time, almost two years for me.

During that time I was going to therapy and coming to terms with my own patterns of low self esteem that had attracted me to that relationship in the first place. Slowly I built up my levels of self esteem to a point where I just could not bare to be in that type of situation any more.

My partner at the time was also going to therapy and counselling to try and heal that stuff, at the end of the day, I was still getting hurt. So I wasn’t going to stick around while he worked on his stuff, any longer.

Step three was to get as much support as I could, to break free. I began writing an anonymous blog on verbal abuse and started getting a lot of women commenting on that. I talked to some of them personally and asked how they got out of their relationship.

I surrounded myself with lots of love and people who could support me through that process. It’s about understanding that you are worthy of that love and that you no longer have to put up with any more outbursts of violence, not even one more! Then surround yourself with the support you need to break free.

Step four was that I went on a journey of deep self discovery to understand what were my sub-conscious patterns that had attracted me to that type of relationship. I already touched on this but just to go a bit deeper.

If I thought that this relationship failed just because of him and I didn’t take any responsibility for my part in it, then I would have gotten into a very similar relationship next time. It’s not about blaming or being the victim here, it’s about responsibility.

What has attracted you to that relationship on a sub-conscious deeper level. Otherwise you keep attracting and repeating the same type of relationship again. If I keep blaming the other person then I haven’t really learnt anything from the relationship for next time.

When we broke up I was blaming him and saying that he is this, he is that, he is abusive and he is violent, which is all true. But there was my part as well and asking myself, “What was my part?” because there are always two people there.

If I had had the same level of self worth that I have today, I would not have stayed one minute with this man. So, you know, I had a part in this dynamic and it’s important to get clear on your part so that you don’t replicate it.

How did you turn the situation around – the practicalities?

I was very lucky because I wasn’t alone. I lived on the same land as my parents so I had a lot of support. The father of my children was still around so we shared custody of the two children and we still do today.

But it is important to know that if you don’t have that support, you can create it. On my parents land I created a community centre because I felt like I needed more community and support around me. So we built this centre out of mud and junk and stuff we had around and it took a few years but it is by far, one of the best experiences of my life so far.

This was in Israel and I now live in Australia but the centre is still vibrant and has hundreds of people who come there every year. I share this because some women may be feeling like they don’t have support or a community but whatever you feel you are lacking in your life, I believe you can create it. Ask yourself, “How can I create that, be more of that or have more of that in my life?” Think outside the box of how you can create what you feel you don’t have.

More recently you had another scary experience, do you want to tell us about that?

Yes, I think its important for the listeners to know that it isn’t always ‘happily ever after’ once you take the step to leave the relationship. I think often we think it is going to be and we have that expectation and then we get disappointed when it doesn’t happen that way.

There are always going to be challenges. The Hollywood movie ending doesn’t always happen and if you are waiting until you get to the imaginary “there” then you are never going to be happy because there is always going to be another “there” that you find.

So, what happened was, a few years after we had separated we all moved to Australia, my ex partner and the children. It was supposed to be just for one year but there was a complication and I ended up living with him after a very brief attempt at getting back together again. I very quickly realised that nothing had changed though.

I had been searching for a job but I couldn’t find one and I couldn’t understand why when I had my masters degree and I had a lot of experience. So I had no where to live and I had no job. We lived in an area where there wasn’t a lot of housing available and everything was just very chaotic and I was in a really big crisis.

I didn’t really know what was going to happen but I kept trusting that there was some ‘thing’ that was supposed to be born from this. I didn’t really know what but over time I decided to overcome the financial fears that I had and go out and start my own business.

For someone who had always been an employee this was really scary. I had no idea how to run a business or whether I could succeed at it so I just jumped in and what happened was that my business became quite successful, quite quickly.

I have only been running my business for two years now and I have clients from all over the world and I have branched out and do several different things now. So it’s been a pretty amazing process, just from taking that leap of faith.

It also didn’t happen overnight. In the beginning I still had to clean houses and work at a restaurant to make ends meet. Often I would be working on my business when the kids had fallen asleep. So I had to make a decision to really be dedicated to it and to making it work.

What I do is I work with couples and I run a program called the Conscious Couples Formula where I teach people how to connect better with each other through self awareness. I also have a school program where I work with teachers on how to work with young people and conflicts.

I also work with women in Israel to help them to connect more with their sexual and feminine energy.

But what I want to inspire in the listeners is that I didn’t know that this is what I was going to be doing when I started my business. I started with the school program and it has just grown from there. You don’t have to know where it will go, you just have to start with something and the world will let you know what is needed from you.

So, if you wait until you know exactly how something is going to go and exactly how you are going to do it and you are totally clear, then you will procrastinate forever. Jump in and see how things evolve organically

Most Memorable Moment

I remember the moment when I decided to just focus on the business and let go of the other jobs I had going on. This was scary for me because I still had two children to feed and not a lot going on in the business yet.

Two days after I gave one of my house cleaning clients the news that I was quitting to pursue my business I got a huge joint venture business opportunity and that was amazing for me.

It was like I had to let go of the safe and secure and my comfort zone in order to make enough room for something better to come in energetically. It was a really beautiful moment for me of trusting that if I let go of one thing, then something else will come in.

What are you most passionate about today?

It’s hard to pick but I would have to say my couples work. I’ve had couples who have been going through my courses and saying that they had been in couples counselling for two years and hadn’t learnt what I teach and that really excites me.

This is why it’s called the Conscious Couples Formula because the more awareness we bring into our own life the more it brings into the relationship. Becoming aware of what we have been expecting our partners to give us, we need to find within ourselves or we need to believe we are worthy of receiving. To see couples have aha moments, I just love that and it’s my favourite part of what I do.

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

I would love to open up to training facilitators in the method and when I think about that I am scared because I think, “Is this good enough for people to want to learn how to do it?” and all these self doubts come into my mind.

Whenever I face self doubt or self criticism or even outside criticism I always come back to my intention. I take a deep breath and ask myself, “Is what I am offering 100% loving and at peace with the world?” and I just connect with my intention and that really helps me to move through that fear.

The other thing I do is to remind myself that I don’t have to overcome my fears, there isn’t a schedule where by a certain date I have to have overcome that fear. It’s about respecting that the fear is there to protect me and giving it the time that it deserves. By doing that it takes away the pressure of the fear and gives you the opportunity to acknowledge it.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Efrat Wolfson

  1. Who inspires you? Woltiest Mann - The Israel woman who started Windows for Peace which is peace organisation. She is my mentor, my second mother and I worked for the organisation for many years.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? Cuddle up with my man and spending quality time together.
  3. What's something that still scares you? The amount of misunderstandings in the world. The amount of violence that comes from people not knowing how to get their needs met.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? Favourite book = Walden by Henry David Thoreau
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? For people to know on a deeper level how worthy they are of love. I think if everyone on the planet knew how lovable, worthy, beautiful and amazing they are then there would be no wars and no violence.

Final Question for Efrat Wolfson

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

Actually, it would be what I said before which is that you are worthy of all the love and of pleasure and of living all of your dreams exactly as you are. You don’t need to please anyone else. You don’t need to hide parts of yourself in order to be loved. You can be loved exactly as you are and with all of your parts.

Where can people reach out to you? www.efratwolfson.com

Facebook – Efrat Wolfson - Conscious Couples

A Gift for Listeners From Efrat Wolfson

A hugely valuable guide for all of us called How to Stop Pointless Arguments and Get Back To Connection In Five Minutes. Designed to help you be able to stop in the middle of those arguments that just go back and forth and go nowhere and come back to connection.

The post 024: Self worth & Relationships – Efrat Wolfson appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Efrat Wolfson who shares: How she came to recognise she was in a verbally abusive relationship The  4 steps she took to be able to l... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Efrat Wolfson who shares: How she came to recognise she was in a verbally abusive relationship The  4 steps she took to be able to leave that relationship Understanding your self-worth & how important that is… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
023: Giving Yourself Permission – Bec McMillan https://www.facingfears.com.au/bec/ Mon, 22 Aug 2016 10:00:01 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2354 https://www.facingfears.com.au/bec/#comments https://www.facingfears.com.au/bec/feed/ 3 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Bec McMillan who shares: What it used to be like to be Bec McMillan How you can turn things around by deciding to Giving yourself permission to just be yourself Discovering you aren’t as crazy as…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/bec/">023: Giving Yourself Permission – Bec McMillan</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
Fearless-Females-Podcast-Bec-McMillan

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Bec McMillan who shares:

  • What it used to be like to be Bec McMillan
  • How you can turn things around by deciding to
  • Giving yourself permission to just be yourself
  • Discovering you aren’t as crazy as you feel like you might be

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. We chose the path we are on for the lessons it will give us
  2. It’s ok to be a beautiful disaster sometimes, you don’t have to be perfect
  3. Focus on bettering yourself every day but give yourself permission to mess up sometimes
  4. It doesn’t matter how dark things seem today, the sun will rise again tomorrow with a fresh new day
  5. To speak with pride instead of shame - always

About Bec McMillan

Jewellery Designer - Published Author of The Inspiration Bible - Radio personality - Inspirational Speaker- Mentor - Charity Event host - proud mother of two beautiful boys but most importantly a survivor on an extraordinary journey to help people through their struggles.
A story of a strong courageous woman whom has lived a life full of adversity and overcome so many challenges from a child up until present. Bec has endured the unthinkable, the kind of story that even the “Best” script writers could not begin to write- yet come out the other side an awakened soul that is shining brighter than one could imagine.
Bec’s sole purpose in life is to help Inspire people to face ANY situation/life circumstance with strength-courage & determination and to never give up no matter what.
Bec’s approach on overcoming the depths of extreme adversity are described as Raw & Real. Bec prides herself on not claiming to be “perfect” and to simply “allow” yourself to be human!
Bec believes this is what she was born to do and why she has lead the life she had up until her soul awakening in February 2014.
Allow Bec to INSPIRE you to NEVER GIVE UP and to not doubt your abilities!

 

Contact Bec McMillan

A Gift for Listeners From Bec McMillan

Every listener has the opportunity to chose two items of their choice from Becs beautiful jewellery range and receive $10 off each item so that’s a total of $20 off which is wonderful. Click the button below to access Bec’s range of gorgeous healing jewellery which doesn’t just make you look good but feel good too. PM Bec to receive the discount.

Show Notes: Episode 023: Giving yourself permission - Bec McMillan

Bec McMillan’s Fearless Story

  • It was a bit of a ripple effect starting with things that happened to me as a child that I am only now beginning to remember.
  • I got diagnosed with depression at fourteen which led to toxic decisions, toxic behaviours and self medication which led to addiction and so many self destructive behaviours.
  • Really, all I could do was to just survive at the time but nothing prepared me for what came next when I accidentally took my 80 day old baby boy Jas’ life in an unsafe bed sharing accident where I was breast feeding him and I accidentally smothered him.
  • I woke up to him blue and we brought him back to life but it was too late, he was brain dead so he died in my arms when I switched off the machine.
  • Then I lost my nan, then I fell pregnant with twins and had one pass away inside of me and had to continue to carry the baby within me for months because they can’t do anything in that situation.
  • Then after that my pop (grandfather) died and I found out my father had liver cancer and only had three months to live. At the time I was seven months pregnant and it all became too much and I had a breakdown.
  • During that breakdown my new husband left me and I lost my relationships with my two sisters and my best friend. I think it was just too difficult for them to deal with all the mess that was happening on the outside. It was a really, really rough time for me.
  • When I gave birth to my little boy Chance he came out with severe colic and was very stressed. He would cry for at least six hours a day and I barely got any sleep.
  • That turned into glandular fever and then that turned into anxiety and then PTSD (Post traumatic stress disorder). I kept seeing my new baby Chance as my deceased baby which was just horrific and that led me to being suicidal.
  • I ended up booking myself into a mental hospital and got wrongly diagnosed with post partum psychosis and they sent me home saying I just needed new medication, support and sleep.
  • That was actually a turning point for me because I was pleased to find out that I wasn’t actually crazy even though I felt I was losing it, it was reassuring to know that I wasn’t.

How did you turn it around?

  • That was actually a turning point for me because I was so pleased to find out that I wasn’t actually crazy even though I felt I was losing it, it was reassuring to know that I wasn’t.
  • That made me realise my inner strength and these days I hold my head high that I am so strong.

What are the gifts you received from your experience?

  • Through all of my turmoil I discovered spirituality, energy work and the law of attraction so there was a lot of good that came of it.
  • I truly believe that I chose to be Bec McMillan and I chose this path so that I could be the person to help inspire others to know that no matter what life throws at you, you do have the power to turn it all around and do some really great things.
  • Not everyone has to endure the things I have or do the things I am doing but everyone does have the power to move forward from adversity and not live a life hiding away like I did for so long.

Memorable Moments

  • Co-authoring the Inspiration Bible and telling my story and putting myself out there to the whole world was really scary because of the taboo against mental health problems and the stigma.
  • So, it was fearless of me to put myself out there and say that yes, I had all of those things happen to me and yes, “I’m captain crazy” and to own all of that.
  • Then I started getting messages from all over the world of people who had read my story and had been inspired by it.
  • For me to discover that people don’t look down on me for having mental health problems and they actually look up to me. This was huge for me and I have been unstoppable since.

What are you passionate about today?

  • I wear many crowns (not hats!) today and the most exciting is the launch of my crystal jewellery range and essential oils.
  • I’m all about making people feel good and I get so much joy out of receiving letters and pictures of people wearing my jewellery and thinking, “Wow, I created that!”. It’s almost better than becoming an author.
  • With my jewellery, its feel good fashion so its not just about looking good but it’s feeling good at the same time.

How did you get from where you were to where you are today?

  • I made a decision! Making a decision to start somewhere is a key point. So I made a decision to make an effort. I started to put good nutrition into my body. I started with my essential oils and crystals.
  • I looked for ways to raise my vibration so I put up inspirational quotes around my house, put on uplifting music, watch funny videos.
  • Just little things to lift me out of the depression and self-loathing and get my confidence back and feeling good about myself again. I lost 18 kilo’s which was also a good achievement. Once I had lost the first 7 kilos I then had the confidence to step into a gym to lose the rest.
  • It’s just a ripple effect of self-care. Feeding yourself with love.

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

  • Getting into the media and the public eye, I am afraid that people will judge me for my past.
  • I made some toxic decisions in my teenage years and early twenties and it just worries me that someone will take a piece of my past and judge me on that instead of the person I am today.
  • I know I shouldn’t worry about what others think of me and I know I am as strong as a lion but I am also secretly sensitive too. So that’s what scares me.
  • There you go, I just put that vulnerability out there!
  • This is why it’s important to surround yourself with people who believe in you.
  • I believe that my past has given me the tools I need to recognise when someone else is troubled and the lessons I have learnt and continue to learn are part of the lessons that life gives you.
  • I also try and better myself every day but I also give myself permission to stuff up because I am not perfect and that’s ok because at least I’m trying and giving it a go.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Bec McMillan

  1. Who inspires you? Oprah! She gives me Aha moments every time I listen to her. What a wise, awesome lady!
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? To open up the blinds and welcome the new day. It doesn’t matter how dark things get the sun will always rise the next day - you always have a new day the next day!
  3. What's something that still scares you? Sponge foam! I don’t know where it comes from but if you come near me with foam I will run away screaming like a little girl.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? I love my healing crystals and mixing up essential oils. I think they are an essential part of every day life to support you to get through things.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? Mental health problems! Mental health issues are the cause of seven deaths a day and it is something that has a ripple effect. It doesn’t just effect the person going through it but all of those around them as well.

Final Question for Bec McMillan

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

  • That I am worthy and I am beautiful and I am enough!

Where can people reach out to you?

Facebook – Inspire by Bec

A Gift for Listeners From Bec McMillan

Every listener has the opportunity to chose two items of their choice from Becs beautiful jewellery range and receive $10 off each item so that’s a total of $20 off which is wonderful. Click the button below to access Bec’s range of gorgeous healing jewellery which doesn’t just make you look good but feel good too. PM Bec for the discount.

The post 023: Giving Yourself Permission – Bec McMillan appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Bec McMillan who shares: What it used to be like to be Bec McMillan How you can turn things around by deciding to Giving yourself pe... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Bec McMillan who shares: What it used to be like to be Bec McMillan How you can turn things around by deciding to Giving yourself permission to just be yourself Discovering you aren’t as crazy as… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
022: Learning to let go – Debbi Carberry https://www.facingfears.com.au/debbicarberry/ Wed, 17 Aug 2016 09:33:18 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2343 https://www.facingfears.com.au/debbicarberry/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/debbicarberry/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Debbi Carberry who shares: How she got through the hardest time of her life The lessons about letting go that her sons illness taught her The power of believing that anything is possible Understanding attachment and…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/debbicarberry/">022: Learning to let go – Debbi Carberry</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
Fearless Females Podcast - Debbi Carberry

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Debbi Carberry who shares:

  • How she got through the hardest time of her life
  • The lessons about letting go that her sons illness taught her
  • The power of believing that anything is possible
  • Understanding attachment and its effects on relationships
  • How sometimes you’ve just got to roll up your sleeves and get it done

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. Surrender and let go because the more you attempt to hold on, the worse it will get
  2. Never believe that it can’t be done – anything is possible
  3. If all you do every day is keep moving, you will get through it
  4. Ask yourself, “What’s one thing I can do today to…” and then fill in what it is you want
  5. Something good always comes of those challenging situations – and having faith in that will get you through

About Debbi Carberry

Debbi Carberry is a clinical social worker in private practice in Brisbane, Australia where she specialises in relationships transformation. She has over 10 years’ experience helping people form and maintain fulfilling relationships. Debbi is the author of a short relationship guide “Is Your Approach to Relationships Healthy? 7 Questions Every Woman Should Ask Herselfhttps://debbicarberry.com.au/seven-questions/ and the creator of the groundbreaking 6 week online course, “Rewiring your brain for better relationships”.  https://debbicarberry.com.au/better-relationships-program/

Contact Debbi Carberry

Debbi Carberry

A Gift for Listeners From Debbi Carberry

Fill in your details to gain access to the relationship checklist and be guided through a process and to check in with where your relationship is at.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You may receive the occasional emails from Debbi Carberry. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: Episode 022: Learning to let go - Debbi Carberry

Debbi Carberry Fearless Story

  • Over my life there have been several times that were challenging. Growing up was really difficult as was my early thirties but during these times there were also highlights as well.
  • As an adult, going through my thirties was the hardest. I had four children under the age of seven, two with special needs and then my partner and I separated while one of my children was going through open heart surgery. So I became a single parent whilst dealing with all of that and consequently it was my darkest time.
  • During that time though, it was also my most pivotal turning point where my life changed for the better so it was a really bitter sweet kind of time.
  • My childhood – I was born in the north of England back in the sixties when there wasn’t a great deal of work around for adults and the men were in control and although there was a lot of change happening at that time around womens rights, where I grew up there wasn’t a lot of change.
  • There was real poverty and I always felt like I didn’t fit in and joked that I had been adopted into the wrong family. I had a childhood that was really traumatic and I wondered if it would ever get better and dreamed of growing wings and flying away
  • I am a realist and therefore I believe the trauma is purposeful, not when you are going through it but it’s good to know that when you are, that there is something good coming from this. I would not be the therapist I am today without the challenges that have been handed to me.

How did you turn it around?

  • I literally hunkered down. I moved into a smaller house because I was supporting the kids by myself and I had been studying at the time and I thought, “I have to finish this degree and make some money so I am not in this position again”.
  • I would wake up and ask myself, “What can I do today to make some money”.
  • My son had had two open heart surgeries at that stage, one at four weeks and another at four months and was to have another one later. He has an incurable issue with his heart where he is missing some of it and we had been told that if he lived until he was eight, we would be blessed but that he probably wouldn’t.
  • So to get through the days, I would have my routine where I ensured the kids were fed and the house was clean and then every day I would exercise by running up and down my hallway.
  • I was breast feeding two of my children and pumping for the other so I felt a bit like a Jersey Cow but every day I would run and I kept thinking that if I could just put one foot in front of the other I was going to get to the other side of this.
  • I did that for a year and as long as I kept moving I was able to handle everything that I was dealing with and especially with what I was dealing with my sons condition. It was a massively challenging time.
  • Often it felt like I was wading through thick mud but as long as I kept moving I wouldn’t stop and drown.

What happened after you got through that first year?

  • I believe I was born strong and with a tenacious nature and a belief that anything is possible, and I still believe that.
  • I decided that I really needed to make some money because when you have money you can have access to more support. It’s the difference between being able to put your kids into childcare when you need to, being able to dress them, feed them, educate them.
  • You have to have a plan and a vision . So I decided I needed to earn some big money so I focused on finishing my degree and at the time I would get a bit growly with the other students when they would give the excuse of not having enough time because I was looking after four kids full time and I still got my assignments in on time.
  • Some people would tell me that it wasn’t possible which just made me more determined because I truly believe that anything is possible and I would prove them wrong.
  • I lined up a job to go straight into once I had finished my degree and planned it out that I would do that for eighteen months and then I would have to do some other things to get my accreditation and then I could be completely independent and be in private practice.
  • So I had a big plan and the clinic was eleven years in the making and once I achieved that it was a huge deal for me. It was my seed, I wanted to have a bricks and mortar business because roots in the ground are important to me.
  • That is my centre called Papallon and why I called it that, which means butterfly, is because I do a lot of work with people who have been traumatised in their life and I think most of us have had some sort of trauma and the symbol for abused women is the butterfly.
  • The butterfly is the symbol for transformation but not easy transformation, it’s the struggle of transformation. Its that absolute tenacity to work your bum off to get out of your situation and when you do, the magic happens and you become this beautiful, delicious butterfly.
  • But I couldn’t call it the Butterfly clinic so I went online and searched and found that the French call it Papallon so that’s why I called the clinic Papallon because it is about the journey of transformation and my own journey too.

What has been your most memorable moments?

  • Travelling around the world when I was twenty-one, for six years was one of the best times in my life.
  • But if I had to chose one moment that I could hold onto forever it would be this one: I had been struggling through my degree with six and sevens which was really important to me because I wanted to do well.
  • The day came for graduation and at that time I had met a man who I am still with who I absolutely adore. I was standing on the stage with my hat on and my kids were there clapping for me and in that moment…I had wanted to do it for them, I had needed to do it for myself and as I stood there with them clapping for me I was absolutely beside myself with joy.

What are you passionate about today?

  • Today is an interesting time. My eldest is about to graduate university and I am so proud of him. My other children are all moving through high school and I realised recently I am heading into a transition period because they are all about to go off and do their own thing.
  • So I decided that I wanted something that is all about me as I move into the next part of the story of my life. I decided I needed another challenge and I was getting a lot of interest from long distances away. I searched for a solution and didn’t find anything on relationships and I had fallen in love with this wonderful man who is the absolute opposite of me – so grounded and so steady.
  • Before I met him I had done a lot of study and learnt that I had to do my own relationships differently and had learnt about the attachment theory. I learnt that we are kind of pre-programmed in the way we do our relationships from the young age of between one and three.
  • We can’t change it because we can’t access those memories but we are non verbally pre-programmed. Through the process I learnt I had an anxious attachment style which had effected how I was in my relationship with my partner.
  • I knew I had worked with parents on attachment styles and I thought why don’t we look at that for our relationships. There have been a lot of studies done and we are hard wired for connection and we are hard wired how we do connection.
  • So I decided to create a program online to teach this and I worked solidly for six weeks on writing all the content, program videos, worksheets etc and had it launched in November of last year.
  • Had I known how challenging it was going to be I may not have done it but I knew the content and what I wanted to teach, what was interesting was how much of my own stuff got in the way of what I wanted to do.
  • The three things that came up for me was: 1. The invisible story, 2. The ‘you’re not good enough’ story and if I managed to get past those two, I had the ‘who the hell do you think you are’ story.
  • I struggled with the thoughts of ‘is the content good enough’, and ‘what will people think, what will my peers think’ because we are bound by an ethical code so I have to be very careful about what I put online. And I just struggled. I even gained ten kilos.
  • I had to keep telling myself that it’s going to be alright if people see you.
  • I had to have some photographs taken and I loath having my photograph taken so I found a boudoir photographer and booked her and she started going through all the info and I had to explain that I was keeping all of my clothes on but I had chosen her because if she could make someone feel comfortable about taking their clothes off, then she could make me comfortable with having my photo taken with my clothes on.
  • She was amazing and she made me feel comfortable in my own skin. To be fifty years old and still have that story going around in my head about not being good enough, not being pretty enough, not being smart enough I realised that as a woman that helps others get through that every day, I am just the same as you.
  • But I got through that and now I have the program available online and what it does is I make the non-seen and non-remembered stuff visible by teaching them the most common attachment styles which are anxiously attached, avoidantly attached, and securely attached.
  • The first part of the program is becoming aware of these styles and take away the blaming that people tend to do. For example, if you are avoidantly attached then you may feel engulfed by a partner and consequently create distance between you so that you can cope and that’s something you learnt very early in your life.
  • This might show up as a behaviour of a man who seems keen in a relationship and then backs right off. By understanding this as a couple you can work through it rather than blaming the other person.
  • Another example, if you have an anxious attachment style then you might do the pull me, push my dance of be with me but not too close but don’t go too far away from me etc and by understanding how this works your partner can help you through that to have a better relationship.
  • As humans we need connection and yet it’s through this connection that often our ‘sore bits’ get pushed so by understanding our attachment styles you can work through your issues from your past and have better connections.
  • The course is called “Rewire your brain for better relationships” and this works across all relationships and not just romantic ones. Those with our work, friends and especially our children.

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

  • What doesn’t scare me!
  • One of the questions I continue to struggle with is, “What if they don’t come” even though my life continues to show me that what I need always occurs.
  • Now days I also worry about that with my kids too, “What if they don’t come home again” etc
  • The fears now are different. My boy who has the heart condition is like me and he is now fifteen and doesn’t accept being told something cant be done so he keeps me on my toes because his heart condition cant be fixed so I still worry about that but it’s getting better and he’s part of a research program on stem cells so I am excited about that.
  • I guess I have set my life up so that I don’t have a lot to worry about now, I kind of did the hard yards earlier in my life. I would be devastated if I lost my partner but I don’t necessarily worry about that.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Debbi Carberry

  1. Who inspires you? Who doesn’t inspire me! At the moment Brene Brown because one she is a clinical social worker and two I think she steals a lot of my material LOL because I listen to her and I think, “I say that, and I say that” so I love her work and especially her work on vulnerability and shame because I think women are shamed so much in society. Myangelou is also an amazing woman who went through extreme trauma. For me, you don’t really get my vote unless you have suffered. Tina Turner is another one from my generation. Just an amazing woman with tenacity and would keep getting back up. So really strong women who have struggled and have that absolute shining light. They aren’t bitter or angry or victims, they stand on their own two feet and they just shine.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? Exercise – I still do run each day but I run outside on the street now. The other thing I love to do each day which you will probably laugh at but I love to hang upside down and let my spine stretch. I also do Yoga Breathing each day which for women who have had traumatic experiences it’s really helpful to do that each day. I also have dry saunas each day which I love – I am the self care queen LoL
  3. What's something that still scares you? OK confession time, I am still scared of the dark. I have been scared of the dark my whole life. I have also been hit by a couple of trucks while driving in the past few years so I tend to panic when I am driving and trucks come near me.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? Technique = the Yoga Breathing technique I think is massive. The 4, 7, 8 technique I think everyone should do each day to feel calmer in our own skin. I also read like a machine so the two books I am reading at the moment are Brene Browns Something of Imperfection which was her first book, and Gay Hendricks Leap of Fear and I just love to read. Technology – I have to admit my daughter does my Instagram because I struggle with technology.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? I would love to fix my sons heart! He has been my biggest teacher. He brought me to my knees in my thirties, I made deals with the devil many a nights when we almost lost him. I even pleaded with the doctors to take my heart to give to him at one time. He has taught me that there is no control, you can’t control anything. And until you surrender to that, it’s struggle. He taught me to let go, and he taught me to surrender and he taught me to accept whatever comes. And I am eternally grateful for his presence in my life, he is an amazing human being.

Final Question

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

  • I know you think it’s really hard and I know you think it will never get better but don’t believe that! You are planted in the wrong soil and you will find the right soil, just keep moving!

Where can people reach out to you? www.debbicarberry.com.au

Facebook – Debbi Carberry Counselling

A Gift for Listeners From Debbi Carberry

Fill in your details to gain access to the relationship checklist and be guided through a process and to check in with where your relationship is at.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You may receive the occasional emails from Debbi Carberry. You can unsubscribe at any time.

The post 022: Learning to let go – Debbi Carberry appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Debbi Carberry who shares: How she got through the hardest time of her life The lessons about letting go that her sons illness taugh... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Debbi Carberry who shares: How she got through the hardest time of her life The lessons about letting go that her sons illness taught her The power of believing that anything is possible Understanding attachment and… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
020: 7 steps to FREEDOM – Tegan Mathews https://www.facingfears.com.au/tegan2/ Mon, 08 Aug 2016 14:11:02 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2331 https://www.facingfears.com.au/tegan2/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/tegan2/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews shares the 7 steps to freedom method: Learn the seven steps that will enable you to face any fear Increase your self-confidence by mastering the fears that trigger you Boost your self-esteem with the knowledge you can…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/tegan2/">020: 7 steps to FREEDOM – Tegan Mathews</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
The Fearless Females Podcast - Ep 20 - Tegan Mathews - 7 steps to freedom

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews shares the 7 steps to freedom method:

  • Learn the seven steps that will enable you to face any fear
  • Increase your self-confidence by mastering the fears that trigger you
  • Boost your self-esteem with the knowledge you can make it happen
  • Change your life by applying this easy to remember method to your own fears

Tegan's Take Aways - The 7 steps to Freedom method:

  1. Fear – understand how it works for and against you
  2. Recognise triggers and symptoms in your behaviour
  3. Evaluate if the fear is real or not
  4. Enlist a support crew of cheerleaders and advisors
  5. Decide you can do it and make a plan
  6. One deep breath and jump - take action
  7. Master your fear by repeating the process and acknowledging yourself

About Tegan's 7 Steps to Freedom Method

After becoming a qualified Fearless Living Coach over ten years ago Tegan has continued her studies with various other teachers such as Dr Demartini, Tony Robbins, Louise Hay, Brene Brown and many more.

While coaching clients on facing their fears she has perfected these 7 steps that have been proven to overcome and master any fear. Whether it's the fear of being vulnerable, or the fear of failure or success, or the fear of rejection, these 7 steps to Freedom can guide you through the process of recognising, facing and mastering those fears.

Contact Tegan Mathews

Facing.Fears

A Gift for Listeners From Tegan Mathews

A free download of the seven steps to FREEDOM with a pretty design that you can print out and put up on your mirror or on your computer or even on the back of your toilet door if you want 🙂

Show Notes: Episode 020: 7 steps to Freedom - Tegan Mathews

Tegan Mathews - 7 Steps to FREEDOM Method

  • I used to be filled with fears. I was always so afraid of upsetting people that I would run around making sure everyone was happy and had everything they needed. The ultimate people pleaser to keep the peace.
  • I was afraid of the future and what might happen, having been through some pretty horrific things in my life, even though I had survived and even more than that, succeeded in my life I still worried about what might happen in the future and how I could prepare for it.
  • I was also too afraid to be myself and speak up when I disagreed with something or about what I believed in and instead I would hide behind a mask that would change depending on the group of people I was around.

What changed for me?

  • I was on a flight to Los Angeles one day and in the airport I came across Rhonda Brittens book Fearless Living. I bought it and began to read it while I waited for my flight.
  • By the time I got off the plane at the other end I knew my life would never be the same again. I immediately began implementing what I had learnt from the book and then signed up to her coach training which takes a year to complete. I moved to USA for a year to complete the training and have been working on myself and with clients since then.
  • That was twelve years ago and since then I have grown immensely and overcome so many of my own fears and helped thousands of women to overcome theirs. I have completed other courses which have added to my suite of skills, tools and growth.
  • I’ve also faced a lot of fears ranging from jumping out of planes, racing jet boats and diving into ice water through to falling in love, finding my real family and sharing my true story.
  • From the culmination of all of these experiences and courses I have developed a method that has been proven to work with any fear and it gives you the steps to take to face your fear and master it.
  • This is what I want to share with you today.

Before I explain that method lets look at why do you want to face a fear?

  • I have tried to ignore my fears and just live my life anyway but that didn’t work because if you don’t give your fears the attention they are requesting from you then they will just get bigger and bigger and effect your life even more, until you do.
  • I’ve also realised that fear was what was stopping me from being happy, confident and living a life on purpose. Fear stopped me from connecting with people and it became a constant battle within myself between my true self and my fearful self.
  • The self doubt that fear used against me would lower my confidence and consequently my self esteem which then effected the choices I made and how I conducted myself on a daily basis.
  • Once I discovered how fear works and learnt how to recognise and master my fears my self esteem improved, my confidence then grew and I was then able to create the life I had only ever dreamed of.
  • I now have better friendships, more love in my life and more happiness on a daily basis.
  • Yes, it isn’t all roses and butterfly’s but when I do face a challenge or recognise a fear has triggered me it no longer controls me. I now have the skills and tools (and the experience) to not let it take over me.
  • I cant tell you how amazing this is to experience and this is what I want for you which is why I am sharing this method here on the podcast.

So lets now look at how to overcome any fear with the 7 steps to Freedom method:

  • The first step in the FREEDOM method is the understanding of what FEAR is and how FEAR works for you and against you (if you let it). It’s all about understanding that fear creates a belief based on a past experience and then protects that belief at all costs.
  • As human beings it is part of our makeup to be right because that provides us with one of the six human needs which is certainty. So, your fear wont let you question your beliefs, but it will defend your beliefs even if they no longer serve you any more.
  • Consequently, when we come across a new experience that has some similarities our fear makes us box that experience into the past one and then we react with either a fight, flight or freeze.
  • The second step is to RECOGNISE when your fear shows up and the easiest way to do that is to observe your behaviour. Often when we have been triggered by fear we might get angry or defensive. We might feel overwhelmed or confused. We might retract and go silent or become louder. We tend to detach from our true essence and start behaving like someone else. If fear has been plagueing our life for a long time this might even feel like it’s the real you because you are so familiar with that behaviour but it always stems from a fear.
  • The best thing to watch out for is whenever you aren’t being loving because the essence of who we all are is loving and when we are being loving towards ourselves or others then it is impossible to feel fear at the same time. So, if we are blaming or judging or angry and defensive etc then we aren’t being loving so look deeper at that and see if you can recognise what it is you are afraid of that might be causing that reaction.
  • The third step is to EVALUATE if your fear is real or not. Fears job is to protect us so that we don’t do something that will cause us to be harmed. It is a very important role to ensure our longevity but it also doesn’t know the difference between a past experience and a current one so it tends to box experiences together to save reaction time.
  • This means that a new experience might be boxed with an old one as the same and yet it really isn’t but this process allows fear to do its job quickly and efficiently.
  • Your job, in mastering your fear is to logically (without emotion) evaluate the facts and determine if the fear is real or not.
  • If it is real then you need to make a plan and take the appropriate action or actions to combat that so that you aren’t harmed.
  • If it’s not real then you need to determine if what you are doing aligns with your core values because often fear will lead you away from your core values to keep you small and safe. Checking in that you are in alignment will give you the answers as to what actions you need to take next which is usually the actions you are afraid to take.
  • Step four is to ENLIST the support of others which you are going to need in order to overcome your fear and take the action to make it happen. Those you choose to support you need to know exactly what it is you want them to do so take some time to get clear on the type of support you want. Do you want their advice? Do you want them to cheer you on when it gets tough? Do you want them to hold you accountable? What sort of support and who do you want to provide that support is very important.
  • Step five is to DECIDE THAT YOU CAN & MAKE A PLAN. Deciding is actually the most important step in all of these seven steps because once you decide you can do something then you can make it happen but if you don’t decide and you constantly sit on the fence of “I don’t know” then you will never master your fears.
  • Making that decision simply involves weighing up the facts and determining that you do in deed want that particular outcome or to take that particular action.
  • Then its time to make a plan! If you need to ask for advice and support then that’s why I mentioned that step four is to gather people around you for that. So that when you are ready to make a plan you have everything and everyone that you need. Start with the goal and then list the steps you need to do to get there and then break it down into do-able baby steps.
  • Step six is to TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND THEN JUMP – there is no point making all the preparation if you don’t actually take action and often a lot of people get stuck here where they have recognised what the fear is, evaluated that it is not real and then decided to face it and made a plan but then don’t take the action.
  • The easiest way to do this is to trust your evaluation and believe in yourself and literally take a deep breath and jump into it. Take that first step. Call upon your support team to give you a nudge if you need it but you must take that first step. Tony Robbins says that the first step of action must be taken within an hour of actually making the decision and the plan so look at that first step and as Nike says, “Just do it”.
  • Once you’ve taken that step, and the next, and then the next (they will become easier, I promise!) you will more often than not, you will find that the fear is actually not as bad as you thought it might be and you will always grow from the experience. Your comfort zone will expand, your self esteem will be given a boost and your confidence will grow.
  • The last step in the process is to MAKE IT A HABIT. Facing a fear once is usually not enough to master that fear so I always recommend repeating the process again and again until that fear no longer has any hold over you and there is no reaction or trigger. Until it becomes natural for you to do what it is that you were afraid of.
  • I am still working on my fear of diving but each time it does get easier and more enjoyable and my confidence grows. Plus, as all of this happens, it turns out I am making more dive friends now too…imagine that! LoL
  • There is also a BONUS STEP which I recommend and that is to acknowledge yourself for taking the steps and facing your fear. Give yourself a pat on the back and look in the mirror and verbally acknowledge how well you have done to face that fear.
  • You can also acknowledge yourself outwardly by letting your friends and family know of your achievement. All of this contributes to the process of facing your fears.

I hope this all makes sense and you are able to apply these steps and practice them so that they become second nature to you and you are able to live a more fulfilling life and a more fearless life.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Tegan Mathews

  1. Who inspires you? My dear friend Deb Bailey who struggles through life as a single mum bringing up two beautiful girls and yet always has time for other people. She is so thoughtful and loving and has a heart of gold. To me she is an angel.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? I am currently in France so eating fresh food each day and having a glass of wine guilt free is fabulous.
  3. What's something that still scares you? I hate to admit it but terrorists scare me because you never know what they’re going to do next or where and as we travel it is on my mind.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? My favourite thing at the moment is Canva.com which enables me to be creative easily. I just love it. I can create everything from memes to brochures. It’s great!
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? It is and always will be to eliminate abuse throughout the world.

 

Final Question

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

  • You are loved and worthy of being loved…always!

Where can people reach out to you? www.facingfears.com.au

www.facingfears.com.au

Facebook – Facing.Fears

A Gift for Listeners From Tegan Mathews

A free download of the seven steps to FREEDOM with a pretty design that you can print out and put up on your mirror or on your computer or even in your toilet if you want 🙂

The post 020: 7 steps to FREEDOM – Tegan Mathews appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews shares the 7 steps to freedom method: Learn the seven steps that will enable you to face any fear Increase your self-confidence by mastering th... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews shares the 7 steps to freedom method: Learn the seven steps that will enable you to face any fear Increase your self-confidence by mastering the fears that trigger you Boost your self-esteem with the knowledge you can… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
019: Facing Breast Cancer at 32 – Rachelle Panitz https://www.facingfears.com.au/rachelle/ Mon, 08 Aug 2016 09:54:37 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2325 https://www.facingfears.com.au/rachelle/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/rachelle/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Rachelle Panitz who shares: How she faced breast cancer diagnosis at 32 The fears you face as a young mother when you have breast cancer How she turned it around and is now producing the So…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/rachelle/">019: Facing Breast Cancer at 32 – Rachelle Panitz</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
The Fearless Females Podcast - Rachelle Panitz - Episode 19

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Rachelle Panitz who shares:

  • How she faced breast cancer diagnosis at 32
  • The fears you face as a young mother when you have breast cancer
  • How she turned it around and is now producing the So Brave calendar
  • The unexpected rewards from the So Brave calendar project
  • The steps she took to make it through her cancer treatment

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. Get support when you are going through a challenging time – you cant be fearless alone.
  2. Ask for what you need – this allows others to help you how you need to be helped and they too will appreciate the direction.
  3. Don’t try and be a superhero! Tell the people close to you how you are truly feeling. It’s ok to have feelings.
  4. Radiate your issues outwards from the person dealing with the challenge – e.g. they talk to their circle of trust which may include you, and then you talk to your circle of trust, don’t put your challenges back to the person with the challenge – radiate outwards.
  5. Create a list of cheerleaders that know that if you are having a rough day, their job is to tell you it’s going to be ok and that you can get through this. These simple words don’t necessarily fix the issue but they can definitely make a difference to how you feel.

About Rachelle Panitz

Rachelle Panitz is the founder and organiser of the So Brave Breast Cancer Fundraiser Project. An initiative to empower young women who are breast cancer survivors by providing a once-in-a-lifetime bodypaint and photoshoot session.

As a young breast cancer survivor herself, Rachelle started her business early last year with a mission to empower women in practical ways. She has taken this mission to women in business through her Brisness Women small group networking and educational events and since August last year has been organising the massive undertaking that is the So Brave project.

Rachelle is incredibly proud of the transformative effect of the So Brave project. The bodypaint and photo shoot days are life-changing, especially for the young women who have participated as models, but also for the photographers, documentary crew, bodypaint artist and her team and all the families and friends and communities who have rallied behind and supported it. Her project is raising awareness that #youngwomengetbreastcancertoo and for all women to be #breastaware and funds for breast cancer.

Contact Rachelle Panitz

A Gift for Listeners From Rachelle Panitz

Rachelle has kindly gifted to every listener a ten step process to creating the ultimate vision board. Not just any vision board but one that will get you to clarify what it is that’s truly important to you and how to achieve it

Show Notes: Episode 019: Facing Breast Cancer at 32 - Rachelle Panitz

Rachelle Panitz’s Fearless Story

  • Rachelle Panitz was diagnosed with breast cancer at the age of 32. At the time she had a new born and a three-year-old to care for. There was no history in her family and it was completely unexpected.
  • As a survivor she has put together a calendar with young breast cancer survivors, such as herself, as the models, to raise money and awareness that it can happen to you at any age, not just when you’re older.

What made you decide you wanted to do the SoBrave.com.au calendar?

  • I have always done these sorts of things, as in charity work, and even raised funds for breast cancer awareness prior to being diagnosed myself.
  • Even at school I was always the one organising everyone for social events and more recently when I had a job I still organised out of work activities and fund raising activities.
  • After my own experience I realised that’s what I wanted to do to raise the awareness and much needed funds.

What age were you when you were diagnosed and how did you handle that?

  • I was 32 when I was diagnosed and the shock would have been worse but I had a friend who was 36 and had been diagnosed and she had been heavily promoting that it can happen to younger women.
  • And it’s often up to the woman to push to take things further because even the doctors don’t expect that it can happen and it will come down to the fact that you just know something isn’t quite right.
  • So that’s the message I want to get out there with this project is that #youngwomengetbreastcancertoo and it’s not just the over fifties. Although the numbers are less, it’s still important they are diagnosed early or the effects could be detrimental.
  • Not just breast checks but also pap smears and skin checks. Just look after the body you have.
  • When I was diagnosed I was only one of fifty women who had been diagnosed that year who were pregnant. I know that’s not a lot but that’s fifty women who didn’t expect it at all.

How did you get through it?

  • I was lucky enough to have an extremely supportive family. My mother basically slept on the couch for the three weeks when I was diagnosed and then realised she had to go back to work.
  • After that she was there every morning and night and for a period of time there we moved in with her because it was so difficult. Young children need support and so do those going through chemotherapy.
  • It was also a very lonely time because it was supposed to be when you are at your happiest with your new born baby and getting to know him and getting into a routine and all the happy stuff.
  • Instead we were dealing with life and death and so we didn’t get caught up in the usual milestones we could have if the diagnosis wasn’t there.

How long have you been cancer free?

  • That’s an interesting question because as a cancer survivor everyone has different times that they feel they were free of it. For some its when they had their surgery and for others its when they finished their treatment.
  • For me, I had 18 months of treatment after the surgery and will have to take hormone treatment for the next ten years but I consider it from May last year, so it hasn’t been too long.
  • The healing process started for me when I was diagnosed because finally I felt like someone listened to me and I knew what was going on.
  • I kind of describe it like a rabbit hole where on one side people are telling me to get breast checks and once I was diagnosed then it’s like a rabbit hole of different things to deal with.
  • Young women especially are faced with decisions such as fertility because chemo can bring on early menopause so you have to decide really quickly if you want to do IVF treatment.

What’s the reason for choosing to do the SoBrave.com.au calendar?

  • For a lot of young women, their body image is closely associated with their breasts and when they lose them or are told they have to have them removed, they think that they aren’t beautiful any more.
  • By participating in the calendar they can be reminded that they are beautiful, even for those who aren’t models, just those who we have come in contact with, the thought of being in it, starts the journey towards a more positive body image.

How does the diagnosis of breast cancer affect relationships?

  • For a lot of young girls, with young families that are already under pressure because that’s just what young children do, it is hard work. Consequently, there are a lot of relationship breakdowns.
  • I’ve heard of some awful stories of women going off to treatment and their partners treating it like they’re going off to a new job or something.
  • Which has a lot to do with people not understanding what it’s like to have to go through something like that, especially if they’ve never known anyone else who has had to go through it.
  • It’s like that saying that talks about, you don’t know how strong you are until you’ve had to be and this disease will test how strong you are and everyone around you.
  • It will bring out the best and worst in people and we had people who we hardly knew that would show up at our door to help us look after the kids, bring us food and clean my house. I will be forever in debt to them because it was with their help that my family was then able to support me.

What steps did you take and what advice do you have for others facing a similar challenge?

  • The first thing I did was tell people how I felt and what I needed for support.
  • I would also recommend seeking professional help from counsellors etc who are experienced in dealing with the same issue.
  • I also enlisted my husband and mother to come with me to the initial appointments because there was just so much information that I couldn’t have taken it all in. And then I trusted them with their advice.
  • The other piece of advice we were given is to radiate out your issues. I was in the middle of the circle and I could radiate out my issues to my inner circle of trust and then they needed their own inner circle of trust to radiate out to, rather than putting it back onto me because I couldn’t handle much more.

What’s been an a-ha moment for you?

  • At one point I joined a group where I thought it was going to be like AA but when I showed up we all did art and through that we ended up sharing our stories which was really good.
  • Later down the track I found that I was being asked about my experience by those who had just been diagnosed and I suddenly realised that I could help them to get through it easier by sharing what I had learnt. That was an aha moment for me.

What is it that you do exactly?

  • Doing the calendar has enabled me to see more clearly that what I do is I empower women and I do it in a number of different ways. There is the calendar and I am also an empowerment coach and a mentor.
  • I also run a face to face group where it’s only small but you get to really connect with each other and the speaker and create the type of connection that I feel is missing from networking events these days. It’s called Brisness.
  • I also do some one on one mentoring and with the calendar that’s plenty for me.

What exactly is the So Brave Calendar?

  • It’s a 2017 calendar of twelve models under the age of forty who have been diagnosed with breast cancer. Each model has been body painted in a way that depicts their journey and then photographed at an iconic location in Australia.
  • The calendar is now available at www.sobrave.com.au

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

  • Not being around for my kids is what scares me and most other women who have been diagnosed with breast cancer who have children.
  • The other is that we find a cure for cancer which is more a goal than a fear I guess.

What makes you happy?

  • Being around my children and knowing I’ve made it through that experience and I’m still here for them. Plus all the support we have had for the calendar. That makes me happy.

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Rachelle Panitz

  1. Who inspires you? People who have gone through this before me such as my school friend who was diagnosed two months before me. She was an amazing source of support for me, we had each others backs as we went through the same things together.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? To have a shower. As a mum, just having those few minutes of peace is bliss.
  3. What's something that still scares you? There isn’t a lot that I’m afraid of now but probably the fear of loss.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? I know this is going to sound lame but Facebook has been instrumental in me connecting with people. There are some women who I don’t meet until the day of the shoot and I wouldn’t have met them if it wasn’t for Facebook so I love it for the connections it has created for me.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? Yes, obviously I would want a cure for cancer but what I would really want is a cure for all of the debilitating diseases and if they could come across a cure that works for all of them, that would be my wish.

 

Final Question for Rachelle Panitz

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

  • Stick to your guns and trust yourself. Who knows how my life might have been different if I had stuck to my guns but I know with anything, no matter how it turns out, if you have trusted yourself and backed yourself then it doesn’t matter the outcome.

Where can people reach out to you? www.rachellepanitz.com  AND www.sobrave.com.au

Facebook – Rachelle Panitz

A Gift for Listeners From Rachelle Panitz

Rachelle has kindly gifted to every listener a ten step process to creating the ultimate vision board. Not just any vision board but one that will get you to clarify what it is that’s truly important to you and how to achieve it

The post 019: Facing Breast Cancer at 32 – Rachelle Panitz appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Rachelle Panitz who shares: How she faced breast cancer diagnosis at 32 The fears you face as a young mother when you have breast ca... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Rachelle Panitz who shares: How she faced breast cancer diagnosis at 32 The fears you face as a young mother when you have breast cancer How she turned it around and is now producing the So… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
018: Leaving Unhealthy Relationships – Kiarna Ella https://www.facingfears.com.au/kiarnaella/ Wed, 03 Aug 2016 04:16:27 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2316 https://www.facingfears.com.au/kiarnaella/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/kiarnaella/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Kiarna Ella who shares: How she finally found a way to leave an unhealthy relationship Being in an environment that allowed her gift to flourish Why trying to rescue and fix people doesn’t work How easy…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/kiarnaella/">018: Leaving Unhealthy Relationships – Kiarna Ella</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
The-Fearless-Females-Podcast-Kiarna-Ella

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Kiarna Ella who shares:

  • How she finally found a way to leave an unhealthy relationship
  • Being in an environment that allowed her gift to flourish
  • Why trying to rescue and fix people doesn’t work
  • How easy it is to end up back in the wrong place
  • The importance of marrying for companionship and compatibility

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. You can’t change people that don’t want to change – it’s really up to them to do it
  2. Trust what you know
  3. You aren’t broken or damaged
  4. When someone shows you who they are, believe them
  5. Ask yourself, “Is this how you want the rest of your life to be?”

About Kiarna Ella

Kiarna is known as The Nude Oracle. She is a disrupter to the matrix; here to remind you of your divinity and will share with you how to deprogram and clear that which does not serve you. When you realised how powerful you are, you begin to comprehend how much you can alter your reality and have everything flow with you.

PSYCHIC CLEARING ORACLE
"The ♡ Awakening Experience"
*Release* Suffering-Attachment-Programs
*Connect* Heart-Purpose-Tribe
*Expand*Intuition-Love-Possibilities

If you feel you have tried everything with limited results, now it the time to utilise a tried and tested Intuitive Combination to help you venture into the depth of you and return to your innocence, that which is always playful and protected in love, in this lifetime and beyond.

Contact Kiarna Ella

A Gift for Listeners From Kiarna Ella

Time is the most valuable thing we hold in this paradigm and Kiarna Ella would like to gift you with a 20 minute experience of “The Divine Design Reminder” to create momentum and a burning desire to Achieve. She will share the steps and offer options to inspire you to bounce out of bed in the morning with power and passion.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! Kiarna Ella will contact you with the details of your appointment plus you may receive the occasional emails from Kiarna Ella. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: Episode 018: Leaving unhealthy relationships - Kiarna Ella

Kiarna Ella’s Fearless Story

  • I had an interesting upbringing. I had a mum who was a Johova Witness and an alcoholic and a dad who was a Buddist but was very violent towards my mum.
  • My mother said she drank because my father was violent and my father said he was violent because my mother drank. So the only thing I know for certain about my childhood was that my mother was drunk and my father was violent.
  • It was interesting to have that upbringing as a foundation you think is normal and as a result I grew up feeling like I was living a double life. There was one part of my life that was dark and full of dark experiences and the other part that was this amazing creative mind.
  • Amazing things were happening where I would meet people for the first time and tell them what they should be doing with their future and those that listened ended up making a lot of money.
  • One of the first times I remember ever receiving money was at eight years old and I had told someone a business idea and it had made them money.
  • So I was always very intuitive and I was never told that anything I was seeing or thinking or feeling wasn’t real. So it was kind of a blessing that both my parents were pre-occupied with their own stuff.

How did you turn it around?

  • I’m not sure how old I was but I remember looking around and deciding that this just wasn’t right. And deciding that this wasn’t how I was going to live my life. From that place I was able to handle the traumas that followed.
  • There used to be no food in the house, I would have to get myself off to school, dealing with inappropriate sexual behaviour from neighbours and strangers.
  • By recognising that it wasn’t normal, I felt like I was experiencing it for a greater purpose and that it was all going to pass.
  • I had an innate knowing right from the start that, that wasn’t how my story was going to end.
  • Around seventeen I realised that my sensitivity was expanding so I could feel everything that was happening around me. I would meet people and be able to see right through to their truth and I would go to the shops and become overwhelmed by all the different energies that were around me.
  • So I changed my path and tried to ignore it, turn it off and numb it as much as I could. I got involved in the wrong crowd and about a year into my losing myself I became pregnant with twins and at that point I completely straightened my life out.
  • I got engaged to the father of my children but after they were born he went back to the scene we had come from and so when they were four months old I left him and left the engagement ring on the table.
  • After that I was just working and studying as much as I could so that I could be the woman I wanted to be for my children.
  • When the kids were six I met and married a man and the warning signs were all there but I thought if I was married then maybe my family might be more open to seeing me as normal I suppose.
  • We got married on our one-year anniversary, which the concept of it was very romantic. Then that led me down a whole different path. Things seemed easier because I had someone to support me.
  • We had a honeymoon baby and after that the things I had seen at the beginning of the relationship started to surface. But at that point I had everything that I thought was me, was attached to the relationship.

What happened with the marriage?

  • When I met my ex-husband he had sustained frontal lobe damage in an accident and he was an absolutely gorgeous man to be around both physically and people just loved to be around him. He would make you laugh and was very humble.
  • I had known him for a really long time and he was engaged to someone else but after the accident happened they had separated. I started hanging out with him because I was a healer then and I thought I would be able to help him.
  • That’s the part I take responsibility for. If you go into a relationship thinking you are going to fix them, it’s not actually honouring his path or his journey.
  • When you have frontal lobe damage you have no impulse control so where as a normal person would go out for a few drinks they know when to stop, or not to go home with that other woman, or when he did finally come home, know not to hit your wife or behave badly in front of your children.
  • So when my youngest was two I ended up leaving him. I thought that was going to be great because he moved on to a relationship with one of my friends which was all ok because it meant I didn’t have to deal with him any more.
  • Not long after that though he told me that he was really sick and that he was actually dying of cancer. We had both moved on and were in relationships with other people but he was still the father of my son.
  • My relationship ended because I was always upset about my ex-husband dying and then we got back together because I couldn’t think of anything sadder than my son growing up without his dad.
  • During that time I fell pregnant with my daughter who is now three but while he was kind and gentle when I was pregnant with my son, it was the opposite with my daughter.
  • What I realised was that relationships have an energy between them and unless both people want it to be different, it ends up being what it was.
  • When my daughter was six months old I left him again and we kept separating and coming back together. There was just a magnetism that was too difficult to ignore.
  • Everyone around us knew it wasn’t healthy and we knew it wasn’t healthy but it seemed like it was something beyond both of us.

Where are you at with that relationship now?

  • I ended up having him move back in with me with the intention that it would make life easier with the kids and financially and we were just co-existing.
  • He became more angry and he would flip out and I couldn’t even see him in his eyes anymore. At one point he kept going back and forth to the shed each day and when I asked him what he was doing he just said, “Nothing”.
  • Then our house got searched because one of his friends had reported him to the police that he had firearms. I had been planning to leave and this ruined everything because it then made him suspicious. I was quite scared and even feared for my life.
  • About a week later the police went to my twins school and spoke with them without me being there and discovered he had been abusive towards my eldest son which I didn’t know about but in hind sight it makes sense.
  • That night he was arrested at our house and taken away and then he wasn’t allowed near us again which gave us some breathing space.
  • I then decided to move away a few hours for a fresh start and as we were packing, my friends and I found a sawn off shotgun. I was freaked out and couldn’t believe the police had missed it.
  • I then decided to move interstate to the Gold Coast and start fresh from there.
  • The point I want to make here is that while I was on that plane I decided rather than running away from him, we were moving towards a new future and I asked my children what it was they wanted in their future.

Advice for other women in unhealthy relationships?

  • So, basically you made a plan and then followed it through but do you have any other advice for women in similar situations.
  • Yes, there’s nothing you can do to make him see your worth and you aren’t broken or damaged, its just the way the relationship is.
  • Look at your relationship and evaluate it without the emotion. Like in science, do the two chemicals react, explode or gel together?
  • Firstly, stop and ask if that’s what you want your life to be and is this what you want your children’s life to be.
  • I know it's not easy moving them away from family but make a plan, try and have some money together in case you have to leave urgently but otherwise, plan it out and make it happen.
  • Know there is always people out there that will love you and support you through the process and there are some really great organisations out there that can connect you to the right people and places.
  • And just follow your heart because your heart knows what’s true!

What are the gifts you received from your experience?

  • There has been a lot that I have learnt. I guess the first thing was that if someone shows you who they are, believe them because they usually aren’t lying.
  • The second is that you can’t fix or change someone and if you try then you are potentially messing with the journey they’re on.
  • Thirdly, people treat us how we think we deserve to be treated.
  • When you’ve been through these types of situations you just think that’s normal and you don’t know you deserve better and most of us don’t know our worth so when you start your journey of getting to know yourself, you will get treated differently.

What are you passionate about today Kiarna?

  • Ok, as a sideline to what was happening in my relationships, since I was about fifteen I have been consciously aware of what it is that I am here to do.
  • So every day I would be writing down every detail of the centre I was to open in the future. I began to study and sample everything I could as I continued to research everything for it.
  • Anything I got a result from I then went on to study so from the age of 23 I had done my coaching and several healing courses as well.
  • Since then I’ve been working with clients and expanding my level of consciousness. The more I find out there the more my clients are finding the infinite possibilities of what’s possible within themselves.

Tell us about your psychic clearing oracle?

  • I’ve been working with Sharmanic techniques using the earth as medicine and doing deep shadow work with people so it’s about releasing the shadows of the past so you can live an infinite life.
  • I do that in three steps – the first is to release attachment to the physical pain.
  • Then I help people to connect to their purpose, their heart and their tribe and then anything is possible.
  • The third step is to expand into those possibilities and I work a lot with people who have a big unspoken goals and I am able to show them the steps they need to take to make their dream a reality.

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

  • I’m not at a place at the moment where I would like to fall in love again. My priorities are my business and my babies but I would like to get to a place where I am confident again within myself to trust my choice.
  • What’s great when I am working with clients is that I see people for their potential but that’s not so great in choosing a partner.
  • The thing with potential is that not everyone wants to tap into that. Which I’ve learnt the hard way.
  • It’s a matter of embracing it and not letting it stop you

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Kiarna Ella

  1. Who inspires you? Betty White I think is just amazing and completely fearless and the other person is Oprah.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? The dance, clean, cook method which is putting on your favourite music really loudly and dance around the house while you cook and clean. It’s something that helps to raise the vibration of the house, especially good if you have children.
  3. What's something that still scares you? Falling in love again.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? Book = Desert Flower by Laura Steering about the genital mutilation of young girls in third world countries.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? The abuse of women and children.

Final Question Kiarna

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

  • You are enough!
  • Find your tribe.
  • Marry for compatibility, not lust or passion.

Where can people reach out to you? www.kiarnaella.com

Facebook – Kiarna Ella.com

A Gift for Listeners From Kiarna Ella

Time is the most valuable thing we hold in this paradigm and Kiarna Ella would like to gift you with a 20 minute experience of “The Divine Design Reminder” to create momentum and a burning desire to Achieve. She will share the steps and offer options to inspire you to bounce out of bed in the morning with power and passion.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! Kiarna Ella will contact you with the details of your appointment plus you may receive the occasional emails from Kiarna Ella. You can unsubscribe at any time.

The post 018: Leaving Unhealthy Relationships – Kiarna Ella appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Kiarna Ella who shares: How she finally found a way to leave an unhealthy relationship Being in an environment that allowed her gift... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Kiarna Ella who shares: How she finally found a way to leave an unhealthy relationship Being in an environment that allowed her gift to flourish Why trying to rescue and fix people doesn’t work How easy… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
017: Action conquers fear – Sherry Davies-Selak https://www.facingfears.com.au/sherry/ Mon, 01 Aug 2016 10:44:21 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2294 https://www.facingfears.com.au/sherry/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/sherry/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Sherry Davies-Selak who shares: How taking action got her out of a near bankruptcy Taking life one minute at a time How to recognize your own greatness When you are compelled to do something, there is no…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/sherry/">017: Action conquers fear – Sherry Davies-Selak</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
The-Fearless-Females-Podcast-017-Sherry-Davies-Selak

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Sherry Davies-Selak who shares:

  • How taking action got her out of a near bankruptcy
  • Taking life one minute at a time
  • How to recognize your own greatness
  • When you are compelled to do something, there is no fear
  • Changing the language we have with children

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. When you are compelled to do something there is no fear
  2. There’s no point just talking about making a change, you have to take action
  3. You don’t have to ‘get’ how you help others, just be grateful that you do
  4. Don’t worry about the things you cant fix, just focus on the ones you can
  5. Have gratitude for how amazing your body is and how it just keeps on going regardless of what you feed it physically and mentally

About Sherry Davies-Selak

Sherry’s love of coaching and working with individuals started early. Always curious about why people do what they do she has spent her life studying and sharing the things she has learned. Her early career was as a photo journalist and she then moved into real estate and the marketing industries. In addition to her academic and other studies Sherry has owned and operated several businesses including a gourmet deli, a transport company, retail stores and personal development organisation.

Her most recent work in the last 12 years has been motivating, inspiring and educating others about human potential and leadership. She has been a board member for a Women’s Health organisation. She was chapter leader for a coaching organisation and part of the leadership team in WA before moving to Melbourne. She has taught business skills to inmates in a prison and worked for AusAid as a leadership coach with international recipients of the Australia Awards. She shares her wisdom with others through online coaching and in the community through workshops.

In addition to running her business, Sherry continues as a mentor and volunteers for several organisations. She is seen as a ‘go-to industry expert’ for human leadership and development.

Sherry is a passionate and experienced leadership coach gained from a wide range of experience in the personal leadership and human behaviour fields. She has a lifelong commitment to ongoing learning and educating in the areas of personal leadership, training, human behaviour, psychology and consulting. Sherry has coached individuals and groups to be the best leader they can be, sharing that leadership starts with the individual and extends out to their family, team, organisation and the world. Her clients have ranged from mining employees to CEO’s and PhD candidates to inmates in prisons. In addition, she has owned and operated several businesses over the last 20 years.

Contact Sherry Davies-Selak

A Gift for Listeners From Sherry Davies-Selak

A thirty-minute discovery session with Sherry Davies-Selak to uncover your hidden leadership potential and to recognise the greatness that is within you

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! Sherry Davies-Selak will contact you with the details of your appointment plus you may receive the occasional emails from Sherry Davies-Selak and inner-rhythm. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: Episode 017: Action conquers fear - Sherry Davies-Selak

Sherry Davies-Selak’s Fearless Story

  • At the age of three my parents separated and my father took me away from my mother and my other siblings to go and live with my grandmother for the next ten years
  • My grandmother was a mean spirited woman who was verbally and emotionally abusive
  • Then at thirteen my parents got back together again and I was thrust back into a family I didn’t know and a lot of instability because although my grandmother was mean it was at least stable with the same school and friends
  • As a result I ran off the rails quite dramatically for a couple of years between the ages of fourteen and sixteen and got involved in drugs, alcohol, slept rough for a while, was promiscuous and just out of control – every mothers nightmare
  • At seventeen I became a mother myself which wasn’t what I wanted to do because there were others in my family that had done that and I didn’t want to be like them
  • I went on to have two more children, to the same father and then at thirty-one he became unwell physically and as a result of the medication he was on he became emotionally unwell also
  • After eight months of caring for him as well as my children we separated and I discovered there was over $300,000 of debt, I was in a shop that ran twelve hours a day, seven days a week and I had my three young children and I didn’t know how I was going to get through that but I did
  • I then had another relationship that lasted for fourteen years and ended only four years ago. After that I left Perth and moved to Melbourne. Just me and the dog, I drove across the big paddock (The Nullabor) and here we are

Most Memorable Moment

  • I was thinking about this and there are moments that probably seemed negative at the time but then turned out to be highlights
  • I remember when my children’s father left and I was working in that shop twelve hours a day and I had to put both our family home and the business on the market to offload assets and get out of the debt
  • That was really hard because the land that the home was built on was the land I had grown up on and it was right next to a National park and it was my spiritual home so putting that on the market was agonising
  • But one of my highlight moments was the day the agent came and we had an offer and I remember the day they came and I signed it and handed it over to them. It stands out as a highlight for me because it was such a relief
  • Apart from the days my children were born that stands out as a highlight for me because for five months I had been treading water and that was the start of the turning point where I felt, “Yep, I’ve got this, I can do it”.
  • Even though other people thought it was insurmountable, and that I should go bankrupt, I knew that I could get out of that situation and I knew that I could do it

What’s something you’ve learned Sherry from a facing fears experience?

  • I’ve had some fantastic mentors and people I’ve followed over the years and yes, there have been lots of aha moments.
  • I was talking to one of Brian Tracy’s coaches one day and I had been doing coaching and workshops for several years and I think, like most of us, I had some insecurity around how our stuff is going to help other people.
  • I was talking to this coach and explaining that I have these people who follow me and I don’t get it, I’m just me and I’m no one special and yes I know what I do is good.
  • Someone once said to me that my gift was taking complex ideas and making them really simple for people to understand.
  • Anyway, I was talking to this coach and he asked if I had a mirror in my house and he said to go and stand in front of it and tell me what you see and I said, “I see me”.
  • The coach said, “No you don’t” and I thought, “This guy doesn’t know what he’s on about” and then he asked if I had ever seen myself on video and I said, “Yes” and he asked again, “What did you see?”
  • I explained that I saw myself and he again said, “No you don’t” and went on to say that what I see is a two dimensional representation of myself and what everyone else sees is the three dimensions.
  • In psychology they talk about the headless psychologist and that you only ever see yourself through your eyes and your perception and other people will see you through their perception but you will never see what they see because you aren’t them.
  • I realised that I didn’t have to ‘get it’ when other people say, “Thank you, that was really helpful”, I don’t have to understand how that was helpful.
  • So in those moments when you are having a conversation with someone and they are gushing and thanking you, I’ve been there when I’ve spoken to someone or worked with my coach and you get filled up with gratitude because you’ve had an aha moment.
  • After having that conversation with the Brian Tracy coach I realised I don’t need to get it, I just need to keep doing what I do.

A specific facing fear moment?

  • There are hundreds of those and often I think we don’t even realise we have been afraid.
  • About two and a half years ago I was in a Tony Robbins event in Sydney and half way through that event I called a cousin in Perth and said, “I’m going to move to Melbourne and I will be there by Christmas” which was only three months away.
  • I then got back from the event and told all of my friends that I was moving to Melbourne and they asked if I had a job or business contacts, which I didn’t but I just knew that was what I was meant to do.
  • There were moments when I doubted it but I just started taking action and getting ready and it all pretty much fell into place. I guess that was me being fearless because I was compelled that this [Melbourne] was where I was meant to be next.
  • Other people questioned it but I didn’t.

What does that certainty feel like Sherry?

  • I think there is an overcoming of fear when you are aware that there is a danger involved because fear is the awareness of danger.
  • Then there is a calmness, even when everyone else might be freaking out, you are calm and know it’s ok.
  • It is a calmness, a knowingness, I feel it in my gut, some people feel it in their heart or in their soul.
  • I guess it just felt solid. Yes, there were things I had to do to make it happen. It was a decision and it was in an instant, and when the words came out of my mouth, I knew that it was just so solid, it was a movable.

How did you make it happen?

  • I know there are two schools of thought when it comes to setting goals. One of those is to tell everyone that you are doing it so that you are accountable and then there is the other which is just get on and do it.
  • I studied psychology at university and the brain can’t differentiate between what’s real and what isn’t so if you continue to go around telling people what you are going to do, the brain thinks you’ve already done it and you may not actually do it.
  • So with the Melbourne move, although I blurted it out, it wasn’t the speaking that did it, it was the doing.
  • As soon as I got home I started taking steps towards making it happen. I researched where I wanted to live, how much it would cost to get my furniture there, who I knew that I could ask about the area, what the demographic was, how far it was from the city etc
  • I had committed to be on the board of a women’s committee and so I started a mastermind group that would then fund the trip back each month for that meeting.
  • It was very systematic. What did I have to do now to make that happen? So that it’s as seamless as possible for me because I know this is what I have to do, I just don’t know the how.
  • There’s a difference between what you want to do and what you are compelled to do and the fears around what you want to do are more than when you feel compelled to do something.
  • When I am compelled to do something I just start doing it and I make a list of everything I need to do. Actually, I write one thing on a post-it note and put it on a window or white board and then I can move them around into the order I need to do them and add to them anytime.
  • So the next thing I have to do is always at the top, like a post-it note tree. Breaking it down into do-able steps.
  • When you are compelled to do something, there is less fear because you have made the decision and your heart and soul is behind you. That’s a big part of breaking down fear is to decide that it’s going to be different. Then lay out your plan, which has to be flexible so the post it notes are an awesome idea.

What are your beliefs Sherry around the ‘souls journey’?

  • Lots of people talk about the souls journey and what you’re here for and look, I’ve had spiritual shops, I teach meditation and I still teach and do meditation, I live a spiritual and a practical life as well.
  • I don’t know if your soul has a predestined “this is what you’ve got to do while you’re here” or not but I do know that there are things that come along that you just have to do.
  • There are things I wanted to do like I wanted to go to university and so once I decided that I had to put steps in place and yes I did it and I did it successfully but did it feel as seamless as moving to Melbourne in three months? No!
  • When the children’s father left and I had all the debt and the shop and the kids, I was just getting through the next minute and not long after he left we had road-works out the front of the shop so our takings dropped by 80% and then we had threebreak-inss in as many weeks and got held up too.
  • Some of those days, I just wanted to get through the next minute and I knew I would be ok. In saying that, I still had, “this is what I have to do today’ and that was my focus.
  • But that was a lot harder than moving to Melbourne which all fell into place and I didn’t have any of the having to get through the next minute.

What’s one thing you’ve learnt from all of this Sherry?

  • That it all comes together. As I get older it sees to accelerate but as I go through things now, because I have such a great toolkit of things to support me, I know that it will all be ok.
  • I don’t know how but as long as I’m taking steps, I will work that out along the way.

What are you passionate about today?

  • At the moment I am doing a bit of contract work helping people who are just starting out a new business which I really love because I get to help them take their idea and turn it into a solid form.
  • And I’m just really passionate about helping people to realise the greatness within themselves. We all have it, we just forget it at times. We forget how extraordinary we are.

How do you remind people how great they are?

  • One of the best books I’ve ever read was, “The greatest salesman in the world” and it has the God memorandum in there and I remember the first time I read about how he talks about the body and the functions it does just to keep you alive, moving, breathing, and walking and I was like, “Wow, that’s me”.
  • I think we forget how great we are and then when you think about what your mind and body does for you and how you can steer them in any direction you like, it’s amazing.
  • You can abuse your body by sitting on the couch and filling it with food, drugs and alcohol and it will still do its best to keep you alive.
  • The same with your mind, you can fill it up with whatever you like really and it will do its best to give you what you want. I just think that’s extraordinary.
  • Something you touched on there…it will give you what you want. So if you focus on the negative, it will think that’s what you want and it will give you more of that.
  • Our bodies are just amazing things and I know when I was in a self-destructive phase of my life and I was abusing my body with alcohol, drugs, all the wrong foods, and not enough sleep and it just kept on going.
  • This body has carried me through my life and it may have a few aches and pains but it has got me to here and birthed three beautiful beings as well.
  • There’s a lot of media these days on the body and everyone wants to be beautiful but if I chose one word for my body it would be strong. It’s overcome pretty much everything that I’ve thrown at it.
  • Well, you don’t look like you’re turning fifty soon. Thank you!
  • Someone said to me once, when they had heard my story in a workshop or a coaching session and they said, “You don’t wear your story on your face”.
  • I think it’s because, like I said, I have this great toolkit now and I can just work through stuff pretty quickly and if I am wearing it on my face then it’s because I am holding onto it and I haven’t learnt how to let it go.

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

  • Moving to South America to teach English!
  • Moving across a country was daunting enough but moving to another country where I don’t know anyone, that scares me a bit.
  • I don’t know how and I don’t know when but I just feel like that’s my next calling.
  • I guess it will unfold in its own way and in its own time.
  • Or I could be in South America dancing the tango with some gorgeous man!

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Sherry Davies-Selak

  1. Who inspires you? You probably hear this all the time but Oprah inspires me because she absolutely knows what she’s here for now. Everyone says she is in the entertainment industry but she’s an educator. Plus, her belief in herself, despite all her critics. She also gave me the permission to say, “Yes I have been abused but I’m not telling you the details”.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? Chat with friends and walk my dog Lionel.
  3. What's something that still scares you? South America
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? Books = Fearless Living by Rhonda Britten was fundamental in changing my life, Brandon Bayes, Tony Robbins. Apps = Focus Booster – it lets me set 50 minute sprints on my computer and it shuts everything else down and it will give me a five-minute warning.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? I would get rid of mainstream media. It just fuels fears and insecurities on every level. So, I would keep amazing podcasts, YouTube channels and TED talks, topics that actually make people feel good.

Tell us more Sherry about re-languaging?

  • When I worked for DHS in the child protection services, one of the things I had to do was attend the protective behaviours program so that you might be able to identify through behaviours if there is risky behaviour going on.
  • When I attended this program in 2010 they were still talking about good touch/bad touch and I know that, as a sexually abused child, I was too young to have any language around it and I know that a lot of offenders will groom children.
  • There was a study done in Romania around children who don’t get touched at all, they just get fed and clothed and that’s it and they don’t thrive in the same capacity as those who are hugged.
  • As humans we seek connection and we need touch and hugs to thrive.
  • So when you are talking good touch/bad touch and you have been abused as a child and it started from a very young age before you had a language around it and you were touched and it felt good, because touch does feel good.
  • Then when they learn about the good touch/bad touch they are confused and think that if that touch is bad and it felt good to me then I must be bad.
  • And that creates the shame and the guilt because we have to make sense of it somehow.
  • So we need to re-language that into public and private touch. If someone wouldn’t touch you in that way in public then it is bad.
  • This is about changing the silence and understanding the difference between what would be done in public and what is being kept a secret.
  • It’s in the secrets that the perpetrators are protected and the shame and guilt is born for the victim.
  • Lets change the language for the next generation to public and private touch and base it on appropriateness and it’s easy enough to give them references about what is public and what is private for example when you go to the toilet, that is private space.

Final Question

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

  • You are enough!
  • You’re ok.
  • My fourteen-year-old self was so out of control I think that would have been the one – that you don’t need to self destruct.
  • I don’t know how I would have got her to hear that though.

Where can people reach out to you?

www.inner-rhythm.net

Facebook – inner.rhythm

A Gift for Listeners From Sherry Davies-Selak

A thirty-minute discovery session with Sherry Davies-Selak to uncover your hidden leadership potential and to recognise the greatness that is within you

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! Sherry Davies-Selak will contact you with the details of your appointment plus you may receive the occasional emails from Sherry Davies-Selak and inner-rhythm. You can unsubscribe at any time.

The post 017: Action conquers fear – Sherry Davies-Selak appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Sherry Davies-Selak who shares: How taking action got her out of a near bankruptcy Taking life one minute at a time How to recognize... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Sherry Davies-Selak who shares: How taking action got her out of a near bankruptcy Taking life one minute at a time How to recognize your own greatness When you are compelled to do something, there is no… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
016: Finding Confidence – Di Riddell https://www.facingfears.com.au/diriddell/ Wed, 27 Jul 2016 07:29:03 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2320 https://www.facingfears.com.au/diriddell/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/diriddell/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Di Riddell who shares: How she faced her past whilst dealing with the loss of her beloved husband The benefits of journaling in her healing process Learning to forgive and finding peace with her perpetrators Finding…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/diriddell/">016: Finding Confidence – Di Riddell</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
The Fearless Females Podcast - episode 16 Di Riddell - Finding Confidence

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Di Riddell who shares:

  • How she faced her past whilst dealing with the loss of her beloved husband
  • The benefits of journaling in her healing process
  • Learning to forgive and finding peace with her perpetrators
  • Finding her confidence to share her story

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. It’s a good thing to do to look back occasionally and acknowledge yourself for how far you’ve come
  2. Building your confidence and learning clear communication can lead you to your leadership skills
  3. Not all men are bad, there are a lot of lovely men who will love and support you on your journey
  4. People can only deal with things with the level of skills they have at the time
  5. Love and respect yourself, regardless of what has happened

About Di Riddell

Di is a mature woman whose passion is confidence. She shows a real and authentic approach to life and shares freely her incredible  experiences. With almost four decades as a professional communicator, confidence coach and MC, she delivers with style, effect and tact. Her passion is helping women 50+ who have lost their partners or gone through a  life changing challenge to inspire them to reactivate their confidence and rebuild a life of vitality and joy

Di worked for 30 years as a health professional.  She has over 30 years experience of Committee and Board service for community organizations in far north Queensland and the Sunshine Coast.

She is a Speaker, self published Author ,Facilitator, Mentor, Presentations Trainer and MC

Master Practitioner of NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) and Certified Life Coach, Confidence mentor.

Member: Toastmasters International for almost 4 decades and recipient of an International Presidential Citation.

Contact Di Riddell

A Gift for Listeners From Di Riddell

A thirty minute one on one discovery session with Di Riddell via phone, skype or face to face, to uncover your hidden confidence and begin the journey to a more confident you

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! Di Riddell will contact you with the details of your appointment plus you may receive the occasional emails from Di Riddell. You can unsubscribe at any time.

BONUS GIFT: Free 21 Day Confidence Journal

Show Notes: Episode 016: Finding confidence - Di Riddell

Di Riddell’s Fearless Story

  • She had a violent, alcoholic father who would constantly tell her she was stupid, useless and worthless
  • Yes, it was rough stuff but that is who and what my father was and as a result of that, growing up I had very low confidence and self esteem and I was also tall and slim very early
  • I would stoop my body over trying to hide so no-one would notice me
  • At fifteen I went out looking for love, and rape found me. I was a victim of pack rape and from that a pregnancy and an adoption arose
  • On top of what dad said, the welfare workers at the time said I was a disgrace to the human race and I should become a nurse and get out of societies way because no decent man would want me. So off I went and became officious and efficient
  • Several years later I met this amazing man who had four children already aged 10 to 16 and I was 24 so I took on a bit when we got married because the kids lived with us. Then 18 months later we had a son. So my life was very full and we had a wonderful 31 year marriage
  • Not without challenges but that’s what relationships are about. We had a wonderful relationship and he passed away in 2002
  • Up until then, all that past stuff just disappeared because I was too busy living my life but dealing with my grief brought that to the surface and it was time for me to face it
  • Through a whole series of events I ended up writing and self-publishing my story which is titled: “Beyond Abuse”
  • At the time, that was 2006, I thought that was the journey but in fact it was the first step in the journey because an amazing number of things have happened since then

How did you work through your past whilst dealing with the grief?

  • Well, it took me 12 months to collapse. I’ve always been a bit of a ‘do-er’ and so I just got busy pushing myself to do everything
  • I’m 5’10 and my weight dropped to 55 kilos. At that point I looked like a yard and a half of fencing wire, I was so thin. A friend of mine was here and he said, “I think it’s about time you went to the doctor” and he made the appointment right there and then and drove me there
  • I was diagnosed with clinical depression – not really a surprise because at that stage I was almost incapable of doing anything and it was a long road around that
  • I did go on anti-depressants and as an old RN I was very much against taking anti-depressants but I was just in such a bad space that I needed them for a while
  • I didn’t like eating alone so to fix that I just didn’t eat, I just kept myself super busy so I didn’t think about it and then I couldn’t. I had difficulty even starting to eat again. Then the doctor suggested I go and see a psychologist
  • I hadn’t had a good experience with the first one so I was very resistant to going back but he persisted and he sent me to another lady and she was amazing!
  • I work well with a strategy and a plan and the first day I went to see her she said, “Right, this is what we are going to do over the eight weeks” of the program they had put me into and we are going to go from here, to here, to here. And that just made sense to me
  • So I buckled down and did everything that she said to and one week fed into the next and I was in a pretty good place by the time she had finished with me
  • Near the end she said to me that in 6-12 months I would have a challenge and fall over a bit and it was ok to come and see her if I did. Sure enough, 12 months later, down I went
  • But, when I went to see her the first time I had about 12 things that were really bothering me but this time there was only 3 and I was going on and on about the 3 things and she said, “But, what about all of these other things?” and she listed them off but I just brushed them aside
  • With everything that I was saying I kept coming back to “I cant!” So they were lessons in reality and she said, “Di, look what you couldn’t do a year ago”
  • Then she sent me home to write a list of everything I had done in the last 12 months and when I did I was amazed and I took that back and she said, “Now can you see?”
  • Every time there are things that may bring you down but look at what you have achieved! One of the problems you have is that you have never acknowledged what you have done which I think comes from my childhood
  • My father certainly would never acknowledge anything I did and my mother was very timid so she was in fear of him. She was supportive of me but she lived in fear of him, which effected her life
  • This all led me down the self-development path and one thing led to another and the most amazing co-incidences happened to take me from one step to the next and it’s just been an incredible journey
  • At the same time I joined Alanon which is a group support program for the families and friends of alcoholics and it teaches you about taking responsibility for yourself and I spent six years with them. It’s a very gentle program and it was through that, that I started the writing
  • Through following one of the steps, which evolved into the book and I have been a Toastmaster for years, in fact this is my 39th year actually and this brought me to the point of being able to talk about it and then I was ready to talk about the book and it has just progressed from there
  • And I believe we are led to things. 39 years ago when I walked into that room as a scared and frightened woman, I had no idea the skills and confidence that was going to come out of it that I would use in the rest of my life. It’s just been astounding
  • When people’s confidence improves and they improve their ability to communicate then leadership skills come out that they didn’t know they had
  • I didn’t think I had a leadership bone in my body but other people recognised it in me and I was actively encouraged (given a bit of a shove) to step into leadership roles and again, that turned into an amazing journey
  • Because I was prepared to get in there and do it and there was huge support in Alanon and support in Toastmasters and I am very much in favour of the support thing and reaching out, that’s one of the biggest things

What was a pivotal turning point in your journey?

  • I’d have to say, writing the book was a turning point because it was such a huge thing for me to do but a realisation that came out of writing the book was the value of my male friends
  • Although I didn’t expect them to shun me, I also didn’t think they would be so openly supportive. The level of support I had from my male friends absolutely blew me away and half of the testimonials that are in the book have come from men
  • Women who have been through abusive situations, it’s very easy to think that all men are bad but there are some beautiful men out there and I applaud and support them for being there for women

Most Memorable Moment

  • There have been so many but probably the one that comes to mind is when I went into the leadership role in Toastmasters I became district governor and our district is Queensland, Northern Territory and Northern NSW and Papua New Guinee so it’s a big geographical area
  • This was in the 80’s and there was a top six level of achievement that you could reach and we reached it and the great feeling I got from that was just amazing as well as the growth I experienced along the way
  • You don’t get to a role like that without your fair share of challenges and again it comes back to team work and reaching out because you don’t get there on your own, you can't possibly, and that’s where you learn the value of team work when everyone is working together and the people that come out of it are just incredible

What are the gifts/lessons you received from your experience?

  • I’ve learnt the value of gratitude and forgiveness because before I wrote the book I knew I would have to come to a place of peace and forgiveness for dad and the rapists so that really took some deep inner work and I did a lot of that through writing
  • Before I wrote the book people would often ask me two questions, “Where the rapists ever brought to justice?” and “Have I ever found the child I adopted?”And I had an answer for both of them
  • But from dads point of view, he couldn’t give out what he didn’t have and he didn’t have the skills to be a father. I don’t know what happened in his life to make him want to inflict such pain on his family but that’s not for me to judge
  • He was obviously doing the best that he could do in his life and we can only deal with things with the level of skill we’ve got
  • From the rapists point of view, I don’t know what went on in their lives either but they took something that was precious to me on that night and they took a lot of things from me that night but that was just one night and they got away with that for 43 years until I dealt with it
  • You can bet they aren’t sitting around saying, “Remember what we did to that girl in the sixties”- I don’t think so. The only person that was hurting was me

How did you get to that point of forgiveness and gratitude for them?

  • Through a lot of different courses that I did. I started off with Michael Rowlands stuff – author of “Happiness Is”
  • Then I went on and did Wildly Wealthy Women and then I joined Wealth Dynamics
  • I have just travelled through so much that I can’t quite put my finger on it now
  • For me it was really the writing and from Alanon
  • Another book that really helped me was The Artist Way by Julia Cameron and that has twelve chapters in it that are based on a twelve-step process
  • That was an amazing little mini program I did with two girlfriends
  • This was a process that happened gradually and I knew I couldn’t write the book until I had sorted those things so I journaled and journaled reams and reams of paper and did lots of little courses and events, too many to list here
  • But whatever I did I always reached out and things just happened
  • There was one experience when I was off doing my NLP training that blew me away. I was in Melbourne and we were all sitting around a table doing our homework and someone said, “Di, did you see the interview Andrew Denton did with Alison from Sth Africa?”
  • She had been abducted, raped, had her throat and stomach cut open and left in the jungle for dead and she survived – a horrific story
  • I thought, what I wouldn’t give to meet her but fat chance as she is in Sth Africa and I am here in Nambour (QLD) and so I just got on and forgot about it and did my homework
  • The following month I was at the National Speakers meeting and was going to their convention and she was to be one of the speakers. At the end of the meeting I was going on about how wonderful it will be to meet her to a friend of mine
  • It turns out he was on the committee and was to pick her up at the airport but couldn’t and so he asked me if I would. It was such an amazing opportunity and she is such a lovely lady
  • She actually saw through to their convictions – she named them while she was in hospital so she has been to hell and back again that lady

What is Di Riddell passionate about today?

  • I am absolutely passionate about confidence as you might guess and passionate about giving women the voice, the confidence and the voice that they may do and be whatever they want to and that’s my number one thing
  • What I’m working on at the moment is, after I wrote the book I created a program which I used to apply for a grant but that didn’t work out so I am resurrecting that program and it will be available very soon which will be an online program of 5 weeks called I’m Ready – ready for change, ready to step up and done with the drama and the ‘bad’ stuff
  • So I am very excited about that and it’s based on colour with each week representing something, for example the first week is the green week which is about awareness, the second week is the yellow week which is about having love, life and laughter in your life because when it gets tough the first thing that goes is you forget how to have fun
  • The third weeks about passion and doing things that make you feel fabulous and all the passionate type things, the fourth week is the purple week and is about beyond you so it’s about the things that happen beyond you and about reaching out and the fifth week is about creating a plan
  • So I am very excited about it and that’s one of the things I am working on
  • I am also having a re-write done on the book and I have started off with a young publisher in New York and we are doing a bit of a re-hash on that and she came up with about twenty questions from the book and we will be putting those answers at the end of the relevant chapters that will be a digital format this time, I won't go hard copy again
  • So they’re the two things that get me fired up and out of bed in the morning

What is something in your future that scares you?

  • That I will lose my independence and have to be dependent on somebody
  • So I am trying to stay healthy but I’ve always been tall and slim so I haven’t had to worry about that but lately a few kilo’s have snuck in so I am staying active and being interested and just doing things
  • I can't see myself sitting on a verandah and knitting although I did do patchwork for ten years
  • I think I was led to that because it was what sustained me because Les (my husband) had every heart condition known to man in the last twenty years and we spent a lot of time in hospitals and it was my patchwork that sustained me. Where ever we went I would just sit in the corner and sew
  • It was what calmed me and helped me cope with what was going on around me

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Di Riddell

  1. Who inspires you? Coco Chanel – she is one amazing woman. A couple of years ago when I did my website I was looking for someone who was sort of an icon and their quotes and the women I found I didn’t like their quotes and I accidentally fell across hers so I started to look into her and she was born in 1882. For her to do what she did, on her own, in that period of time is just incredible. She came from humble beginnings and she was an amazing woman who was driven, she was a survivor, she achieved and her legacy lives on today. She did three things for women – she got them out of corsets, she created Chanel 5 and she popularised the little black dress.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? I love music and I always have music playing in the house because it can take me somewhere else in a heartbeat. Relaxation music, rock n roll, country – anything that’s happy music – uplifting music
  3. What's something that still scares you? I said it earlier, being dependent and I still get a bit scared of financial things because of the environment I was brought up in and I wouldn’t have anything to do with finances when Les was alive and then when he wasn’t there anymore I had to learn how to handle finances which was quite a journey
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? I love the American author Saar – author of Succulent Wild Woman – they’re not a continuous story as such but they are very naïve. She has naïve angels and she too has been through the rough stuff and her books are just amazing, very uplifting, very inspirational and sometimes you get a giggle out of it but she just makes you think. Favourite process is my five-minute confidence plan and I use EFT tapping
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? To remove the abuse against women so that they could have the confidence to stand up and be their ok in the world –and be safe – safety for women

Final Question

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

  • To love and respect yourself regardless

Where can people reach out to you? www.diriddell.com

Facebook – Confidence beyond fifty

A Gift for Listeners From Di Riddell

A thirty minute one on one discovery session with Di Riddell via phone, skype or face to face to uncover your hidden confidence and begin the journey to a more confident you

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! Di Riddell will contact you with the details of your appointment plus you may receive the occasional emails from Di Riddell. You can unsubscribe at any time.

The post 016: Finding Confidence – Di Riddell appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Di Riddell who shares: How she faced her past whilst dealing with the loss of her beloved husband The benefits of journaling in her ... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Di Riddell who shares: How she faced her past whilst dealing with the loss of her beloved husband The benefits of journaling in her healing process Learning to forgive and finding peace with her perpetrators Finding… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
015: Life after divorce – Martha Clarke https://www.facingfears.com.au/marthaclarke/ Sun, 24 Jul 2016 16:25:24 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2272 https://www.facingfears.com.au/marthaclarke/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/marthaclarke/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Martha Clarke who shares: How she overcame the devastation of divorce What it was like to take massive action and start again The tools that helped her get through it Her journey to astrology The importance…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/marthaclarke/">015: Life after divorce – Martha Clarke</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
The Fearless Females Podcast - Episode 15 - Martha Clarke

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Martha Clarke who shares:

  • How she overcame the devastation of divorce
  • What it was like to take massive action and start again
  • The tools that helped her get through it
  • Her journey to astrology
  • The importance of having fun and living in the moment

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. If your dreams don’t scare you then they aren’t big enough
  2. Start small and take baby steps, just do something and you will get there. The baby steps do add up
  3. Once you know how to do something, the next time is always easier
  4. Journaling every day will give you clarity, calmness and help you to become more grounded
  5. Live in the moment, laugh a lot and remember to have more fun

About Martha Clarke

I have had a life-long love of astrology, ever since the age of 12, I remember totally “connecting” with someone who went on to become a close family friend over the decades, about the fact that we were fellow Gemini’s. She explained some of the rudiments of astrology to me, and a lifelong fascination was born. I recently did her chart for her and was not a bit surprised to discover that she had THREE planets in the sign of Gemini - just like me! No wonder we connected when I was only 12 years of age!

So what does astrology bring to your life? For me, understanding the planets and how they interact in our chart has given me answers to be found nowhere else. Astrology has revealed to me a higher purpose in my life than I ever thought possible, and through astrology I found the courage to walk a path previously undreamed of.

A path which included moving to Italy in November 2014 on a one-way ticket with two suitcases and a rucksack. I had a master plan in place to help me manifest my new life here.

However, the Gods had other plans and my master plan went out the window within six days of arriving here….!

I also came, however, armed with a WILL OF STEEL to do whatever it took to manifest my life here! (That was my Uranus Saturn transit folks!)

And so I have….I now live a life beyond my wildest dreams….in my beloved Lucca.

I specialise in family charts and also locational charts. In my spare time, I love nothing more than to show visitors around my beloved Lucca. It is both a pleasure and a privilege to do this.

Contact Martha Clarke

A Gift for Listeners From Martha Clarke

The opportunity to learn more about astrology and yourself with a complimentary ten-minute mini astrology reading with Martha Clarke. Enter your details below and Martha will be in touch with you with the details for your reading.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! Martha Clarke will contact you with the details of the reading plus you may receive the occasional emails from Martha Clarke. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: Episode 015: Life after Divorce - Martha Clarke

 

Martha Clarke’s Fearless Story

  • The biggest challenge I suppose was nine years ago when I got divorced
  • I was living in Wales and I moved back to Ireland
  • And found I was starting my life a fresh
  • That was far and away my biggest challenge
  • I had been married with four daughters including three step daughters
  • When I came back here my daughter went and lived with her father
  • That was quite unexpected
  • So I went from being much needed in the family home
  • To just living by myself and starting all over again with only a few friends that I had in Ireland

How did you get through that?

  • One thing that helped me was I did a counselling course
  • It was a seven-month course and I got a lot of support from the people doing that course
  • I had also started working with my astrologer at that stage and I had been having a once a year astrology session with him
  • That was a very long journey but he very much helped me discover what my true life’s purpose was
  • It took a good few years but I got there in the end
  • I also started doing photography and after leaving my job after a year and a half I developed that more
  • I also bought a boat quite unexpectedly
  • I went into the supermarket to get a bottle of wine with a friend and saw the sign and bought it five days later
  • Which was great because when I lost my job I ended up restoring her because she had been in the water for a year and a half
  • Myself and three friends ended up restoring her and we became great friends
  • Then we sailed her one winter around the cape and that was very amazing
  • I have since sold her but that was very empowering
  • One of my friends had said that if you work on the boat with us you will learn what her strengths and weaknesses are and I did and that was great advice

Most Memorable Moment

  • Working on the boat and then sailing her that winter was a hugely memorable one
  • Another one was when I came to Lucca a year and a half ago and fell madly in love with the place
  • I was sitting in the square where I am living now and I remember writing in my journal, “What do I have to do to come and live here for three months of the year? I will do whatever it takes”
  • Four months later I was living in Italy
  • When I came to Italy I just felt so alive in a way I never had in Ireland
  • Moving to a different country with a different language would have been challenging?
  • Well I did a one full day with my coach who is amazing and I went over there with a master plan in place
  • As happens, that master plan went out the window after six days
  • What happened?
  • Well, I speak Italian so the plan was to get a job in tourism but after six days I realised that wasn’t going to happen
  • I thought I would get a job in a hotel or hostel and get free accommodation and then expand my photography
  • Instead, I got a nanny job in Switzerland for Christmas that paid me enough to come back here for a couple of months and then I got other nanny jobs
  • Which was great because although I worked really hard, I got to look after four boys in the Tuscan Riviera
  • And I did so many things, they would say to me, “Come on Martha, come surf with us”
  • And then they would say that I wasn’t fast enough but they were 8 and I was 55
  • One of my favourite memories was when I would take them on the back of the bike and I discovered they liked it because they would stand up without holding on – glad their father never saw that!
  • I decided at the beginning of summer I could either follow the rules or break them and have fun and make it a memorable time for all of us, so I chose fun

What are you passionate about today?

  • I’m super passionate about astrology now
  • I became fully qualified two months ago
  • I now do astrology readings for people all over the world and I have quite a few clients in Australia as well as face to face
  • But I want to get into teaching so I am considering moving somewhere else for the summer but I haven’t decided yet
  • I have lots of opportunities and lots of possibilities
  • One of my favourite sayings is, “If your dreams don’t scare you then they aren’t big enough”
  • So I am looking at possibly doing volunteer work in Sicily or something like that
  • Which would give me free time to still see clients and get the best of both worlds

What made you change to astrology?

  • It kind of came out of the blue
  • I found the more I worked with my astrologist the faster my life went on purpose
  • As I stepped up the amount of times I worked with him and then when I came to Italy a lot of it was good for me astrologically
  • But the interesting thing was that I didn’t consult with him before I moved, I just moved because I knew it was a good country for me
  • And then when I was working in Switzerland I had the opportunity to study with him
  • I remember getting the email when I was moving to Italy and thinking, “I could never do this and besides I am starting a new life”
  • Then in January I was studying with him and because I had done so many workshops I found it really easy
  • Then I had another reading with him and I was living in Umbria at the time which is a very Jupitarian place and Jupiter is all about expansion and abundance
  • Then I had another session with my coach in August and I discussed how my photography wasn’t going as well as I wanted it to and I couldn’t keep having exhibitions and not selling anything
  • She was a member of an Australian women's Facebook group and she suggested that I put some mini fee readings on there and so I did and it went from there

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

  • Well one of the things is possibly going to Sicily for the summer
  • Then I ask myself, “Well, what do you have to be scared of?”
  • I was originally scared of teaching but I have done some small presentations and that has helped
  • I think we forget that we have to start small and we have to start somewhere
  • Now I am having talks with someone about teaching classes in Florence
  • I love astrology so much and the possibility of teaching it because not many people practice it and a lot of people have a huge interest in it
  • So I guess it’s the possibility of teaching it to big numbers and giving lectures to big numbers
  • But I know I am meant to do it
  • And it’s that knowingness that carries you through those moments of doubt

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Martha Clarke

  1. Who inspires you? My astrology teacher – Andrew Smith inspires me. He is one of the most giving, loving, generous and spiritual people I have ever met but he is also very grounded in the real world. When I first started practicing astrology he was incredibly supportive and he was the one who told me that a lot of people who learn astrology don’t usually go ahead and teach it. That was hugely empowering for me, and liberating, to discover that
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? Journaling – I am a big fan of Julia Cameron and her books so I journal each day, at least three pages and often more, because it gives me great clarity, is very calming and gets me out of my head as well
  3. What's something that still scares you? I love writing, almost as much as I love astrology and that scares me at the thought of writing and when it gets published
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? I love Elizabeth Gilbert – anything done by her. I’ve read her latest book “Big Magic” and that’s very inspiring. It’s about how to work through your creative fears and blocks and it is a very funny book and again she is very real and very grounded and she is very like, you know, “Get over yourself and just do it”
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? For some reason I am thinking about the refugees in Syriac. It’s not what I expected to say. I just finished a book about a woman who trekked the olive tree route and the last country she was in was Israel and I have been to Israel a number of years ago and Syria is right beside Israel and that’s just something I would like to fix

Gift for listeners from Martha Clarke

The opportunity to learn more about astrology and yourself with a complimentary ten-minute mini astrology reading with Martha

Final Question

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

  • To have a hell of a lot more fun
  • To stop living in the future and just live in the moment
  • To laugh and have fun while you are doing it

Is there anything else you wanted to add?

  • Moving to Italy will be one of the highlights of my life and I’m so glad I did it because Italians live so much in the moment
  • Follow your heart and have no regrets

Where can people reach out to you? www.marthaclarkeastrology.com

Facebook – Martha Clark & Martha Clarke Astrology

 

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The opportunity to learn more about astrology and yourself with a complimentary ten-minute mini astrology reading with Martha Clarke. Enter your details below and Martha will be in touch with you with the details for your reading.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! Martha Clarke will contact you with the details of the reading plus you may receive the occasional emails from Martha Clarke. You can unsubscribe at any time.

The post 015: Life after divorce – Martha Clarke appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Martha Clarke who shares: How she overcame the devastation of divorce What it was like to take massive action and start again The to... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Martha Clarke who shares: How she overcame the devastation of divorce What it was like to take massive action and start again The tools that helped her get through it Her journey to astrology The importance… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
014: Fear and disease – Ria Nicholls https://www.facingfears.com.au/rianicholls/ Tue, 19 Jul 2016 17:12:14 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2263 https://www.facingfears.com.au/rianicholls/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/rianicholls/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Ria Nicholls who shares: How uncovering childhood abuse thirty-four years later healed her of disease Learning how to make choices for herself rather than against The turning point when she thought she didn’t have any choices…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/rianicholls/">014: Fear and disease – Ria Nicholls</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
The Fearless Females Podcast - Ria Nicholls

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Ria Nicholls who shares:

  • How uncovering childhood abuse thirty-four years later healed her of disease
  • Learning how to make choices for herself rather than against
  • The turning point when she thought she didn’t have any choices
  • Understanding that it wasn’t her fault

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. There is always another choice - when you are feeling stuck and think there isn’t, ask for help to find it
  2. Make yourself your number one priority
  3. Knowing when it’s got nothing to do with you is important when it comes to combatting fear and guilt
  4. Today is a new moment – a fresh start
  5. It didn’t happen to you because you are unlovable, it happened to you to make you the most lovable

About Ria Nicholls

Ria Nicholls had a life changing realisation at the beginning of 2014 when she was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. This was the final turning point, after a life of addictions, anxiety, abuse and PTSD among many others.

She then chose to spend time at a retreat where she discovered she had been abused as a child. From this realisation the world lifted from her shoulders and over the next few weeks she lost 20 kilo's of excess weight, her Crohns disappeared and she no longer needed glasses.

Ria now shares her story in the hope of helping others to realise they need to put themselves first and there is always another choice.

 

Contact Ria Nicholls

A Gift for Listeners

Download Tegan’s book – Facing Fears – finding the courage to reveal the real you. Read her confronting story of overcoming years of abuse and use the practical exercises in each chapter to overcome your own fears

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You will receive your download plus occasional emails from Tegan Mathews and Facing Fears. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: Episode 014: Fear and disease - Ria Nicholls

Ria Nicholls’ Fearless Story

  • I could talk about the verbal abuse from my dad which I believe created the disease within me because it just kept on going
  • Or the sexual abuse which didn’t come up for thirty-four years
  • Probably the scariest time was when I realised that all of my relationships with males, they all started with one, going right back to when I was three years old
  • I did a hypnosis therapy which if I had known I probably would have bawked at the idea
  • But it was done in a very safe environment and I felt safe
  • They asked me, “Where do you find the most sorrow”
  • And I found it was when I came into contact with male entities where they would yell and it would send me inside myself
  • It happened with my partner, my brother and my ex-husband
  • Then they took me to a place where it first began
  • Just realising where it had all started was like lifting a huge weight off my shoulders and I could finally breathe for the first time in thirty four years
  • It was the most amazing thing for me to do
  • yes, I had to go back and re-live it
  • but it doesn’t bother me any more
  • I can now listen to a male yell and scream and know it’s got nothing to do with me anymore

What were the benefits of this experience?

  • The benefits health wise was that I didn’t have any Crohns after that because that’s where I had been holding my fear
  • I lost twenty kilos in twelve weeks
  • I had no CN1 cells in my pap smears anymore
  • And I finally want to see the world so I no longer have any need for prescription glasses either
  • So when you delve into your stuff everything becomes a possibility
  • Fear can be such a powerful force and as you said, once you cleared the cause you had no more of these health issues any more
  • The thing is, when you are trying to block everything and hide stuff for so many years you don’t want to see the beauty in the world because it was so chaotic
  • Once that chaos was out of my body and the fear was gone that had started it I now look at the world with beauty and I see it now and know that I am part of it

A highlight moment:

  • The highlight for me in my life has been turning my life around
  • I’ve had a huge transformation in the last few years mentally, physically and spiritually
  • When I realised there was an alternative to how I was living my life and I had never come across it before
  • Maybe someone had told me before and I just wasn’t ready for the information
  • Or I was just at that pivotal moment when it just seemed to click
  • Learning that there is always another way to life
  • Just to know that you have a choice, there is another option whereas previously you may have felt that there wasn’t

How are you fearless these days?

  • Recently I still get wobbly knees but now I embrace the situation and say to myself, “It’s ok I can come through this and get to the other side”
  • And that’s how I look at those types of things now
  • When you go through something that scares you, once you are through it you know you have the ability to do that
  • You still feel fear but you know you can push through and there’s another side to it

How did you face your fears?

  • Up until a couple of years ago I didn’t think I was afraid
  • I was just a very angry person but then I had a diagnosis of health that I wasn’t willing to take on for myself
  • I didn’t want to have Crones
  • At the same time my partner had a health issue that was very risky
  • I got to crossroads in my life
  • I thought I had three choices
  • One was to jump in a cab and disappear around Australia
  • Two was to jump into a padded cell and be drugged up which wasn’t what I wanted and was my last alternative
  • Third was to find someone who could help me with my depression which is what the doctors had told me I had
  • So I chose the third and booked into a retreat where I cried for the first five days but I knew I had to do what they were telling me to do
  • And that changed my life
  • Making that choice for myself and doing the work for myself regardless of how scary it was for me at the time
  • It sounds like you chose to put you first
  • For the first time, but not the last
  • It sounds like you surrendered to letting people help you
  • And to showing me another way

How do you feel about that experience now?

  • I guess the yucky part was the delving into me and starting to see the real truth behind everything that had happened in my life up until that point
  • Realising that the things that happened to me didn’t happen because I was wrong, or horrid or unlovable
  • They happened to make me the most lovable person in the world
  • It happened for the beneficial reasons and not the ones I used to think of before
  • You are not to blame, today is a new moment

What are you passionate about now?

  • Sharing my story with other people so that they can benefit from knowing that someone else has gone through the same experiences or similar
  • And my motto is, “What’s experience, if it’s not shared”
  • Yes, I experienced it but to share the flip side of it is phenomenal
  • What does the future hold for you?
  • Getting my book written and done
  • Finishing my qualification so that I have a foundation and can help others
  • Diploma in counselling which I will be finished in May

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Ria Nicholls

  1. Who inspires you? Inspiring people e.g. Louise Hay, Wayne Dwyer, Byron Katie and those who keep lifting themselves up to the next levels
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? Help people
  3. What's something that still scares you? Public Speaking
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? Meditation – either guided or even simply coming back to my breath
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? I would bring love to the whole universe and make sure everyone had that connection of love because that’s what I think the missing key is in the universe

What is something in your future plan that scares you

  • Public speaking!
  • I have done two speeches to two small groups of women but I have been given this loud, clear voice so I want to use it to its potential
  • Get my story out and share ways to help other people that way

 

Final Question

If you could turn back time what’s the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

  • To look at myself first and to love myself
  • Make myself my first priority
  • Then everything else will fall into line

Where can people reach out to you? www.evolvingdragonfly.com

Facebook – Ria Nicholls

A Gift for Listeners

Download Tegan’s book – Facing Fears – finding the courage to reveal the real you. Read her confronting story of overcoming years of abuse and use the practical exercises in each chapter to overcome your own fears.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You will receive your download plus occasional emails from Tegan Mathews and Facing Fears. You can unsubscribe at any time.

The post 014: Fear and disease – Ria Nicholls appeared first on Facing Fears.

]]>
Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Ria Nicholls who shares: How uncovering childhood abuse thirty-four years later healed her of disease Learning how to make choices f... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Ria Nicholls who shares: How uncovering childhood abuse thirty-four years later healed her of disease Learning how to make choices for herself rather than against The turning point when she thought she didn’t have any choices… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
013: Facing the past – Debbie Lanyon https://www.facingfears.com.au/debbielanyon/ Sun, 17 Jul 2016 17:28:59 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2256 https://www.facingfears.com.au/debbielanyon/#comments https://www.facingfears.com.au/debbielanyon/feed/ 2 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Debbie Lanyon who shares: How she overcame being rejected, abused, and pregnant at fourteen How a suicide attempt taught her to appreciate waking up every day The meltdown that turned her life towards a completely different…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/debbielanyon/">013: Facing the past – Debbie Lanyon</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
The_Fearless_Females_Podcast_Episode_13_Debbie_Lanyon

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Debbie Lanyon who shares:

  • How she overcame being rejected, abused, and pregnant at fourteen
  • How a suicide attempt taught her to appreciate waking up every day
  • The meltdown that turned her life towards a completely different career path
  • That we are all a continual work in progress and that’s ok
  • How helping others helped her to help herself

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. We are always a work in progress and it’s ok to be a work in progress so be kind to yourself
  2. It’s ok to be human
  3. Putting your hand up and asking for help
  4. Helping another will help yourself
  5. Take a moment each day to be aware of your surroundings

About Debbie Lanyon

Debbie Lanyon is passionate about creating positive change in people's lives. Utilising different modalities and drawing on her own extensive knowledge, combined with her own personal experience of overcoming adversity Debbie provides the guidance you need to become un-stuck and make the changes in your life that you want.

Always seeking better ways to support people to unlock the answers within Debbie Lanyon is a hypnotherapist, life coach, speaker and Kambo practitioner.

Contact Debbie Lanyon

A Gift for Listeners From Debbie Lanyon:

An MP3 download stress reduction technique to give you some time out for yourself and eliminate some of the daily stresses we all have in our lives

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You will receive your download plus occasional emails from Debbie Lanyon & Solutions by Debbie Lanyon. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: Episode 013: Facing the past - Debbie Lanyon

 

Debbie Lanyon’s Fearless Story

  • I don’t say these things so that people feel sad for me
  • I don’t say these things being the only person these have happened to
  • Because I know that most people I speak to have had some form of challenge or trauma in their life and it’s not uncommon
  • But it’s more to highlight that these things do happen and that’s life
  • I don’t have a lot of memories around my early years but there was lots of typical family and fun experiences and then around six or seven my parents divorced
  • I’m fifty now so we are talking about a very long time ago, over forty years, so you can imagine at that time it was fairly uncommon
  • In fact, I was the first child in the community and school to have divorced parents so that came with some challenges
  • One of which was that a lot of my friends were no longer allowed to play with me because apparently, I contracted a disease at the same time
  • After that, my mother met a new man in her life and good on her for doing that but he turned out to be an incredibly violent man
  • He moved us to the other end of the country away from my father, my grandfather and all those who I knew loved and cared about me
  • And we ended up in this cycle of seeing my mother abused in the most horrendous way
  • And as a little girl, I recall climbing out the window and running to the neighbours and begging them to call the police or help because he was killing my mum
  • Back then domestic violence was not something people would get involved in and I remember on a number of occasions being lifted back up to my bedroom window, told to go back to bed and everything would be alright in the morning
  • That’s how people generally responded to that type of situation
  • We had the police around every day, every second day, every week. I don’t know, as a child, it just seemed like it was all the time that this was going on
  • The memories of a child, this could be exaggerated but I just know that it was a LOT of bruises and crying and all sorts of things going on that didn’t need to be happening
  • After two years of this, my mother took us to the other side of the country to see my father and grandfather and she never came back
  • Now as a young girl of nine being left by your mother you feel very unloved, unworthy, unwanted
  • I realise as an adult, and it took a while to get there that only a mother who truly loves her children would be willing to get them out of that situation while she came to terms with her life and what was going on for her
  • But as a little girl, I didn’t quite get that and it created some challenges as my father and grandfather ended up taking in three girls because I had an older and a younger sister
  • My younger sister was seven years younger so she was just a little baby too
  • My older sister was two years older so she would have been eleven
  • So three young girls being raised by two gentlemen. It was very interesting I can tell you
  • My dad worked very hard and often had two or three jobs and was consequently regularly not there
  • My older sister and I got up to a lot of mischief and got into a lot of things that we shouldn’t have
  • I don’t regret that now but I did have many years of shame and embarrassment over what I did but I don’t carry that any more
  • At the age of fourteen, I got raped, fell pregnant and had an abortion, all without my parents knowing
  • So that shows you how, as a young girl, I grew up very quickly and learnt how to be very self-sufficient and look after myself
  • In respect to being a female, I guess anything in a negative aspect that can happen to a female has happened to me
  • I remember at a very young age, a man trying to take me from the back of our car when my dad and I were at a shopping centre
  • I still remember the name vividly, it was Burnt Bridge in Croydon Victoria
  • That was the first occasion I can remember but I have had my drink spiked, I’ve had a stalker
  • I shouldn’t be laughing at this but you listen to it and go really? But you know I’ve been date raped and you know, it’s been a challenge being a female

What was a pivotal turning point for you?

  • What I learnt about myself is that they’re the stories that aren’t really our stories
  • We grow up believing that those are our stories, we become the victim, we take on the whole woe is me vibe
  • By doing that we never really open up to who we can be and we never learn the lessons that we could from those experiences
  • So I did the only thing I knew how to do and that was to put things in nice little neat boxes and put great big kick ass padlocks around them and bury them as far down as I could
  • As I got older I realised after a period of time and after some other events that had happened to me throughout my life
  • One of those I have only recently begun sharing and some of my friends don’t even know
  • I had an occasion where I woke up and I didn’t know where I was and I was restrained and much to my own horror I found out that I had attempted to take my own life
  • I was in a coma for apparently 48 hours but I don’t recall the events leading up to that point in time
  • What I do remember is going to my dining room table and seeing empty bottles of pills everywhere and thinking, “Did I take that?”
  • I shook them all and realised they were empty which caused a bit of panic within me so I tried the fingers down the throat and salt water but I had no luck with that
  • So I called a friend and said, “I think I’ve done something really stupid and I need your help”
  • As the hostess that I am, I remember pouring her a glass of wine as she came through the door but she knew something wasn’t quite right so she called the ambulance
  • It wasn’t too late but it wasn’t early enough either (as I ended up in a coma)
  • One would have thought that would be a wake-up call that I had a lot of things from my past that I hadn’t dealt with and I needed to work on
  • I was released from the hospital and had a psych evaluation and a home care evaluation and they all said it was a disassociated episode, there’s nothing wrong with you, you seem really together and have your life in control, nothing wrong with you, don’t worry about it
  • I found that interesting but was happy to accept that
  • It wasn’t until a few years later when I was at work and I had always had corporate roles and fairly senior management roles
  • I found myself at my desk answering the phone and I had a massive melt down with tears and snot bubbles, really unattractive and not pretty at all
  • I had my staff looking at me through the window with abject horror of, “What’s going on in there?”
  • I knew something wasn’t right so I grabbed my bag and went straight to the doctors
  • Blood pressure was through the roof
  • There was a lot going on for me at that time and we had a wonderful conversation and I will be forever grateful to this lady who is still my doctor to this day
  • She got me to see that, “Deb there are a lot of things that have gone on in your life that you need to start dealing with because this is a consequence”
  • For me, that was my wake-up call sadly – anyone would think that any of the other things that happened to me would have done it but it was the fact that I had a melt down at work
  • Because again, what I had learnt as a child was that to get approval or acceptance was to excel and if I did well then I got that love and approval that I desperately craved
  • So to find I was in a position where I was meant to be an authority figure, that I was meant to be the boss so to speak and to have this melt down in front of my staff
  • That was what finally got me to have my wake-up call
  • From that moment on it was really a discovery of myself, a discovery of taking each of those little boxes that I had tucked away so tightly
  • Hammering those padlocks off and investigating and exploring the content for what it was
  • Taking the lessons learnt and moving forward in life
  • Because all of those things in some way, shape or form had been holding me back from being the true person that I am now today
  • In saying that, I believe there is no perfection in humans, we are all a work in progress
  • I still have a lot of work to do and I am the first person to admit that
  • I think anyone who is working with people, if they aren’t constantly working on themselves then in my mind, they may not be the person you want to be seeing
  • So if I’m seeing people myself, I need to know that they are constantly working on themselves as well

What have you learnt from that experience?

  • The definite good that has come from all of this is my strength and my resilience
  • I am fairly fearless which is perfect given it’s the topic of this podcast
  • I guess it’s one of those things that when things happen now I can actually stop and be a curious observer and see what it is that I have to learn from it
  • Does that mean that I am perfect all the time, absolutely not
  • There are still times when I might behave in a manner that isn’t congruent with who I am now
  • But I am human, in all of those shades of dark and light and that is perfectly perfect the way it is
  • I think when you start to realise that your stories aren’t really your stories, they are things that have happened,
  • your story is what you have done and what you continue to do on a daily basis to be the best you, you can be
  • and it’s about stepping outside your comfort zone and being able to see things for what they truly are
  • and actually putting up your hand and saying, “I need help”
  • because that’s something that I wasn’t very good at and one of my detrimental self-soothing techniques was alcohol
  • Before my meltdown it would be nothing for me to drink two bottles of wine at night and even open the third
  • I would often get up and go to work at 6am
  • I was a workaholic and that was one of the ways I kept everything locked down
  • Which is why I am always cautious of working with workaholics because why do we have to strive so hard to prove ourselves to other people
  • That’s not who we should be proving ourselves to, it’s ourselves that we need to be happy and comfortable with
  • Self-acceptance
  • What I had spent years doing was trying to fill those voids that I thought I had in my life, with external things
  • My happiness came from material things and other people
  • I didn’t realise, and this is possibly one of the best things I have learnt from the experience
  • Everything comes from within
  • You can have all the money and position in the world but if you aren’t happy inside, all of those things will eventually mean nothing
  • And you will keep searching and striving for things to make you feel good but what you need to be doing is looking at who you are internally
  • Who you are as a person and where you sit in the world, how you react with people, how you react with nature, everything really does come from within
  • And taking the time to stop and observe the situation and yourself enables you to look within

How did you turn it all around?

  • I’m not going to advocate this to everyone but I was good at my job but it wasn’t satisfying me
  • Instead, it was contributing to how I was feeling and not how I wanted to feel
  • So I decided to quit my job and I gave myself a few years to do that so that I had time to plan it out
  • I didn’t know what I was going to do when I did quit but I needed to set myself up in a position that when I did stop working I could take some time out
  • I really needed some time for me, I didn’t know how to relax, the thought of meditation had never even crossed my mind
  • But I had always been busy, busy, busy and the thought of having time off really scared me
  • I had always worked. I got my first full-time job at fifteen and started the day I turned sixteen
  • Up until a few years ago I had never taken time out, the longest break was six weeks which was a holiday
  • I also realised I had placed a lot of my security around having a well paying job even though it wasn’t something I was enjoying any longer
  • So I did what might seem strange to some people, I left a well-paying job with a guaranteed golden handshake of being paid an annual income every year after I retired until I passed
  • People still think I am crazy for doing that and I lost a lot of friends along the way who couldn’t understand what I was doing
  • But I was doing this for me and the plan was to take twelve months off to just learn to be me again
  • I had been doing that for a couple of years but I really needed that time to immerse myself in me, it may sound selfish but that was what I needed
  • Very quickly though I found myself in work helping others
  • In helping others, I was helping myself
  • And anyone that says that doesn’t happen is deluding themselves
  • Whenever you are helping someone else and you are doing it with true intent, you can’t help but help yourself
  • And that was a beautiful way for me to exist at that time and that’s how I ended up falling into the wellness industry
  • Every time I work with a client I learn a little bit more about myself and every time I help a client I end up helping myself as well
  • And that’s how I ended up where I am today
  • I have had some beautiful people be there for me over the time
  • I am not someone who has a lot of friends, I have a core group of friends who I adore to pieces and they have been with me through thick and thin
  • At the time I put a call out to explain what I was doing and asked for help
  • Which was hugely challenging for me to do
  • I remember I sent an email to a very close group of friends to outline what was going on for me and the things I was doing and where I needed help and they were all there to support me
  • I think we often forget about those who love and care for us, they are there through the dark and the light
  • They want you to excel and they want you to be the best you that you can be
  • It’s just so wonderful to have that support on your journey
  • But you also need to ask for that help and layout what it is that you want help on in order for your friends to be able to give it to you and if you don’t know what it is you want help with then say that
  • Absolutely and when you are coming out the other side of your challenges you are able to see in others when they are needing help
  • But unless they are willing to put their hand up and ask for help, things don’t change
  • If you keep doing the same thing you are going to get the same result

Most Memorable Moment x 2

  • The first is from a work perspective in my new career
  • You know that you are helping people but I had a mother call me after I had done a three-month coaching program with her daughter
  • The mother was in tears and all she could say was, “Thank you so much for giving us our daughter back”
  • So that was definitely a highlight in my new career
  • The second was a personal one
  • I was sitting on the couch watching the birds in my back yard and there were some yellow flowers on the trees at the time
  • The Rosella’s were so happy flitting around and taking the nectar from the flowers and I didn’t realise but I had been sitting there for hours
  • Just observing nature and being totally immersed in nature
  • So relaxed, so calm and so happy
  • That was something I could never do before
  • Just sit still, be relaxed and be in the moment
  • I felt so happy I actually cried
  • It was such a realisation you can be happy and be content and you don’t have to be doing something that other people would call amazing
  • Me sitting there watching these birds was amazing and it was enough, I didn’t need anything else

What are you passionate about today?

  • Ahhh well one of the things I’ve learnt is that if I am doing something that doesn’t bring me joy then find a way to stop doing it
  • And if it’s something that you must do, then find a way to enjoy it and to get it done quickly so that it doesn’t take up too much of your energy or time
  • One of the things I love doing is enabling people to have experiences of things that they may not have had the opportunity to be exposed to before
  • I have been blessed over the past twenty-four months to be exposed to things that have given me a different way to look at life
  • So I now have a monthly meet-up where I bring speakers in to speak about things others may not have been exposed to before
  • For example, last month I had a lady come in and talk about plant medicine from the amazon and people may have heard about it but they get the opportunity to ask questions and really experience what it can do for them in their life and I think that’s a gift worthy of giving
  • I have one tonight which is a lovely lady that talks about self-love and tantra and sex versus sensuality and once again, people may have heard of it but they really don’t know a lot about them
  • I am hoping that next month I can get a gentleman to come in and talk about native American medicine and in particular sacred tobacco Mmapacho because a lot of people believe they know what it is but they are using it incorrectly
  • And I think that whatever traditional medicine we use, we must use it with the intent it was meant to be used otherwise it’s an abuse of that medicine and it reduces the effectiveness of that medicine
  • So, they’re the sort of things I like exposing people to
  • Meet-up group is called: Leaders Seeking Change – I called it that because anyone can be a leader and you may not know what you are looking for in change and what I provide isn’t necessarily what people should be doing but they might find the answers in what I am having presented to them
  • It gives people a choice and you don’t know what you don’t know so it gives you the opportunity to learn about different modalities and choose whatresonatess with you

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

  • There’s still one thing I need to face for me that’s scary and it may seem strange to some people but
  • I have lived in my little unit for the past ten years and it’s my little last bastion of the old me and my little last bastion of security
  • I’ve always got my little haven of security to come back to
  • For a long time now I have wanted to relocate to northern NSW or southern QLD so that’s on my to do list for 2016
  • It does scare me a little bit because this is my place of comfort and security but I also know I need to step out from that
  • So that’s something personal for me
  • In terms of my business, another modality I am offering separate to my business is Kambo
  • It’s a medicine from South America, it’s not illegal and it’s not legal but it’s a beautiful medicine that can help people with a lot of different things
  • And if anyone is interested you can learn more about it via iakp.org

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Debbie Lanyon

  1. Who inspires you? Anyone who is living their life by their terms and is truly happy and is do so without causing harm to others, not necessarily someone who is well known or is in the media. I can meet someone in the park on my morning walk and be totally blown away by them and their story. So it’s any individual who has the courage to live their life by their terms
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? Wake up – yay I’m here for another day. Given my past attempt, any day I wake up to is a blessing as I was so close to not having more time on this planet
  3. What's something that still scares you? In regards to the politicians and how the country is being run, the continual interference and control being placed upon us. We are all sovereign beings but it seems like everywhere you turn there is a new control or new rule or new piece of legislation. Who gave someone who is my equal the control to tell me when I can do what and who with, what I can and can’t put into my body? I believe I am happier and healthier than those who are put in charge of telling me what I can and can’t do. It seems to be gaining in momentum and there needs to be a shift at some point
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? Technique – my clinical hypnotherapy. Regardless of what I do I think I will always do that because it brings about relatively quick change for people who are wanting change and it taps directly into the subconscious which is beautiful. Book – there isn’t one I can pinpoint that has given me all the answers. I believe books present themselves when you need them and as they are required at that time. I’m reading an interesting book at the moment called, “Bringers of the dawn” and it’s the teachings of the Pladians which is about the awakening of the planet and people are becoming more aware of the shift in energy and vibration and it can only be for the betterment of the population and mother earth
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? I’d really like to change the people running the country, federal, state and local as they seem to be puppets and I’m not sure who’s pulling their strings. They don’t seem to be taking notice of what the population wants, and the population are supposedly those who have voted them into power and yet they aren’t really doing what the population wants.

And I’d like people to stop and think for a moment how and why things get to them. The damage we are doing to the planet. I don’t think we will see the demise of the mother earth but if we continue down this path we will see the demise of the human race.

For example, that cup of coffee you drink in the morning, stop and think where it came from and how many people contributed to it being in your hands and I think we all need to have a little more gratitude to what we have, being a bit more aware and more mindful. Mindfulness will raise gratitude which leads to awakening.

Final Question

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

  • You are loved
  • You are worthy
  • Life will get better

Where can people reach out to you? www.solutionsby.com.au

A Gift for Listeners From Debbie Lanyon:

An MP3 download stress reduction technique to give you some time out for yourself and eliminate some of the daily stresses we all have in our lives

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You will receive your download plus occasional emails from Debbie Lanyon & Solutions by Debbie Lanyon. You can unsubscribe at any time.

The post 013: Facing the past – Debbie Lanyon appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Debbie Lanyon who shares: How she overcame being rejected, abused, and pregnant at fourteen How a suicide attempt taught her to appr... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Debbie Lanyon who shares: How she overcame being rejected, abused, and pregnant at fourteen How a suicide attempt taught her to appreciate waking up every day The meltdown that turned her life towards a completely different… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
012: Facing Fear of Dying – Marine L Rot https://www.facingfears.com.au/marinerot/ Wed, 13 Jul 2016 00:53:48 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2239 https://www.facingfears.com.au/marinerot/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/marinerot/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Marine L Rot who shares: How close she came to dying and what that felt like for her How she had foreseen the experience in nightmares prior to that day Learning to let go of the…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/marinerot/">012: Facing Fear of Dying – Marine L Rot</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
The Fearless Females Podcast - Marine L Rot

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Marine L Rot who shares:

  • How close she came to dying and what that felt like for her
  • How she had foreseen the experience in nightmares prior to that day
  • Learning to let go of the drama and discovering what’s important in life
  • Saying yes to life and going for it
  • How she now travels the world helping others to live more from their hearts

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. That there is nothing to fear with dying, it’s just like letting go
  2. Say yes to life and follow your heart and the opportunities will come
  3. What you think you are searching for is actually within you
  4. Let go of the drama and stop complicating your life
  5. I’ve said this one before in a previous episode but it’s just so true…Connect with your heart – it is there you will find all of the answers you’re searching for

About Marine L Rot

The Co-founder of BeMore Academy, an award-winning Art Director and Coach, Marine is a Muse, who has been blending visual talents & emotional intelligence to empower women entrepreneurs to awaken to their creative nature. Her last decade’s work includes the collaboration with Celine and Evian, publishing books and programs that encompass both business & personal development. She has been featured by Galeries Lafayettes and international media, nominated as one of the most prominent artists in France, and invited by the former French president, J. Chirac.

Deeply sensitive to her inner world, she sees the unseen and envisions signature products that harmonize her clients’ lives and brands just the right way. She uses her heart-space while connecting and working with people so that they can re-connect to their own inherent heart wisdom and step into their greatness.

Her NDE in Hawaii has reinforced her life mission in assisting women in their own transformations and guiding them to live their purpose and create a legacy.

Contact Marine L Rot

A Gift for Listeners From Marine L Rot:

Instant access to one complete module from the six-week Be More Academy Clarity program. This module will help you to gain clarity around your purpose and start living it. It’s about your mindset and your core values.

Show Notes: Episode 012: Facing Fear of Dying- Marine L Rot

Marine L Rot’s Fearless Story

  • I was in Hawaii with my partner
  • We were enjoying some time on the beach
  • After a while, I got caught in the ocean
  • It could be taken as a dramatic experience but I look at it as a gift
  • I was in the ocean and the waves kept coming and coming and my oxygen was getting lower
  • I knew that my friends wouldn’t be able to help me
  • So you were caught in a rip? Yes
  • Actually, I had been having that nightmare for a couple of years before that the end of the world would happen after a huge wave
  • And so when I was under the water I was thinking about that dream and I kind of knew that it was the end of my world
  • So it was interesting how that dream and my reality came together
  • After a while, though, my friends managed to pull me back to shore and save me
  • And I thought I was fine but then I started to leave my physical body
  • And this is where the journey started to happen
  • The first was when I was under the water and I had to let go of my doubts and my life and I was really ready to let it go
  • And when they rescued me I thought, ok good, I’m alive
  • But all of my senses started to shut down
  • My eyes were wide open but I couldn’t hear anymore and I couldn’t see any more
  • And I felt like I was leaving my physical body and I saw myself from the top
  • Like you were looking down on your body and what was going on? Yes
  • And I reached a point that was like the very last few seconds where it felt like I had one very last wish, that is how it felt
  • It felt like I was travelling through the universe with black all around me and the stars
  • And it just felt like I could say one last thing so I said to my friends, there were four of them, to stand around me
  • And then I thought it was done and I was grateful for it all
  • Then my friends stood as I had asked them and as if intuitively, they put their hands on my body and in a second I came back
  • It was quite a journey!
  • I have no idea how much time I was there but that was my journey and experience
  • Did you have a fear of dying before that?
  • Not of dying exactly but before that when I was near the ocean I would feel a lot of love for it and a lot of fear
  • So it was like my greatest love and my greatest fear
  • So this recurring nightmare always put me in the position of being afraid of dying and the end of the world
  • This was three years ago

What are the gifts you received from this experience?

  • Since then it has changed pretty much everything
  • Actually, the entire trip to Hawaii changed my life, not just the near death experience
  • Within a couple of days, I had this sense of inner deep peace that I had never had before
  • A real sense of connection with life and everything that was and just grateful for everything
  • After that, I stopped making it complicated
  • Before that, I had been trying to find my life and purpose of why I was here
  • But when you get so near to death you realise it’s all perfect and you don’t need to keep running and searching because it’s not outside
  • I finally had a feeling of peace within myself
  • That’s a feeling we would all like to have and I think it’s always something we are searching for until we have an AHA moment and realise that don’t need to look outside ourselves and all we need is within us if we just connect within ourselves
  • We don’t necessarily have to experience the same as what you did but that was obviously what the universe had planned for you
  • I agree, we don’t all need a dramatic experience
  • And it has made me realise the struggles of everyone, that deep sense of fear that we all have, that fear of death
  • And this is now how I can help others because I reached that point

Most Memorable Moment

  • When I was invited by the former French president
  • It was the answer which after I was really following my heart
  • I was applying to different projects and I got awarded
  • It was a fashion contest
  • And I really felt like I was aligned and I was listening to my inner calling
  • What my heart was desiring the most at that time
  • I was working for a really big fashion label which was my dream at that time
  • And I got invited by the former French president and met all these wonderful people
  • This all happened within a few weeks to me saying yes to who I truly was
  • Being in alignment opens up opportunities that flow a lot easier
  • Although this is very different to the life I have now, it is really about saying yes, a full yes and the universe really responds to it

What are you passionate about today?

  • Well, yes freedom
  • My partner and I, since leaving Hawaii and moving to Bali have turned around our business which was location based design agency
  • We realised we really want to be travelling, following our hearts and answering that calling on a day to day basis
  • So what we wanted to do was to be location independent and really travel a lot
  • So we have moved from our office to being able to travel anywhere and we are now coaching heart centred entrepreneurs to create more meaning and freedom in their lives
  • It’s a little bit of mindset and strategy and a lot of energy work also

What is something in your future plan that scares you

  • I would say, speaking
  • We have been invited to speak at a couple of events and my partner is a really good speaker but I am more of a writer
  • However, I realise that I have to do more speaking to get my message out
  • This is why I was triggered, curious and excited to be featured in your podcast so thank you for the opportunity

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Marine Rot

  1. Who inspires you? Anyone who shows up and is honest about their hearts desires
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? Morning ritual of fitness and stretching, swimming and coconut water
  3. What's something that still scares you? Riding the motorcycle around in the crazy traffic of Bali
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? It’s a technique that we have developed around expressing your fears as you are noticing them, describing your thoughts, and what your body is feeling
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? Self-doubt, doubt that we are not enough!

Final Question

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

  • Relax
  • You are loved!

Where can people reach out to you? www.bemoreacademy.com

A Gift for Listeners From Marine L Rot:

Instant access to one complete module from the six-week Be More Academy Clarity program. This module will help you to gain clarity around your purpose and start living it. It’s about your mindset and your core values.

The post 012: Facing Fear of Dying – Marine L Rot appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Marine L Rot who shares: How close she came to dying and what that felt like for her How she had foreseen the experience in nightmar... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Marine L Rot who shares: How close she came to dying and what that felt like for her How she had foreseen the experience in nightmares prior to that day Learning to let go of the… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
011: Self Love and Hugs – Shirley-Anne Joy https://www.facingfears.com.au/shirleyannejoy/ Mon, 11 Jul 2016 10:02:11 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2230 https://www.facingfears.com.au/shirleyannejoy/#comments https://www.facingfears.com.au/shirleyannejoy/feed/ 2 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Shirley-Anne Joy who shares: How she became the Love Warrior The importance of self love to combat fear and judgment Taking responsibility for your own happiness Her Guiness World Record goal Tegan's Take Aways: Love yourself…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/shirleyannejoy/">011: Self Love and Hugs – Shirley-Anne Joy</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
The Fearless Females Podcast Episode 011: Self Love and Hugs – Shirley-Anne Joy

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Shirley-Anne Joy who shares:

  • How she became the Love Warrior
  • The importance of self love to combat fear and judgment
  • Taking responsibility for your own happiness
  • Her Guiness World Record goal

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. Love yourself enough to care for yourself and provide what you need
  2. Get professional help to come out from the place of darkness
  3. All you need is within you – all the answers and all the love
  4. Live your life to the fullest to show others what’s possible
  5. Give and receive more hugs and if no one is around when you need one, give yourself a hug using the self hug technique

About Shirley-Anne Joy

Shirley-Anne Joy is The Love Warrior Hugging The World To Healing. Her mission is to bring us all home to love, to self-love in particular. Shirley-Anne is a way-show-er, paving the way to love for us all. Her own journey has been navigating the way through such deep sadness, grief, pain and loss and abuse of all kinds, to eventually cross that bridge to peace, joy and happiness and most importantly, to self-love.

The Self-Hug Technique video that she is gifting you, is the NEWEST self-help tool on the planet today. It was developed and created after asking the question: If the happiness hormones are activated in 20seconds when two people hug, will the same thing happen if I hug myself? And to her amazement and delight, the answer was YES!

Shirley-Anne is a passionate, dedicated healer, hugger, and lover of this planet.

Contact Shirley-Anne Joy

A Gift for Listeners From Shirley-Anne Joy:

A video on the self-hugging technique so that you can use it whenever you need a hug. It reduces stress, calms you down and brings you back to the place of love.

BONUS Gift

The peace, love and joy mantra in a beautiful printable design

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You will receive your download plus occasional emails from Shirley-Anne Joy. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: Episode 011: Self Love and Hugs - Shirley-Anne Joy

Shirley-Anne Joy’s Fearless Story

  • why am I the love warrior
  • It’s been such a journey to love – the love warrior has evolved from the Happiness coach and then it evolved into the love warrior as I started looking at self love
  • And I am here to guide people and take you from un-self loving to self-love
  • One of my favourite things after my grandson Ziel is to hug
  • Guiding people to self love through the use of the self hug technique I have developed
  • If you hug someone for twenty seconds or longer it activates your happiness hormone
  • Over three years ago I thought I wonder if hugging yourself can do the same thing and was delighted to discover that it does
  • It took me 18 months to develop the technique and I have been teaching it for over a year now
  • People love it – it’s calming, soothing, de-stressing, allows you to connect to your heart and fully embody your soul
  • And you can gift it to yourself any time of the day when you need it
  • And you can get to a real place of tenderness and provide that love we all need for yourself – it’s quite extraordinary

Most Memorable Moment

  • In 2003 I got twelve months of travel insurance and went to Africa on a safari and then spent six months back packing around Europe
  • When I was on the safari truck going from Livingston in Zambia to Lilongwe
  • It was the first time in my life (I was 47yo) that I truly got to feel bliss and joy and freedom
  • It was leaving the stuff from my upbringing of being the eldest of eleven children, my marriage and all the responsibilities for everyone else and it was just me, this truck, adventure and freedom for thirty days

One of your AHA moments

  • I lived in my car for a whole month
  • Even though it gave me a sense of adventure and freedom that I felt I had lost
  • I realised I wasn’t willing to be responsible for myself
  • I wasn’t willing to make the commitment to sign a lease
  • I wasn’t willing to love myself enough to provide what I needed to care for myself
  • I was keeping myself engrossed in limitations

Where in your life have you been fearless?

  • I think we are all fearless
  • I got involved in a business that I thought was a good place to be in
  • When I decided to get out of it, unfortunately I had a bad time
  • It was a really difficult time for me
  • It was like I was battling the light and the dark
  • Yet every day I would get up and pretend everything was alright to those around me
  • I had some really difficult moments

 

How did you get through that?

  • I had some really great friends
  • I used to call on Mother Mary
  • Yet I always felt like they weren’t there, even though they were
  • It went on for two years
  • And then my mother got sick – thank you mum
  • And I chose to move back to the Hunter Valley and that was what I needed
  • Often when we are going through the dark times we don’t see those who are there to help us
  • I also think the answers always will come to you and you are always being looked after
  • Like when your mother got sick, although it is terrible, it was a way of the universe looking after you
  • And I went to a psychologist as well and he was very helpful
  • Not just in this matter but also the death of my baby brother when I was fifteen which sent me into deep depression
  • Even though I had done a lot of work on him while I was in Queensland five years ago
  • I forgot that he came into my life to show me what joy was
  • He was this amazing joyful baby and yet I climbed into sadness and attracted sad men and it was this really big thing to me
  • Yet here I am still smiling

How do you feel about the situations in your life now?

  • I came to the knowing that everything in my life til now had played a part in who I am today like you said
  • It makes me a better facilitator
  • It makes me a better guide to people
  • I am able to say, “Hey, this is where I’ve been and I can show you the way to joy and ease and happiness”
  • I live my life like that so that people know it's possible because a lot of people don’t think it is but I’m living proof that it is

What are you passionate about today?

  • Besides the hugs where I have set up hug stations in and around my home town
  • I will hug anyone because I don’t have any judgment of myself or others so I can
  • Just living life and being in appreciation for this amazing planet we are living on
  • Other people in my life and my new grandson
  • And getting the self hug technique to as many people as I can
  • I really believe it is the most powerful tools I’ve ever used
  • Plus, bringing people home to love
  • I made a pact with myself years ago and I wrote down everything that I was holding onto and I made a pact that I would do whatever it took to work through that and let it go
  • Now I get to guide people back to love and love is home
  • The Dalai Lama says, “Love is the absence of judgment”
  • So we have to let go of our projections of judgment and all our stuff
  • And keep coming back to your heart space all the time
  • Because you can't be in love and judgement at the same time and you can't be in fear and love at the same time

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Shirley-Anne Joy

  1. Who inspires you? My mother. She brought up eleven children and was both dad and mum to us as dad was always out working and now at 81y she has a 70yo boyfriend
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? Get up and go to the beach and watch the sun rise and sometimes sunsets too. It just opens my heart
  3. What's something that still scares you? Me! If I have done all this so far, what’s possible for me in the next ten years
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? The self hug technique and Abraham Hicks – Ask and it is Given book. I think it is amazing
  1. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? I would bring people back to love because the lack of love is what causes all the problems in the world

Final Question

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

  • Love yourself
  • Be who you are
  • Stay true to who you are
  • Don’t listen to anyone else
  • Know that everything you need is within you
  • The good news is that the world is changing and I do not doubt that there will be peace
  • I have a mantra for peace and love [attachment]
  • Get out of the judgment and be the you you want to see in the world
  • Get out of the being around people who no longer serve you
  • Its all about you at the end of the day

Where can people reach out to you? www.shirleyannejoy.com

A Gift for Listeners From Shirley-Anne Joy:

A video on the self hugging technique so that you can use it whenever you need a hug. It reduces stress, calms you down and brings you back to the place of love.

The post 011: Self Love and Hugs – Shirley-Anne Joy appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Shirley-Anne Joy who shares: How she became the Love Warrior The importance of self love to combat fear and judgment Taking responsi... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Shirley-Anne Joy who shares: How she became the Love Warrior The importance of self love to combat fear and judgment Taking responsibility for your own happiness Her Guiness World Record goal Tegan's Take Aways: Love yourself… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
010: Finding trust again after betrayal – Anne McKeown https://www.facingfears.com.au/annemckeown/ Tue, 05 Jul 2016 18:39:12 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2220 https://www.facingfears.com.au/annemckeown/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/annemckeown/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Anne McKeown who shares: How she learnt to trust again after betrayal when she uncovered a huge secret about her boyfriend when he died unexpectedly Moving through the stages of grief Overcoming shame and guilt to…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/annemckeown/">010: Finding trust again after betrayal – Anne McKeown</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
The Fearless Females Podcast episode 010: Finding trust again after betrayal – Anne McKeown

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Anne McKeown who shares:

  • How she learnt to trust again after betrayal when she uncovered a huge secret about her boyfriend when he died unexpectedly
  • Moving through the stages of grief
  • Overcoming shame and guilt to find love again
  • Stepping into your circle of power
  • How important it is to support our teenagers
  • Managing the transition in motherhood when your children grow up and don’t need you as much any more

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. Don’t judge a person from the outside, look into their eyes and into their soul and get to know who they truly are
  2. Follow your heart and trust your gut
  3. Give and receive unconditional love
  4. Do one thing every day towards your dreams and that can be large or small as long as it’s something each day
  5. Don’t listen to the fears of others, even if they mean well, make your own way

About Anne McKeown

Anne McKeown, from Scotland, lives in Sydney, Australia.  She is married and has two teenage daughters.  Throughout her expansive career, Anne has worked in Corporate, Education, and the Charity arena.

She runs her coaching business www.2Mpower.co with her sister.  “We are the 2Ms = McKeown & Murray,” she says “and our mission is ‘to empower’ others to live the life they were born to live.”

Anne loves to write and has recently finished her first book, a memoir, written to help others overcome adversity.  It is due to be published soon.

Anne delivers humble yet humorous keynote speeches and runs seminars on various topics ranging from trust through to volunteering. She is a Master Coach, NLP Practitioner, a Chaplain and has a BA(hons) RES, Brighton University UK.

Contact Anne McKeown

A Gift for Listeners From Anne McKeown:

An empowering language download that lists dis-empowering language that might be being used and provides empowering alternatives. This is great for the language used by yourself and those around you but also to apply to what you say to yourself as well.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You will receive your download plus occasional emails from Anne McKeown and 2MPower. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: Episode 010: Trusting again after betrayal - Anne McKeown

Anne McKeown’s Fearless Story

  • I was working in corporate for a large oil company and had what some people would say “she had it all”
  • Company car, apartment of my own in my early twenties
  • The joy of world travel, a great job, a beautiful partner and I was really happy
  • I had gone to a conference for work and my boss had asked me to do something that was going to be detrimental to the people I worked with
  • I had said, “I don’t know that I can do that” and he had said, “Well if you don’t then someone else will”
  • I remember that feeling like a stab in the heart because this was someone who I admired and I trusted and he was responsible for the team
  • I remember realising that it wasn’t the people that mattered, it was the bottom line
  • So I flew back up to Glasgow where I was living at the time and there was a message to say that my boyfriend had been involved in a car crash
  • I called one of his friends and asked what had happened and where is he so that I could go and see him and he said, “You cant Anne, because his wife is with him”
  • I just couldn’t believe it
  • The two men that I loved and respected, over a period of two days, I had just lost my trust
  • I wandered around for a while in a bit of a daze and red wine became my very good friend
  • I was just lost
  • I had to decide where I was going to head and what I was going to do and to do that I had to look at my core values and what was important to me
  • It was a gut feeling and women are very intuitive but as human beings, we aren’t very good at listening to our intuition
  • If we get a feeling we tend to just fob it off whereas an animal will react to their instinct completely
  • This was one of the times my instinct was so strong, I think because of the double blow
  • I kept talking with my mum asking, “What should I do?” and she said, “Just stop sitting on the fence and just do it”
  • So I went to my boss and told him he can get someone else to do that deed because I wasn’t going to
  • I then volunteered for what was supposed to be six months and I ended up working with lepers in India, blind people in Africa, with the homeless in Australia
  • Through that, it was probably the poorest I ever was and the least I’d ever had
  • But the strongest, most satisfied, most needed, the most rewarded, it was just the best time of my life
  • So it was great to have had that experience
  • And just to step back a bit, you weren’t able to go to your boyfriends funeral or anything to get closure
  • No, his friends wouldn’t tell me any of the details in case I showed up
  • It turns out he was living a double life and had a family and everything in England
  • I went through a stage of thinking, “Why couldn’t I see it?” and “How could I have been so stupid?”

What did you learn from that experience?

  • I learnt about love really because I really loved him and he loved me
  • I learnt about being true to yourself
  • Not being able to go to the funeral was really hard for me and I was really angry so when I did my volunteering I actually had quite a hard heart
  • I went off angry and there are stages of grief that you go through and I did carry all of that with me which probably wasn’t all that healthy at the time

How did you turn that around?

  • I was in Sydney and I saw an advert in a local paper and I moved in with this lovely lady who was kind of like an Aunty
  • What she told me later was that she was a Catholic nun and she worked with the homeless and refugees
  • She asked me if I wanted to go and work with her and I hadn’t had any intention of working as I had come to Australia for a holiday
  • But I was a bit flat and a bit depressed and she said, “You’ve got to get out, you didn’t come to the other side of the world to wallow”
  • One day there was a group of down syndrome people and they were touching my hair and my face which I found a bit uncomfortable
  • But by the time I had finished working there I had so much love from the people there, more than I’d ever had from anywhere else
  • And it was unconditional love and that for me was a big breakthrough
  • I realised, for me to be happy in life, I had to follow their example
  • To give and receive of unconditional love

What happened next?

  • A friend of mine was getting married and so I had to go back home
  • I didn’t want to because it meant facing all of my friends and actually I didn’t tell anyone that he was married because I was so ashamed
  • I thought everyone would say, “Oh you’re so stupid” and “How did you not know?”
  • So I just didn’t tell anyone anything about the funeral or anything
  • My mother was the only person I confided in
  • I think I felt like I had unknowingly become a mistress and that didn’t sit well with me
  • So I didn’t really want to go home
  • But the Sister had given me several techniques for dealing with grief, of which I am forever indebted to her for
  • So off I went home for my friends wedding and she kept telling me that I would meet someone else but I wasn’t interested and all the guests were friends from the oil industry that I already knew
  • And it was at that wedding that I met my husband
  • He had been brought up in Africa and was all about nature and the important things in life isn’t things
  • We had met previously but I had been very much wrapped up in the corporate life and the 80’s perms, shoulder pads, money and status
  • So we had nothing in common previously
  • But when we met at the wedding he had gone off and done an MBA and was now in a managerial role and working on investments and things
  • And I had gone the opposite way and gone a bit bohemian
  • So our paths had crossed over and we were both able to relate to both sides of life
  • Where most of my friends said, “You’ve missed all these shows on TV”, he said, “Don’t you just love the smell of Africa?”
  • So we connected on a different level

What are you passionate about today?

  • That experience is what led me into working as a coach and working in pastoral care
  • When I went back to the UK I got a job working with teenagers
  • What I found is that where they were afraid to speak to their parents about issues and change
  • Whether that was physical, spiritual, or hormonal
  • They didn’t feel like they had someone that would just listen
  • Parents were always there to tell them what they were doing wrong, rather than what they were doing right
  • And if they were to go to the counsellor it had a bit of a tag like you had an illness of some sorts or there is something wrong with you
  • Whereas to be seen as a coach I would always use the analogy of an Olympic coach who pushes people to become their best
  • And that’s what I would do with them
  • Whether it was issues at home, or with a teacher, or that they weren’t coping with the homework or that they just lacked confidence in themselves, in fact some of them actually hated themselves
  • This broke my heart because we can see the good in others but we don’t always see it in ourselves
  • So I worked with these kids to get them to love themselves and the ripple effect from that was to love their family, love their friends and love life
  • I got a huge amount of satisfaction from that
  • We moved to Australia eight years ago and for the first number of years I did local voluntary work because my husband travelled a lot with school and for the kids to settle into school and become part of the community
  • I just did things like Meals on Wheels and visiting some of the elderly
  • Then we got our house and we got settled and the kids were now at high school and they didn’t need me as much any more
  • And that’s when I hit another real low
  • I felt like I lost my identity a wee bit
  • My kids were busy, my husband was busy and I was like, “Well what do I do now?”
  • Technology had moved on so much that I didn’t think I would be able to grasp it
  • I suppose you lose your confidence when you’re at home all the time
  • I didn’t want to go back into corporate
  • So I went to see a business coach who suggested I go back to what I love but I didn’t want to be just at one school so she suggested I set something up myself so I can help teenagers everywhere
  • But I was really scared because I’d never had a business before

So how did you overcome that fear?

  • Well, some people say to have a business plan
  • But I think one thing every day should be your business plan
  • One small step, consistent action every day
  • And I started to share with friends how I felt
  • That’s why I love what you do Tegan because it’s about taking off the mask and being real and not hiding behind saying everything is ok
  • I would say to people how I thought I had hit menopause and I didn’t know who I was or what to do
  • And they would often share how they were feeling the same
  • I started to realise there were quite a lot of women around who felt like that
  • As I began to use my skills from the past people would come back and tell me what a difference it had made in their lives
  • So then this lady suggested why don’t you do coaching here
  • I started just by helping a few friends and then they would ask me to talk to their children and it just grew from there
  • I’ve also studied NLP and I’ve done a master coach course and also a post graduate in chaplaincy

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

  • I wrote this story a long time ago and never published it
  • So the thought of putting it into a book and getting it out there terrifies me a wee bit
  • But it’s like opening an old wound or an old coffin
  • And the process I find a bit scary and overwhelming
  • Everyone says to self-publish but I don’t even know where to start
  • I guess I should take my own advice and do one thing every day towards it
  • I think fear comes from worrying about what other people will think
  • But does it really matter what others will think?

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Christie Pinto

  1. Who inspires you? Mother Theresa, I read her biography and she looks into people's eyes and sees their soul rather than judging them from the outside and I try to do that now and see each person for who they are
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? Take my dog for a walk on the beach – it gets me outside and the fresh air and exercise is great. If it weren’t for him I probably wouldn’t go out because I’m not a fan of gyms.
  3. What's something that still scares you? You know, through my NLP I’ve learnt not to be so scared of things. I guess jumping off a great height or bungy jumping doesn’t appeal to me. Growing old or losing my house or something, those things just don’t scare me anymore. I’m much stronger through the study and the work I’ve done.
  4. Favourite book, app or technique? Technique – The Circle of Excellence – Rather than my subconscious learning to control me I am now learning to control and educate it. Stepping into your circle of excellence – 1. You think of a time when you were excellent, 2. Really see yourself and brighten that vision, 3. Hear what you heard at that time e.g. applause, words, birds singing, 4. Really turn up the volume of what you hear, 5. Then imagine a circle of stones, crystals, water whatever you like, 6. Step outside the circle, 7. Then watch the circle get smaller and smaller until it’s a small ring and you pick it up and put it on your finger and come back to the present moment, 8. Then every time you are facing something that scares you, take that imaginary ring off your finger and place it on the ground and step into it and you will immediately re-connect with those thoughts and those feelings and be the person that can achieve anything you want to achieve.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? Homelessness, especially young people. I feel like that is, as a nation, is a criminal offence because those kids have run away from something that usually isn’t their fault and yet they think it is and that just breaks my heart.

Final Question

If you could turn back time what’s the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

  • Don’t listen to other people’s negativity
  • What I’ve found throughout my life is that if other people were afraid to do something then they would tell you not to do that too
  • I find we do it with our children too
  • And what I realised is it was their anxiety and their fear
  • But because we thought they knew better because they were the adults, we took it onboard
  • And now I’ve realised that is not the case
  • So for all the parents out there, if you have a fear, maybe keep it to yourself LoL

Where can people reach out to you? www.2mpower.co

Facebook – 2mpower

A Gift for Listeners From Anne McKeown:

An empowering language download that lists dis-empowering language that might be being used and provides empowering alternatives. This is great for the language used by yourself and those around you but also to apply to what you say to yourself as well.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You will receive your download plus occasional emails from Anne McKeown and 2MPower. You can unsubscribe at any time.

The post 010: Finding trust again after betrayal – Anne McKeown appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Anne McKeown who shares: How she learnt to trust again after betrayal when she uncovered a huge secret about her boyfriend when he d... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Anne McKeown who shares: How she learnt to trust again after betrayal when she uncovered a huge secret about her boyfriend when he died unexpectedly Moving through the stages of grief Overcoming shame and guilt to… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
009: Flashbacks and Fear – Gail OKeeffe https://www.facingfears.com.au/gailokeeffe/ Mon, 04 Jul 2016 13:41:25 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2207 https://www.facingfears.com.au/gailokeeffe/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/gailokeeffe/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Gail OKeeffe who shares: How she dealt with repressed sexual abuse memories when they surfaced later in life Overcoming the feeling of shame to ask for help Finding the courage to confront her perpetrators How breaking…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/gailokeeffe/">009: Flashbacks and Fear – Gail OKeeffe</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
009 Flashbacks and Fears - Gail OKeeffe - The Fearless Females Podcast

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Gail OKeeffe who shares:

  • How she dealt with repressed sexual abuse memories when they surfaced later in life
  • Overcoming the feeling of shame to ask for help
  • Finding the courage to confront her perpetrators
  • How breaking down lead to her breakthrough
  • The power of EFT tapping in dealing with trauma, stress and many other physical and mental challenges in life

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. Your breakdowns lead to your breakthroughs so there’s no need to be afraid of them
  2. The benefits of journaling to create clarity
  3. Ask for help – you don’t have to do it all on your won
  4. There is no shame in your past, that’s just all in your head – don’t let that stop you from asking for help
  5. Setting boundaries is important – to practice learning how to say no to someone, start with little daily goals.

About Gail OKeeffe

Gail O’Keeffe is a mentor and EFT practitioner whose life journey has given her intimate insight into what it means to become fearless.

Her healing journey began at age 37 when repressed memories of her childhood sexual abuse started to surface. Through Emotional Freedom Technique (also known as EFT or Tapping) and Thought Field Therapy, she learned to heal her own trauma. Today, she’s passionate about sharing these scientifically researched techniques with other women.

Gail loves to support entrepreneurial women who have a world-changing message, but find themselves stuck and “spinning their wheels”. Using EFT, she helps them to conquer their procrastination and self-doubt; release their unacknowledged fears and comparison-itis; and rediscover their confidence, inner peace and focus.

Contact Gail OKeeffe

A Gift for Listeners From Gail O'Keeffe:

A short video on where to tap, how EFT Tapping works and doing the tapping sequence when you are stressed so that you can reduce that emotional response and be able to better handle the situation.

Show Notes: Episode 009: Flashbacks and Fear - Gail OKeeffe

Gail OKeeffe’s Fearless Story

  • I had a life changing moment in 2001 when I was 37yo
  • I thought I had it all together. I was happily married with two children
  • I had a few issues but I didn’t know where they were coming from
  • I was attending a workshop and being led through a meditation as a group
  • All of a sudden I started to get flashbacks of childhood trauma and sexual abuse memories that started to surface and basically shattered my world
  • My body went into shock and started shaking and I thought I was going mad
  • I wasn’t expecting that!
  • I knew my younger life hadn’t been ideal, coming from an alcoholic father and leading a very nomadic lifestyle and living off the land
  • As the years went on we would live off rubbish tips and always be hungry and those sort of things
  • But I didn’t expect those repressed memories of sexual abuse to surface so I went on quite a healing journey after that
  • And it wasn’t just sexual abuse either, I had horrific memories of physical trauma and neglect that surfaced
  • Horrendous things no human being should have to go through and I am even surprised that I survived through some of it
  • The flashbacks were relentless and kept coming for a good couple of years
  • My life was full of fear as I re-lived the fear and terror each time one of those memories surfaced
  • So I know fear really well

 

How did you get through it?

  • One of the things I did was write in my journal every day
  • Because I was trying to make sense of these movies that would play in my mind
  • That’s what a flashback is, you relive those feelings and you see it happening to yourself
  • I didn’t even know what a flashback was back then
  • But each day I would write about what I was feeling and what memories had surfaced for that day
  • As time went on I went and saw my GP and said that I needed to see somebody
  • It took me a while to do that because of the shame associated with all of that
  • As well as not knowing if I was actually going insane
  • I suffered depression, panic attacks, post-traumatic stress disorder, anxiety
  • So I was on medication for a while for depression but I turned more towards alternative therapies as the years went on
  • My saving grace back then was Thought Field Therapy which is a form of tapping which is great for trauma
  • I attended a workshop which helped to alleviate the post-traumatic stress, anxiety and panic attacks
  • That was my saving grace
  • I had tried some other things and I knew there was something out there for me
  • I had heard about tapping as people call it, when I was in the mental health ward
  • I was in there after having a complete break down after confronting some of the perpetrators

How did you find the courage to face your perpetrators?

  • I don’t know where I found the courage to do that but I just knew somewhere deep inside of me that I had to do that for me
  • Not for anyone else other than for me
  • It was an amazing journey

 

How did you learn to trust yourself again?

  • I imagine you would have doubted yourself with this new information and who you were any more
  • Well I thought I knew who I was
  • When you go through trauma your brain gets into a freeze state and I was so disassociated
  • I remember thinking “Oh my god, where have I been?”
  • It took quite a lot of inner work, as I’m sure you can appreciate, to rebuild my life
  • For me, it felt like someone had picked me up from earth and put me on mars
  • It was like my life was a jigsaw puzzle with all the pieces strewn everywhere
  • So, nothing much made sense to me for a lot of time but as the years went on and I did a lot of deep personal work
  • One of the things I learnt was speaking my truth was what set me free
  • Once I was able to step away from under the cloak of shame I was feeling
  • I was able to rebuild my life which started from the inside out
  • where as before I was living from the outside in
  • I was drinking a lot, I was a people pleaser, I had no boundaries
  • And I had to actually learn, how to care for myself
  • And learn how to say no!
  • I remember the first time I had to say no and I didn’t think I could do it so it was huge for me
  • I had no self-worth – I felt so damaged and broken
  • But what I discovered as the years went on was through the brokenness was where the light entered
  • When I started to really get in tune with myself and set myself daily goals of learning how to say no to somebody without actually saying no
  • It started to build my confidence muscle and my life started to come alive again but it took a lot of work and a lot of courage and a lot of tears
  • But I made a promise to myself that I wasn’t going to give up
  • Because I had two beautiful children and an amazing husband
  • There were days where I wished I could have but I just kept putting one shaky foot in front of the other and I just kept moving forward
  • If I fell down then I’d pick myself up again
  • I think that breaking that silence was the start of rebuilding my life

Most Memorable Moments for Gail O’Keeffe

  • I made a promise to myself that if I ever got through the trauma of going through the healing process for me
  • That I would write my story, in the hope that if it served one person in this world then my job was done
  • So I took the journals I had been writing in and turned them into a book and filled in the blanks and in 2009 I published my story
  • It's called “The Remembering – a legacy of sexual abuse”
  • I called it that because it was about the remembering after it being repressed for so many years
  • That’s what the flashbacks were, was the remembering
  • And I am sure it has helped many more than one person
  • Yes, I still get emails from people around the world that it has helped because it is written about how I went through that journey of healing
  • Other memorable moments – I went on to work with survivors of abuse and to get to walk beside these amazing women who have been through trauma
  • I got to work with them one on one and globally
  • Sharing simple down to earth strategies that enable them to reclaim their power
  • Healing is an inside job and learning how to do that so you can release the fear and learn how to nurture yourself and have those boundaries

What are you passionate about today?

  • I have such a different life today – such an amazing life
  • My husband and children bring me joy and I am a grandmother now which is just beautiful
  • What I am passionate about today is helping women to speak their truth
  • Nourishing themselves and learning how to tap into their authentic selves
  • And break through and release their internal blocks
  • Whether it’s fear or self-sabotaging behaviour or negative beliefs, procrastination or just not feeling good enough
  • That’s what lights me up and my passion and it’s what I do every day

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

  • There’s not a lot that still scares me after what I have been through
  • I still am not a big fan of spiders LoL
  • But I just have such an appreciation for feeling so well
  • I’m emotionally intact most of the days
  • So I don’t have a lot of things that would scare me
  • I am just so grateful to be alive and to wake up every day and draw a breath
  • I just appreciate life

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Gail O’Keeffe

  1. Who inspires you? Brene Brown and her work inspires me. Her work around shame and resilience.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? I still love tapping every day to ensure I stay well on all levels and my other favourite thing is to read each day, I am a book worm
  3. What is EFT (Tapping)? Is either Emotional Freedom Technique or Thought Field Therapy – by tapping on certain points of the body that are the end points of our meridians it sends a calming response to the part of the brain (Amygdala) that is responsible for the fight, flight or freeze and calms it down so that you can make clearer decisions and actions, It’s also exceptionally good at treating trauma, depression, anxiety and lots of other ailments. I also love it because it’s empowering because you get to treat yourself. I’m trained in clinical and evidence-based EFT and I’ve been doing that for over fifteen years.
  4. What's something that still scares you? Spiders
  5. Favourite technique or app or book? Technique = Tapping, Favourite Book = Anything by Brene Brown
  6. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? The abuse of children.

 

Gift for listeners from Gail O’Keeffe

A short video on where to tap, how it works and doing the tapping sequence when you are stressed so that you can reduce that emotional response and be able to better handle the situation.

 

Final Question

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

  • You are worthy!

 

Where can people reach out to you? www.gailokeeffe.com

A Gift for Listeners From Gail O'Keeffe:

A short video on where to tap, how EFT Tapping works and doing the tapping sequence when you are stressed so that you can reduce that emotional response and be able to better handle the situation.

The post 009: Flashbacks and Fear – Gail OKeeffe appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Gail OKeeffe who shares: How she dealt with repressed sexual abuse memories when they surfaced later in life Overcoming the feeling ... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Gail OKeeffe who shares: How she dealt with repressed sexual abuse memories when they surfaced later in life Overcoming the feeling of shame to ask for help Finding the courage to confront her perpetrators How breaking… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
008: Fear and Opportunities – Jean Sheehan https://www.facingfears.com.au/jeansheehan/ Wed, 29 Jun 2016 13:46:21 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2198 https://www.facingfears.com.au/jeansheehan/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/jeansheehan/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Jean Sheehan who shares: How she overcame loss, abuse, suicide, homelessness and depression The terminal cancer wake up call Choosing to see life’s experiences as opportunities The power of using positive affirmations Owning up to her…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/jeansheehan/">008: Fear and Opportunities – Jean Sheehan</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
008 Fear and Opportunities Jean Sheehan - The Fearless Females Podcast

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Jean Sheehan who shares:

  • How she overcame loss, abuse, suicide, homelessness and depression
  • The terminal cancer wake up call
  • Choosing to see life’s experiences as opportunities
  • The power of using positive affirmations
  • Owning up to her gift of medical intuition

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. When you are faced with a challenge say, “Thank you” first, then take a deep breath which will enable you to think clearly, then visualise something completely different
  2. The affirmation, ‘I love you and I forgive you’ is so powerful, especially when directed at yourself.
  3. Never give up on yourself - keep going because part of our souls journey having a human experience is to see our own brilliance
  4. Choose to see the situation through child like eyes – how can you make it funny, simple and from a place of love?
  5. Life is like an opp shop (charity store) – it’s full of opportunities

About Jean Sheehan

Jean Sheehan is the undisputed leader in the field of Medical Intuition, an exceptional Medical Intuitive / Metaphysical teacher and Life Skills Coach with over twenty years’ experience, specialising with both women and children and their emotional care. A leader in her field, Jean possess the rare gift of being able to facilitate enormous transformational change in anyone she meets – A true ALCHEMIST.

Jean is teacher of possibility and potentiality and a voice of truth and absolute love. A Nurse for 15 years, Jean knew there was an innate wisdom and intuitive power within each being, which could heal itself and manifest potentiality.

As principal of Millennium Education & Absolute Empowerment Jean Sheehan educates, coaches and mentors schools, childcare centres and corporations to conscious living and self-realisation. She is inspirational and captivates her audiences from the heart.  Connecting souls to pure ABUNDANCE, and love, releasing limiting beliefs / patterns and habits, to experience a true and absolute empowerment of self-fulfilment and peace in all areas of life. An expert in Children’s emotional care, Jean successfully guides Parents & Children to a sense of safety, fulfilment and peace

Contact Jean Sheehan

A Gift for Listeners From Jean Sheehan:

A millennium million dollar note with love hearts for love of self and specific sacred geometry which are mathematical codes to abundance – abundance of love, friends, money, abundance on every level. Download and print it off and put it in your purse and watch the abundance flow to you. Every time you look at it know the universe is looking after you and will provide.

No email opt in required

Show Notes: Episode 008: Fear and Opportunities - Jean Sheehan

The Fearless Females Podcast Show Notes – Episode 008 – Fear and Opportunities - Jean Sheehan

Jean Sheehan’s Fearless Story

  • I was born in Kuwait, my father was Arabic and my mother was Greek
  • I was born with a very unusual gift which was to see anatomy and physiology inside people
  • I used to talk about it openly because I thought all children could see it
  • I could see past lives and everything
  • But I didn’t know what it meant
  • That sort of thing, within my culture is totally tabo and is seen as evil
  • I was what I call an “Orx” baby, my mother fell pregnant before they were married
  • Being a girl in the middle east is not something that is welcomed
  • So part of my journey in life was learning about separation, isolation and not being wanted
  • And because I would talk openly about these alternate and bizarre things that were seen as witch craft and evil people would pin an evil eye onto me saying, “Keep away from her she is dangerous”
  • Because I would predict certain things and they would come true
  • When I was 7-8 my mother got cancer of the uterus and had a hysterectomy
  • Again, culture and my gift of sight was seen as tainting the womb and she couldn’t have any more children which meant she couldn’t have a boy and there would be no one to carry on the family name
  • All these things came along and I see them as learning lessons now but at the time I didn’t understand
  • Culturally as well, females were not seen as powerful
  • Females were to be sub-servient
  • It was a bit like the movie and book, “Not without my daughter.”
  • So it was very scary and abusive
  • I would wake up in the middle of the night with my mother in her underwear, blood on her and a knife at her neck
  • Just some un-pleasantries shall we call them? I don’t want people to feel sorry for me, these are just things I have experienced
  • Landing in Australia at 5yrs old I didn’t speak English, only Greek and Arabic
  • I would go to school with humus and alternative foods and everyone else was having vegemite sandwiches
  • So again there was the lessons of being different and smelling different and eating different things
  • Again I had the sight and thought I was evil, had the belief systems that I was no good
  • But I kept it very secret through primary school and high school
  • It was just easier to keep quiet about it AND about what was happening at home
  • At sixteen my mother died and that was the end of my world because she was my protector at home
  • I was about to do year twelve and I became homeless
  • It was better to be homeless than stay at home with the abuse
  • And the abuse was on all levels, mental, physical and sexual
  • I learnt of facing fears all the time
  • Although I lived in anxiety and adrenals, I would learn to see opportunities
  • Both my parents were smokers and my mother, on Christmas Eve had said, “If you ever take up smoking, I will come back and haunt you.”
  • On Boxing Day I took up smoking because I had heard, “Start smoking and I will always be with you.”
  • I would do almost anything (not prostitution) to raise money for cigarettes. Even picking up dirty butts and getting that last puff out of them
  • Through all of that I met a lovely man and we had our first son together
  • I was nursing at the time and I had gone into nursing because I couldn’t understand why doctors and medical people couldn’t see what I could see and what the patients needed
  • So I went into pathology and autopsy to quantify all of that
  • My first son Jamie who is now 22 was born with many birth defects, both medical and physical and had to have bone graft surgeries etc
  • It was assumed because I was a nurse that I just had to get on with it. I had learnt to keep quiet and bury my emotions
  • By the time I was 26 I was suicidal
  • I couldn’t handle hiding my gift of medical intuition and I couldn’t handle still feeling like I was alone and hopeless
  • By this stage I had the belief system that I made no difference in the world
  • There was no point
  • I learnt to be a neat freak and control freak because if anything was 1cm out of place at home I used to be beaten (even if it was the dog that moved it)
  • So with the suicidal feelings I didn’t seek any help. I had the tablets in my hand, my son was in day care, my husband was in the army and was at work at the time
  • I thought, I will just make it all clean, dinners done and I will just bump myself off because I can’t deal with this pain any more
  • As I went to put the tablets in my mouth my son Jamie’s face popped into my mind and I thought, “I can’t leave my son like my mother left me.” Not that my husband was abusive at all.
  • And that’s how I got through that
  • I ended up healing my depression myself as I wasn’t getting the support I wanted through the medical system
  • The psychiatrists needed the drugs more than I did and the psychologist would ask me to look at her wounds as I was a nurse
  • I looked at the reasons why we get anxious and depressed, foods, mindset etc
  • Down the track I was still holding a big secret
  • Being able to see potentiality in others, emotions in the body, blood, veins the whole lot like an MRI
  • My husband didn’t even know and I had met him when I was sixteen
  • I thought, “I need to tell someone” and as life would have it, my next wake up call arrived
  • I was diagnosed with cancer and only six months to live
  • I said to myself, “Jean, just stop it! Start living rather than just surviving.”
  • Along the way I learnt a lot about fear such as fear based love, feeling isolated, feeling alone, the cultural aspect, money, money for food, all sorts of things
  • When I look back I think how we are all handed these experiences to see if we can tap into potentiality and we all can
  • I don’t usually share that part of my story, in fact you are the first person to hear it

How did you get through all of these things?

  • It’s going to sound really weird but I have always had a child like mind
  • Even my sixteen and twenty-two-year-old sons still say, “Mum, you’re like a child”.
  • To get through all of those horrific things, the abuse, there was rape and stalkers while I was homeless and so on
  • I would always use the mind power, although I didn’t know it at the time
  • The first thing I always did was I would say thank you
  • Even as a child I had an innate understanding that there was a bigger picture and I would always say thank you for the “Smakeroonies” we are given
  • Then it’s like the body almost says, “OK, now I can deal with this.”
  • Then, take a deep breath
  • Because then the lungs distribute oxygen to the body and we get out of survival mode and can think clearly
  • Then visualise – I used to imagine a big, gold, sparkly heart around the person that was doing the abuse
  • Now I know this may sound bizarre but as soon as I did that the abuse would stop
  • It was like putting the energy out there alchemised what was occurring
  • As I got older I would say to the dis-ease or situation, “I love you, I forgive you, I love you, I forgive you.”
  • They were just affirmation words in my head but after saying them it was like everything just seemed to change as soon as I did that
  • So they sound really simple and they cost nothing and yet they have this extraordinary quantum physics, chemical reaction that just changes things
  • Often, as humans, we think the solution has to be complicated and yet it doesn’t
  • We could all learn from watching children. They break their leg and you tell them, “Mummy kiss it better” and it is and yet why can’t we do that for ourselves?
  • One of the affirmations I made for myself was, “The more simple my life, the more abundant I am”

Jean Sheehan’s Memorable Moment(s)

  • Although my homeless period was awful in some ways it was also my most memorable because of the ‘ciggie butt’ story
  • It made me realise that life is like an opp shop – there are opportunities everywhere!
  • Mum’s death was memorable and not from a place of pity but if she hadn’t of died then I wouldn’t have experienced the homelessness, the rape, stalked etc then I wouldn’t be the compassionate person I am today
  • So they are all memorable but not in a bad/good kind of way, they just are
  • Because she passed away on Christmas Day, as a nurse I always worked on Christmas Day
  • I LOVED being the funny one around those who had no family on that day
  • And of course my husband and two children are definitely memorable moments for me

What are you passionate about today?

  • Today I’ve moved from fear based motivation to more love based motivation
  • My affirmations used to be, “Arabs are going to get you” but now they are, “I love my life, I love my family.”
  • I average about four hours sleep a night and then in July I hibernate like a bear and catch up on my sleep
  • Now everything is based around, “How can I be of service, how else can I help people”
  • Whether it’s donating money, fundraising, teaching, it seems a life compared to survival

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

  • Online stuff
  • A lot of my teachings and courses are live, like for Queensland University and corporations etc and so I can stand up in front of an audience but learning to tweak that to be online is scary for me, only because I don’t understand it
  • So I keep saying affirmations like, “IT is my friend” and “I love computers and computers love me”
  • I also love mimicking people who I deem are successful (not necessarily status, title or money) such as my husband and my son who embrace technology as if it is their best friend
  • I will also ask questions again and again until I understand it
  • I have learnt that in certain areas I am a kinaesthetic learner – hands on
  • For IT show me what to do and let me do it, don’t tell me to read a book
  • Part of that is knowing your style of learning, knowing who you are and what you like and don’t like and then finding a way to learn it that you do like
  • I actually don’t learn from my husband because he’s too close. I hire someone to teach me - better for our relationship that way too

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Jean Sheehan

  1. Who inspires you? Oprah – when my son was in hospital for a couple of years I would watch her and thought (before she started sharing her story) I wonder how much you have been through to get to where you are today and as she became more vulnerable and shared her story I could relate and I felt I could easily sit down and have a cup of tea with her and say, “What else do we do now?”
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? ARK – Act of Random Kindness – I believe we are all on a boat and we can either make it rough and rocky or smooth like sailing in the Bahamas. So every day I do an ARK and I think there’s nothing nicer than physical presence or letters. I still do snail mail. Or I might buy a bunch of flowers for someone, send them a card, a crystal and it’s not about paying it forward or the recognition it’s just about being able to brighten up someone’s day.
  3. What's something that still scares you? Let’s stick with IT. I can abseil, skydive, and do any of those scary things but with IT I’m still learning to make it my friend.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? Technique – Music - if you are feeling down, put on some 'doof doof' music and you can not stay down. In my courses, if I notice someone losing focus I get my PA to put on some music and we dance. I just think music of any sort is an amazing technique to uplift anyone and everyone.
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? To teach life skills to parents and children that include the emotional, physical and chemical (food) to enable people to tap into their possibilities just like I did years ago to overcome my anxiety and depression from a holistic point of view

 

Final Question

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

  • Keep going!
  • Never give up on yourself.
  • We, you, me are born to be brilliant and are born brilliant
  • So, keep going because part of our soul's journey having a human experience is to see our own brilliance

Where can people reach out to you? www.absoluteempowerment.com

A Gift for Listeners From Jean Sheehan:

A millennium million dollar note with love hearts for love of self and specific sacred geometry which are mathematical codes to abundance – abundance of love, friends, money, abundance on every level. Download and print it off and put it in your purse and watch the abundance flow to you. Every time you look at it know the universe is looking after you and will provide.

No email opt in required

The post 008: Fear and Opportunities – Jean Sheehan appeared first on Facing Fears.

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Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Jean Sheehan who shares: How she overcame loss, abuse, suicide, homelessness and depression The terminal cancer wake up call Choosin... Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Jean Sheehan who shares: How she overcame loss, abuse, suicide, homelessness and depression The terminal cancer wake up call Choosing to see life’s experiences as opportunities The power of using positive affirmations Owning up to her… Tegan Mathews: Facing Fears Author | Fearless Females Podcast | The Fearless Female clean
007: Love, Fear and Earthquakes – Kate Hanssen https://www.facingfears.com.au/katehanssen/ Mon, 27 Jun 2016 00:35:22 +0000 http://www.facingfears.com.au/?p=2190 https://www.facingfears.com.au/katehanssen/#respond https://www.facingfears.com.au/katehanssen/feed/ 0 <p>Subscribe on iTunes In this episode: In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Kate Hanssen who shares: How she found the courage to leave her husband How winning a custody battle taught her to let go Finding peace after surviving the earthquake in Nepal Discovering true love amongst the…</p> <p>The post <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au/katehanssen/">007: Love, Fear and Earthquakes – Kate Hanssen</a> appeared first on <a rel="nofollow" href="https://www.facingfears.com.au">Facing Fears</a>.</p>
Kate Hanssen - Fearless Females Podcast

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Kate Hanssen who shares:

  • How she found the courage to leave her husband
  • How winning a custody battle taught her to let go
  • Finding peace after surviving the earthquake in Nepal
  • Discovering true love amongst the ruins after the earthquake
  • How important re-connection is in finding the answers you need

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. To come back to nature to get grounded
  2. The more you fight or resist the challenges, the more the challenges will come
  3. It’s always a choice how you choose to respond to challenges
  4. You have the answers within you, you just need to connect with yourself and you will find your compass in life
  5. I’ve learnt that the nerves, the anxiety, and the butterflies are a prep