005: Facing the Fear of change – Dr. Micaela Becattini

Dr. Micaela Becattini - guest on The Fearless Females Podcast

In this episode:

In this episode of The Fearless Females Podcast your host Tegan Mathews interviews Dr Micaela Becattini who shares:

  • How she dealt with being bullied at school
  • How finding her passion gave her the strength to leave an abusive relationship
  • The courage it took for her to change countries
  • Being diagnosed with a chronic disease
  • Learning how to let go of the victim attitude
  • Dealing with change and embracing a new identity

Tegan's Take Aways:

  1. It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for support – it takes courage to admit your vulnerability
  2. You are not alone – there are always people who want to help you
  3. When experiencing change you need to let go of the previous patterns and accept they are what has made you who you are today and then focus on creating a new identity
  4. One of the constants in life is change and you can either fight it or accept it and create a strategy to deal with it
  5. And one of my favourites - When facing a fear, break it down to smaller and more manageable pieces.

About Dr. Micaela Becattini

With an International Career and first-hand experience of intense life changes, Micaela is an Igniter for solutions, “victim-free” attitude, self-expression and courage for people, who are undergoing life-transitions, change and life adversities.

Through her knowledge, practical guidance and experience, she provides her clients the tools to find new understandings and pathways through change and transformation.

Micaela serves her purpose of cultivating self-believe and strength in people by offering engaging and creative tools and workshops for finding the light in the midst of struggle in life.

Micaela passionately believes that harnessing the courage to reveal yourself enables people to get out of boxed mentality and live a life, which is true to who they are.

Contact Micaela Becattini

A Gift for Listeners From Micaela Becattini:

Download the Lost & Found PDF which shows you how to deal with intense change and helps you to see the opportunities from the experience.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You will receive your download plus occasional emails from Dr.Micaela Becattini. You can unsubscribe at any time.

Show Notes: Episode 005: Dr. Micaela Becattini

Micaela Becattini’s Fearless Story

  • Since I was a little girl I didn’t feel like I fitted in and I felt inadequate
  • I was emotionally aware but I didn’t have the right tools
  • And I can’t blame my parents because they didn’t have the capacity either and you can’t always blame our parents
  • I used to get bullied and so I would wear a mask when I was interacting with my peers
  • So I was trying to be someone else all the time - yes
  • And I used to always be better friends with the boys than the girls – probably because I was neither the good girl or the naughty girl
  • That led me to put on weight as a way to express my negative feelings and inadequacies
  • Around seventeen I fell in love with this guy who didn’t even see me
  • So something in my mind shifted and I decided to lose weight
  • I thought that would make my life different – but it didn’t
  • Then I fell in love with a guy who really needed me and I thought I was a loving person because someone else needed me
  • This relationship was really abusive and I didn’t want to share this so I kept it all to myself

How did you turn it around?

  • After three years of this roller coaster of a ride I found the strength to leave
  • That happened when I started uni and began to do something I really loved and what was my passion and it was there I discovered my strength
  • I decided that I could no longer live in this world of abuse
  • In some ways I thought that he loved me but that wasn’t my way to love
  • I got away from that relationship and put all my energies into my studies
  • After my degree I decided to study for my masters
  • I became a doctor in clinical psychology and I loved it

Another scary moment was:

  • Moving countries was one of the scariest moments of my life
  • In 2004 I left my safe and comfortable home to move to Australia with the man who is now my husband
  • I was 28 and I left behind my family, friends and a successful career
  • I didn’t know any English, nothing about Australian culture, and unfortunately I wasn’t able to cultivate a positive relationship with my future family in law
  • Due to the language barrier I had to take jobs that were physically draining
  • I went from being a doctor in Italy and having the support of my close-knit family to being very alone
  • Also in 2007 I was diagnosed with a chronic disease
  • So I was in a foreign country with a chronic disease and just my husband for support
  • I developed a victim attitude – the same as when I was a young girl

 

How did you turn it around?

  • I realised that to make the most of my new Australian life I had to learn to deal with the transition – the loss of the old and the arrival of the new
  • To do this I had to put on a brave face and create a new identity as the person who lives in a new country, with a chronic disease
  • I had to be proactive and learn to connect on different levels
  • I had to ignite my new needs
  • Connect with my new and different wants, desires and values
  • I had to do this with both my personal and professional life
  • I had to re-invent myself
  • I worked really hard to make myself visible on my terms
  • I asked for help and outsourced when I needed to
  • Now I am ready for my new beginning and to follow the flow of my life
  • I have found my inner harmony and remain open to new possibilities

 

What have you learnt from these experiences?

  • The message I wanted to give everyone is through this transition I developed a victim behaviour
  • I was craving recognition, combined with a lack of good judgment and people pleasing
  • I used to do things just to get attention
  • My aha – was that those patterns have contributed to my uniqueness
  • Those patterns didn’t make me a bad person and I shouldn’t have judged myself
  • I observed myself through these patterns and realised they led me to new choices
  • If I didn’t go through what I had, I wouldn’t have been able to create my new attitude and let go of the old
  • We go through these experiences and lose confidence and take up a victim attitude but there will come a time when we get what the positive was, even from those moments
  • I’ve also learned that it’s also not a crime to ask for help when you face a transition or difficulties in life
  • There are people who want to help you and not all of them want monetary rewards
  • You have to be open to see them though

What are you passionate about today

  • Sharing with people the message that life is full of changes, possibilities, choices and emotions
  • These are the only certain things in our lives
  • And supporting people through this transition period

What is something in your future plan that scares you?

  • I have some live events coming up in Hobart, Sydney and Melbourne previously this would not be possible because of my chronic disease
  • I know my capacity
  • For me to go interstate is huge because I have to monitor my health as well
  • I decided that this is my life now – I am a wife, a mother, I have a chronic disease but I also have a passion
  • Having my family there makes it possible and this is how I align my professional and family life
  • The other thing that scares me is moving from a smaller audience and one on one to a much larger audience
  • But I will manage that by breaking it down into smaller and more manageable steps

Five Fast Fun Fearless Facts about Alex Mitchell

  1. Who inspires you? So many people –especially those who have overcome adversity and are ready to re-discover their strength and embrace possibilities.
  2. Favourite thing to do each day? Kissing my kids!
  3. What's something that still scares you? Success – I am not afraid of failure but I am of success. How I deal with facing my fears is to let them walk beside me but not in front of me. We all have fears but I don’t let them control my life.
  4. Favourite technique or app or book? Book – The art of possibility by Benjamin Zander
  5. If you could wave a magic wand and fix one thing in the world right now, what would it be and why? For everyone to express their true self-knowing it is not a crime to be a sensitive person and for parents to teach their children to be emotionally aware and emotionally available.

 

Final Question

If you could turn back time what's the one piece of advice you wish you could give your fourteen-year-old self?

  • Be yourself
  • There will be people who appreciate you
  • There are other people like you
  • You are not alone
  • You don’t have to do something that you don’t want to do
  • There are people who have your back and you can ask for support

Where can people reach out to you? www.micaelabecattini.com

 

A Gift for Listeners From Micaela Becattini:

Download the Lost & Found PDF which shows you how to deal with intense change and helps you to see the opportunities from the experience.

By entering your name & email address we agree we won't share your details with anyone! You will receive your download plus occasional emails from Dr.Micaela Becattini. You can unsubscribe at any time.

1 Comment

  1. Christine - Divorce Resource on June 22, 2016 at 1:42 pm

    Micaela is so warm and open in this interview. What really resonated with me is that so many people going through separation and divorce – one of life’s greatest transitions – feel battered and broken initially. Many take a solid and long lasting blow to their self esteem.

    “We go through these experiences and lose confidence and take up a victim attitude but there will come a time when we get what the positive was, even from those moments.”

    This is true. And, the sooner we are able to reach that place, to start to look for the lessons and the positives, the sooner we will return to our whole selves; most likely a better stronger version of who we were before the pain, the heartache and all the changes brought about by the end of the relationship.

    It was good listening.

    Thanks ladies.

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